Niagara - The Office (Season 6, Episode 4/5)

Jim and Pam head up to Niagara Falls for their wedding and the rest of the office follows them. Michael and Dwight seek women to hook up with while Andy pursues Erin. Kevin and Oscar meet Pam's sister Penny, who accidentally offends Oscar by thinking Kevin was his boyfriend Gil. Pam's mother Helene is visibly disturbed at the fact that Pam's father and Helene's ex-husband, William has come to the wedding with his new girlfriend who is half his own age.

Pam's grandmother, "Meemaw", or "Sylvia", is a woman of conservative morals, so everyone is told not to mention Pam's pregnancy. At the rehearsal dinner, Jim gives a moving toast to his soon-to-be wife. However, he finishes by saying that everyone but Pam will drink to the toast "for obvious reasons". Meemaw questions this remark, and after fumbling through several weak excuses Jim finally admits that Pam is pregnant. Michael tries to fix the issue by saying they had "lots of consensual sex" but ends up embarrassing himself. Meemaw then decides not to attend the wedding out of moral outrage. Michael later visits Meemaw in her hotel room. Despite his indelicate approach to the subject of sex, he establishes an instant rapport with Meemaw and convinces her to attend the wedding.

Andy hosts a dance party in his room later that night, with the office staff attending. Andy punctures his scrotum trying to do a split. The guests rouse Pam, the only sober person, to take him to the hospital. Pam reluctantly agrees, but Andy still whines throughout the drive to the hospital.

Michael and Dwight try their luck with women at the bar. Dwight, despite embarrassing both of them, is successful in getting Pam's friend Isabel to spend the night with him. Michael spends the night alone in the ice machine room, having thought the "room block" at the hotel meant pre-reserved rooms for the wedding guests and not a bulk discounted room rate and thus failed to make a reservation in advance, and couldn't convince anyone else to let him room with them; Dwight, because he failed an honesty test, Stanley, because he brought his mistress and just plain refused, while Toby willingly offered but Michael disgustedly rejected immediately.

Prior to the ceremony, Pam accidentally tears her veil and tearfully phones Jim. They meet in private, where Pam expresses shame at her appearance due to being pregnant. Pam is visibly uplifted when Jim cuts his tie in half in an effort to console her, and says she regrets inviting their families and the office staff. They run away from the church together.

While everyone in the church wonders where they went, Michael and Helene begin to bond over their failed relationships. Dwight callously rebuffs Isabel's attempts at further contact. The rest of the office staff grow impatient, bickering about their right to take their gifts back.

Jim and Pam finally return to the church after an hour with no explanation of their absence, and the ceremony begins. The guests interrupt the ceremony by recreating the dance routines featured in the JK Wedding Entrance Dance. Jim and Pam react with uncharacteristic good humor, having already been married on board the Maid of the Mist IV ferry boat by the ship's captain, below the falls. Jim explains to the camera that he had prepared the ferry marriage in advance after seeing the video, predicting the guests might imitate it.

When Kevin leaves his only pair of shoes in the care of hotel staff, the management decides to incinerate them as a health hazard, and he replaces them with Kleenex tissue boxes. The end of the episode shows Kevin soothing his feet in the ice machine. While he speaks to the camera crew, Helene is seen pulling Michael into her hotel room.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Niagara

Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m sorry. You guys have probably noticed my stomach’s a little more sensitive lately. So, if you wouldn’t mind wearing a little less perfume… and if your lunch is especially pungent, maybe have it in the break room?
We would really appreciate it.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. If she eats something the fetus doesn’t like she is screwed. It’s amazing. A three ounce fetus is calling the shots. It’s so bad ass.

Phyllis, if you could switch to a different soap, just for a month or two? Yours is kind of perfumy.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Phyllis
Now this is getting ridiculous.
Oh, gee, I’m sorry. I guess I missed the meeting where we all all voted for you to get pregnant. No! I reserve the right to peel my hard-boiled eggs at my desk.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Meredith Palmer
All morning I look forward to my afternoon cigars and I’m not stopping for anyone.

I don’t think I’m asking for too much. I guess it’s just the end of courtesy in the workplace.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Andy Bernard
Dwight peels a hard-boiled egg at his desk, sniffs it and takes a bite; Pam stares at him, picks up her trash can and pukes into it Watching people get sick always makes me sick. And… frankly so does talking about it. So… wow… Andy, Phyllis, Meredith, Erin, Oscar and Angela all proceed to throw up in various places while Creed looks on eating a bowl of noodles; Dwight stares shocked; Pam wipes her mouth with a satisfied look

standing next to a car decorated for leaving a wedding What do you think? I spent all morning on it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
It is really special.
Yeah, but aren’t you supposed to do that to our… no. It’s great.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
It’s just a really important day for me.
Well, congrats.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Thanks.

