Niagara - The Office (Season 6, Episode 4/5)

Jim and Pam head up to Niagara Falls for their wedding and the rest of the office follows them. Michael and Dwight seek women to hook up with while Andy pursues Erin. Kevin and Oscar meet Pam's sister Penny, who accidentally offends Oscar by thinking Kevin was his boyfriend Gil. Pam's mother Helene is visibly disturbed at the fact that Pam's father and Helene's ex-husband, William has come to the wedding with his new girlfriend who is half his own age.

Pam's grandmother, "Meemaw", or "Sylvia", is a woman of conservative morals, so everyone is told not to mention Pam's pregnancy. At the rehearsal dinner, Jim gives a moving toast to his soon-to-be wife. However, he finishes by saying that everyone but Pam will drink to the toast "for obvious reasons". Meemaw questions this remark, and after fumbling through several weak excuses Jim finally admits that Pam is pregnant. Michael tries to fix the issue by saying they had "lots of consensual sex" but ends up embarrassing himself. Meemaw then decides not to attend the wedding out of moral outrage. Michael later visits Meemaw in her hotel room. Despite his indelicate approach to the subject of sex, he establishes an instant rapport with Meemaw and convinces her to attend the wedding.

Andy hosts a dance party in his room later that night, with the office staff attending. Andy punctures his scrotum trying to do a split. The guests rouse Pam, the only sober person, to take him to the hospital. Pam reluctantly agrees, but Andy still whines throughout the drive to the hospital.

Michael and Dwight try their luck with women at the bar. Dwight, despite embarrassing both of them, is successful in getting Pam's friend Isabel to spend the night with him. Michael spends the night alone in the ice machine room, having thought the "room block" at the hotel meant pre-reserved rooms for the wedding guests and not a bulk discounted room rate and thus failed to make a reservation in advance, and couldn't convince anyone else to let him room with them; Dwight, because he failed an honesty test, Stanley, because he brought his mistress and just plain refused, while Toby willingly offered but Michael disgustedly rejected immediately.

Prior to the ceremony, Pam accidentally tears her veil and tearfully phones Jim. They meet in private, where Pam expresses shame at her appearance due to being pregnant. Pam is visibly uplifted when Jim cuts his tie in half in an effort to console her, and says she regrets inviting their families and the office staff. They run away from the church together.

While everyone in the church wonders where they went, Michael and Helene begin to bond over their failed relationships. Dwight callously rebuffs Isabel's attempts at further contact. The rest of the office staff grow impatient, bickering about their right to take their gifts back.

Jim and Pam finally return to the church after an hour with no explanation of their absence, and the ceremony begins. The guests interrupt the ceremony by recreating the dance routines featured in the JK Wedding Entrance Dance. Jim and Pam react with uncharacteristic good humor, having already been married on board the Maid of the Mist IV ferry boat by the ship's captain, below the falls. Jim explains to the camera that he had prepared the ferry marriage in advance after seeing the video, predicting the guests might imitate it.

When Kevin leaves his only pair of shoes in the care of hotel staff, the management decides to incinerate them as a health hazard, and he replaces them with Kleenex tissue boxes. The end of the episode shows Kevin soothing his feet in the ice machine. While he speaks to the camera crew, Helene is seen pulling Michael into her hotel room.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Niagara

I’m sorry. You guys have probably noticed my stomach’s a little more sensitive lately. So, if you wouldn’t mind wearing a little less perfume… and if your lunch is especially pungent, maybe have it in the break room?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
We would really appreciate it.

Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. If she eats something the fetus doesn’t like she is screwed. It’s amazing. A three ounce fetus is calling the shots. It’s so bad ass.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Pam Beesley
Phyllis, if you could switch to a different soap, just for a month or two? Yours is kind of perfumy.
Now this is getting ridiculous.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh, gee, I’m sorry. I guess I missed the meeting where we all all voted for you to get pregnant. No! I reserve the right to peel my hard-boiled eggs at my desk.
All morning I look forward to my afternoon cigars and I’m not stopping for anyone.
Photo of Meredith Palmer

Photo of Pam Beesley
I don’t think I’m asking for too much. I guess it’s just the end of courtesy in the workplace.

