Ultimatum - The Office (Season 7, Episode 13)

Michael anticipates the news regarding the status of Holly Flax and A. J.'s relationship, after Holly's year-end ultimatum that A. J. propose to her. To prepare for either outcome, Michael fills a "happy box" with celebration treats and a "sad box" with consolation items, as well as two videos of himself to be used to calm himself down should he get too excited or too depressed.

Pam, inspired by the cheerful office administrator from Vance Refrigeration, puts up a New Year's Resolution board in the office so everyone can post their resolutions. These include Michael resolving to floss, Kevin resolving to eat more vegetables, Ryan resolving to "live life like it's an art project," and Creed resolving to do a cartwheel.

When Dwight reveals his resolution is to "meet a loose woman", he goes out on the town along with fellow single men Darryl and Andy, in the hopes of meeting some women. Darryl suggests they try a bookstore, actually wanting to fulfill his own resolution to "read more" by purchasing an e-book reader. They later end up at a roller skating rink which is almost completely empty. Dwight skates off to a nearby strip club, Darryl uses his e-book reader and later lies that he was playing video games, and Andy skates around by himself to the music of Dave Matthews Band. They end by dancing together underneath the rink's strobe lights.

When Michael sees no ring on Holly's finger, he is at first ecstatic, and launches into celebration in his office. When he approaches Holly to talk, however, Holly receives a phone call from A. J., during which she tells him she loves him. Michael finds out later, through Phyllis and Erin, that Holly gave up on the ultimatum. Upset, Michael interrupts Pam's resolution-board meeting to chastise his employees for giving up on their resolutions, taking out his frustration on Kevin by force-feeding him broccoli as well as berating Creed for not even attempting a cartwheel. Holly sees the parallel Michael is making between these abandoned resolutions and her own abandoned ultimatum, and leaves the room abruptly, visibly upset.

Michael attempts to apologize to Holly, but she declines to talk. He has her join Kevin and Creed in his office so he can apologize to the two of them, simultaneously apologizing to Holly indirectly. Holly is later caught by the cameras telling A. J. that she wants to take a break from their relationship at least until she returns to Nashua.

As the new year's resolutions get out of hand, Meredith Palmer (Kate Flannery) reverts to smoking when she sees Pam's can of soda (her resolution being "drink less caffeine"), and Erin unintentionally angers Creed by doing a cartwheel in the middle of the office, profanely yelling at her. Pam tosses the resolution board into a dumpster, saying she has learned her lesson.

The episode closes with Michael helping Creed learn how to do a cartwheel. After performing an extremely weak one, an elated Creed declares his resolution complete.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Ultimatum

Next up, secretary Schrute will read the minutes from Sunday’s meeting.

Man

Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. No, Jim, hey!

Oh.

This meeting is for Knights of the Night only.

Knights of the Night are volunteer crime patrollers. We’re often compared to the Guardian Angels, but we could not be more different from them. Seriously, we are nothing like the Guardian Angels. I mean, broad strokes purposes, sure. Think Guardian Angels. One of our many recent good deeds? We set out to capture the Scranton Strangler. Mission accomplished. Not by us.

I’m actually just looking for my Blackberry, so, carry on.

No, no, no, no, no. I see how this movie ends. You make fun of me, everyone laughs, ha, ha, ha… screw you!

Man

Dwight, don’t be bothered by your friend’s presence.

What are you going to do now? Are you going to make fun of our leader’s weird voice? Huh? mimicking the leader’s voice Dwight, don’t be bothered by the mumbles. Over the line, Jim.

I’m just looking for my phone, so… pretend I’m not here.

Fine. Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. That’s our official name, Jim.

Sounds good.

Reflective strips were glued to patrol jackets. Knights went outside with flashlights to test them.

Smart.

And the rest was just mumblesstuff.

Man

Go ahead and read it, some people weren’t here.

Okay. Knights stayed outside to play flashlight tag.