Dunder Mifflin Scranton will be closed today and Friday for a company wedding in Niagara Falls. So, please leave a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a great day.
Photo of Erin

Photo of Jim Halpert
Believe it or not, Kevin, fire crackers are in the don’t column.
So… you’re going to provide them, then?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
No. This is a fire cracker free wedding.
What the hell?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Come on. You’ve got to be kidding me.
Ok. All of these things are important to remember but the most important thing is no one say anything about my pregnancy at the wedding.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Absolutely. ‘Cause not everyone knows and some people may be offended.
Decent people everywhere will get offended.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Well, we’re thinking of my grandmother who we haven’t told and is very old-fashioned.
Well, you’re lucky you have a grandmother. Some of us have to be our own grandmothers.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Jim Halpert
That’s nice.
You know, Angela, you don’t have to come to the wedding.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Really, Pam…
Yes she does. Yes she does. We’re all gonna go and we’re gonna have a good time. hugs Angela
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Ow! He pinched me!
No.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Next time we’re all in this room Jim and I will be married.
We’ll see.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
Thank you, Dwight.
Good-bye.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
See you later. others say good-bye
And, hey, don’t embarrass me when we go to Niagara.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
What happens in Niagara, stays in Niagara. laughter
Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. You stole my joke. Don’t steal my joke.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
No… I didn’t steal your joke.
Yes. I said that yesterday.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
But you can say that about anything.
Dwight…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What happens in accounting, stays in accounting.
Oh yeah.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
No. No. No. Please, please. Dwight, that’s my joke.
It’s easy. That’s what I’m saying.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
This is what I’m talking about. When we leave here and go up to Niagara Falls we are representing Dunder Mifflin, everyone. This is a very important wedding for the branch. The most important wedding until I get married. So, I want you all on your best behavior or so help me, God. So… I will see you up there in Viagra Falls!

Pam and Jim’s wedding will be the single best pick up destination in the history of the universe.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
I stole the guest list from Jim’s desk and I search engined every female on both sides of the family.
Get out of here.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yes.
Oh, my God, Dwight.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
For instance, Pam’s cousin, Jocelyn Webster.
There’s… a name.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Two years ago she was selling a mountain bike.
Oh. Well, tell me about Jocelyn.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Well… she was really into mountain biking but not so much lately.
Ok.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
She had a couple hundred dollars to spend, I mean, if she was able to sell her bike.
Is that all you have on her?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Well, if this is in fact her because it is a very common name.
You’re an idiot.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Kevin Malone
People don’t think of me as one of the sharper dressers in the office… but I’m going ot turn that around at this wedding. I thought, how could I take it to the next level? The hair. Angela beeps her car horn. It’s the hair– beeps again. Ok. Ok. I’m going. long beep God.

in Andy’s car, Andy driving Hey, do one of you guys want to sit up front with me so I have someone to talk to? It’s like a five hour drive-ish, you know.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
This is so much cooler. We feel like wer’re in a limo and you’re our driver.
Mmm-hmm. Erin?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
Oh no. That wouldn’t be fair to leave Kelly alone in back.

Not only is Erin really sweet and cute… she smell’s like my mom.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Pam Beesley
in car Hey, my aunt told me something neat.
Yeah?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
She said everything with the wedding goes by so fast we should try to take mental pictures of the high points.
Oh, wow. That’s cool.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah.
aims imaginary camera at Pam Click. Oh, you blinked. Damn it. Now that’s in my brain forever.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh.
Lousy Picture.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
We should have hired a professional to take our mental pictures.

in car, Michael driving Oh! God! Wow! Oh. I was asleep.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What? No way!
Those glasses are super dark.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh. God.
Alright. We need some tunes, I think.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You know what? I made you a cd…
You did?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Mmm-hmm.
That was nice of you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
This is to play when you bring a woman back to your hotel room.
Oh, very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood. Delightful. Pop that in.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You’re gonna like this. Dwight’s voice on the cd “Hello. This is Dwight Schrute. If you are listening to this you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. Ah to be in your shoes. ‘What’s next?’, you’re probably wondering. Don’t be scared of you’re night in heaven–” Michael turns off cd
Are you serious? You want me to play that for a woman coming to my room?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah. It’s practical.
No. No. That’s not how it works.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
Niagara Falls used to be, like, a spiritual experience for people. They stayed in tents and it blew their minds. It’s really kitchy now, which is a lot of fun.