Dwight peels a hard-boiled egg at his desk, sniffs it and takes a bite; Pam stares at him, picks up her trash can and pukes into it Watching people get sick always makes me sick. And… frankly so does talking about it. So… wow… Andy, Phyllis, Meredith, Erin, Oscar and Angela all proceed to throw up in various places while Creed looks on eating a bowl of noodles; Dwight stares shocked; Pam wipes her mouth with a satisfied look
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Michael Scott
standing next to a car decorated for leaving a wedding What do you think? I spent all morning on it.
It is really special.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah, but aren’t you supposed to do that to our… no. It’s great.
It’s just a really important day for me.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Well, congrats.
Thanks.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Erin
Dunder Mifflin Scranton will be closed today and Friday for a company wedding in Niagara Falls. So, please leave a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a great day.

Believe it or not, Kevin, fire crackers are in the don’t column.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
So… you’re going to provide them, then?
No. This is a fire cracker free wedding.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
What the hell?
Come on. You’ve got to be kidding me.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
Ok. All of these things are important to remember but the most important thing is no one say anything about my pregnancy at the wedding.
Absolutely. ‘Cause not everyone knows and some people may be offended.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Angela Martin
Decent people everywhere will get offended.
Well, we’re thinking of my grandmother who we haven’t told and is very old-fashioned.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Well, you’re lucky you have a grandmother. Some of us have to be our own grandmothers.
That’s nice.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
You know, Angela, you don’t have to come to the wedding.
Really, Pam…
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes she does. Yes she does. We’re all gonna go and we’re gonna have a good time. hugs Angela
Ow! He pinched me!
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
No.
Next time we’re all in this room Jim and I will be married.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
We’ll see.
Thank you, Dwight.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Good-bye.
See you later. others say good-bye
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
And, hey, don’t embarrass me when we go to Niagara.
What happens in Niagara, stays in Niagara. laughter
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. You stole my joke. Don’t steal my joke.
No… I didn’t steal your joke.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes. I said that yesterday.
But you can say that about anything.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight…
What happens in accounting, stays in accounting.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Kevin Malone
Oh yeah.
No. No. No. Please, please. Dwight, that’s my joke.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s easy. That’s what I’m saying.
This is what I’m talking about. When we leave here and go up to Niagara Falls we are representing Dunder Mifflin, everyone. This is a very important wedding for the branch. The most important wedding until I get married. So, I want you all on your best behavior or so help me, God. So… I will see you up there in Viagra Falls!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Pam and Jim’s wedding will be the single best pick up destination in the history of the universe.

I stole the guest list from Jim’s desk and I search engined every female on both sides of the family.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Get out of here.
Yes.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, my God, Dwight.
For instance, Pam’s cousin, Jocelyn Webster.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
There’s… a name.
Two years ago she was selling a mountain bike.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh. Well, tell me about Jocelyn.
Well… she was really into mountain biking but not so much lately.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok.
She had a couple hundred dollars to spend, I mean, if she was able to sell her bike.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Is that all you have on her?
Well, if this is in fact her because it is a very common name.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
You’re an idiot.

People don’t think of me as one of the sharper dressers in the office… but I’m going ot turn that around at this wedding. I thought, how could I take it to the next level? The hair. Angela beeps her car horn. It’s the hair– beeps again. Ok. Ok. I’m going. long beep God.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Andy Bernard
in Andy’s car, Andy driving Hey, do one of you guys want to sit up front with me so I have someone to talk to? It’s like a five hour drive-ish, you know.
This is so much cooler. We feel like wer’re in a limo and you’re our driver.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Andy Bernard
Mmm-hmm. Erin?
Oh no. That wouldn’t be fair to leave Kelly alone in back.
Photo of Erin

Photo of Andy Bernard
Not only is Erin really sweet and cute… she smell’s like my mom.

in car Hey, my aunt told me something neat.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah?
She said everything with the wedding goes by so fast we should try to take mental pictures of the high points.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, wow. That’s cool.
Yeah.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
aims imaginary camera at Pam Click. Oh, you blinked. Damn it. Now that’s in my brain forever.
Oh.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Lousy Picture.
We should have hired a professional to take our mental pictures.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
in car, Michael driving Oh! God! Wow! Oh. I was asleep.
What? No way!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Those glasses are super dark.
Oh. God.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Alright. We need some tunes, I think.
You know what? I made you a cd…
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
You did?
Mmm-hmm.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
That was nice of you.
This is to play when you bring a woman back to your hotel room.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood. Delightful. Pop that in.
You’re gonna like this. Dwight’s voice on the cd “Hello. This is Dwight Schrute. If you are listening to this you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. Ah to be in your shoes. ‘What’s next?’, you’re probably wondering. Don’t be scared of you’re night in heaven–” Michael turns off cd
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Are you serious? You want me to play that for a woman coming to my room?
Yeah. It’s practical.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No. No. That’s not how it works.