Oh, come on, that sounds awesome.

It was pretty cool.

Member

Was it?

It was fun.

Member

It was pretty awesome.

answers phone Hey! Yeah. No, I got it. Just leaving now.

January three, 2011. A day which will live in-famously. Holly Partridge Flax, otherwise known as Holly, otherwise otherwise known as a living, breathing angel, is engaged to another man. This is freaking me out. I- okay, let’s switch to the happy video, okay? No, no, no, no, let’s push through. We’ll do this.

Today will either be the best or the worst day of my life. Holly gave AJ an ultimatum. He either proposes by New Year’s or they break up. Now, if she’s engaged, I’m gonna go crazy, and I’m gonna start attacking people. If she’s not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness. Either way, I am going to need some talking down. And nobody talks me down like myself in a video talking me down.

filming video Michael, I know what you’re thinking. Holly’s engaged to another man, and you want to kill yourself. It may seem like a good idea, but it’s not.

giggles Snot. Sorry, it sounded like you said it’s snot. I am so sorry.

Okay, so killing yourself. laughs I was just thinking about snot.

Good morning.

Hey, guys! Fun thing. The index cards on your desk are resolution cards. You write your New Year’s resolution on them, I’ll collect them, and then display them on… da-da-da-da-da! This! Resolution board.

Wow. Did your baby draw that?

The glitter is blinding.

I think it’s good.

It’s gonna be fun.

I recently met Sue, the office administrator at Vance Refrigeration. She has this awesome wall full of fun initiatives and morale boosters and stuff. Sue just goes for it, she’s awesome.

I know Sue. She’s not that great. And you know her husband’s in a wheelchair, right?

Okay, champagne.

Happy.

Sponge.

Sad. To soak up my tears.

Gummi bears and gummi worms.

Bears sad, worms happy. Come on, Erin.

Ukulele’s happy?

Sad, something to break.

Chocolates.

For you, job well done.

Thank you! And two bottles of scotch.

Both sad.

And did you get the tickets?

I did! I did, indeed. Two front row center, to Paula Poundstone, Live in Poughkeepsie. Holly’s favorite. I hope she doesn’t call us up on stage. That would suck. “Hey, you think you can do my job better?” I don’t know. “What’s your name?” Michael.

I’m really excited for Michael either way. Because if Holly chooses to be with him, he will be so, so happy. And if not, he’ll be avoiding the biggest mistake of his life!

Oh, hey, guys! I’d like to introduce you to a new little friend of mine. His name is New Year’s resolution board.

Shaaa-shut up. Hello.

What happened? Is there a ring?

So… high five me. We’re back. To a happy… grabs Holly’s hand look at those! Mittens. Are those a present?

whispering Come on!

They’re warm.

They’re so fuzzy and warm! Let me feel those. Let me feel that. Put ‘er there. Give me a good firm… ooh! That’s a good firm handshake. You’re hired! Yes, let’s get right into the Anderson account, shall we? Yes, yes, right away.

Hey, hey, hey. Want me to crank the thermostat up to 90, smoke her out? She can’t keep those mittens on forever.

Yes, no, why? Stop! Yes.

Holly takes off mittens revealing no ring on her ring finger Congratu-ohhh.

Wow.

Oh my God! That’s it! That’s it!

Oh, I get it. Everybody knows about the ultimatum.

Yes, I told everyone.

sticking both ring fingers up Ha ha, ha ha!

Hey! sticking up middle finger Right back atcha, bitch!

Happy! Happy, happy, happy, happy!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, calm down, breathe.

Video Michael

I’m trying!

I said breathe!

Video Michael

I’m trying!

Wait a second, are you listening to music?

Video Michael

What?

Shut that off!

Video Michael

I’m not listening to music!

Fine, just go crazy for a little while! Lookin’ good! You’re lookin’ good. roping Michael in Oh, I gotcha! I gotcha! I’m pulling you back! Michael dance off!

