Turf War - The Office (Season 8, Episode 23)

Dwight and Gabe argue over whose workout regime is superior. Jim suggests they have a thigh curl contest to settle the argument. During the contest, Jim props their elbows up on pillows and tricks them into thinking they each have phone calls, then takes a picture, editing it as a computer wallpaper to make it look like Gabe and Dwight have had a gossipy sleepover. Dwight and Gabe are angered that Jim is mocking them for “perfecting [their] bodies,” but can’t properly walk to the conference room, forcing Dwight to have Jim support him.

While "celebrating the finalization of his divorce", Robert California drunkenly shuts down the Binghamton branch of Dunder Mifflin. The resulting commotion allows the sales team in Scranton, specifically Jim and Dwight, to begin poaching former customers of the closed branch. Harry Jannerone, an angry employee from the Syracuse branch of Dunder Mifflin arrives in Scranton to berate Jim and Dwight for taking New York clients even though those particular clients are closer to Scranton than Syracuse. The two argue, dropping the name of a particularly large client, Prestige Direct Sale Solutions, that is up for grabs. Andy, who is cooking lunch for everyone in the office, overhears the argument and gets an idea: if he can win the client, he might be able to use the account as leverage to get his job as manager back.

Andy rushes to Prestige Direct and impresses the CEO with his dedication—in addition to his personal phone number, he also gives him a copy of his house key. Meanwhile, Dwight, Jim, and Harry rush to the company in an attempt to win the client, only to hear that the company has gone with Andy. After Andy wins the client, he calls Robert and offers him the client if Robert will re-hire him. Furious at his attempt to blackmail him, Robert profanely threatens Andy, and hangs up on him. This leads Andy to seek help from David Wallace, the former Chief Financial Officer of Dunder Mifflin who has become a multi-millionaire. Andy tells David that, despite being in poor shape, Dunder Mifflin could be worth twice its net worth if the company's management is restructured. This piques David's interest, who allows Andy to come into his home and talk to him about his business proposal.

After Nellie reveals to Robert that he sent her a sexually suggestive voicemail, Robert tasks Pam with finding what the voicemail entailed. Initially, Pam tries to trick Nellie into divulging the contents of the message, but this plan is ruined when Angela shows up, claiming that she was Robert's "back-up plan" in case Pam failed. Finally, Pam steals Nellie's phone and brings it to Robert and the two listen to the various voice messages. After hearing several which paint a life for Nellie that is sad and lonely—she is unable to adopt a child and she has maxed out her credit cards—Pam relents and tells Robert that she will not help him anymore. Pam returns Nellie's phone and the two strike up a conversation. Nellie reveals to Pam her disgust for Robert, saying that he is sexually obsessed. She asks Pam if she wants to hear about Robert's voicemail, but Pam declines her offer. In the end, Nellie reveals to the camera that she is deeply moved to have a real friend at her work place.

After learning that they have lost Prestige Direct, Jim, Dwight and Harry retreat outside for a coffee break. They end up having a conversation over what they would do with their lives, if they were not working for Dunder Mifflin. Jim jokingly says that he would be a beet growing competitor during the national contests while Harry would retire after selling one big item such as an airplane. Before he leaves, Harry says that Robert will be the ruin of the company and suggests they will not be working for Dunder Mifflin in six months, leaving a look of concern on Dwight and Jim's faces.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Turf War

Ugh, man. My delts are blasted. I wish they had a chart for how much protein powder to scoop for a 180 pound man with no fat.
Photo of Gabe
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Protein powder, huh? You cut it with water? Why don’t you just take estrogen? swallows powder coughs There you go boys. See how papa takes care of you? kisses bicep Mwah.

I remember when people thought biceps were all that. They’d flex them all night at the discotheque.
Photo of Gabe
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh, I bet you think it’s all about core, huh?
Yeah.
Photo of Gabe
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh, please.
Core’s critical. There are four tenets of pilates that I live my life by. One – lengthen. Two – elongate.
Photo of Gabe
Photo of Jim Halpert
Listen, guys, I think we all want to know the same thing, right? Who’s the strongest? Well, there’s only one way to solve that – flat curl contest.

