Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute is one of the highest-ranking salesmen as well as the original assistant to the regional manager, and former Assistant Regional Manager at the paper distribution company Dunder Mifflin. He has at times risen to the position of acting Branch Manager of the Scranton branch, but often serves as a second or third in command as Assistant (to the) Regional Manager.

Dwight is a former volunteer sheriff deputy, but had to step down after breaking his pledge in order to help his boss, Michael, illegally pass a drug test by giving break-up. He resides on his family's beet farm, alongside his cousin, Mose. Dwight has affinities for paintball, Battlestar Galactica, ping pong, survivalism, Goju Ryu karate, and weapons. He also has a preference to ride in the back seat of cars behind the driver because it is the safest location in a car.

Dwight Schrute Quotes

  • Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.
  • Always the Padawan, never the Jedi.
  • Who is Justice Beaver?
  • I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.
  • Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly… I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.
  • I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors.
  • How would I describe myself? Three words: hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable.
  • Yes. I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I’m looking forward to. It’s an Amish technique. It’s like slapping someone with silence.
  • I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.
  • When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
  • In an ideal world, I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.
  • I am fast. To give you a reference point, I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose... and a panther.
  • Women are like wolves. If you want one, you must trap it. Snare it. Tame it. Feed it.
  • Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

Dwight Schrute Trivia

  • The K in Dwight K. Schrute stands for Kurt, his middle name.
  • Dwight's bed and breakfast has three theme rooms: America, Irrigation, and Nighttime.
  • Dwight speaks German, but a somewhat fictionalized version of it, with made-up words like "Perfectenschlag" ("Special Project"), "Bildenkinder" ("Work Bus"), "Bestest Mensch" and "Guten Pranken" ("Finale").
  • Dwight is a former Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff's deputy.
  • The Crow is Dwight's favorite film of all time.
  • Dwight enjoys watching and has great admiration for Judge Judy,
  • Dwight does not like to smile, as showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates.
  • Dwight owns a porcupine named Henrietta.
  • As a child, Dwight collected cat feces.
  • Dwight won the 2005 Salesman of the Year Award
  • Dwight offers Pam the position of "Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager" (and she accepts).
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