Gossip - The Office (Season 6, Episode 1)

As the three summer interns prepare to depart, Michael hears from various members of the office that two of the interns might be dating, and feels upset that he was left out of the gossip. He talks about the situation with the third intern, and learns that the interns had recently gone out to a young people's club, where they saw Stanley dancing with a woman, presumably his wife Teri. Michael, wanting to start some gossip of his own, forms the conclusion that Stanley was out because he was having a mid-life crisis and shares it with the office, but Phyllis claims Stanley does not like crowds and that Teri is out of town.

When Michael confronts the interns about this, they insist they saw Stanley there "making out" with a woman. Now realizing that Stanley is possibly having an affair and he is the first person to learn of it, Michael starts telling the employees. Jim urges Michael to stop spreading a rumor that he does not know for certain to be true. When Stanley is leaving, Michael heads to the parking lot to discuss the rumor with him. Stanley initially denies it, but when Michael mentions that he was spotted in the club by the interns, he reveals that since Teri has been out of town constantly, he has been seeking company from a nurse named Cynthia, whom he met in rehab. Stanley urges Michael not to say anything since he is breaking it off with Cynthia, and Michael agrees, despite having already told the entire office.

Hoping to obscure the truth about Stanley's affair, Michael starts spreading a variety of false rumors, among them that there is another person physically inside Kevin, that Kelly is anorexic, that Creed has asthma, that Toby is still a virgin (despite him having a daughter), that Pam is pregnant (unaware that it is true), and that Andy is gay. When Andy hears about this, he realizes that many people have thought this about him in the past and gets increasingly insecure as he begins to question his sexual orientation. Jim and Pam, who were trying to keep Pam's pregnancy a secret, think they have been found out. The couple then notice that there have been various absurd rumors about office employees being spread. When Jim brings it to everyone's attention, they trace one particular rumor back to Michael, who then tries to slip out of the office.

The employees pursue Michael, and he confesses that he created the rumors to conceal the one true rumor. Andy fears that it might be the one about him. The employees urge Michael to tell them which one is true, but just as Michael is about to give in, Jim announces that Pam is actually pregnant to save Stanley. Michael denies it, but Pam shows her baby's ultrasound picture to prove it. Later, while Michael discusses her pregnancy with Jim and Pam in his office, Stanley's wife Teri returns Michael's call from earlier. He picks up the phone with the intention of making an excuse for his earlier call so as to not tip her off, but he accidentally calls her Cynthia twice before Jim hangs up the phone for him. Teri had already been suspicious of Stanley and Cynthia, so Michael calling her Cynthia is enough for her to figure out what is going on. Michael, feeling guilty, watches from his office window as Stanley attacks Michael's car with a tire iron in a fit of rage. At the end of the episode, the three interns discuss what they have learned at Dunder Mifflin, which they reveal was essentially nothing.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Gossip

enters office, somersaults onto couch, kicks over painting and lamp Parkour!
Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight & Andy
rush into office, Andy climbs on reception desk, Dwight holds video camera
Parkour!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
walking on Pam’s desk, then Jim’s desk Extreme! Parkour!
This… is Parkour. turns laptop to camera, shows Parkour instructional video Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It’s pretty impressive. Michael is shown climbing/walking on various objects in office The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing Parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
stands on his hands kicking open bathroom doors as Andy films, Meredith is seen applying deodorant in women’s bathroom
approaching elevator, as Michael films Parkour! Parkour!
Dwight & Andy
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Andy! Leapfrog! Andy leapfrogs Dwight
Do me! Do me!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah! Dwight jumps on Andy’s back, riding him like a horse Parkour! Parkour!
Ow! Get off! Get off!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Okay.
walking across cars in parking lot, Dwight filming Parkour! Parkour!
Andy & Michael
Photo of Dwight Schrute
crouching beside car Jump over the camera! Jump over the camera! Michael feebly attempts to jump off car, gives double thumbs up to camera
standing on tractor trailer with Dwight and Andy, looking down Okay, we all go together or we go one at a time.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Here it is, here it is… truck, to refrigerators, to dumpster, camera pans to refrigerator boxes, then dumpster 360 onto the pallets, backflip gainer to the trash can.
in unison Yeah! Gainer! Woohoo!
Michael & Dwight
Photo of Andy Bernard
to Michael’s camera Hardcore Parkour!
Parkoooooour!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Let’s do it!
leaps from trailer, disappears into empty refrigerator box
Photo of Andy Bernard
Michael & Dwight
look down, appearing shocked and concerned
inside refrigerator box, sounding injured Parkour!
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Dwight Schrute
on telephone Good. Excellent. Thank you.
hands Dwight a cup of water There you go. Is there anything else I can do?
Female Intern
Photo of Dwight Schrute
chugs water, throws away cup Yes. Umm… see those files behind Kevin’s desk?
nods Mm hmm.
Female Intern
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Go put them all in random order.
confused Mm-kay.
Female intern
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Then come back here for your next assignment concerning their order.

