Last Day in Florida - The Office (Season 8, Episode 18)

Dwight celebrates his winning of the Vice President position on a golf outing with Jim, Robert California, and Nellie. After playing, Robert tells Jim that he dislikes the business plan for the Sabre store, citing the poor quality of the products; he only approved it because Jo Bennett wanted it. He plans to sandbag it at a high-level meeting, and Jim is stunned when Robert strongly hints he is going to fire Dwight over it. Jim makes several attempts to stop Dwight from attending the meeting with Robert, but Dwight is heedless and, feeling empowered by his promotion, continually insults Jim, who finally decides to leave Dwight to his fate. However, a guilt-inducing phone call to Pam makes Jim decide he has to tell Dwight what is about to happen, no matter what.

Dwight ignores the news, thinking Jim is jealous of him and is pranking him, so Jim resorts to simply wrestling with Dwight outside the conference room. In the meantime, Nellie has Todd Packer stand in as VP in Dwight's absence. When Dwight finally makes it into the conference room, he hears Robert planning to fire the VP, so he sneaks out of the conference room and lets Packer take the fall in front of those present. Humbled, Dwight then silently extends a hand to Jim, and they head back to Scranton with Stanley Hudson (Leslie David Baker), who has reverted to his old grumpy self over the thought of leaving Florida.

In Scranton, Darryl and Toby are both trying to sell Girl Scout cookies for their daughters. When Toby's requests clash with Darryl's, Darryl tells him they need their own sections of the office to sell to in order to not interfere with each other. To Toby’s surprise, Darryl only chooses accounting while Toby gets every other section. Darryl had asked for accounting because Kevin buys more cookies than everyone else put together. Toby eventually realizes Darryl's plan and the two end up fighting over who sells Kevin cookies, with Kevin coming up with absurd competition ideas.

After doing a song and dance for Kevin, Kevin still can not make up his mind, so Darryl and Toby contemplate giving up until Kevin mentions he plans to buy hundreds of boxes of cookies, at which point they continue the competition. He has them record a voicemail message for him pretending to be girls who are having sex with him, but they finally give up for good when Kevin wants to ride them like a pony, citing they still want to maintain their dignity and will not go beyond the limit to what they would do for their daughters. When they walk away, Kevin says he will do any absurd thing for them to continue, kissing Meredith to prove it, but they still refuse.

Andy learns that Erin is not coming back to Scranton after she takes a job helping an elderly lady, Irene she met at the Sabre store opening, leaving Andy very distraught, especially when he learns that everyone else already knew through the social media of Ryan, who returned to Scranton after freaking out. When Dwight, Jim, and Stanley return to Scranton and Andy sees Jim happily reunite with Pam, Andy decides to travel to Florida to try and bring Erin back.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Last Day in Florida

exiting office Everyone stop what you’re doing, I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us.

gasps What?! Why is that?

He’s gone, damn it! He’s been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and he’s staying in Florida forever.

So, he’s alive.

Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful.

Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead.

How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke slight pause of good fortune and he is now in a better place.

If Dwight’s not coming back, does that mean we can open his treasure?

You guys, we’ve gone over this, there is no treasure. Erin retrieves the “treasure box” and slams it down on Dwight’s desk

When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure. cut to Dwight holding treasure chest and telling the office “Don’t touch my treasure. Ok, you understand?” Obviously he wants us to obsess about it. There’s nothing in there. has realization Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure. Oh god, I’m Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride.

I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure. everyone disagrees

I am dying to know what’s in there.

Yeah, I know, Oscar we all are but nobody’s gonna open it. You’d have to be insane. everyone turns to look at Creed

Hi, hello.

to Creed standing in front of the “treasure box” Now, carefully… open the box.

opens box, pulls out and displays contents It’s a photo of all of us.

