Suit Warehouse - The Office (Season 9, Episode 11)

Darryl is off to Philadelphia to interview at Jim's new company, Athlead, and Pam decides to come along, since office manager Andy is still not back from his sailboat excursion. She asks Erin to take care of a shipment of pens while she is gone. Pam's lack of specific instructions leaves Erin in a state of indecision over whether she should put the pens away once they arrive. She eventually decides to put them away for fear of being called lazy, but as she does so the other office workers teasingly accuse her of trying to take over Pam's job of office administrator in her absence. Overwhelmed, Erin puts the pens back in the shipping box.

On the drive to Athlead, Darryl opens up to Pam that he is worried about the interview, having had bad experience with interviews. At Jim's new company, Pam gives Darryl a thumbs up as he heads into the interview room, and then is chatted up by an employee who says "Jim speaks about you all the time" and we "can't wait for you to move here." The thought of moving to Philadelphia disturbs her. Meanwhile, Darryl initially fumbles his interview due to nerves and feelings of inadequacy, but everyone else helps calm him down, and he makes a strong reversal. Darryl concludes the interview by attempting to shoot a basket with the room's sports decorations, but instead knocks a light fixture into the fish tank, electrocuting all the fish. Pam commiserates with Darryl over this embarrassing misstep. Jim returns to inform Darryl that although he will have to pay for the fish, he has the job. During the drive home, Darryl gushes over his new job and the chance to live in Philadelphia while Pam worries about where she and her family will be in the future.

At Dunder Mifflin, Clark returns from his stint as Jan's sexual assistant, in exchange for Jan giving them her business. Despite the awkward past couple of weeks, Jan has gifted them an espresso machine, and the rest of the office jumps on the opportunity to "test" out several espresso flavors. Dwight enlists Clark's help to snag a newly freed account at a suit warehouse; the two will pose as a father and son so that they can successfully sell to the Stones, father and son owners of the warehouse. Dwight leads off on how proud he is of Clark to Sam Stone Sr., but when Stone admits that he and his own son are not on good terms, Dwight and Clark awkwardly shift gears and begin a show of childishly sniping at each other. Clark tries to move on to business, but Dwight continues to interrupt him with insults, and even makes a dig at Sam Stone Jr. when he arrives. When the elder Stone reveals that his son has forced him out of the company and that he is now there strictly for his own social benefit, Clark takes the lead and makes the sale to the younger Stone. Both Dwight and Clark also buy a suit from the company to celebrate their team sale.

Back at the office, the staff have drunk multiple cups of espresso and experience a caffeine rush along with a powerful surge in office productivity. As the rush dies down, they all begin to sweat profusely, become highly irritable and argumentative, try to relocate the copy machine and frantically tear up the office carpet to reveal the hardwood underneath. At five o'clock everybody leaves the office in total disarray. When Pam and Darryl arrive back from Philadelphia, Erin angrily tells Pam she didn't take care of the pens, and they are bewildered by the sight they encounter.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Suit Warehouse

Stone and Son Suit Warehouse recently lost their paper provider. They’re a family owned business chuckles. Jim and I used to clean up at those. We’d go in pretending to be family – brothers. We did it at a family owned law firm, at a family owned construction company, and a family owned motorcycle store. Jim and Dwight Shrupert. I was the dynamic, likeable winner that was doted upon by Mom. And Jim was the closeted foot fetishist pretending to belong. The client never knew any of that, but I knew.

on phone with Jim I hope you’ve been paying your wig storage bills Jimbo, because it’s time for another episode of "Handsome and Stinky, paper brothers for hire".

Sorry, Stinky, can’t do it. Too busy.

Oh, god, this again? You’re Stinky.

Okay. There’s no possible way I can get there, so just ask Phyllis. She can be your older sister or something.

Phyllis, my sister? More like my dead great great grandmother who died of stupidity.

I have ears, Dwight.

Oh, do you really have ears, Phyllis? Like all human beings? We all have ears. back to Jim See what you leave me with here, Jim?

Hey, I’m in Philadelphia right now.

How is that my problem? Get in your car and drive down here. You can make it in 30 minutes if you drive 240 miles per hour.

Huh. How long would it take me if I drove 300 miles an hour?

Mmm. That’s a good… question. 300 times… Jim hangs up 180… Um that comes to 25 minutes. realizes Jim hung up Yes. Oh, well, thank you Jim. Yes, I am better than you. Thanks for acknowledging that. Okay, bye bye. Love you.

Darryl, looking good!

Heading to Philly. Interview with Jim’s company.

Hey, good luck. When you get to Philly, will you tell Jim I miss him?

Why don’t you come along and tell him yourself?