Video Michael

Go! Oh, that’s nice.

Go!

Video Michael

Me? Okay.

Go!

Video Michael

Nice! We’re gonna calm down later.

I’m good.

Oh, yeah!

Oh my God! sprays champagne on Erin

Hey, Dwight, I’m collecting resolution cards.

Not doing that.

Why not?

I’ve achieved plenty and there’s no better than the best.

Drink less caffeine. That’s a good one, Pam. Here’s mine.

Learn to cook for one!

Yeah. I love cooking, but I always find myself throwing out half the food that I prepare, so… two years is time to just start preparing the right amount of food for the right number of people, which is one.

Well, maybe you’ll meet someone.

No, some people don’t just meet someone. I’m fine with it. Really. This is not a pity party. It’s not a party at all. It’s just sad.

Angela.

Yes.

Make time for romance!

Who’s the senator?

My boyfriend.

Oh, you mean the state senator. I’m sorry, I was confused, because you accidentally wrote ‘the senator’.

Ugh.

Wait, it’s that easy? That’s not a resolution, that’s just… something I want to do. Okay, fine. I can do that… sticks note card on board, makes trumpet sound My resolution is… meet a loose woman.

Oh, God.

That’s a good one.

Yeah.

You know what, that’s my new one. I’m taking that one, too.

Awesome.

You know what you guys should do? Go to the bookstore at lunch. There’s tons of cuties and it’s easy to talk to them. ‘Hey, what book is that? Cool, let’s hang out tonight. Sex already? Whoa…’

The bookstore?

It’s that easy?

I’ll come with you, show you how it’s done.

Okay, I’ll drive.

My resolution is to read more. And if someone else is driving me to the bookstore, I can eat my PB&J in the car. 2011 is coming up all Darryl.

Hello! Oh, somebody’s got a new phone!

Yeah.

That is neat.

I got it for Christmas. I’m so out of my league here.

imitating E.T. E.T. phone Holly. Holly like phone?

imitating E.T. Holly misses old phone.

imitating E.T. Why?

imitating E.T. New phone is confusing. Gets bad reception.

imitating E.T. Bummer.

imitating E.T. Reese’s Pieces.

imitating E.T. Reese’s Pieces?

Oh, God, please stop!

I still have my old phone. This thing… indestructible. slams phone on desk, phone breaks

reaches for her cell phone Oh, I should get this. Hey! Oh, no, don’t go see that one, I want to see that together. Yeah, go see that action one. Okay. I love you, too. All right.

Holly doesn’t seem to be engaged, but she’s talking to AJ like she is. I can’t figure it out. Do you think she’s already dating a different AJ?

I don’t think so.

When you broke it off with Roy, did you still tell him you loved him?

No.

But you did still love him.

I’m not… I’m not going to have…

Do you love him now?

No! Just talk to her.

No. She’d just resent me. Or worse! She would think of me as her friend. disgusted voice Oh, hi friend! Blegh.

I’ll talk to her, Michael.

You think she’d talk to you?

Why wouldn’t she?

That’s true. She’s really nice. She’d talk to anybody. Why don’t you bring Erin to balance you out?

There’s a plan.

All right! We should divide up by section. I will take romance and travel.

I’ll take the entirety of the second floor.

I got that cutie behind the counter.

Bookstore employee

Well, if you read a lot, you should check out our e-readers. They’re really neat.

Whoa, I work at a paper company, those things terrify me. They could put us out of business, you know? I heard those machines hold like, ten books at once.

Bookstore employee

Actually, it’s ten thousand.

Holy bleep, what? Let me see that. It’s so light. Like a croissant.

Hi.

Customer

Welcome.

Let us know if you need anything.

Customer

Thanks.

Why did we pretend like we work here?

Is that what we were doing?

Hey, how’d you do?

Good!

Good. Real good.

Really?

Yeah, yeah!

We kinda nailed it.

Yeah, pretty much. But, you know, this place is kinda tapped out, so. Let’s roll.