Niagara Falls used to be, like, a spiritual experience for people. They stayed in tents and it blew their minds. It’s really kitchy now, which is a lot of fun.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Front Desk Clerk
Halpert…
And Beesly. Tonight we’re in two seperate rooms and tomorrow night is the honeymoon suite.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Front Desk Clerk
Great.
I know. We’re pretty excited, too.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Can we take a look at the suite now?
Oh, I’m sorry. Somebody just checked in.
Front Desk Clerk
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh… is there another wedding at the hotel this weekend?
Oh, no. Just an individual. That man over there.
Front Desk Clerk
Photo of Andy Bernard
Hey. I got the room the night before you guys. I’ll break in the bed. laughs
I don’t like that.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m gonna need the name and cell phone number of the housekeeper responsible for changing the sheets, please.

Hello. Reservation for Michael Scott.
Photo of Michael Scott
Front Desk Clerk
One moment while I check.
The proximity to the falls makes everything smell like a basement.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Mmm-hmm.
I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not seeing you in here. When did you make your reservation?
Front Desk Clerk
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t have a reservation but I want a room in the Halpert-Beesly block of rooms.
Oh, ok. Unfortunately, sir, the block only applies to the rate. I’m afraid we’re all sold out.
Front Desk Clerk
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Dwight Schrute. I have a reservation. Confirmation number: Romeo. Tango. G7745.
Yes. Schrute.
Front Desk Clerk
Photo of Dwight Schrute
And I had spoken to Teresa about a room with two safes?
Sure. No problem.
Front Desk Clerk
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ok.
Here’s your key, Mr. Schrute.
Front Desk Clerk
Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight. Dwight, Dwight. I need to stay in your room.
No way. What if I meet someone?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m staying in your– Come on, Dwight.
No. No.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I would do the same for you.
You would?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes.
Really?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes… just go–
Wait a second. Oh. No, no, no. This must be some kind of mistake. This reservation seems to be under an M. Scott. This must be yours.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh. Thank God.
Oh no. Now that I don’t have a room, can I stay with you?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Um… no. And you know what? I would say yes but you can’t. And I’ll tell you why.
Please?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
If I have a woman up there and things are getting amorous, she’s going to get turned off if she looks in he bathroom and sees you brushing your teeth with butter and clay.
Mmm-hmm.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok.
Ok. Ok. A-ha-ha! rips reservation out of Michael’s hand That was a test. You have failed. For this is my room. You would not share with me.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t have a room?
No you do not.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok. ‘Oooh. You must pass the dungeon wisdom test.’
It worked.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Jerk.

When Mary was denied a room at the inn… Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room at the inn, we don’t know what happens because that story hasn’t been told yet.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Stanley Hudson
Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Hudson.
Hey. Stanley? Can I stay in your room tonight?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Are you crazy? I brought Cynthia with me.
Not in the same bed. In the other bed.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
I got one queen size bed.
You… are… kidding me.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
A queen size bed is five feet wide. I am not five feet wide, Michael.
I’m not a physics major, Stanley. I’m just saying be careful. Hey, guys. Hey. Could I stay in your room tonight?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Erin
Oh. Gross.
Blow my brains out.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s rude.
Michael, I have one extra twin bed, if you want.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Michael Scott
You are going to be slepping by yourself for the rest of your life, so you just get used to it.

So, which one is Pam’s grandma?
Mr. Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, Meemaw? She’s the one in the teal suit. She’s the only 80 year old with no smile wrinkles.
Dad, remember, no mention of the baby, right?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Mr. Halpert
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She’s very conservative. So, mum’s the word.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Mom, Dad. This is Michael Scott.
Oh.
Mr. Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
How ya doin’?
Hi.
Mr. Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Mr. Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Who’s doing a toast? I would like to go third. Sort of bat clean up and–
Michael, I thought we discussed that we would rather you not speak, like, at all. Because it’s just going to be blood relatives, I think.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
talking quietly, trying not to move his lipsThat is seriously going to impeed my ability to hook up with your female relatives.
Pretty sure everyone heard that.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Didn’t move my lips.

Hey, Meemaw.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Meemaw
I wasn’t sure about your branch of the family. After I heard about your parent’s divorce. But you and Jim are just perfect. God bless you.
Oh. Thank you… but nobody’s perfect.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Meemaw
Well… I wouldn’t care to live if I thought that.

Mr. Beesly. How are ya?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Mr. Beesly
I’d like you to meet Christy Kelly.
Oh. Is this, uh, is this your niece?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Mr. Beesly
laughs No no. She’s my girlfriend. Hey? Can you make room at the head table?