Halpert…
Front Desk Clerk
Photo of Jim Halpert
And Beesly. Tonight we’re in two seperate rooms and tomorrow night is the honeymoon suite.
Great.
Front Desk Clerk
Photo of Jim Halpert
I know. We’re pretty excited, too.
Can we take a look at the suite now?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Front Desk Clerk
Oh, I’m sorry. Somebody just checked in.
Oh… is there another wedding at the hotel this weekend?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Front Desk Clerk
Oh, no. Just an individual. That man over there.
Hey. I got the room the night before you guys. I’ll break in the bed. laughs
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
I don’t like that.
I’m gonna need the name and cell phone number of the housekeeper responsible for changing the sheets, please.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
Hello. Reservation for Michael Scott.
One moment while I check.
Front Desk Clerk
Photo of Dwight Schrute
The proximity to the falls makes everything smell like a basement.
Mmm-hmm.
Photo of Michael Scott
Front Desk Clerk
I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not seeing you in here. When did you make your reservation?
I don’t have a reservation but I want a room in the Halpert-Beesly block of rooms.
Photo of Michael Scott
Front Desk Clerk
Oh, ok. Unfortunately, sir, the block only applies to the rate. I’m afraid we’re all sold out.
Dwight Schrute. I have a reservation. Confirmation number: Romeo. Tango. G7745.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Front Desk Clerk
Yes. Schrute.
And I had spoken to Teresa about a room with two safes?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Front Desk Clerk
Sure. No problem.
Ok.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Front Desk Clerk
Here’s your key, Mr. Schrute.
Dwight. Dwight, Dwight. I need to stay in your room.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No way. What if I meet someone?
I’m staying in your– Come on, Dwight.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No. No.
I would do the same for you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You would?
Yes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Really?
Yes… just go–
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Wait a second. Oh. No, no, no. This must be some kind of mistake. This reservation seems to be under an M. Scott. This must be yours.
Oh. Thank God.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh no. Now that I don’t have a room, can I stay with you?
Um… no. And you know what? I would say yes but you can’t. And I’ll tell you why.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Please?
If I have a woman up there and things are getting amorous, she’s going to get turned off if she looks in he bathroom and sees you brushing your teeth with butter and clay.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Mmm-hmm.
Ok.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ok. Ok. A-ha-ha! rips reservation out of Michael’s hand That was a test. You have failed. For this is my room. You would not share with me.
I don’t have a room?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No you do not.
Ok. ‘Oooh. You must pass the dungeon wisdom test.’
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It worked.
Jerk.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
When Mary was denied a room at the inn… Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room at the inn, we don’t know what happens because that story hasn’t been told yet.

Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Hudson.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey. Stanley? Can I stay in your room tonight?
Are you crazy? I brought Cynthia with me.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Not in the same bed. In the other bed.
I got one queen size bed.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
You… are… kidding me.
A queen size bed is five feet wide. I am not five feet wide, Michael.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m not a physics major, Stanley. I’m just saying be careful. Hey, guys. Hey. Could I stay in your room tonight?
Oh. Gross.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Blow my brains out.
That’s rude.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Michael, I have one extra twin bed, if you want.
You are going to be slepping by yourself for the rest of your life, so you just get used to it.
Photo of Michael Scott

Mr. Halpert
So, which one is Pam’s grandma?
Oh, Meemaw? She’s the one in the teal suit. She’s the only 80 year old with no smile wrinkles.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Dad, remember, no mention of the baby, right?
No.
Mr. Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She’s very conservative. So, mum’s the word.
Mom, Dad. This is Michael Scott.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Mr. Halpert
Oh.
How ya doin’?
Photo of Michael Scott
Mr. Halpert
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Mr. Halpert
Nice to meet you.
Who’s doing a toast? I would like to go third. Sort of bat clean up and–
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Michael, I thought we discussed that we would rather you not speak, like, at all. Because it’s just going to be blood relatives, I think.
talking quietly, trying not to move his lipsThat is seriously going to impeed my ability to hook up with your female relatives.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Pretty sure everyone heard that.
Didn’t move my lips.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey, Meemaw.
I wasn’t sure about your branch of the family. After I heard about your parent’s divorce. But you and Jim are just perfect. God bless you.
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh. Thank you… but nobody’s perfect.
Well… I wouldn’t care to live if I thought that.
Photo of Meemaw

Photo of Jim Halpert
Mr. Beesly. How are ya?
I’d like you to meet Christy Kelly.
Mr. Beesly
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh. Is this, uh, is this your niece?
laughs No no. She’s my girlfriend. Hey? Can you make room at the head table?
Mr. Beesly

Photo of Dwight Schrute
From quarter three to quarter four up 17 percent, while his sales down two percent. It’s all in the report.
Why would they make the bad man a boss if you’re so much smarter?
Little Girl
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Excellent question. Because while I was busy trying to improve the company and make it a success, Jim… the bad man was busy kissing the boss man’s butt.
Ewwww!
Kids
Photo of Dwight Schrute
That’s right. It is ew. It is very ew.

Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister, Penny. She’s also my maid of honor.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Pleased to meet you.
I’m sorry, it’s Kevin. I thought it was Gil?
Photo of Penny
Photo of Kevin Malone
She thought I was your boyfriend.
You thought I was dating this? What the hell is wrong with you?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oscar, it was an honest mistake.
Him? Him?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
Oscar, I would be proud to date you.
I’m sorry.
Photo of Penny
Photo of Kevin Malone
I’m not gay. I’m Kevin.
Nice to meet you, Kevin.
Photo of Penny
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yes.
You owe me and apology.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Penny
I’m so sorry.
Are you seeing anyone right now?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
She has a boyfriend. He’s out of town.
Cool.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Ryan
to a girl sitting next to him I was the youngest VP in the company history.
More recently, he worked in a bowling alley. Tell her one of your funny bowling alley stories.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Ryan
Um… also–

How did Meredith get put at the young people’s table?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
She probably switched cards with someone. Like I did with Erin.
What? You’re kid– That’s– You’re–
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Isabel
Jim and Pam, I can’t tell you how happy I am to be here.
Head table, where I belong.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s just for family.
Well, who’s that one?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Isabel Poreba. Oh, I’ve got stuff on her. laughs In 1996 her tenth grade volleyball team went 10-2.
What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
That’s a very good record.

Alright, so I’ll be like, ‘You’re so sweet guys and so kind’.
Photo of Pete Halpert
Photo of Tom
That’s when I’ll do the face, like-
Like, ‘What? What?’. And then we’ll just give him a little punch in the back and–
Photo of Pete Halpert
Photo of Tom
A noogie?
You know what? Never too married for a noogie.
Photo of Pete Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
They have hilarious material and they are going to totally deliver it wrong. I would kill with the brother stuff. It should be me… up there. It should be me and Pete, not Pete and Tom.

Pam, you’ve got the greatest smile and you’re body is really fine.
Photo of Tom
Photo of Pete Halpert
Smoking.
Hoping it’ll make our wives take it up a notch.
Photo of Tom
Photo of Pete Halpert
A little mo’ cardio.
That’s not appropriate. Hello. Hi, everybody. I promised I wasn’t gonna make a toast and I’m not going to. Just going to do a little free standing comedy and if at the end everybody wants to raise their glasses to Pam and Jim, then so be it. Hey, what is the deal with the Smart Car? How smart is that? Those things are tiny. Can you even drive them in traffic? ‘I’m so smart. E=mc… squared. I drive a Smart Car.’ That’s not smart in my book. The real smart car is Kitt from Knight Rider.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Knight Rider.
That’s a car that can talk. Can Smart Car talk? Nope.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No.
That’s not smart. And also, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. no one is laughing
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Very smart.
And… you… everybody can laugh. It doesn’t have to just be the idiots. Everybody can laugh.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
No.
Yeah. Go ahead.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Alright. Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming.
Douche.
Photo of Pete Halpert
Photo of Jim Halpert
Aw, thanks, Pete. That was really nice. I just want to say how happy we are that all of you are here tonight. And I want to especially thank those of you who traveled from far away to be here with us tonight… especially the Flordia cousins who, obviously, can’t take a hint. laughter Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do… which was just to wait. Uh, don’t get me wrong. I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of my friends and family that I do know how to make a photo copy. Didn’t need your help that many times. And do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive a stick?
Like… a year.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
I’ve been driving stick since high school. So… yes. For a really long time that’s all I had. I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think even then I knew that… I was waiting for my wife. So… I would like to propose a toast. So if you’d all raise your glasses. Not Pam, for obvious reasons, but everyone else. If you would raise your glasses–
What’s obvious? Why can’t Pam drink?
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Jim Halpert
Pam can’t drink? I didn’t– I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know why I did. She can do whatever she wants, though she shouldn’t. She shouldn’t because she’s an alcoholic. Pam is an alcoholic. That’s not true. I– no. What we want– the real reason is that, that Pam’s pregnant.
clears throat Ok. Ok. Hey. What I think Jim is trying to say is that… they had an accident and you know what? These two people, they’re living together, they’re having lots of consentual sex–
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meemaw
They were living together?
Yes. Yes they were living together. Yes and you know what? You can’t expect them to be careful every time. Because, frankly, it’s just a different sensation.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Michael.
When you c– well? Am I wrong? They say it’s not different, but it’s a different sensation.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, my God. Please.
When you use something to block– I think everybody knows what I am talking about. It’s not necessarily different for the woman–
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael.
…but it’s different for the– ok. Ok.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael. Stop.
Alright. My point is I said what I wanted to say and Meemaw, I hope you heard every word.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Alright.
Jim.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
To waiting.
quiet and scattered To waiting.
Photo of Everyone