Aw, that’s so sweet! dart fires out of box and lodges in ceiling

feigning surprise A dart? Are you kidding me? Who would put a poison dart, well, I mean, I don’t know that it’s poison. I mean, I just have to imagine. God, I’m glad he’s OK though. Kinda sounds like he deserved it, opening another man’s treasure and all. Wow!

on a golf course Well, mister ball, it’s been a pleasure. Now, give my regards to hell. Da! hits ball

Oh, all right! Well swung my VIP VP.

I am loving the chemistry between you two.

I am so happy Dwight is gonna be working alongside me. We are a regular Archibald and his man George.

I bet. I’m excited.

Trick… there’s no such thing. It’s not even a real English duo.

Ah!

I just made you look like the goat of Dover. And that doesn’t exist either.

to Robert You think you’re excited? You should feel my nipples. Robert gives a fake laugh

Oh, that reminds me. reaching into golf cart Little something from all of us. hand Dwight a small wrapped gift

sarcastically Oh my gosh, thank you Jim, that’s so thoughtful. sets gift on golf tee Four! smashes gift Oh yeah!

He doesn’t even care.

Don’t even care!

This is the last time I’ll ever see Dwight. It’s a weird feeling, it’s, um, what’s the word? It’s not, it’s not bittersweet. It’s uh… sweet. Yeah.

entering Andy’s office Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada. Want the same as last year?

Would if I could. And I can so I will. Put me down for one box. Don’t care what it is, dealer’s choice.

I’ll put you down for shortbreads.

Damn it.

entering Andy’s office Knock, knock. Hey, Sasha’s first year in the troops, so I’m selling cookies for her. Anyway, would you like some?

No. No.

What?

I been selling here for five years. This is my spot.

You can’t claim territories. This is the only place I interact with people. Can’t you sell at your church or barber shop? Darryl looks hurt Or chess club, or?

You know what? It’s your first time, let’s split the office. You can have sales, the annex, Creed, and I don’t know I’ll just take, uh, accounting.

That’s it? Yeah, well, ok. Thanks Darryl.

OK, great.

exits Andy’s office smiling All I need is Kevin. Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined and then some. Kevin waves at him When I first started selling cookies he was a relatively thin man. Not a thin man, mind you. Relatively thin.

entering a home carrying groceries Hellosi, I’m home, babaloo.

Elderly Woman

rises from chair Oh, here let me help.

spilling groceries I got it. It was so busy at the store today. Really good cheese samples. I had, like, a hundred.

Irene hired me as her live-in helper. We met at the store launch. I told her I was moving here and I needed a place and it just sort of made sense. I basically do everything for her. Erin randomly adds an assortment of pills to a weekly pill box I run errands. I do chores around the house. I cook and clean. Honestly, I don’t know how she survived without me.

When can I introduce you to my grandson? He’s a wonderful swimmer. Shallow end, deep end. He does it all.

Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene. I have to talk to my old boss, Andy, and tell him I’m staying in Florida. hands Irene a mug

takes mug Thank you. takes a sip Oh, what kind of tea is this?

Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.

misses putt Ah. In England, they put the holes a little bit to the right, you see. We’ll just chalk it up to cultural bias.

If I may, assists Nellie try holding the putter… yeah, with your wrists here. And your thumbs here.

Oh.

That’s right. Your little finger.

approaches Kevin Would you like to buy some cookies?

Cookies, eh?

singing Oh, the springtime thinks that it’s the best. And fall time thinks that it’s the best. Cold time has, kind of a strut. And Valentine’s thinks that it’s the best. But gather round, peeps, I’ll tell you the truth. Nothing beats the cookie season, that’s the truth.

Kevin scratches cookie order form and sniffs it It’s not a scratch-and-sniff, Kev.

I know. But sometimes you still get a little something.

to Darryl Hey, you tricked me. You just wanted Kevin.

You’re new to the game. You learned a lesson today. See you next year, sport.

No, no, no. It’s not fair. What if Kevin wants to buy cookies from me?

I do.

See?

That doesn’t mean anything. to Kevin Kevin, do you want to buy cookies from me?

Oh, I definitely do.

to Toby Huh. Hit the road, jack.

No, you hit the road, jack.

looking pleased Hey guys, come on. Don’t fight over me.