From quarter three to quarter four up 17 percent, while his sales down two percent. It’s all in the report.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Little Girl
Why would they make the bad man a boss if you’re so much smarter?
Excellent question. Because while I was busy trying to improve the company and make it a success, Jim… the bad man was busy kissing the boss man’s butt.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Kids
Ewwww!
That’s right. It is ew. It is very ew.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Pam Beesley
Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister, Penny. She’s also my maid of honor.
Pleased to meet you.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Penny
I’m sorry, it’s Kevin. I thought it was Gil?
She thought I was your boyfriend.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
You thought I was dating this? What the hell is wrong with you?
Oscar, it was an honest mistake.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Him? Him?
Oscar, I would be proud to date you.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Penny
I’m sorry.
I’m not gay. I’m Kevin.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Penny
Nice to meet you, Kevin.
Yes.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
You owe me and apology.
I’m so sorry.
Photo of Penny
Photo of Kevin Malone
Are you seeing anyone right now?
She has a boyfriend. He’s out of town.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kevin Malone
Cool.

to a girl sitting next to him I was the youngest VP in the company history.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Meredith Palmer
More recently, he worked in a bowling alley. Tell her one of your funny bowling alley stories.
Um… also–
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Andy Bernard
How did Meredith get put at the young people’s table?
She probably switched cards with someone. Like I did with Erin.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Andy Bernard
What? You’re kid– That’s– You’re–

Jim and Pam, I can’t tell you how happy I am to be here.
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Michael Scott
Head table, where I belong.
It’s just for family.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, who’s that one?
Isabel Poreba. Oh, I’ve got stuff on her. laughs In 1996 her tenth grade volleyball team went 10-2.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight?
That’s a very good record.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Pete Halpert
Alright, so I’ll be like, ‘You’re so sweet guys and so kind’.
That’s when I’ll do the face, like-
Photo of Tom
Photo of Pete Halpert
Like, ‘What? What?’. And then we’ll just give him a little punch in the back and–
A noogie?
Photo of Tom
Photo of Pete Halpert
You know what? Never too married for a noogie.

They have hilarious material and they are going to totally deliver it wrong. I would kill with the brother stuff. It should be me… up there. It should be me and Pete, not Pete and Tom.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Tom
Pam, you’ve got the greatest smile and you’re body is really fine.
Smoking.
Photo of Pete Halpert
Photo of Tom
Hoping it’ll make our wives take it up a notch.
A little mo’ cardio.
Photo of Pete Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s not appropriate. Hello. Hi, everybody. I promised I wasn’t gonna make a toast and I’m not going to. Just going to do a little free standing comedy and if at the end everybody wants to raise their glasses to Pam and Jim, then so be it. Hey, what is the deal with the Smart Car? How smart is that? Those things are tiny. Can you even drive them in traffic? ‘I’m so smart. E=mc… squared. I drive a Smart Car.’ That’s not smart in my book. The real smart car is Kitt from Knight Rider.
Knight Rider.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s a car that can talk. Can Smart Car talk? Nope.
No.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s not smart. And also, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. no one is laughing
Very smart.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
And… you… everybody can laugh. It doesn’t have to just be the idiots. Everybody can laugh.
No.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah. Go ahead.
Alright. Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pete Halpert
Douche.
Aw, thanks, Pete. That was really nice. I just want to say how happy we are that all of you are here tonight. And I want to especially thank those of you who traveled from far away to be here with us tonight… especially the Flordia cousins who, obviously, can’t take a hint. laughter Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do… which was just to wait. Uh, don’t get me wrong. I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of my friends and family that I do know how to make a photo copy. Didn’t need your help that many times. And do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive a stick?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Like… a year.
I’ve been driving stick since high school. So… yes. For a really long time that’s all I had. I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think even then I knew that… I was waiting for my wife. So… I would like to propose a toast. So if you’d all raise your glasses. Not Pam, for obvious reasons, but everyone else. If you would raise your glasses–
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Meemaw
What’s obvious? Why can’t Pam drink?
Pam can’t drink? I didn’t– I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know why I did. She can do whatever she wants, though she shouldn’t. She shouldn’t because she’s an alcoholic. Pam is an alcoholic. That’s not true. I– no. What we want– the real reason is that, that Pam’s pregnant.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
clears throat Ok. Ok. Hey. What I think Jim is trying to say is that… they had an accident and you know what? These two people, they’re living together, they’re having lots of consentual sex–
They were living together?
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes. Yes they were living together. Yes and you know what? You can’t expect them to be careful every time. Because, frankly, it’s just a different sensation.
Michael.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
When you c– well? Am I wrong? They say it’s not different, but it’s a different sensation.
Oh, my God. Please.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
When you use something to block– I think everybody knows what I am talking about. It’s not necessarily different for the woman–
Michael.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
…but it’s different for the– ok. Ok.
Michael. Stop.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Alright. My point is I said what I wanted to say and Meemaw, I hope you heard every word.
Alright.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Jim.
To waiting.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Everyone
quiet and scattered To waiting.