Photo of Meemaw
I should have known. The hotels television set had a movie on called “Bruno” last night. The remote control had so darn many buttons on it, I couldn’t turn it off. So I had to just sit there while it happened to me. I wondered, ‘How could they pick such a hotel?’ Hmmm. Now I know.
Meemaw.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
That was a little touch and go at first but I think we saved it.
I can’t believe it was me.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
I know. I can’t believe it was you, either. I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me.
Is there something about being a manager that makes you say stupid things?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
I have not found that to be the case.
Hey, smooth guys.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
I’m so sorry.
Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Meemaw’s not coming to the wedding. She’s leaving tomorrow morning.
Oh, my God. Are you serious?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
There’s gonna be a free room?

Hi, Meemaw. It’s Michael.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meemaw
Oh. You’re that foul guy that kept talking about intercourse.
Yes. Yep. One in the same. May I?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I am actually great with old women. In fact, for the longest time, my best friend was my grandma… and then she met Harriet and now she thinks she’s better than everybody.

I want to go to bed but I can’t. I can’t turn that television off.
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh. Ok. Well… hook you up, there. turns off tv
Oh. Thank you.
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Michael Scott
You’re welcome.
It was that horrible Charlie Rose.
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh. Isn’t he terrible? May I? Here’s the thing. Umm… Meemaw, I think you just need to chill out about this whole Pam getting pregnant thing. It’s not 1890 anymore. It’s modern day. And women have sex before marriage and I think we need to celebrate that. And I know in your day she would be considered a whore but, now, women go out and they have sex and they get wild and they take their tops off and they have pictures taken of them and we need to encouage them. That’s part of life.
People are like cats and dogs these days.
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Michael Scott
Exactly.
This used to be such a great country.
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Michael Scott
I know.
I don’t know what happened to it.
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Michael Scott
They’re gonna name the baby after you, you know. They’re gonna call it Meemaw.
You mean, Sylvia.
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes, and if it’s a boy they will call it Sylvio.

Partay. Room 639.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yes!
Chicks are gonna be off the hook. Guys, too, Oscar. Like Calvin Klein models.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
That sounds epic. Can we bring anything?
Nothing. Except $40 for beer and any hot chicks you know. ‘Cause that would help me deliver on some promises I made. Woo!
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Andy Bernard
No one from the office has been to a real Bernard throw down.

If I was girl, I would seriously reconsdier coming to this party. But don’t tell anyone that I said that, ’cause I want them to come.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Angela Martin
And where do you think you’re going?
I was just going to go down to the hotel bar for a little bit.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Well, why don’t I just save you some time and kick you in the stomach instead?
I just wanted to get out of my room for a little while.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Mmm-hmm. Ok. I’ll go with you. Come on.
sighs Nevermind.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
It’ll be fun.
No.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
What are you wearing?
What? It’s a casual, social outfit.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Looks like you’re going to a fish fry, Dwight.
No. They’re howling at the moon. It’s suggestive to women because of the howling during sex.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok. Dwight howls That’s not appropriate. Dwight continues howling Uncool. Uncool, Dwight. they both howl Ok. Ok. Come on. Let’s go. both howl as they exit

It’s a good idea.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
It’s not a good idea. There’s no such thing as a good hairpiece.
Yeah. But that’s easy enough for you to say, Oscar. You have that thick, beautiful, Chicano hair. So nice.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Dwight Schrute
I’m just worried about the farm, ya know? Mose hates to geld the horses by himself.
Dwight, Dwight. Shut up about the farm. It’s not relatable. Nobody owns a farm.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Isabel
Wait. You’re worried about your horses? That’s cool. How many horses do you have?
Nine and three-quarters.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
I invented a device called ‘Burger on the Go’. It allows you to obtain 6 regular size hamburgers, or 12 sliders, from a horse without killing the animal. George Foreman is still considering it. Sharper Image is still considering it. Sky Mall’s considering it. Hammacher Schlemer is still considering it. Sears said, ‘No’.