This is the last day of our summer interns. It’s been nice. We haven’t had interns for a while, ever since Michael’s Monica Lewinsky incident. interns are shown gathered around Kelly’s desk, one holding a box of tissues, as Kelly cries and wipes tears He didn’t do anything sexual. female intern opens a jar of salsa for Michael He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. Meredith rubs her breasts into Maurie’s back It was just easier for corporate to shut down the program.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Meredith Palmer
to Oscar, motioning to male intern and female intern Think she did him?
I bet there’s something there. I was with them in the kitchen yesterday, and they were all too happy to be cleaning the freezer.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
If they get married before I do, I’m going to kill myself.
entering break room Who’s getting married?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Nobody.
If somebody doesn’t tell me, I’m gonna start screaming.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
It’s Eric and Megan.
Oh! Hey, I hired them! Matchmaker! This place is like Spaniard Fly.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
They’re not getting married. It’s just talk.
Did everybody know about this but me?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
There’s nothing to know, it’s just gossip.
shaking head disgustedly Okay… okay. leaves room
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
talking head with Jim We haven’t told anyone I’m pregnant.
Well, with her being unmarried… knocked up by some guy, I mean the yakity-yaks in this office would have a field day.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah, we don’t want them at the wedding thinking Jim’s being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgum.
Wait, there’s not gonna be a shotgun?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Nope.
No shotgun… ’cause that changes everything.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Can’t back out now, Halpert.
What are you gonna do about it? There’s no shotgun, so… free at last, free at last!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, keep it up.

approaches Dwight’s desk You’ll never guess what I know.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
typing Okay, let me finish this thought.
Eric likes Megan.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
still typing He most definitely does. He’s been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. She finally said yes. They went out on a group date the other night; apparently it went very well.
annoyed How do you know this?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
still typing People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it’s because of my low cheekbones. And… boom. finishes typing, turns to face Michael Okay, what is it, what can’t I guess?

I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it’s not being picked for a team, or being picked for a team and showing up and realizing the team doesn’t exist. Or that the sport doesn’t exist? I should’ve known. Poopball?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
to Maurie, the Asian intern Man, I know how you feel. Third wheel. I have been the third wheel so many times in my life. My mom told me something once that made me feel a lot better. She said “The third wheel is what makes it a tricycle.”
What are you talking about?
Photo of Maurie
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m talking about your group date with Megan and Eric.
At Tink’s?
Photo of Maurie
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes
How’d you know about that?
Photo of Maurie
Photo of Michael Scott
Well…
Did Stanley tell you?
Photo of Maurie
Photo of Michael Scott
confused Stanley was on your group date?
No, Stanley was with his wife. I waved at him, but he didn’t wave back.
Photo of Maurie
Photo of Michael Scott
laughs Does anybody else know about this?
No.
Photo of Maurie
Photo of Michael Scott
laughs, looks to camera excitedly

There he goes. There he goes. Stanley gets up from his desk, walks into kitchen area
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Michael Scott
So, what is the scuttlebutt? Anybody hear anything?
stare blankly at Michael
Dwight, Jim & Pam
Photo of Michael Scott
Nothing? Well I got a little somethin’ somethin’. I don’t know if I should say…
Just keep it to yourself then.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Stanly is having a midlife crisis.
Stanley’s way past the middle of his life. Especially considering his height to weight ratio.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Well apparently, he and his wife were out dancing at a club for young people.
Teri’s out of town, Michael.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Who?
Teri, Stanley’s wife. She’s at an interior decorating expo in Philly. Stanley hates crowds, kids, and music. I think you should check your facts.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
starts to speak, says nothing, walks away

entering break room, to Maurie You stupid son of a bitch. You set me up.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Maurie
What are you talking about?
Stanley’s wife is out of town.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Maurie
He was with somebody.
He was definitely with somebody.
Photo of Eric
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, was he? Well who, his sister?
chuckles
Photo of Eric
Photo of Michael Scott
upset I don’t get it!
If that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal.
Photo of Eric
Photo of Michael Scott
Drugs?
Making out.
Photo of Eric
Photo of Michael Scott
fumbling for words Mmm… okay. Uhh… hmm… okay. Never mind. Carry on.

approaching Kelly’s desk, whispering Stanley is having an affir.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
WHAT??