Ha ha. That’d be great. Kind of like ditching school, except instead of getting suspended, you get… What do you get? Oh my god! Why didn’t I think of this? Andy’s not here. Oh, hey, Erin, um, I’m expecting a shipment of pens. Can you cover that?

Mhm. Cover that. What does that mean, exactly? What are we talking here? Details.

A delivery guy will deliver a box of pens, and you just make sure everything’s in order.

What? Everything? What, how do I make sure it’s in order? I laughs haven’t been trained for this.

giggles Okay, see you later.

Hey guys.

Clark!

Hey!

Hey, look who’s back, Dwight Junior.

Hey, so how was it? I mean… the sex with Jan.

A gentleman doesn’t discuss such matters. Especially when the feelings of a lady are involved.

Women reach their sexual peak at whatever age Jan was last week. I mean it was… like making love with a wild animal. But not like a cougar like you might think. It was uh… like a swarm of bees. Bees that just find something wrong with every hotel room.

Nothing wrong with being a gentleman. Like my mom used to say, "Talk classy, act nasty".

What’s with the wig Meredith?

What, is it on backwards? partially removes wig, revealing her bald head

Nope, you got it. You fixed it. Uh, I have a gift from Jan. It’s an espresso maker! We came to be quite fond of espresso on the Amalfi Coast so… bon appetite.

Ooo! 16 types of espresso! Now that’s Italian.

My friend has one of these. Fool-proof espresso every time.

Always with the friends Oscar. Can’t we just enjoy the new espresso machine?

Actually, it’s pronounced "espresso"… Wait. That’s what you said. I apologize, I just assumed you would mispronounce it. So…

There he is! chuckles We are all so proud of you for the small part that you played in landing the white pages. Prouder of me, but…

If you really want to show appreciation, just give me half the commission.

Gosh, you know, I wish I could but, uh… No. Hey, listen, remember how everyone used to call you Dwight Junior and how much you loved that?

sarcastically chuckling I loved it.

How would you like to pretend to by my son in order to land a sale?

If it’ll lead to me being a salesman, I’ll pretend to be your friend.

Then looks like we have a deal… Son holds up a suit identical to his

Hi guys!

Hey, look who it is!

Sorry. Super-busy. Pens coming in later, just grabbing a Java before all hell breaks loose.

Try this one. handing Erin a cup of espresso

Thank you! leaves the room

I don’t really have time to think about Pete right now. I just have a lot going on with this whole shipment of pens. And I have a lot of people trusting me, and I would feel super guilty if I broke anyone’s trust. About the pens.

You ready for your interview?

I was born ready! No, I suck at interviews. I had Andy’s job in the bag until my interview.

Well, you shouldn’t be nervous about this. This is a tiny start-up with a bunch of guys just as dorky as Jim.

Yeah, I guess…

Really, you can’t be scared of a room full of Jims. I love the guy, but he’s basically Gumby with hair. Darryl laughs

You know, you’re right! We hadn’t even thought of that, had we boy? to Clark

No, we sure hadn’t Pop. both chuckling

Takes picture from desk Oh! You’re a hunter I see. Spend your early mornings out in the blinds, like Clarky and me. Huh? grabs Clark’s shoulder

He calls me Clarky ‘cause he’s my Dad.

Guilty!

My dad is the best hunter there is. I mean, he’s like a serial killer… of animals. One time, he snuck up behind a sleeping deer and just sawed its head right of. It was sick! Dwight imitates sawing and blood spurting out of his neck, then makes a dying noise

It was his birthday, just turned three. So…

You guys, I kind of think I want to try them all. Is that crazy?

No. Look, without a taste test, how are we supposed to know which flavors we like to reorder?

Taste test? I’m in!

YOLO! singing and dancing

What? everyone is confused

It’s a thing. It means "you only live once".

Yeah, we’re aware of what it means Oscar, you just do not look cool saying it.

Well…

Alright everybody, who’s in? everyone except Angela puts their hand in the middle of the group, like a huddle Angela? Angela shakes her head Don’t make us come over there.

No, I don’t… no.

Alright, let’s go. starts shuffling the whole group towards Angela

Can’t I just agree without putting my hand in?

Absolutely not!

No way.

Oh, fine. puts a napkin on top of everyone else’s hands and reluctantly puts her own hand on the napkin

Ok guys, "we all drink them all".

Meredith, Phyllis, Nellie, Angela, Creed, Oscar, Stanley We all drink them all!

Yes!

Yes!

Whoo!

Hey, where’s my ring?

I’m sure it’ll turn up.

No, I hear what you’re saying, and we will. The thing is, we gotta lock down this key demographic first. The rest will come, I promise. Just give me a couple weeks, alright?

