Trivia - The Office (Season 8, Episode 11)

Andy, worried that he will not be able to meet the 8% quarterly sales growth figures that Robert California asked for by about $800, proposes that everyone in the office buy paper to alleviate some of the burden, but no one is willing. He then asks Oscar Martinez (Oscar Nunez) to make a rounding mistake in the books. Oscar tells Andy that he does not have time to make the mistake because he is leaving for a trivia contest with a $1,000 prize in a bar in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Andy, encouraged by Darryl and Jim, decides to take the entire office to Philadelphia in an attempt to win the money and make up the sales growth difference.

At the bar, which turns out to be a gay bar called the Liberty Well, Andy divides the office into three teams: the A-Team consisting of Jim, Darryl, Andy, and Ryan, the B-Team consisting of Stanley, Phyllis, Creed, and Cathy, and the "Just For Fun" team consisting of Kevin, Kelly, Erin, and Meredith. Oscar refuses to join Andy and stays on his original team. Initially, the Dunder Mifflin A-Team does well but soon falters. However, the "Just For Fun" team (calling themselves The Einsteins) does much better than expected because of the group's trivial knowledge on a variety of issues (though at one point, they ironically get a question about Albert Einstein wrong). They make it to the final round against Oscar's team and eventually win thanks to Kevin's correct answers. However, the Just for Fun team later get demolished while trying to win another bar's even more lucrative trivia contest.

Dwight heads down to Florida to meet with Robert California at the Sabre headquarters to discuss a possible manager position in the printers division. While sitting in the waiting room, Dwight talks to Gabe, who describes himself as the essential "toilet of the company" who flushes all the unwanted items away. Robert then tells Dwight that he cannot meet with him but will have him meet with Bill, another executive, much to Dwight's frustration. Robert secretly calls Gabe and instructs him to not let Dwight speak with Bill either, but to listen to Dwight's pitch and then reject him. Gabe can barely keep a straight face throughout Dwight's pitch. Dwight, after being told by Gabe that Dwight isn't wanted as a manager, grabs and twists Gabe's arm and forces him to take him to Robert's Florida condo. Initially, Robert tries to spare Dwight's feelings, attempting to give him a medal as a sign of respect. Dwight resists, so Robert eventually turns him down by telling him he is a better salesman and his drive and energy would be wasted in a manager's position. Dwight then returns to Scranton.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Trivia

Oh yeah!

Knew it! I knew it! Soon as I heard that wrapper.

You really have to say “oh yeah” every time you eat a candy bar?

I can’t help it, Oscar. It’s just really good. takes another bite Oh yeah!

All right, not bad at all. I think we can beat 20 minutes though so let’s try again. Get it all out now if you have to.

It was a raccoon! Eating a hamburger like a person!

You need to stop banging your pen on your desk or it’s going to drive me insane.

Okay, done.

shows bloody hand Does anyone have a first aid kit?

Check out this song I wrote: I’ma love you downstairs tonight… overlapping chatter

All right, here we go! Everybody get read in three, two, good luck, one-

writing on board Love letters, yes! I love it. What else can be done with paper?

You can write a book about chairs.

Books! Excellent, Jim.

Andy, please! Please, just stop. You can do infinite things with paper-

gasps Shh! Did you hear that? Infinity! There is an infinity of things that you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper? scattered applause

Very nice. Very nice sales pitch for our clients that don’t know what paper is.

I’m talking about you guys! Who in this room, right now, wants to buy some paper? Let’s get high on our own supply!

Andy, you want us to buy our own paper?

Yes!

Robert said that we needed to double our sales growth to eight percent by the end of the quarter. That’s today. And we’re eight hundred and thirty dollars short. And I can’t afford to keep buying paper from us. So today, we need to sell eight hundred and thirty dollars of paper and the next quarter I need to sell the twenty-two hundred dollars of paper that’s in my garage.

Animals, machines, vast virtual armies. All of these things I have successfully managed. The only thing I haven’t managed is people. I saw an ad on the Sabre website for an open manager position in their printers division. I spoke to Robert California about it and he said for me to come by and see him sometime. So, like a Spanish conquistador, I have come to Florida to claim what is rightfully mine.

Dwight Schrute for Robert California!

I’m not here to be given anything. I’m here to take what is mine.

Dwight? What are you doing here?

Gabe? You don’t know?

Course I know.

Hmm. Impressive office you have here. Surrounded by shrubbery, like a squirrel’s office.

Corporate says to me, "Gabe, we need you in Scranton." Scranton says, "Gabe, go back down to Florida. You’re needed there." So, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I’m up there. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I’m down here. I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying.

Dwight.

Robert.

You made it.

Yes.