talking to an attractive woman Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Up. I ball the entire time. I can not watch Pixar.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Michael.
Yes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Drop this one. Abort.
Why?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I found twins.
Oh, my God. Twins. I’m sorry. You understand. Nice to meet you.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Aren’t they magnificent?
They’re men, Dwight.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I love finding a good set of twins.
Something is wrong with you.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Erin
everyone is dancing Go Meredith. Nice moves.
You call that a robot? Try being more robotic, ok? Like this.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Lame! What else you got, Andy?
How about a little bit of this.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
Oh yeah. What else you got?
What else you got?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Andy Bernard
Did someone change my name to Baskin Robbin? Because I feel like a banana split. Woo! Andy does a split and screams out in pain
What else you got?
Photo of Erin

Photo of Kevin Malone
It’s gonna be fine. It’s gonna be fine. Pam’s here. knocks on Pam’s door Pam? knocks again
I was dancing and I did a split and I landed on my car keys in my pocket.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Pam Beesley
What?
I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Pam Beesley
Andy, I am getting married in 8 hours.
Everyone else is too drunk. Just don’t let me die here.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Pam Beesley
on the phone Hey, hey! Where are you? Can you take Andy to the hospital?
over phone What?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
He tore his scrotum dancing.
over phone What?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
He is in my room icing his balls.
over phone What?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Please stop saying what. Can you take him?
Look, I would so take him in any other circumstance, but I’m pretty certain I’m completely wasted.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Your brothers took you out drinking?
Uh…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
over phone Is that Pam? Hey, have her come out! Have her come out! It would be like Coyote Ugly.
That’s Michael. You’re out with Michael?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
over phone And Dwight.
over phone Hey-O!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Pam, it just happened.
Okay, fine. I’ll take him.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
I love you. Okay, I gotta–I gotta go!
over phone I love you! laughs
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Are you pushing me off the phone?
No. Let’s talk for a long time.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Goodbye. hangs up phone

Mmm! It’s after midnight. points at Jim
Photo of Michael Scott
Michael and Dwight
You’re married. hugs Jim He’s married!
Congratulations.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
That’s not how that works.
Oh my goodness.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh my God. You’re not going to be able to talk back.
You’ll have Pam to answer to.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
She’ll be sitting home saying, “Jim… take the baby to the zoo cause I want to sit at home and eat bon-bons.” Dwight laughs “And… and clip my toenails.”
“Jim… hey why don’t you braid my hair. I want to watch TV.”
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Now you sound like Kermit.

Are you sure this is the right way?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Pam Beesley
Nope. I, like you, have never been here before.
Well, at least slow down a little bit because every little bump in the road is major pain on… my scrotum.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Pam Beesley
Look, I’m not the one who asked you to do a split when you’ve never done one before.
I was trying to liven things up a little bit. I was kinda doing your job so–
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Pam Beesley
My job? My job is to get married in the morning. That’s my job.
Well it’s also to make sure that we have a great time at your stupid wedding, so–
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Andy Bernard
Pam swerves the car back and forth Ow, ow!

snickers I spent the night with the bride the night before the wedding. Ah yeah. She stepped on my hand on her way to the bathroom.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Pam Beesley
Andy, did I dream that you were crying through the night?
No. No that was real.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Michael Scott
folding his pants on top of the ice machine, man walks in with ice bucket Why don’t you take a picture. It’ll last longer. God. Can’t I get a little privacy?

Kevin rings bell at the front desk Good morning. How can I help you?
Hotel Employee
Photo of Kevin Malone
I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night to be cleaned at polished, but they haven’t been returned yet.
You must be Mr. Malone. One moment please.
Hotel Employee
Photo of Kevin Malone
Thank you.
whispers to manager Sir. It’s the man with the shoes.
Hotel Employee
Hotel Manager
Mr. Malone. Your shoes are gone.
They were stolen?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Hotel Manager
No. Destroyed.
What?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Hotel Manager
The bag was opened by our shoe shine and the smell overcame him. I too smelled them and made the choice that they must be thrown away. Incinerated actually.
But that was my only pair of shoes.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Hotel Manager
It became a safety issue, sir.
Well… well damn-it.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Hotel Employee
I can offer you a complimentary breakfast.
Okay.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Dwight Schrute
walking out of hotel room with a woman You have everything?
Hmm-hmm.
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Cell phone? Charger?
Yeah. So you sure you don’t want breakfast? It’s the most important meal of the day.
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It really is. I’m not hungry. I ate a whole bunch of sunflower seeds after you went to sleep. And besides, I wouldn’t want to take you away from Pam on the morning of her wedding. She needs you Isabel.
That’s really sweet, Dwight. So I’ll see you at the wedding?
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You know it.
K. they kiss
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Okay, get out of here.
Bye.
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Okay.
passes Isabel Hey, good morning. to Dwight It’s about damn time. I haven’t gone to the bathroom in a day and a half. walks into hotel room Oh my God, Dwight. This room is a pit.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
lays on bed Really? I hadn’t noticed. Too busy knocking boots.