You know, why don’t we split the order? It’s only fair.

No. Wait, no. I’m buying, I make the rules. I actually do want you to fight over me. I wanna be wined and dined and… 69ed.

Ugh.

Metaphorically 69ed. Ew. Perverts… no offence Oscar. Oscar looks flabbergasted

Hop in, we have places to be. No rest for the wicked.

to Dwight All right. So… I guess this is it.

Well, Jim, I just want to say that we haven’t always got along and at times, I’ve even hated your guts. But…smiles bye, bye. I win.

attempts to shake Dwight’s hand Goodbye, Dwight.

drops golf ball into Jim’s open hand Robert, race you to the clubhouse, gentlemen’s bet. Woohoo! takes off in golf cart

Well, he’s Florida’s problem now.

I’ll let Dwight have his fun. Today will not be his day.

What’s that?

I’m gonna tank the Sabre store at the presentation to the board.

I thought you liked the store?

Well, the store is lovely. You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line. Great job. Cheers.

Thank you.

But, there’s a reason we sell our products online and over-the-phone. Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim? Jim shakes head They’re cheap. They’re unintuitive. The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model of leaving town once everyone’s wives do us.

Wow. When you put it that way, I guess it does sound pretty terrible.

I couldn’t just kill the project from the start. Jo Bennett endorsed it. Shame though, I did like Dwight.

from distanced golf cart Robert! I’m gonna win, ha ha, I’m the gentleman! Suck it!

to Dwight Bravo, Dwight! Very good! Jim looks surprised to Jim Shame.

at Sabre headquarters The math is simple folks. Deeper market penetration, plus greater visibility, will raise Sabre Nellie emerges from behind Dwight together to the power of two.

How did that look?

I’m not just saying this, that was the best thing I’ve ever seen.

to Nellie I told you.

When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how ’bout I pop up also? I guess we’d have to say ‘power of three’. Hm, actually, you know what, yeah, that actually works. to Nellie You’d spin off right. I’d spin off-

You know what? That is a great idea. Cathy, write that down and print it out. It’s gonna make some really good toilet paper.

enters room All right. There he is.

What are you doing here? I thought I got rid of you?

Can I just talk to you for one quick second?

What, your stylist ran out of ‘messy spray’? others laugh

Um, actually it’s, it’s for your own good. I think maybe we should- gestures toward hallway

You want to do something for my own good? Turn around, walk out that door, do not stop ’til you get to Scranton, find my cell phone charger, mail it back to me, and then go hell. others laugh

Nice. To Jim Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willy?

to Packer Silence.

Aw, I’m just trying to-

interrupts I know what you’re trying to do, I don’t want it. to Jim But your face does look like the guy from Operation.

That’s… that’s the same guy. It’s the joke I made.

Different guy.

You know, I just think you should know that-

interrupts That you look like the world’s tallest hobbit. others laugh

Well, I tried. gestures the meeting room You saw it, so, it’s on the record. I have a plane to catch.

Can you help me? I’m trying to make a video chat with Andy.

Just open the program and type in his user name.

Can you just do it?

after briefly typing Here, type in your password.

‘Erin123’

That’s a terrible password. And you don’t ‘make a video chat’, you video chat.

annoyed All right.

Hello?

That’s so weird. There’s something wrong with my laptop. turns laptop on its side Oh. I fixed it.

Oh, now mine’s broken. Hang on. turns his laptop on its side while lying on desk Oh, there we go.

on phone with Jim He said, ‘I did like Dwight’? He’s gonna fire him.

No, no, I think it was more like, ‘you know, I liked him, but I don’t anymore because he did a bad job, so I’m definitely gonna yell at him’.

Robert doesn’t talk like that. You have to stop Dwight from doing this.

I tried. He will not listen.

Did you actually try your hardest?

Yes… my pretty hardest. Look, you haven’t dealt with him in awhile, all right. He’s like super Dwight. It’s like he’s been bitten by a radioactive Dwight, or som- Stanley, back me up.

Don’t talk to me.