Weeks. Always weeks. Man, the last time I talked months was like, a million weeks ago.

Thanks Dennis, I appreciate it. To Pam Hey! How are you?

Good!

What are you doing here?

I just wanted to see you!

That’s so great!

Damn! Jim, you got a real Facebook energy going on here man. You Zuckerberged this place out!

It’s pretty great, right? I mean, we’re coming along… to coworker Hey, Wade, we gotta just push up Dennis’s timeline

back to Pam Actually, you know what? Give me one second, okay? Make yourselves at home.

…But I think that all of your concerns will be answered when you see the brochure that Clark’s getting out of my car. He’s a good boy, does whatever I say.

Oh… really.

fumbling Well, things between me and Clark are good, but not great. In fact, I will say that they’re not even good. Really, they’re bad. Like you and your son.

enters Here you go, Pop! I know it was just a couple minutes, but… God I missed you!

What took you so long? Were you loitering out there like a hooligan, smoking a doobie?

confused I sure was. Just like he taught me, looking cool.

You’re being disrespectful!

…And I love you, for saying that.

whispers to Clark We don’t get along.

catches on Ha ha! I just burned him. Because the truth is… our relationship is… terr-

Terrible!

Terrible.

Yes! Genius. Stupid, stupid genius!

Wow, this place is… so great. I had no idea – on the phone, you made it sound kind of dinky.

Well, I mean, I don’t even have the paycheck yet. It is a startup, so… These things go down all the time.

If this company’s going down, I wanna go down on it. With it. I wanna go down with it.

to Pam Are you cool to just hang out?

Sure, no problem.

Yeah? to Darryl You ready?

Yeah.

Let’s do it!

The pen delivery went amazing, and now I’ve got all these pens just waiting to be unpacked. But Pam did not tell me to unpack the pens, and I’m not one of those people who’s just like, "Uh, sure. I’ll accept the pens when they come in, and then as soon as your back’s turned, I unpack the pens and get all this credit as some great pen unpacker. On the other hand… they are just sitting here. Pam didn’t tell me not to unpack them. Don’t want to be a busybody, but I don’t want to be a lazybones. Busybody, lazybones. Busybody, lazybones. Ahh! My brain is ping-ponging around in my head right now, it’s insane! I’m sorry, what was your question again? Oh yeah, no. I’ve never had an espresso before. They’re good though.

A-bam! slams espresso cup on table My favorite is Viennese Amaretto. And the worst flavor I’ve tried so far is Alpine Select!

Yes! giggles and picks up Angela

Ugh!

One! as he picks Angela up in the air

Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!

Two… picks Angela up again

Stop it!

Three…

That’s enough Kevin.

Stop it Kevin!

Four!

That’s enough!

Kevin!

So for your menswear catalogue, I think we can offer you some very competitive pricing.

Well, I understand, but –

I bet you have. He knows nothing about what people have heard before, my son.

Here we go again, another lecture from the old man.

Maybe if you listened a little bit, you’d improve. No wonder women despise you.

Women don’t despise me…

His last girlfriend was a transvestite. I knew it right away. Adam’s apple like the prow of a ship, thumbs like a lowland gorilla. Ha, but this one couldn’t see it, or didn’t wanna see it.

Alright, that’s enough, ‘cause I can say some things about him too.

Yeah? Like what?

Like the time that you got drunk and, and then… Killed those kids on their way to prom!

That never happened. He’s always been a liar. Ever since he was a little kid. He got caught "saving treats" from the kitty litter box.

So we can offer you matte or glossy printing-

Glistening brown morsels tumbling from every pouch in his trousers.

There’s obviously a volume discount uh, if you-

Following the cat around on his knees with his hands cupped beneath its tail, going "please kitty, may I have some more?" You can’t make this stuff up!

No, I think someone could make it up. Someone with very few friends.

scoffs Got cat turd collector written all over him.

"Mandate"- Always think of two men on a date. awkward moment I have gay friends… I have one gay friend. to Jim Oscar?

Mm-hm

freezes Ummm… a moment later Alright. Obviously y’all look really busy, and uh, I don’t want to waste your time anymore. Sorry, I just uhh… Obviously I’m not qualified to be here man, I’m… I’m a warehouse manager, you know…

And as you know, I was a paper salesman. whispers to Darryl Hey, I find it helps if you just picture everybody naked. group overhears and chuckles

Cool. Hey, thanks…

Yes, as a matter of fact, I uh… pulls booklets from his bag I wrote some down. There you go. passes out booklets Wow, this guy came prepared, it impresses me! group laughs

Ah! So, this is what 2:00 P.M. looks like around here!