I am very happy right now. Thrilled perhaps, to be part of the office, to be part of the conversation. When you have somebody’s attenton, and their eyes are lighting up because they are very interested in what you have to say, Michael is seen whispering to Jim, then Pam that is a great feeling, and I experienced that firsthand today. It is wonderful to be the center of attention.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
motioning to pad of paper with hangman game, spelling out “S_an_ey is chea_in_ _n _eri That and that are the same letter.
Q.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
No… no. He’s holding a pencil. He could be doing a crossword puzzle with that pencil. What’s that letter, right there? Same letter here and here. What haven’t you guessed?
T.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
T! Yes! Yes! That is a “T”, and there’s another one right there. Just sound that out. You’re almost there.

opening blinds as Stanley walks past Hey, Stanley! Where you goin’, big guy? Up to no good?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
I’m meeting a client. Do you have a problem with that?
No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you. I’m casting a movie and I’m looking for a woman who can dance, beautiful woman. Do you know anybody?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Goodbye. walks away
Pays five million dollars. Nudity required.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
approaching Michael You have to stop this.
giddy, whispering Did you hear Stanley’s having an affair?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I did. From you. You gotta stop telling people.
Oh, okay, I get it. You feel out of the loop, and you feel sorry for yourself, and it’s really sad because everybody thinks you’re a loser…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Do you know if it’s true? Do you have any idea? Because you might be ruining his life.
stares at Jim silently, then walks away
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
in parking lot, blocking path of Stanley’s car Stop. Hold up, hold up, hold up! No, no, no. Time to stop being polite and get real. Stanley honks horn repeatedly Stanley, are you having an affair?
as Michael gets in car That is ridiculous. Of course not, why would you think that?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
So It’s not true. Okay, well… ahhh, those interns, they told me they saw you at a club, and they all said it was you, it was clearly just… racial profiling gossip.
hits steering wheel angrily Damn! I told her it was a stupid idea to go up in that club.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
nodding So stupid!
It’s just that… Teri’s been traveling a lot…
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
I know, I know.
And it’s been lonely.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, I bet.
Cynthia’s been keeping me company. She was my nurse, when I was in rehabilitation. We used to go on these long walks on the treadmill… I didn’t…
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Wait, hold, hold, hold… so it IS true?
Yeah, but Michael, I’m going to go break it off. That’s where I’m headed right now. I swear.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they’re going on sales calls and then go someplace else? ‘Cause that’s not cool.
I just need you to promise not to say a word about this to anyone. Michael, please.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
muttering I’m not saying… a damn thing.
I’m counting on you, Michael.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
looking afraid You can count on me.
sighs
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Photo of Michael Scott
entering kitchen area Oh, that smells good.
I might have extra, it just depends on how many I eat.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Did you hear about Angela? That’s pretty weird.
Yeah… what do you mean exactly?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, the fact that she is apparently dating an 81-year-old billionaire. Owns a Quizno’s on the turnpike.
Reeeeally.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh huh. gestures to Kevin to keep it quiet Alright?

How do you un-tell something? You can’t. You can’t put words back in your mouth. What you can do is spread false gossip so that people think that everything that’s been said is untrue, including “Stanley is having an affair.” It’s like the end of Spartacus. I’ve seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don’t know who the real Spartacus is, and that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Erin
Kelly has an eating disorder?
Yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Erin
She always eats my lunch.
Anorexia. She’s an anorexatic.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Erin
We should do something.
Nothing can be done, we just have to tell everybody and hope for the best I guess.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
to Kelly I’m worried about Erin, because she’s not a very good worker. I don’t know how long she’s gonna last here.
Really?
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah. So… and Andy is gay.
Andy Bernard??
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
Mm hmm.
whispering to Meredith Did you hear Pam is pregnant?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Really?
Yeah!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meredith Palmer
She’s gonna hate being a mom.

making a cup of tea in kitchen area
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
looks at Andy and giggles
What?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
still giggling Tea.
So?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
You would.
laughing I like tea!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
sarcastically Oh, I bet you like it.
Hahaha! I like it a lot! I love tea!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
Do you like it as much as you like mens’ butts?
WHAT??
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
Because you’re gay.
serious Who told you that? Was it Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi? Or did you run into someone from my high school?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Andy Bernard
This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before, actually. Just a weird coincidence… a little too weird. chuckles nervously Almost makes you wonder if it’s not a coincidence at all. Whoa! Which it is, of course. long pause But it makes you wonder.