Impressive initiative. I don’t know what’s worse, the trip or the destination. Gabe laughs Well, uh, let me settle in and I’ll be with you shortly.

Very good.

Hey C-span. So my dad says an accountant can really help you out, if they’re willing to “play ball.” Those were his words.

Gosh, Andy, you had a great quarter. Okay? Robert will understand. Eight hundred dollars is a rounding error!

So make that error!

Andy, no-

Hey! I can make that error.

clicks tongue Aw…

Well, it’s just, I know that making errors sounds like your kind of thing, but it’s a little more complicated than that.

No, I-

It’s just, I really need a real accountant on this. to Oscar What do you say?

I’m leaving early today because tonight I have a trivia contest in Philadelphia.

Oh.

Any other crunch time, I would love to stay in, cook the books for you so you can save face in front of your CEO, but tonight is Triviocalypse!

What?

It’s only the biggest night of trivia of the year. There’s a thousand dollar prize. I’m committed to my friends, they’re committed to me.

You know what? Go. Have fun.

There’s a trivia contest at a bar in Philadelphia.

Stop right there. I love it.

I’m in.

I didn’t even say what it is.

It’s trivia.

In Philadelphia.

But here’s the best part. The prize is a thousand dollars, and if we win, we can use that money to buy paper here, close the gap on our eight percent profit increase…

That’s a great idea.

That’s a great plan.

Yeah? You like it?

Yeah.

All right.

All right, good stuff.

I’m so psyched you guys are into it because I thought- I was like, “this sounds really stupid.”

You just made a good idea, a great idea.

There is one problem with this plan.

What?

We’d have to leave work, like, right now, to do this.

on the phone You can reduce your prices by ten percent or we’re going to be finding a new source for our morning bagels. All right. hangs up

Gabe, I always wondered what it is you did around here. Now I found out. You’re the bagel guy.

Yeah. But not just bagels. All unwanted problems. Question: What’s the most important appliance in your house?

Meat grinder.

makes buzzer sound Too slow. It’s the toilet. And I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean. And, just like a toilet, I am essential.

You know, Gabe? You could have gone with garbage disposal, incinerator or eraser, and instead you chose toilet. God bless you. You’re an American classic.

Dwight. Today is not my day at all, I’m afraid. I’m not going to be able to meet with you, but I’m leaving you in the very capable hands of our COO.

But I can give you this pitch in one minute-

No, he’s going to meet with you later. No, no, no. I don’t want you to rush it, okay? Trust me. Meet with Bill. He’s a great person to know. I’ll dialogue with him tonight. leaves

CEO to COO. What a difference a letter makes.

Still an important position. Still a chief.

You’re really going to like Bill. He, uh, he has me toilet a lot of people for him. Dwight sighs, Gabe’s phone rings Hallway phone, Gabe Lewis speaking.

Gabe, listen to me. Don’t bother Bill with this. He has to go put out a fire on the home front. Just wait twenty minutes and then I want you to listen to Dwight’s pitch. Make him feel valued. Make him feel heard.

Your wish is my command.

It’s a command.

I don’t believe this. What are you doing here, Andy?

You left us no choice, but, this should put a smile on your face. How would you like to be captain of the Dunder-Mifflin team? Although I reserve the right to overrule you.

What? No!

I’ve got a quota to hit. I don’t care how I hit it.

And you guys thought this was a good idea?

I thought it was a fun idea.

There were times on the two and a half hour drive when I experienced doubt. That’s the thing about long drives, you know, you’re always going to- this is a gay bar.

Wait, what? Everyone in here is gay?

Yes! It’s a gay bar! So you guys want to go home now?

What does this say about you? That you followed me here? That you think you’re going to win your sales quota? At a gay bar’s trivia night? laughs

It says that I believe that my staff’s intelligence and that I’m willing to try anything. Oscar’s friend walks up Not anything.

Good luck.

Uh, all right. We need to divide up into teams, but it’s winner-take-all so no need to divide evenly. We need an A-team, a backup team and a just-have-fun team. So you guys all know yourselves.

Good-timers follow me.

Backups. Jim goes to join the backups

Go on, kid. You know you don’t belong here.

A-team.

Okay.

All right, everybody. Nice self-awareness. Except… looks at Kevin, who has joined the A-team

Okay. leaves

There’s a table over here.

Oh, we got this!

Let’s reverse engineer this. You’re a black singer. Where do you go? Somewhere where you’re a novelty. Alaska?

Atlanta.

Oh I know you think that, because that’s where the Olympics were held.

My cousins were actually at those Olympics.

Keep talking all you want.

How am I supposed to know what was on his mind? Ooh, what do blind people think about?

Okay, dogs, canes, signs, manholes, stairs, piano, darkness.