I should have known. The hotels television set had a movie on called “Bruno” last night. The remote control had so darn many buttons on it, I couldn’t turn it off. So I had to just sit there while it happened to me. I wondered, ‘How could they pick such a hotel?’ Hmmm. Now I know.
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Pam Beesley
Meemaw.

That was a little touch and go at first but I think we saved it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I can’t believe it was me.
I know. I can’t believe it was you, either. I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Is there something about being a manager that makes you say stupid things?
I have not found that to be the case.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey, smooth guys.
I’m so sorry.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me.
Meemaw’s not coming to the wedding. She’s leaving tomorrow morning.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, my God. Are you serious?
There’s gonna be a free room?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Hi, Meemaw. It’s Michael.
Oh. You’re that foul guy that kept talking about intercourse.
Photo of Meemaw
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes. Yep. One in the same. May I?

I am actually great with old women. In fact, for the longest time, my best friend was my grandma… and then she met Harriet and now she thinks she’s better than everybody.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Meemaw
I want to go to bed but I can’t. I can’t turn that television off.
Oh. Ok. Well… hook you up, there. turns off tv
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meemaw
Oh. Thank you.
You’re welcome.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meemaw
It was that horrible Charlie Rose.
Oh. Isn’t he terrible? May I? Here’s the thing. Umm… Meemaw, I think you just need to chill out about this whole Pam getting pregnant thing. It’s not 1890 anymore. It’s modern day. And women have sex before marriage and I think we need to celebrate that. And I know in your day she would be considered a whore but, now, women go out and they have sex and they get wild and they take their tops off and they have pictures taken of them and we need to encouage them. That’s part of life.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meemaw
People are like cats and dogs these days.
Exactly.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meemaw
This used to be such a great country.
I know.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meemaw
I don’t know what happened to it.
They’re gonna name the baby after you, you know. They’re gonna call it Meemaw.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meemaw
You mean, Sylvia.
Yes, and if it’s a boy they will call it Sylvio.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
Partay. Room 639.
Yes!
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Andy Bernard
Chicks are gonna be off the hook. Guys, too, Oscar. Like Calvin Klein models.
That sounds epic. Can we bring anything?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Andy Bernard
Nothing. Except $40 for beer and any hot chicks you know. ‘Cause that would help me deliver on some promises I made. Woo!

No one from the office has been to a real Bernard throw down.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Andy Bernard
If I was girl, I would seriously reconsdier coming to this party. But don’t tell anyone that I said that, ’cause I want them to come.

And where do you think you’re going?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
I was just going to go down to the hotel bar for a little bit.
Well, why don’t I just save you some time and kick you in the stomach instead?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
I just wanted to get out of my room for a little while.
Mmm-hmm. Ok. I’ll go with you. Come on.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
sighs Nevermind.
Are you sure?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah.
It’ll be fun.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
No.

What are you wearing?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What? It’s a casual, social outfit.
Looks like you’re going to a fish fry, Dwight.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No. They’re howling at the moon. It’s suggestive to women because of the howling during sex.
Ok. Dwight howls That’s not appropriate. Dwight continues howling Uncool. Uncool, Dwight. they both howl Ok. Ok. Come on. Let’s go. both howl as they exit
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Kevin Malone
It’s a good idea.
It’s not a good idea. There’s no such thing as a good hairpiece.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yeah. But that’s easy enough for you to say, Oscar. You have that thick, beautiful, Chicano hair. So nice.

I’m just worried about the farm, ya know? Mose hates to geld the horses by himself.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight, Dwight. Shut up about the farm. It’s not relatable. Nobody owns a farm.
Wait. You’re worried about your horses? That’s cool. How many horses do you have?
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Nine and three-quarters.

