I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it?

Andy Bernard

Clueless and often obnoxious, but never malicious. Andy gives people unwanted nicknames, goes on about his Ivy League education, and is completely tone-deaf on issues of class and race – and yet he's a nice guy at heart. There's a genuine goodness in him. Even his obliviousness is genuine.

Andy Bernard Quotes

  • A word of advice, speaking as a former baby. Don't get too hung up on baby names.
  • Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them because they are unfair.
  • I get super flexible when I'm nervous.
  • You are a critical part of this seminar. You're the charming warm-up guy. If the seminar was a meal, you'd be the amuse-bouche.
  • You should be an English professor at Cor-not University.
  • I'm always thinking one step ahead, like a...carpenter...that makes stairs.
  • I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup.
  • If you donated my computer to Africa, it would become famous as the slowest computer in Africa.
  • I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately...or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it goes badly, I might lose my job, which would suck, because this is the only job I've ever been good at.
  • Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future, and I went to your funeral and guess what? Nobody came.
  • Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.
  • I guess I don't have what it takes to be a film critic. I could be a food critic...these muffins taste bad. Or maybe an art critic...that painting is...bad.
  • In high school, I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway got a 1220.
  • Erin and I have our first date tonight. And it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to 'How I Met Your Mother', that's the date that your kids are going to wait patiently to hear about and you'd better have a good story to tell them.
  • Every little boy fantasizes about his fairytale wedding.
  • I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies I'm going to kill myself.
  • Hey Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented. Well...right back at ya Darryl.
  • The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel.
  • I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a capella group "Here Comes Treble."
  • I went to Cornell. You ever heard of it?
  • Steer clear, Big Tuna. Head for open waters.
  • Good luck over there, Tuna. Cross me, and I will destroy you.
  • I'll be the number two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.
  • I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.
  • The weird thing is now I'm exactly where I want to be. I've got my dream job at Cornell, and I'm still just thinking about my old pals.
  • When I got the name Boner Champ, that's when I became me.
  • Call me the Nard Dog.
  • Break me off a piece of that... Fancy Feast.

Andy Bernard Trivia

  • Andy attended Cornell University and graduated in 4 years.
  • Andy was a member of the a capella group "Here Comes Treble" in college.
  • Andy's birth name was Walter.
  • Andy's star sign in Gemini
  • Andy was born in Connecticut
  • Andy played Anthony Hope in the Sweeney Todd musical
  • The name of the theatre production company that produced Sweeney Todd was "Loose Screw Playhouse"
  • Andy gained the name Boney Champ because he had coitus with a snowman to completion.
  • Andy has worked for Enron, AIG, and Lehman Brothers.
  • Andy is the one who gave Jim the nickname "Big Tuna"
  • Nellie Bertram temporarily replaces Andy from the role of Office Manager
  • Dwight purchases Andy's Xterra and immediately flips it for a profit.
  • Michael Scott spreads the rumor that had Andy doubting his sexuality.
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