to Oscar in break room Did you hear the rumor about me? That I’m gay?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Oscar Martinez
nodding I did. Yes.
And?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Oscar Martinez
What?
Do you think it’s true? Do you think that I’m… gay?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Are you attracted to other men?
scoffs and chuckles No! But, let me kick you a scenario. I’m at a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. He tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent, long pause I think I might give in a little bit, just to see what it… felt like.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Oscar Martinez
stares at Andy incredulously
Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he’s like really aggressive?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Oscar Martinez
If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still… need to get to you?
It’s not real Brad Pitt, this is like, this is my fantasy. Or it’s like, not a fantasy, it’s just… it’s just a scenario.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Wow. I wish… I wish I could help you. I don’t… you might be gay. You might be gay.
What exactly is my responsibility here? To comfort insecure heterosexual men? That can’t possibly fall to me.
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Phyllis
How far along is Pam?
A few months, that’s why they’re rushing the wedding.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Michael Scott
whispering Guys, guys… you can’t believe everything you hear. Like Stanley, having an affair? That is crazy! It’s just… there’s no stalking it. It’s a weird day for false facts. Let it go.
with everyone assembled in conference room Okay everybody, big day. Last day for our interns, a lot of other stuff… who knows what to believe? Dwight, the honors.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
giving envelopes to interns Present these to the dean for credit. And, as a gift, I’ve attached my card. Call me any time of the day or night.
Why would we call you at night?
Photo of Eric
Photo of Dwight Schrute
grabs card from Eric, crumples it, throws it to the ground Well now you can’t call me at all. Problem solved.
to Eric You’re gonna regret that when you find yourself between a moose and her cubs.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Look at the intern to your left. Now to your right. interns do nothing One of you will do exceedingly well in business, just unlimited potential. One of you will make a living, and nothing more. And one of you looks directly at Megan will make a great mother. It’s up to you to choose which you want to be.

eating cake with Kelly I am so happy you’re eating again.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
mouth full of cake Me too!
to Jim Tuna, how come you never try to set me up?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, I don’t really do that. But Pam might have some friends, though.
Women friends?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yep.
Not guy friends?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Are you… interested in her guy friends?
No. I mean, for the record, I prefer women.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Okay.
But off the record, I’m kinda confused.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Really.
Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me, I feel like…
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Well you gotta figure this out.
Yeah, right?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah!
How?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
You gotta have sex with a woman.
Right-o.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
And a man.
Ohh…
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
And then compare.
Alright. looks around uneasily Well hey…
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yep.
Congratulations to you.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
On what?
chuckles Come on… little baby Tuna. Little junior toro.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
looks around room nervously
to Pam Did you know a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
What?
Want me to say it again?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Why did that come into your brain?
grabs Pam by the arm Can I talk to you for a second?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Jim Halpert
whispering to Pam in corner of room So, they know.
Who did you tell?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
I didn’t tell anyone! Who did you tell?
Nobody!
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Creed Bratton
approaching Jim and Pam Hey, did one of you tell Stanley I have asthma? Because I don’t, and if it gets out, they won’t let me scuba.

If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward?
Photo of Creed Bratton

Photo of Oscar Martinez
to Andy What? You think I’m the voice of the Taco Bell dog?
to Phyllis and Stanley What are you guys talking about? I have a daughter. How can I be a virgin?
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey, has everyone heard a crazy rumor about themselves today?
in unison Yes.
Photo of Everyone
Photo of Michael Scott
entering conference room Yeah, yeah… you know what? Let’s discredit these rumors.
Yeah, sure, but… who’s been saying all that stuff?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s not important, Jim, I just think we shouldn’t listen to any of that crap.
Sure, but we should get to the bottom of this. Let’s pick a rumor and trace it back to the beginning.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kevin Malone
I need to do mine first. Who’s been saying that there’s another person inside of me, working me with controls?
I heard that from… Andy.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Andy Bernard
I heard it from Erin.
I heard it from Michael.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
quietly leaves room

approaching Michael at elevators Michael? to others He’s over here!
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Pam Beesley
to Michael Where are you going?
Nowhere.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Michael… leads Michael to corner of vestibule, then whispers You told people I use store-bought manure, when I showed you where my manure comes from. Hmm? Hmm? Michael looks nervously to camera as elevator doors open
Don’t get on it. Michael inches toward elevator
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Michael, don’t.
Don’t… get… on. Do not.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Michael…
Stay.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
Step away.
Come on, boss.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Michael Scott
reluctantly exits elevator