I invented a device called ‘Burger on the Go’. It allows you to obtain 6 regular size hamburgers, or 12 sliders, from a horse without killing the animal. George Foreman is still considering it. Sharper Image is still considering it. Sky Mall’s considering it. Hammacher Schlemer is still considering it. Sears said, ‘No’.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
talking to an attractive woman Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Up. I ball the entire time. I can not watch Pixar.
Michael.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes.
Drop this one. Abort.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Why?
I found twins.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, my God. Twins. I’m sorry. You understand. Nice to meet you.

Aren’t they magnificent?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
They’re men, Dwight.
I love finding a good set of twins.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Something is wrong with you.

everyone is dancing Go Meredith. Nice moves.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
You call that a robot? Try being more robotic, ok? Like this.
Lame! What else you got, Andy?
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Andy Bernard
How about a little bit of this.
Oh yeah. What else you got?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Kevin Malone
What else you got?
Did someone change my name to Baskin Robbin? Because I feel like a banana split. Woo! Andy does a split and screams out in pain
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
What else you got?

It’s gonna be fine. It’s gonna be fine. Pam’s here. knocks on Pam’s door Pam? knocks again
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Andy Bernard
I was dancing and I did a split and I landed on my car keys in my pocket.
What?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital.

Andy, I am getting married in 8 hours.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
Everyone else is too drunk. Just don’t let me die here.
on the phone Hey, hey! Where are you? Can you take Andy to the hospital?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
over phone What?
He tore his scrotum dancing.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
over phone What?
He is in my room icing his balls.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
over phone What?
Please stop saying what. Can you take him?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Look, I would so take him in any other circumstance, but I’m pretty certain I’m completely wasted.
Your brothers took you out drinking?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Uh…
over phone Is that Pam? Hey, have her come out! Have her come out! It would be like Coyote Ugly.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
That’s Michael. You’re out with Michael?
over phone And Dwight.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
over phone Hey-O!
Pam, it just happened.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Okay, fine. I’ll take him.
I love you. Okay, I gotta–I gotta go!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
over phone I love you! laughs
Are you pushing me off the phone?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
No. Let’s talk for a long time.
Goodbye. hangs up phone
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
Mmm! It’s after midnight. points at Jim
You’re married. hugs Jim He’s married!
Michael and Dwight
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Congratulations.
That’s not how that works.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh my goodness.
Oh my God. You’re not going to be able to talk back.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You’ll have Pam to answer to.
She’ll be sitting home saying, “Jim… take the baby to the zoo cause I want to sit at home and eat bon-bons.” Dwight laughs “And… and clip my toenails.”
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
“Jim… hey why don’t you braid my hair. I want to watch TV.”
Now you sound like Kermit.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
Are you sure this is the right way?
Nope. I, like you, have never been here before.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
Well, at least slow down a little bit because every little bump in the road is major pain on… my scrotum.
Look, I’m not the one who asked you to do a split when you’ve never done one before.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
I was trying to liven things up a little bit. I was kinda doing your job so–
My job? My job is to get married in the morning. That’s my job.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
Well it’s also to make sure that we have a great time at your stupid wedding, so–
Pam swerves the car back and forth Ow, ow!
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Andy Bernard
snickers I spent the night with the bride the night before the wedding. Ah yeah. She stepped on my hand on her way to the bathroom.
Andy, did I dream that you were crying through the night?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
No. No that was real.

folding his pants on top of the ice machine, man walks in with ice bucket Why don’t you take a picture. It’ll last longer. God. Can’t I get a little privacy?
Photo of Michael Scott

Hotel Employee
Kevin rings bell at the front desk Good morning. How can I help you?
I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night to be cleaned at polished, but they haven’t been returned yet.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Hotel Employee
You must be Mr. Malone. One moment please.
Thank you.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Hotel Employee
whispers to manager Sir. It’s the man with the shoes.
Mr. Malone. Your shoes are gone.
Hotel Manager
Photo of Kevin Malone
They were stolen?
No. Destroyed.
Hotel Manager
Photo of Kevin Malone
What?
The bag was opened by our shoe shine and the smell overcame him. I too smelled them and made the choice that they must be thrown away. Incinerated actually.
Hotel Manager
Photo of Kevin Malone
But that was my only pair of shoes.
It became a safety issue, sir.
Hotel Manager
Photo of Kevin Malone
Well… well damn-it.
I can offer you a complimentary breakfast.
Hotel Employee
Photo of Kevin Malone
Okay.