Stanley’s very upset that we’re leaving Florida. But he would back me up.

If Dwight’s about to get fired, you have to tell him. Just get the words out. That’s all you can do.

OK. All right.

to Kevin What’s a skinny guy like Toby know about cookies? You can’t trust him to understand the wants and needs of the thick man. Maybe Toby from two years ago.

laughs Yeah.

That’s true. If I have a question about my cookies at midnight, who am I gonna call? Darryl. Toby’s probably in bed with some model.

Thank you.

I’m, I’m not gonna comment on my personal life.

Look, I need this. Ok? Your daughter is a pretty little girl. Let her go door-to-door. You think people gonna buy cookies from my hesitates chubby daughter?

Oh. looks away

Baby, if you’re watching this, you’re not chubby, you’re beautiful. Daddy’s just got to sell some cookies. And we’re also gonna exercise more. It’s gonna be fun.

to Kevin Oh, you know what you have to do? To decide? You need to make them do things for you. And, like, buy you things.

Or have them sing that song! That the frog does in Looney Tunes.

Make them kiss each other.

Make them kiss me. everyone ‘ew’s Toby and Darryl look at each other

Yes, this is too tan. This right here-

No.

This is a tanned spot.

I don’t buy it. It, that is a freckle. That is not a tan, ok? I’m gonna have to inspect it in person when you get back here. I want you looking totally ‘puerto ricania’ when i see you.

Well, Andy, I’m not coming back.

What?

I have a job here. I work for an old lady. turns laptop to put Irene into view

waves Hello!

Andy?

Yeah, that’s awesome. That’s great.

Toby and Darryl perform Hello! Ma Baby This is tough. ‘Cause Darryl, you sang better and you dance better but Toby has that indescribable quality that makes a star. I think I’ve reached my decision. I have decided… that you guys are gonna keep doing things for me.

No, no, no, no. It’s not worth it.

No.

No, it’s not worth it? That’s too bad. ‘Cause I was feeling particularly hungry this year.

Yeah, ok so what, you buy 40 boxes?

Hungrier.

50?

Hungrier.

You’re not talking… triple digits?

Oh yeah, I’m talking triple digits. folds arms satisfied while Toby and Darryl look at each other Again. both start performing Hello! Ma Baby again

straightens tie in mirror Showtime.

enters abruptly Dwight.

You again? Gosh, I keep throwing you away, you keep flying back here. You’re like an Amish return stick.

OK, great, listen to me. Listen to me. Dwight makes funny gesture No, no, I know. Will you just let me tell you one thing, please?

Yes, you may tell me one thing. Wait, you want to borrow money?

Listen to me. Robert is going to veto the Sabre store.

rolls eyes Jim, come on.

Dwight, he’s gonna kill the store.

Uh-huh.

And then, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna fire you for it.

Wait. holds up fingers He’s gonna kill the store? And he’s gonna fire me?

Yes.

smiles That’s two things.

Dwight, please.

Nice try, Jim. Your pranks have never worked in the past and they’re not going to work today.

OK, first of all, they’ve mostly worked, so-

You know what? You might want to get to the airport. It’s gonna take you a long time to get through security with all those beauty products. Bye.

Dwight, come o-

Nothing is gonna stop me. That is the mark of a great man. Unstoppability. Dunder-Mifflin, the farm, Mose, all those things vanish in my rearview mirror. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with destiny. And from what I hear, she’s a slu- Ah!Jim tackles Dwight

Jim holds him back and tries to cover his mouth Help! Help!

Gross! Don’t lick my hand! God, why is there so much saliva?

AlI had to do was think about pie and my salivary glands did the rest.

Gross!

attempting to break from Jim’s grasp Ah!

What? What, what, what, what, what?

clutching side Oh, god! You… oh! My appendix-

I’m sorry.

My wound hasn’t healed yet.

I’m so sorry, I forgot.

Oh, man!

You all right? You ok?

stops whining and charges Jim Rrrah!

to Cathy Where the hell is he? I cannot do this without him.