I usually take a siesta about now.

to Erin Stocking pens, huh? You’re like the new office administrator.

No, I just took over the pen shipment because Pam had to leave. When I say it out loud, I know that sounds insane, but it’s the truth, I swear.

Pam! Pam, look out! Erin’s gunning for your job!

No, I’m not! Kevin imitates gunfire It’s not like that at all! Forget it, I’m so sorry.

Pam, look out!

Pens, you did not buy into this. I am sorry, what a day you’ve had.

That’s sweet that he talks about me.

Well, that’s funny because I think of him as working part time in Philadelphia.

Do you mind? The men are talking.

Us old timers need to stick together. And how better than by signing a contract?

Wait, so you’re the boss?

Hi, I’m Clark.

Let’s talk.

So if you look at our catalog here…

Yeah, yeah me too. I think it’d be like… You know what? grabs basketball I think it’d be like a Kevin Durant jump shot… Perfecto! shoots basketball at hoop on wall, basketball misses and lands in fish tank, killing the fish Oh my god…

They’re the ones who put a fish tank next to a basketball hoop. It’s like if I put a glass of milk on the edge of the table and Cece knocks it over, I don’t blame Cece.

So I’m like a three year old girl in this scenario…

Say they don’t hire you. It’s not like you’re out on the street. You have a great job with people who love you.

And I’d only get to see Jada on the weekends. You know, I’m… I’m not so sure I’d like living in Philadelphia.

Right? Thank you! It’s just Philly. Everyone’s acting like it’s New York or Paris or London.

Who needs it?

Not us.

enters Okay, so the consensus was that that was unique. They’re going to make you pay for the fish, and… they wanted to know when you can start.

What? Jim shrugs How about yesterday?

Congratulations.

Oh, thank you.

I guess you gotta move to Philly after all.

Yes, I love Philly! Two-One-Five or die!

No, I’m not upset. I’m really excited for Darryl… Maybe I’m a little disappointed that we’ll be losing him.

It feels really hot in here. Is it hot in here? It feels really really hot in here.

It’s insane! They need to have the A.C. on year round! January too!

banging on window I don’t get the point of this stupid window!

I mean, look, you and I both know that in paper or fashion, styles change. Check out my dad’s suit. You are looking at pure acrylic. That’s why his face always breaks out.

You know what Dad? Maybe you should buy me a suit. I mean, I’m going to need one right? If I’m ever going to get a "real job" and move my "lazy ass" out of your "G.D. house".

Yeah, you don’t want Italian. You’ll look like a mafia don. Next thing you know, you’ll be doing life in Rikers Island.

Well, that’s better than looking like the undertaker from boring island.

That place doesn’t exist. It’s not a documented island. Ha ha, cartograph much?

emerges from dressing room wearing a sharp black suit How do I look?

Actually… You look great. They steered you right. I guess it does make sense buying from a father son team. You know what? I’ll take one too.

Everyone! Now that we have all this energy, why don’t we move the copier into the annex like we’ve always wanted to?

Whoo!

Frickin’ A!

Huh?

So long, noise!

One, two, three! all gather around copier and push, tearing carpet beneath

And we have torn up the carpet! Oh, we’re going to be in so much trouble!

Wait! looking at the hardwood floor beneath the carpet It’s beautiful. Hardwood! I always knew it was down here, I just never dreamed that I would actually see it.

Tear up the carpet!

Whoo!

Kill their fish, and they still hire me. That’s how you do that, baby. It’s all good, I’m ready. Y’all ready for this? sings intro to "Everybody dance now", points to Pam to sing first line

reluctantly Everybody dance now… Darryl continues singing

Kevin, move. I can’t pull up the rug if you’re standing on it with your rhinoceros feet.

Well I can’t stand here if you pull the carpet out from under me.

Oh, my head is killing me. Does anyone have a baby asprin?

Oh, enough with the whining already! Why don’t you just have some more coffee?

It’s all gone. I didn’t get a chance to try them all because Creed poured my Bogota Sunrise in the plant.

I saw the leaves twitch!

Shut up!

You shut up!

Everybody shut up and work!

We don’t work for you!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Hey, it’s five o’clock. everyone leaves and a traffic backup occurs in the parking lot

with horns honking Kevin, can-

What’s going on?

Yes! We did it! leaving the suit store

You opened the door-

And you closed it. The boys are back in town. high fives Clark High fives! Ha ha!

Hey, so all that really specific cat turd business, that was about you, right?

You got me! tickles Clark and chuckles I used to collect them!

Why?

Each one is very different, like a snowflake.

shocked after seeing the torn up carpet Hey… What happened here?

You left me in charge of the pens, Pam. That’s what happened. The pens happened.

…Are the pens here?