watching Dwight eat breakfast How can you eat like that?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I’m ravenous after a night of love making. You?
Yeah, I’m hungry, but I’m not going to make a pig out of myself.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey, what was she like?
She was cute. You know? She was hot. She was very hot. She made love like a tiger.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Brides side or grooms side? Or townie?
She was from Europe.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No kidding.
Uh-huh.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I bet she had hairy armpits.
No.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Isabel was nice, but I hope she doesn’t think this is going anywhere.
Wait a second. You’re not into her? Are you kidding me?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No.
She’s Pam’s best friend. You guys could double date. Swap maybe?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh please. Put a gun in my mouth.
No… you’re crazy.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Look. She’s a dental hygienist from Carbondale and she makes love like one. She’s a bumpkin. Pass.
She’s– okay. Do you know how hard it is to be a hygienist? You have to take x-rays. You have to scrape the plaque off of people’s teeth. You have to tell kids when to spit and make sure they’re not scared when the dentist comes in. It– it–
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You should ask her out.
stands up and walks away I already have my European girlfriend.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Stanley Hudson
If your hat hits me in the face one more time–
That’s funny. Your wife loved this hat the last time she saw it. glares at Stanley’s date
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Angela Martin
sees Kevin’s toupee Oh my God.
Oh…
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
Oscar. Angela.

Are you in a lot of pain?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Oh cause of last night? No way. Reports have been exaggerated. Weddings make me very emotional. I um–I just have that side to me.
People say you cry all the time.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Well that’s not–
Crotch injuries are the worst. You don’t need to tell me.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Andy Bernard
I wasn’t telling you.
Is there still something there?
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Andy Bernard
Excuse me?
It didn’t get torn off?
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Andy Bernard
No, it didn’t–nothing got torn off. Who told you that?

I may have told some people that. I’m nervous. I’m about to get married.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Erin
If you want to sit on this– hands Andy her wrap I was thinking the wood might be too hard on your damaged penis. Make it softer.
It was my scrotum. Um, and it was. Thank you.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, here we go. They asked for cash, but you know… I give them cash every week, so– how much cash does a person need? I have taken it upon myself to do something a little more special. I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. holds up painting And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me.

I got them a set of turtle boiling pots, a shell hammer and bibs.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Penny
Is it zipping over your belly? Don’t squish the baby.
Thank you weirdo.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Helene
everybody see Kristie’s stupid blonde extensions? It’s like they were made from a plastic broom.
Okay, here I come. walks out in her wedding dress
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Helene
Oh darling! You look beautiful.
Thanks mom.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Helene
Oh, I hope he deserves you.
He does.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Helene
Are you sure? Remember you don’t have to do this. You don’t.
Mom, you’re totally projecting. You’re being a drag.
Photo of Penny
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yes. Thank you, mom.
Hey, I’m going to go outside and talk to Dwight.
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Pam Beesley
Okay great. Isabel kisses her cheek Yeah, I’ll see you in a second. pauses Wait, what? tries to follow, but veil gets caught on wall and tears Oh! Oh no!

answers cell phone Hey!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Can you come here please?
Is this allowed?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
No. No, but I’m allowing it. Just come here.

talking to a woman That was an intelligent comment.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Isabel
Hello stranger. How do I look?
Oh. Fine. Isabel, holds out hand nice to see you. What do you want?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Isabel
Um… shakes head nothing. Anymore.
turns back to other woman So, uh tell me again the difference between Filene’s and Filene’s basement.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
to Isabel Hey, hey… He’s not sitting with me either. Where are you sitting? You need a seat buddy?
I’m standing. I’m a bridesmaid.
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, I wish I was a bridesmaid. Where am I gonna go?