walking out of hotel room with a woman You have everything?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Isabel
Hmm-hmm.
Cell phone? Charger?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Isabel
Yeah. So you sure you don’t want breakfast? It’s the most important meal of the day.
It really is. I’m not hungry. I ate a whole bunch of sunflower seeds after you went to sleep. And besides, I wouldn’t want to take you away from Pam on the morning of her wedding. She needs you Isabel.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Isabel
That’s really sweet, Dwight. So I’ll see you at the wedding?
You know it.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Isabel
K. they kiss
Okay, get out of here.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Isabel
Bye.
Okay.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
passes Isabel Hey, good morning. to Dwight It’s about damn time. I haven’t gone to the bathroom in a day and a half. walks into hotel room Oh my God, Dwight. This room is a pit.
lays on bed Really? I hadn’t noticed. Too busy knocking boots.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
watching Dwight eat breakfast How can you eat like that?
I’m ravenous after a night of love making. You?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, I’m hungry, but I’m not going to make a pig out of myself.
Hey, what was she like?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
She was cute. You know? She was hot. She was very hot. She made love like a tiger.
Brides side or grooms side? Or townie?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
She was from Europe.
No kidding.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh-huh.
I bet she had hairy armpits.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No.
Isabel was nice, but I hope she doesn’t think this is going anywhere.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Wait a second. You’re not into her? Are you kidding me?
No.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
She’s Pam’s best friend. You guys could double date. Swap maybe?
Oh please. Put a gun in my mouth.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No… you’re crazy.
Look. She’s a dental hygienist from Carbondale and she makes love like one. She’s a bumpkin. Pass.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
She’s– okay. Do you know how hard it is to be a hygienist? You have to take x-rays. You have to scrape the plaque off of people’s teeth. You have to tell kids when to spit and make sure they’re not scared when the dentist comes in. It– it–
You should ask her out.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
stands up and walks away I already have my European girlfriend.

If your hat hits me in the face one more time–
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Phyllis
That’s funny. Your wife loved this hat the last time she saw it. glares at Stanley’s date

sees Kevin’s toupee Oh my God.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Oh…
Oscar. Angela.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Erin
Are you in a lot of pain?
Oh cause of last night? No way. Reports have been exaggerated. Weddings make me very emotional. I um–I just have that side to me.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
People say you cry all the time.
Well that’s not–
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Crotch injuries are the worst. You don’t need to tell me.
I wasn’t telling you.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Is there still something there?
Excuse me?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Meredith Palmer
It didn’t get torn off?
No, it didn’t–nothing got torn off. Who told you that?
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Jim Halpert
I may have told some people that. I’m nervous. I’m about to get married.

If you want to sit on this– hands Andy her wrap I was thinking the wood might be too hard on your damaged penis. Make it softer.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
It was my scrotum. Um, and it was. Thank you.
Oh, here we go. They asked for cash, but you know… I give them cash every week, so– how much cash does a person need? I have taken it upon myself to do something a little more special. I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. holds up painting And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
I got them a set of turtle boiling pots, a shell hammer and bibs.

Is it zipping over your belly? Don’t squish the baby.
Photo of Penny
Photo of Pam Beesley
Thank you weirdo.
everybody see Kristie’s stupid blonde extensions? It’s like they were made from a plastic broom.
Photo of Helene
Photo of Pam Beesley
Okay, here I come. walks out in her wedding dress
Oh darling! You look beautiful.
Photo of Helene
Photo of Pam Beesley
Thanks mom.
Oh, I hope he deserves you.
Photo of Helene
Photo of Pam Beesley
He does.
Are you sure? Remember you don’t have to do this. You don’t.
Photo of Helene
Photo of Penny
Mom, you’re totally projecting. You’re being a drag.
Yes. Thank you, mom.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Isabel
Hey, I’m going to go outside and talk to Dwight.
Okay great. Isabel kisses her cheek Yeah, I’ll see you in a second. pauses Wait, what? tries to follow, but veil gets caught on wall and tears Oh! Oh no!
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Jim Halpert
answers cell phone Hey!
Can you come here please?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Is this allowed?
No. No, but I’m allowing it. Just come here.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Dwight Schrute
talking to a woman That was an intelligent comment.
Hello stranger. How do I look?
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh. Fine. Isabel, holds out hand nice to see you. What do you want?
Um… shakes head nothing. Anymore.
Photo of Isabel
Photo of Dwight Schrute
turns back to other woman So, uh tell me again the difference between Filene’s and Filene’s basement.
to Isabel Hey, hey… He’s not sitting with me either. Where are you sitting? You need a seat buddy?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Isabel
I’m standing. I’m a bridesmaid.
Oh, I wish I was a bridesmaid. Where am I gonna go?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey.
Wow. You look–
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Terrible.
So beautiful. Pam’s starts to cry. Jim pulls up chair to sit next to her Hey–
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
My veil tore. I knew when we were getting married and I’m five months pregnant that I’m not going to be able to wear the dress that I always wanted or high heels–
takes her hand Hey. You look just as I imagined you would. Pam, you’re so pretty.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
sighs Thank you.
And who cares? It’s a stupid veil, right?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, this was the one thing I was supposed to be able to control, was this veil and– Jim cuts off half his tie
There. Now we’re even. Pam laughs and mimes taking a picture, they kiss
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
sighs Everyone’s driving me crazy. I know way too much about Andy’s scrotum. Jim chuckles And my mom won’t stop freaking out about my dad’s new girlfriend. sighs This is supposed to be our wedding day. Why did we invite all these people?