Cool.

Okay. What’d you get?

A book about oceans.

Oh, really? What else? Let me see.

No, that’s uh. Porn. Pornography. Old lady… nasty… porn.

whispering Follow my lead. Hey, want some company?

Want some company?

Oh, sure. Have a seat. How were your breaks?

Oh, really good, I went to Portugal.

I went to Portugal.

Oh, wow… you went together?

No.

So, I’ve just gotta know. What’s going on with you and AJ?

Nothing really happened. I mean, I know I made a big deal about this whole New Year’s deadline, but um, it came and went… and, we’re still together.

You didn’t break up with AJ at all? I mean, not even for a week to make him buy you a present?

It just wasn’t fair of me to give him an ultimatum in the first place. The whole thing is totally my fault. But we’re going to be just fine. Just fine.

Whoa! Hold on.

I am not going back until I fulfill my resolution.

Dwight heads toward a strip club Oh, no, no, no. Uh-uh.

Come on, why not? I’ve never been in one before. I’m tired of being Mr. Perfect Role Model all the time.

I’m telling you, don’t do it. I’ve got nothing against strip clubs, but I do have something against them at noon on a Monday. The day shift at a strip club? You can’t unsee that.

Well, we can’t just go back, I mean, we came out to meet women.

Hey, there’s a roller rink across the street! There’s always chicks at the rink.

What kind of chicks are you going to meet there?

I don’t know. Single moms at a skating party. Sweet sixteen, ten year reunion parties.

Chicks fall down, need help getting back up.

Roller derby practice!

We’re going skating.

The goal of this meeting is to get everybody excited about their resolutions! Who’s been good about their resolutions so far? Erin. Tell us about it.

Well, my goal was to learn a new word every single day. And I must say that it is going immensely.

Cool! Here’s a little ‘way to go’ gift from Sabre. tosses Erin a Frisbee

Intercepted!

Hey! Gabe.

Whoops.

Creed. I noticed you don’t have a resolution on the board. What’s yours?

I want to do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not make a big deal about it. But I know everybody saw it. Just one stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.

How is it going?

I’m having a little trouble motivating.

One of the hardest parts about making resolutions is keeping them. In fact, most resolutions are abandoned by February.

Or sooner.

Yeah.

That’s not a joke.

But that’s okay. Because it’s not about being perfect, it’s about trying. In fact, why don’t we go around and confess some of the ways that we’ve fudged on some of our resolutions?

Well, I said that I would eat more vegetables, and I haven’t yet. But it’s okay. I still have time, since last year, I ate none.

Okay, well, my confession is that today I had a sip of coffee. But that’s fine.

Is it?

Yes! Because with all of your support, by this time next year maybe I’ll be down to one glass of iced tea a week.

Next year? Come-I mean, what is the point? What is the point of that? I made a resolution to floss, and I did it. 12:01, January first, BAM! Blood everywhere.

Well not all of us are Michael Freaking Scott.

What is wrong with you people? Can’t you stick to anything? Erin, I want you to go to the kitchen and get me some vegetables. Creed, you say you want to do a cartwheel? Nothing’s stopping you. Come on, old man, do a cartwheel!

Well, I can’t, I don’t know how.

You’re just gonna somersault around for the rest of your life and you know what’s going to be on your tombstone? Loser.

My tombstone’s already made, thank you.

Just do a cartwheel!

This is all I could find.

holding broccoli in front of Kevin Eat it.

You don’t have to do that, Kevin.

I don’t know. I’m glad this is happening. Thank you, Michael.

Why are you eating stem first?

This is a new food for me, how else should I eat it?

The other way.

Can I get some cheese whiz? Or hollandaise?

No. No cheese whiz, no hollandaise, no chocolate sauce, just eat it. Come on. Here comes the airplane, there you go. Open, open, into the hanger, there you go.

Oh, Michael.

Eat it. Put it in your mouth, and just eat it.