to everyone, in conference room Okay, I made it all up.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Everyone
sighs in unison
Even the fact that I’m gay?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes.
relieved Yes!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
But guys, I’m a victim here too, okay? People here have been saying that I’m a J. Crew model.
No. We heard that about Jim.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Jim? No, no. I spread the rumor that somebody here was a J. Crew model, and I was referring to myself.
How is that a bad rumor?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Because a lot of people think that models, even though they’re very attractive, are somewhat vapid. It’s set our industry back quite a bit.
Michael, why? Why say all these things? Why make up an eating disorder, Stanley’s affair, me being a spokesdog…
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Stanley Hudson
pissed off You told everyone I was having an affair?
Okay, okay… here’s the thing. There was one true rumor out there today. I didn’t want everybody to know what it was. So all of you are off the hook, except for this one person.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Well then, what’s the one true rumor?
We have a right to know.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Andy Bernard
Michael… am I gay?
sighs The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person’s life, is that…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
interrupting That Pam’s pregnant.
I knew it!
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kevin Malone
I knew it! Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought “Oh, she has a new bra with padding.” But then I thought “Pam doesn’t need padding.” It just didn’t add up, Jim.
Okay. Thank you.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Phyllis
Congratulations!
That’s really great, you guys.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Ryan
Don’t vaccinate it.
Who’s the father?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
Jim.
How far along?
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Jim Halpert
Four months.
Who’s the OB/GYN?
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Pam Beesley
Stop. Don’t. Just…
Alright, alright… you know, this is not the truth, and you can’t fall on the sword this way. The real thing is that Stanley Hudson had an affair.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Nope.
Yes. Jim…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
arm around Pam Thank you for trying to defend her. But actually, Pam is pregnant, and we can prove it.
Yes.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
If everyone would like to see proof.
Okay. leaves room
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Are we just gonna wait here? Pam returns, displays sonogram
gasps, then cheers
Photo of Everyone
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
It’s true!
Look at that! grabs sonogram from Pam That is the inside of your vagina! Jim takes sonogram from Michael
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
talking head with Jim It’s clear why we were trying not to tell people. That’s clear now. Jim nods, looking at floor

to Jim and Pam How long have you known about the pregnancy?
Photo of Michael Scott
Jim & Pam
look at each other uncertainly
A week? A month? A year?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Michael, we only told our parents last week.
Did you pee on a stick?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I did. It was inconclusive.
You should’ve told me.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
exchanges looks with Jim You’re right. We should’ve realized that you are an equal part of this.
phone rings, hits speaker button
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Erin
Michael, Teri Hudson returning your call.
gasps
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
in disbelief You called Stanley’s wife?
Oh, oh… yeah, a long time ago, just to make sure she was out of town. Oh… oh God.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Don’t take it.
No, I have to take it, or it’ll seem suspicious.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
If you talk to her, you’re gonna tell her about Stanley, and that’s gonna seem more suspicious.
No, no, I can do this.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
You can’t do this.
Yes, I can. I am going to tell her that I need to redecorate my condo, and I need her help. We will haggle about money, and then I will back down, and then I won’t talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing has blown over.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
That sounds terrible.
Michael, please don’t.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
picking up phone Hey, what up, Cynthia? lowers phone, looking terrified
gets up to leave room, Michael gestures for him to stay
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Hold on a second, Cynthia.
hangs up Michael’s phone, leaves room
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
Well, it turns out that Teri was already suspicious, because she had caught Stanley and Cynthia a few months ago. So Stanley promised that he would stop, and he did, end of story. Well, not exactly. camera pans down from Michael’s office window to parking lot below, Stanley is seen destroying Michael’s Sebring with a crowbar Uhh, Cynthia kept calling him, she would not stop calling him, and she was in love with him. Oh, and get this. Cynthia, also married. So… you can’t stop love, I guess Jim is seen displaying fetus picture on his desk as Pam smiles and quite frankly, I don’t think you should ever try.

talking head with Eric and Megan I learned that a company can describe their internship as “full of exciting experiences,” even if that’s a lie. There’s no regulation.
Photo of Maurie
Photo of Megan
I learned that half these people’s email password is “password.”
I learned that a ream of paper is 300 sheets.
Photo of Eric
Photo of Megan
I thought it was 500.
Oh… I guess I didn’t learn anything.
Photo of Eric
Photo of Maurie
I learned that if you look even the tiniest bit like Jet Li, Michael will call you “Jet Li” all summer.
raises hand Julia Stiles.
Photo of Megan
Photo of Eric
raises hand Alan Thicke.

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