I don’t know. He’s not picking up.

Well, looks like Shnoot’s a no-show. Guess he wasn’t vice presy material after all. But I am. Put me in, babe. I got the info down backwards, forwards, and doggy-style. I’m your man.

considers and decides on Packer Right, let’s begin then. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the vice president of Sabre Retail, Mr. Todd Packer.

Sup?

notices Andy boxing up things from Erin’s desk What are you doing?

I’m just dealing with Erin’s stuff since apparently she’s not coming back. And she didn’t bother to tell anyone.

We knew. Ryan told us.

Ryan, why didn’t you tell me?

Thought you checker my Tumblr?

You never update it.

Well, I updated it.

Does anyone else think this is weird? And like, kind of uncool, actually? To leave us without a receptionist?

We’ll find another receptionist. I mean, that’s easy. We’ll be fine. Andy nods reluctantly

trying to get around Jim Huh, huh, huh! slides between Jim’s legs

What are you doing?

I was trying to go-

Get up.

Ok, ok.

Get up. All right? I’m not gonna let you by.

Then you know what? I’m just gonna have to run right through you.

OK. Dwight runs in place What are you doing? Are you really revving up? you know that doesn’t work.

tries to jump off wall Jackie Chan! falls and groans

holding mobile phone up Go.

in a feminine voice Hi. This is Alex.

in feminine voice And this is Sam.

in a feminine voice Kevin can’t come to the phone right now because he’s busy with us.

Perfect! Now people will think I’m doing hot girls all day.

I don’t know, man, they might think we’re drag queens.

Yeah, I don’t know why you picked names that are also guys’ names.

Okay, now who do I ride to the kitchen like a pony?

Don’t make me be your pony, Kevin.

Forget it, man.

What do you mean?

I’m out. And so is Toby.

This may be wrong. But there’s a limit to what I would do for my child.

Yeah. I have my dignity too. I refuse to be another man’s horsey.

No guys, stop! You have to sell me cookies. I’ll do anything. starts performing Hello! Ma Baby I’m even gonna kiss Meredith. kisses Meredith That is… hmph… that’s ah… so good. almost in tears Meredith pulls him toward her by his tie

tackled by Dwight What are you doing? No. No, no, no.

This. Ends. Now.

This is dangerous.

picks Jim up Rrahh! both fall

Why?

Anything else you need to talk about?

Nope. I think that was it. Dwight gets up and walks away

looking disheveled in mirror Once again, it’s show time.

What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea, Dwight enters which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on, and then utterly botch it in execution.

If I may speak to that, I have only been vice president of this project for the last half hour, so the man you want is Dwight Shrute.

I don’t see Dwight. He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible.

Whatever you do, do not blame Todd Packer. It is not his fault. Blame his upbringing, his parents, the society that would mold this idiotic creature. Fire the employee, yes… but not the man. You may not cancel his soul.

That was never on the table.

to Nellie Are you kidding? to Robert She’s the queen of the whole freaking Magilla!

And yet Todd, it’s you who’s fired.

What, you, I, I can’t get fired. I’m an institution. I have been at this company for 20 years. How many of you have been here that long, huh? Dwight exits meeting room and helps Jim up

Dwight and Jim enter office Hey, hey. They’re back. Everyone greets them

Dwight, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Florida?

Yeah, the crazy thing about that is, um, wow you look great. Did you lose some weight?

Thank you, for someone who actually notices this. No, I didn’t lose weight. But I started using my makeup to contour my face to look skinnier. I actually put on five pounds.

to Stanley Hey! Good to have you back.

insincerely Good to be back.

to Jim Hey, stranger!

Hey.

Aw, I missed you.

I missed you. they embrace and kiss as Andy watches on sadly

Aw.

I’m going to Florida to get Erin. grabs coat, runs out, then returns Forgot to turn off my email. It’s crazy, right? It’s just, when she said she was leaving, I felt so- looks at computer frustrated ‘You’re about to close four tabs, are you sure you want to continue?’ Yes. I am sure. Ah, slow computer!

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