All right, here we go everybody. May the manliest man win. Go.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Feast on this, Lewis.
I love the burn. The burn is where I live.
Photo of Gabe
Photo of Jim Halpert
Come on, Gabe, you can’t handle his hamstrings. You’re getting hypno-thigh-zed.
Speed set. One. Two.
Photo of Gabe
Photo of Jim Halpert
Here, this is for your elbows, for your elbows.
Oh, thank you.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
You’re welcome.
Five. Six.
Photo of Gabe
Photo of Jim Halpert
Quick phone call from you guys, keep going,
Eight, nine, ten.
All
Photo of Gabe
We got it?

Very funny Jim.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Gabe
Yeah, Jim. Way to mock us for perfecting our bodies.
Everyone, conference room, now. Dwight and Gabe stand up, falling over
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
All right, easy there, grandpa.
I don’t need your help.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Okay. You don’t need my help?
Here, here… Just…
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Andy Bernard
Morning.
Hey.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Somebody left in such a hurry this morning that she forgot… these.
Oh.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
You know the only thing more delicious than your feet is the feast that I am going to prepare for everyone.
Andy, if you’re gonna hang out for a while, uh…
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
What’s this?
This dumb rule Robert made, he just wants visitors to sign in.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Is this Robert’s attempt to embarrass me?
No, of course not. It’s just – I think it’s like if we make an exception for you, then we have to make an exception for the water guy, and then, it’s like, where does it end? So just… puts visitors tag on Andy
Photo of Erin

Photo of Andy Bernard
Why is it when other people spend all their time at the office, they’re rewarded for it, and when I do it, I am told it’s a little much? …Is it because I am not an employee anymore, because that’s what it feels like.

All right, well, enjoy the alumni game.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Good, we have a deal?
Thanks Janet.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Thanks so much Earl.
Wow, simultaneous sale.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
And they said it couldn’t be done. Boom!
Screw ‘em.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Andy Bernard
Lot going on guys. What’s happening?
Binghamton branch closed last night and their clients are up for grabs.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Andy Bernard
That was a fine branch. Things are really bad under Robert California, I guess. It’s like a festival of poo.
Hey, hey, come on, language.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah, and we’re not interested in your sour grapes, okay? Jim, tell him where he can stick his grapes.
In the fridge.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, Jim, the butt, in his butt.
Sorry, man, I can’t focus on zingers. There’s too many potential clients.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Stanley Hudson
You two better watch yourselves.
Yeah, the Syracuse branch can’t be happy you’re taking New York clients.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Robert California
Shh… shh… vomits in trash can
Robert?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Why did Binghamton close?
Can everyone just, please… I had a one-man saturnalia last night, in celebration of the finalization of my divorce. I got into a case of Australian reds, and – how should I say this – Columbian whites. What – what is this about, uh, Binghamton?
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Kevin Malone
The branch closed. Forever.

Closing the Binghamton branch never occurred to me before today. Or, I guess, last night. But, in vino veritas as they say, I’m not gonna start doubting my drunken self now.
Photo of Robert California

Photo of Nellie
I got your voicemail. From – from last night.
Wonderful.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Nellie
And the answer… is yes, yes, yes, yes, and never. leaves
Pam, when’s the last time you lived so intensely that your brain literally couldn’t hold the memories in?
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, it was this summer –
Apparently, I left a phone message for Nellie last night, and I need you to find out what I said.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Pam Beesley
Um, I am a little busy.
Yes, ‘course. Why don’t you list the things that would keep you from helping me.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah, I can make you a list.
Let’s do it now. What’s number one?
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Pam Beesley
Why don’t I help you now?
There we go.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Pam Beesley
Okay.

Who the hell are Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute?
Photo of Harry
Photo of Erin
Jim, Dwight, what are your last names?
And you are…
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Harry
Harry Jannerone, Dunder Mifflin Syracuse.
What the hell’s all this?
Photo of Harry
Photo of Andy Bernard
Uh, cherries jubilee over homemade gelato.
You live well down here in P.A. I want to talk to you guys right now. Oh, and Lloyd Gross too. Which one’s that guy?
Photo of Harry

Photo of Jim Halpert
The salesmen have a commission cap, but we figured out a way around it.
Lloyd Gross is a fictional salesman we invented to – how do I put this – steal from the company. Embezzle. To commit fraud.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Okay, it sounds sketchy, but it helps us get more money.
Yes.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Pam made a drawing of Lloyd. He is a blend of all the salesman. shows sketch

pointing at Toby There he is. That’s Lloyd.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Me?
Yeah, you.
Photo of Creed Bratton

Photo of Harry
Where do you get off crossing state lines?
Now, we’re actually a lot closer to Binghamton than you are. Kimosabe.
Photo of Toby Flenderson

Photo of Toby Flenderson
I like to think Lloyd Gross is a no-nonsense guy who doesn’t back down from anybody. And he calls people "Kimosabe".