Hey man, uh, look. Unfortunately, Bill had to go fight a fire, so your appointment got-

sniffs There’s no fires within eight miles of here.

Well, it’s nine miles away. I’m going to be meeting with you on his behalf.

What? No, no. Excuse me! Lady! Get anyone from the COO’s office on the phone this instant!

I can see you in the jungle now.

Jim, Darryl. Your time to shine.

Shawn Marion.

Yes, Shawn Marion.

That doesn’t sound right. I want to say, LaDameon Washington.

Wrong, for so many reasons.

Well, I know Elizabeth Taylor’s sixth man was Richard Burton. Is that helpful?

That’s it. I’m going to go watch the boats on the river.

Ron Artest, Kelly.

No, it’s Lamar Odom. If it’d been Ron Artest, it would have come up in Dancing with the Stars, when they pan over his trophy case when he’s at home with his family. Lamar winning Sixth Man was a big storyline on Chloe and Lamar.

Oh my God. Lamar Odom, yes.

Nicely done!

You’re my sports guys! You’re ESPN, you’re ESPN Classic, Ryan is MSNBC. I’m E!, TLC and Oxygen.

Chill, man. This plan is airtight.

So it’s a very simple argument of why I should be put in charge of southeast printer sales. Nobody has sold more printers in the northeast than me. Bottom line, I know the product. I get it!

Oh my God.

I know.

Most of all, I believe that character is destiny. And my character is one that- wait why are you smiling?

What?

What’s with the smile?

You’re doing great. You know, so good.

And my character is one that will never give up until greatness is on the horizon, behind us.

Dwight, that was a fantastic presentation. Put your hand on my hand. Flush! Gabe makes a flushing motion, Dwight twists Gabe’s arm Ow!

Take me to Robert.

Ow! He went home.

Take me to his house.

Uh, it’s a condo and it’s long-term business housing.

You know where it is. Lead me there.

Ow! Ow! Stephanie, help!

Listen, you’re a perfectly fine toilet. I’m just an extraordinary piece of crap. Let’s go.

Yeah?

Okay, I’m turning it off.

I won’t look at it.

I can’t- I can’t not touch it.

Look, I can’t, I can’t not have my phone. I’m sorry. I want to be with my phone. leaves

claps All right.

So the best chance of hitting our mark is now in the hands, and brains, of Kevin, Meredith, Erin and Kelly. Do I like these odds? My answer is no.

Which one is it?

I don’t know. All I know is the building.

Robert! Robert California! Robert!

Dwight! How nice of Gabe to show you where I live. Come around. 102.

Oh yeah!

What! cheers

Yeah, we’re going to get clobbered.

What?

What is it?

What?

I did my part, babe. I’m just the bell girl. Oscar rings bell

Salman Rushdie.

Princess Ding-Dong, do not hit that bell unless-

Flying jib.

Shalom. sighs Give us just a minute. Stu and I are just finishing up our lesson. Trust me. One nine-minute bout is a cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours. grunt I could go to the gym three times a week or I can wrestle Stu once a month. slaps the mat, they wrestle

Yay Robert!

Guys, please help yourself to some drinks from the fridge.

Wrong. The answer is dyslexia!

dances Whoo! Yeah!

Go Einsteins!

They haven’t really improved on the Oreo, have they?

No thank you.

Sit down, Dwight.

Let me tell you why I should be the next manager with a riddle: A manager, a salesman, a leader and a warrior walk into a restaurant. The hostess says, “table for one?” How is this possible?

You were dining alone? All those people are you?

Yes, exactly. Riddle number two: Who is going-

Ah-ah-ah- your drive, your ambition. It would be wasted on a manager’s job. And Florida, you don’t want to live here. Even I don’t want to live here. That’s why I’m always at my place in Scranton. Florida is America’s basement: It’s wet, it’s filled with mold, strange insects, alligators. Alligators are dinosaurs, Dwight. You know that, right?

N… it’s complicated.

holds a medal to the light This medal was my grandfather’s. He received it for acts of courage. For excellence. It’s a tribute one man gives another. I could give you a job, Dwight. Why not let me give you something even better? holds out medal

It’s a job interview, not a flea market.

Dwight, the job is not right for you. Now, when something comes along that is right for you, I’ll try you out. Now get the hell out of my place.

Yes.

Oh, come on!

Three hundred pounds!

rings bell, answers in French Le titre du film est Le Scaphandre et le Papillon.

rings bell Les Jolies Choses.

Are you sure?

Marie Cotillard exposes herself a number of times in that film.

No! Come on!

Look, I know it’s easy to say tonight was just a fluke, and maybe it was, but here’s a piece of trivia: a fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea. So if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are, you just might catch one.

Let’s just do our thing, collect our hardware and get the hell home.

holds up “Robitussin” Riboflavin?