Hey.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Wow. You look–
Terrible.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
So beautiful. Pam’s starts to cry. Jim pulls up chair to sit next to her Hey–
My veil tore. I knew when we were getting married and I’m five months pregnant that I’m not going to be able to wear the dress that I always wanted or high heels–
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
takes her hand Hey. You look just as I imagined you would. Pam, you’re so pretty.
sighs Thank you.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
And who cares? It’s a stupid veil, right?
No, this was the one thing I was supposed to be able to control, was this veil and– Jim cuts off half his tie
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
There. Now we’re even. Pam laughs and mimes taking a picture, they kiss
sighs Everyone’s driving me crazy. I know way too much about Andy’s scrotum. Jim chuckles And my mom won’t stop freaking out about my dad’s new girlfriend. sighs This is supposed to be our wedding day. Why did we invite all these people?
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Phyllis
I think Pam ran away because she knew deep down she wouldn’t be a good wife.
Yes.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Oscar Martinez
to Kevin who is bouncing up and down What are you doing?
I’m trying to decide if I have time to pee.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
How long do you take to pee?
The peeing is fast, Oscar. It’s getting my tie back on.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Michael Scott
to Helene Hey. Hi. Do you–would you have a snack in your purse? You’re a mom. I just figured you might have–
Oh, yeah–hands Michael a snack
Photo of Helene
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh! Eww… apricot. Do you have any of the Very Berry or Ocean Splash or–
No.
Photo of Helene
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh… okay. Were you saving it?
Oh, no, no, no. That’s okay. I was just–I’ve had a very rough weekend.
Photo of Helene
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m sorry. puts food in his mouth Ugh. Apricot. Made of real apes.

Do you think they canceled the wedding?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Angela Martin
Relax. You’ll get your shot at Jim. Those two treat the whole office like a 1970’s key party.

my weekend was bad so far.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Helene
Oh–
I came here hoping to meet somebody. You know, as you do at weddings. End up going to sleep by the vending machine. It was loud, but it was warm.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Helene
Oh that sounds awful.
And… and the love of my life is dating somebody else.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Helene
Oh–
It is a terrible year for love.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Helene
Yeah. Guess it is.
I’m thinking about having my sperm frozen.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Tom
Excuse me, are you Michael Scott?
Um, yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Tom
Heard you might have a whoopee cushion on you.
Sisters in the can and we totally want to get her when she comes back.
Photo of Pete Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, wow. That sounds hilarious. I do actually. pulls whoopee cushion out of pocket and hands it to them There you go. Use it in good health.
laughing Yes!
Tom and Pete

Photo of Meredith Palmer
Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What is the etiquette on taking the gifts? Can you only take your own back or is it a whatever you can carry type of thing?
Anyone have anything they want to trade for a toaster?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Kevin Malone
Oh, oh, does it have slots for hot dogs?
No.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Kevin Malone
Who would want it?
Guys, maybe we should wait a little more time before we start grabbing boxes.
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Toby.
What?
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I’d like to lodge a formal complaint against Jim for making us wait for over an hour.
sighs
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Dwight Schrute
looks over and sees hole in his present Crap. sees turtle on the ground, goes over and picks it up Come here you.
Well I guess this weddings not going to happen. I wonder if this is it for them. Jim and Pam walk in laughing
Photo of Toby Flenderson

Pam’s dad
Hey. What happened?
Where were you guys? Do you know how long I’ve been waiting here?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
Well we are here now, so let’s just–
walks up Yes! Yes! I have so much joy… in my heart… right now. How do I look?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
You look great.
You look great.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Tom
looks at Jim’s cut tie Wear a tie much?

music starts playing and people start dancing down the isle I begged them not to.
Photo of Penny
Photo of Pam Beesley
Mm-hmm.
I know you specifically put this song on your Do Not Play list.
Photo of Penny
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yes I did.
I’m sorry.
Photo of Penny
Photo of Pam Beesley
smiles Go ahead. I think it’s your turn.
Wait, what happened? You’re okay with this?
Photo of Penny
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah, I’m okay.
Okay then! takes flower girl to dance down the isle
Photo of Penny
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey Pam, did you see this? It was on You Tube.
Saw it.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Jim Halpert
I bought those boat tickets the day I saw that You Tube video. I knew we’d need a back-up plan. The boat was actually Plan C. The church was Plan B and Plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.

What an awesome party. The best wedding I’ve ever been too. I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number. This was epic. My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece, but man my dogs are barking. sticks his feet into the hotel ice machine Whoo. My feet were so sweaty I can’t even feel the cold. What a lovely hotel.
Photo of Kevin Malone

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