I think Pam ran away because she knew deep down she wouldn’t be a good wife.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Angela Martin
Yes.

to Kevin who is bouncing up and down What are you doing?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
I’m trying to decide if I have time to pee.
How long do you take to pee?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
The peeing is fast, Oscar. It’s getting my tie back on.

to Helene Hey. Hi. Do you–would you have a snack in your purse? You’re a mom. I just figured you might have–
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Helene
Oh, yeah–hands Michael a snack
Oh! Eww… apricot. Do you have any of the Very Berry or Ocean Splash or–
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Helene
No.
Oh… okay. Were you saving it?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Helene
Oh, no, no, no. That’s okay. I was just–I’ve had a very rough weekend.
I’m sorry. puts food in his mouth Ugh. Apricot. Made of real apes.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Erin
Do you think they canceled the wedding?
Relax. You’ll get your shot at Jim. Those two treat the whole office like a 1970’s key party.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Michael Scott
my weekend was bad so far.
Oh–
Photo of Helene
Photo of Michael Scott
I came here hoping to meet somebody. You know, as you do at weddings. End up going to sleep by the vending machine. It was loud, but it was warm.
Oh that sounds awful.
Photo of Helene
Photo of Michael Scott
And… and the love of my life is dating somebody else.
Oh–
Photo of Helene
Photo of Michael Scott
It is a terrible year for love.
Yeah. Guess it is.
Photo of Helene
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m thinking about having my sperm frozen.
Excuse me, are you Michael Scott?
Photo of Tom
Photo of Michael Scott
Um, yeah.
Heard you might have a whoopee cushion on you.
Photo of Tom
Photo of Pete Halpert
Sisters in the can and we totally want to get her when she comes back.
Oh, wow. That sounds hilarious. I do actually. pulls whoopee cushion out of pocket and hands it to them There you go. Use it in good health.
Photo of Michael Scott
Tom and Pete
laughing Yes!

Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What is the etiquette on taking the gifts? Can you only take your own back or is it a whatever you can carry type of thing?
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Anyone have anything they want to trade for a toaster?
Oh, oh, does it have slots for hot dogs?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Stanley Hudson
No.
Who would want it?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Guys, maybe we should wait a little more time before we start grabbing boxes.

Toby.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Toby Flenderson
What?
I’d like to lodge a formal complaint against Jim for making us wait for over an hour.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Toby Flenderson
sighs
looks over and sees hole in his present Crap. sees turtle on the ground, goes over and picks it up Come here you.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Well I guess this weddings not going to happen. I wonder if this is it for them. Jim and Pam walk in laughing

Hey. What happened?
Pam’s dad
Photo of Ryan
Where were you guys? Do you know how long I’ve been waiting here?
Well we are here now, so let’s just–
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
walks up Yes! Yes! I have so much joy… in my heart… right now. How do I look?
You look great.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
You look great.

looks at Jim’s cut tie Wear a tie much?
Photo of Tom

Photo of Penny
music starts playing and people start dancing down the isle I begged them not to.
Mm-hmm.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Penny
I know you specifically put this song on your Do Not Play list.
Yes I did.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Penny
I’m sorry.
smiles Go ahead. I think it’s your turn.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Penny
Wait, what happened? You’re okay with this?
Yeah, I’m okay.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Penny
Okay then! takes flower girl to dance down the isle
Hey Pam, did you see this? It was on You Tube.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Saw it.

I bought those boat tickets the day I saw that You Tube video. I knew we’d need a back-up plan. The boat was actually Plan C. The church was Plan B and Plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Kevin Malone
What an awesome party. The best wedding I’ve ever been too. I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number. This was epic. My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece, but man my dogs are barking. sticks his feet into the hotel ice machine Whoo. My feet were so sweaty I can’t even feel the cold. What a lovely hotel.

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