God, I hate it.

I don’t care whether you hate it! You said you’d do it!

All right!

Eat it!

You’re killing him, Michael!

All right, all right, shh!

All right, I ate the fluffy part, can I be done?

Let me see if you swallowed it, open your mouth. Under your tongue. reveals hidden broccoli, spits it out Oh, God! You guys are pathetic.

Can I get some candy, or something?

No! You can’t have any candy!

I’ll get him water.

Okay, Michael, just settle down.

imitating E.T. Holly Flax.

Yes, Michael?

imitating E.T. Not Michael, E.T.

What’s up?

Well, I just want to talk about what happened in there.

Oh, no, Michael, I don’t want to talk about it with you. I mean, I’m fine, I just… I don’t want to talk about it.

Holly, come on in. Thanks for coming. I thought there should be an HR rep here for this. So, Kevin and Creed, things got a little bit intense in the conference room.

You think?

And I wanted to apologize. These resolutions should be about you, and I made it about me, and it was none of my beeswax.

You were super mean.

It was insensitive and I am sorry.

It was traumatizing, Michael. I wouldn’t be surprised if I never ate a vegetable again.

I really wanted you to follow through on your resolutions. The cartwheel, the veggies… I… care about you. Very much. And you loom so large in my heart that I crossed the line.

Okay, Michael, no offense, but you need to get your own life.

You’re right. And I hope that we can still be friends.

I don’t think I’m there yet, Boss.

Well, I am. hugs Michael

Okay, oh! All right.

I’m going to help you.

Okay.

at the skating rinkHey, uh. It’s just you. Anything you want to hear?

Um… Dave Matthews Band. No hits! Deep tracks only.

Okay. Ants Go Marching starts playing

I said no hits!

I just feel blocked. Like I’m living, but I’m not…

Hey, Ryan.

Yeah.

How’s your fart project coming?

That’s real, real classy, Kevin. Hey, was it me or you that just shoved the butt end of a pound of broccoli into my mouth because Michael told me to?

Me.

Kevin, don’t! Come on!

Oh, Pam, soda. Caffeine!

Yeah, just a little, I have a lot to deal with today.

holding a pack of cigarettes Well, if you don’t have to do ’em…

Meredith, what are you doing? I could be pregnant!

Okay, no.

My resolution was to get more attention.

No, she’s lying.

Hey, Ryan. taps board, makes farting noise

One, two, three. does cartwheel I did it! I did a cartwheel!

bleep you! bleep you! God!

Okay, that’s it.

throws resolution board away in dumpster Lesson learned.

Sup?

Hey! Where did you go?

To the arcade.

Oh, cool.

Why, did you meet someone?

Yeah, I did actually. His name is Andy, and he roller skates like a Greek god and you know what? I kinda like hanging out with him.

Right on, son.

Gentlemen.

And where did you go?

Strip club. I was looking at the strippers at the strip club.

Right.

So, that’s it, guys? If you want, I can put on the strobe.

Yeah!

You want to keep this?

No.

Do you want to keep this?

Yup.

Do you want to keep this?

You can toss them.

My resolution? I never want to make Holly cry again. Unless it’s from laughing too hard. Or making love too beautifully.

We’re gonna be just fine. You know how you say something over and over and the words start to sound weird? Going to be just fine… just fine… just fine… just fine…

I just think we need to cool things down for awhile. Yeah, a break. At least until I get back to Nashua. Yeah, I’m sure.

Look at where you’re going to be doing the cartwheel. So look at where you’re going to be placing your hands. So pick a spot.

Mmmhm.

You ready to do this?

Yes, sir.

You know what? I’m going to stay here as long as it takes.

I really appreciate it, Boss.

It’s about you. It’s about you. Go!

I did it!

You did?

The perfect cartwheel.

Okay.

What a rush! That’s all I had to do all year.

Congratulations. All right. Well, all right. See you tomorrow.

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