They’re New York. We’re New York. State line is the dividing line. That’s the way it’s always been.
Photo of Harry
Photo of Jim Halpert
There’s actually not a rule that says that.
That’s true.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Toby Flenderson
That’s true. There’s no rule. You can check the employee handbook.
Oh, can I check the employee handbook Lloyd? Well, does it say anything about me choking a man with my bare hands?
Photo of Harry
Photo of Toby Flenderson
No.
Wait, no? Are you kidding me? You told me there was a rule. I could’ve choked so many people by now.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Harry
Stay out of my state. It’s in your best interest to stay out of my state.
I’ve seen guys like you. Big guys who like to push the little guys around. Lloyd Gross eats bullies like you for breakfast.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Harry
Just stay out of New York, Lloyd.
Hey, text from the old wife. Gonna take that. runs outside
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Jim Halpert
How about this? How about we just ask Robert? Can we all agree that maybe the C.E.O should decide this?
Robert’s here. Look at us. Bickering like schoolgirls, looking around the room for things to hit each other with. I don’t think we were doing that.
Photo of Harry
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Chair, lamp, plant, table leg, Jim’s leg.

Where’s the Advil, Jim? I think I’ve hit my limit on the Tylenol – Oh.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Andy Bernard
Doing dishes Sorry, not Jim.
Andrew, what do we have to do to get rid of you? Hire you back and send Erin back to Florida?
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Andy Bernard
Message received loud and clear. Just have to get the caramelized sugar off the pan before it dries.
Oh, for god –
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Harry
Robert California. What a surprise you’re here in Scranton.
Harry…
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Harry
So why would you close Binghamton down without a transition plan in place?
How do you mean?
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Andy Bernard
I forgot, a… a pan, uh –
No, no, no, no, no, kid, stay there, do your dishes, go ahead.
Photo of Harry
Photo of Robert California
Harry there is a time for every decision, predetermined many years ago. There’s no benefit in questioning why this particular decision seems… so poorly timed.
Okay, what are you deciding? We get a say.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Harry
Listen, Robert, I don’t have time. There’s a big client in play. Prestige direct mail solutions –
Don’t listen to him.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Harry
Used to be Binghamton’s –
Nope.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Harry
I want it, it’s mine.
Prestige is ours. Okay, they’re responsible for half of the junk mail on the eastern seaboard. We get them. We already put a call into them, Robert.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Harry
We need you to make a decision.
Make a decision.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Robert California
I have decided. Neither of you are to have any contact with either Prestige or any other Binghamton client until I have figured out how to divide things up. As Solomon once said… Andy walks out

Some bizarre energy in this place today. Robert is going off the rails, making some funky decisions. Like why is nobody gonna call on Prestige? That is a huge client. walking to car I mean, they could give their business to the first person to walk in the door. Could be any idiot. Any idiot at all.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Robert California
Shaping a company is, in a sense, similar to training a geisha. You have to mold not merely the physical form, but also the character. The two must harmonize. Are they still there? camera pans to right, Harry, Dwight, and Jim watching Robert in conference room They want a decision who gets the big client. Well, they can wait. I’ll still be talking about geishas long past their bedtime. You know, I trained as one.

Is it just me or is our boss a freakin’ weirdo? stands up, walks outside I’m gonna get some air.
Photo of Harry
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Jim, you know what would be really dastardly? If we snuck out of here and got to the client first.
Gets up and looks out Nellie’s office window He’s running!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Damn it!
Damn it.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Wha – what is this supposed to be?
It’s a monkey.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Jim, great real. This is not a monkey. It’s got a hula skirt and a blue nose.
Hold on, hold on. Is this him?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What?
Is that him?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s him! Do something! Get out!
What? What am I gonna do? I don’t –
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Go slash his tires! Go dent his hood. Jim opens passenger door That’s it? Oh, that’s great. That’s like a five second delay.
Dwight!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Come on, let’s go! Does this thing have turbo? Nitrous? Hit the nos.
Nos? You mean like in fast and furious?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, definitely have nos.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hit the nos.
Are you sure?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yes.
Brace yourself. 3… 2…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Got it. Go.
1. Here we go! turns on wipers
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Andy Bernard
Hello. Andy Bernard to see the C.E.O.
Oh, do you have an appointment?
Receptionist
Photo of Andy Bernard
No, I do not.
Okay, I think I can squeeze you in.
Receptionist
Photo of Andy Bernard
Seriously? ‘Cause I could just be anyone. I mean, I thought I was gonna have to convince you.
He’s really not that busy.
Receptionist
Mr. Ramish
Is there someone here to see me?
Yes, this man.
Receptionist
Mr. Ramish
Come on in. Andy walks in

So…what do you make of this Robert California guy? I mean, what does a guy like that do on an average weeknight?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Nellie
Oh. Oh, I’ll tell you what he does.
: walks in Hello! Hello, my clucking hens. Got room for another in the roost? Huh? Don’t worry, I won’t lay an egg.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Angela Martin
: Robert sent me to take over if Pam fails. If? laughs

: I have been crunching numbers all day. Math is for boys. I need girl talk.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Gabe
Did someone say girl talk?

Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum, because I am great at girl talk.
Photo of Gabe

Photo of Gabe
Have you guys been watching any good Korean soap operas? I’m pretty deep into Hee-Jungcinderella girl. Although, I definitely fast-forward through the young-Tae storylines.
Do you think I’d like that, or is it important to have an Asian fetish?
Photo of Nellie
Photo of Gabe
Uh, I think you’re gonna need to have an Asian fetish. Yeah. chuckles It’ll be upsetting if you don’t.

I’m a former paper executive. I know the product. I know the margins. I can save you 25% on your costs.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Mr. Ramish
Why haven’t I heard of you? You got any references?
No. I’m a rogue.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Mr. Ramish
Uh-huh.
Which is the best part. That means you will be my first customer and your business will get 100% of my attention. Now… pulls out business card I have written down my personal phone number. You call this anytime.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Mr. Ramish
Every salesman I’ve ever met has given me his personal phone number.
Of course they have. Which is why I’m giving you a key to my house. gives key to C.E.O Whatever you need – anytime, night or day – you just stop on by.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Mr. Ramish
You want me to drive to your house if I need paper.
Maybe you just want someone to talk to. Maybe… you need a place to crash for a couple of days. My wireless password is eat pray love. Easy to remember.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ready? Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. takes off belt, ties doors together
Running Ahhh! Slides into elevator
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
You all right?
Yeah. Doors about to close, hand stops them Oh.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Ah! Harry walks in
Dwight pushes button for floor two Dwight, what are you doing?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Go, go! Take the stairs! Now!
What are you talking about?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Just run! Take the stairs!
I don’t even know where the stairs are!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I’ll stall him. Go!
God!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Harry
Dwight jumping What are you doing?
I’m gonna activate the seismic failsafe. We’ll be stuck between floors for hours. pants fall down Oh. Jim runs in My pants fell down.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
What?
My pants fell down! I don’t have a belt!
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
walks into lobby Hello, sir. Good day. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Forgive my pants, they fell down. An appointment with Mr. Ramish, please. Right now is fine. No, no, no, I was here first. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.
What’s going on?
Mr. Ramish
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Well –
Mr. Ramish, Harry Jannerone. Dunder Mifflin, Syracuse –
Photo of Harry
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I was here first.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay.
Mr. Ramish
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I already made an appointment… with your secretary.
Let me stop you all right here. I’ve already picked a new paper supplier.
Mr. Ramish
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Wait, it’s not D.M Utica, is it?
No, no, it’s not Dunder Mifflin at all actually. It’s… Big Red Paper Company.
Mr. Ramish
Photo of Jim Halpert
Big Red Paper Company?
Mm-hmm.
Mr. Ramish

Photo of Andy Bernard
Yes, yes, yes!

Give me a cup of coffee.
Photo of Harry
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Me too. Or do you also have a monopoly on thirst?
All right, guys. It didn’t work out for any of us, so… we’re still on the same team. Let me get these.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No. Let him get his own. It’s Syracuse money.
You know, your partner’s got a lotta attitude. But I like that. How long you guys been dating?
Photo of Harry
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Jim couldn’t land me in a thousand years.
But you’re saying there’s a chance.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Shut up.

Walks into conference room Hey.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Robert California
Hmm.
I stole Nellie’s phone.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Robert California
Excellent. Excellent. Though troubling that your first instinct is thievery.
What do you want from me?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Robert California
Now we get to the bottom of Nellie’s "yes, yes, yes, yes, never."
Hi, Nell, it’s mom. Do keep your chin up. It can’t be as bad as you described.
Phone
Photo of Robert California
Oh yes it can.
This is MasterCard. You are over the limit. Send the minimum payment of $448 by Monday, or we will be forced to send it to collections.
Phone
Photo of Robert California
Shopaholic.
Sounds like it.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Robert California
Yeah.
Hi, sis. Is your boss still hitting on you?
Phone
Photo of Robert California
Ah.
This is Annie from second nests. I’m sorry, but the Romanian orphanage felt more comfortable with a two-person nuclear family than a single mother, so, we’re gonna hold out for that.
Phone
Photo of Pam Beesley
Okay, that’s enough. grabs phone
Pam, we need to get to the bottom of this.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, no, no!
No, come on.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Pam Beesley
Robert! Okay, oops! I deleted them all. They’re all deleted.
Pam, Pam, you’ve completely bungled this!
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Pam Beesley
Ah. Ahh. walks out

Hey.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Nellie
Can I do it, Pam? Can I put off a gold Arabian sandal?
Um… yes. Definitely. With your hair –
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Nellie
Oh!
Certainly. Um… you dropped your cell phone.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Nellie
Oh, gosh.
Yep.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Nellie
Thank you. I’m… so stupid.
No. My goodness. You have a lot going on. With Robert and everything.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Nellie
Oh, god, Pam. Don’t get me started.
No, I will not.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Nellie
You’ve just got me started. Robert… is… a filthy beast. I mean, don’t you get the feeling, he’s just thinking of fifteen different ways to do you?
Well –
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Nellie
I mean, the man talks of nothing but sex.
But sometimes he talks about flesh… and bacchanals.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Nellie
I cannot even tell you what he left on my phone last night.
No… don’t. Just put it out of your mind.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Nellie
Pam, what is your address? I’m gonna send you a pair of these gold harem shoes. Oh, no. You don’t –
Oh yes. Come on, a little gold Arabian slipper.
Photo of Nellie

Photo of Nellie
Things are looking up. I might be a mother soon. I have MasterCard right where I want them. And… I have a new friend. A friend. At work.

Erin opens door Erin.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Erin
There’s a call for you on line one.
Who is it?
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Erin
He says salvation. No last name.
Yeah, hello?
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Andy Bernard
in car You once put me on a list of the losers in the office. Well, this loser just got your biggest client to give him all their business. So hire me back, that business is yours. Don’t, and I will find another buyer.
You’re blackmailing me.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Andy Bernard
It’s just business.
Ah, well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised debutante. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring it on. You’re gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don’t even know my real name. I’m the *bleep* lizard king. disconnects
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Andy Bernard
Whoa. Well I gave him a chance. gets out of car, walks to house
opens door Andy Bernard.
Photo of David
Photo of Andy Bernard
You got a minute?
Um… I’m in the middle of a piano lesson.
Photo of David
Photo of Andy Bernard
I wanted to see if I could interest you in an investment. Dunder Mifflin.
Dunder Mifflin. closes door Now… why would I want that? It’s worth half of what it was three years ago.
Photo of David
Photo of Andy Bernard
Exactly. And you know better than anyone that with the right management it could be worth twice what you would pay for it today.
Why don’t you come in? Andy walks in, closes door
Photo of David

Photo of Harry
So what would you do if you weren’t selling paper?
Oh, man, I’d have to sell beets. Probably submit them for competitions.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What?
Yeah! I know it sounds stupid, but nationals has always kinda been a dream of mine.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
How have we never talked about this before? Wait. You don’t even care about nationals.
Nothing?
Photo of Harry
Photo of Jim Halpert
I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to own a bike shop, but what about you?
I’d like to sell one big thing, you know? Like… a plane. One sale, I’m out.
Photo of Harry
Photo of Jim Halpert
That sounds lovely.
Anyway, Robert’s gonna run this company into the ground, so… We won’t be doing this in six months.
Photo of Harry

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