Cafe Disco - The Office (Season 5, Episode 27)

Michael still has his lease on the Michael Scott Paper Company "office" and, concerned that the office is still tense from the recent management by Charles Miner, Michael decides to convert the "office" into a dance hall called Cafe Disco for his employees. None of the employees care to join him (with the brief exceptions of Erin and Kevin), much to the disappointment of Michael. Michael who then plays music through the ventilation system to try tempting them to come.

Following Michael's brilliant idea to play music through the ventilation system, Phyllis ultimately gives in and joins Michael; she stops in to invite her husband Bob Vance but his secretary, who resembles Phyllis, tells her Bob is not available, making Phyllis jealous. In Cafe Disco, Phyllis throws out her back after dancing too hard. Dwight brings her into the conference room and starts giving her a kind of massage he usually gives injured horses. The two spend a long amount of time together and she eventually confides in Dwight that she fears her husband is having an affair with his new secretary, but the two laugh together when Phyllis realizes how ridiculous the idea sounds.

When the rest of the office is told of Phyllis' injury, they take this as confirmation that the Cafe Disco is a bad idea and get onto Michael for what happened to Phyllis. Disappointed and angry, Michael instructs Erin to close up the Cafe Disco. Kelly comes down with her and the two start dancing after Erin turns on the stereo. This catches the eye of two male employees from Vance Refrigeration, and soon Cafe Disco is full of both Dunder Mifflin employees and non-employees, much to Michael's delight.

Oscar is mildly baffled that Erin actually invited one of her friends to come, as opposed to being ashamed of the office. Kelly and Andy get into a competitive dance-off with each other, and Kevin makes out in the corner with his girlfriend Lynne.

Meanwhile, Jim and Pam decide to avoid the expense and stress of a wedding and elope to a simple courthouse ceremony in Youngstown, Ohio without letting their co-workers know. Pam comes to work with a wedding dress and Jim picks up flowers in the office parking lot. As they are leaving, they decide to stop in at Cafe Disco, and end up having a lot of fun, making them decide they really want an actual wedding ceremony after all. Phyllis eventually recovers and dances with Bob in the Cafe Disco.

Michael tries to encourage Angela to dance, but she refuses because she does not like "the general spirit of music." When Angela starts softly shaking her foot to the beat, however, Michael is extremely satisfied with the small victory. At the end of the episode, an extremely nervous Andy gets his ear pierced by Kelly with a pin in the bathroom.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Cafe Disco

Oh my God! I can’t believe it! I just won an art contest! Erin screams, Pam and Jim look at each other, Dwight, laughing, gets up and hands her some money
Photo of Erin
Photo of Erin
whispering Thanks. I still don’t understand why you wanted me to say that.
Shut up.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
laughs hysterically I got her!

Not cool, Dwight. Dwight continues laughing
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Not cool. Dwight still laughing

caught by camera crew dancing to “At the Car Wash”, but laughing Oh, no. I still have the lease on the Michael Scott Paper Company, so occasionally I will sneak down here for a little coffee and dancing. I actually dance all the time. Tip-toeing around corporate – it is a ballet. When I am breaking all the rules, I am break dancing. And expresso.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Guys, I’m scared. I’m really scared. I think I’m growing into a giant. Because look at this normal sized coffee cup. Looks so tiny in my giant hand now. Anybody want to go to lunch with me later on?
I do.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay. How about a woman? Pam?
Oh, I can’t do lunch. I was just sending you an email. Jim and I need to leave early today to meet with our contractor.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, really? Ok.
Just sent it.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
What about the rest of you? complete silence

At Dunder-Mifflin there is a very strict no lunch with the boss policy and I don’t know who instituted it. I think it started right after my predecessor stepped down, but at the Michael Scott Paper Company I really enjoyed having lunch with Pam and Ryan everyday. So, rules be damned, I wanna have lunch with these people.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Who else? Who else? Ryan?
I don’t do lunch. I’m eating five small meals a day now.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Ryan
Now that I’m back to doing the job of a temp, again, I find that food is one thing I can control.

Ok. Anyone? Anyone? At all? Accounting? I am accounting on you to go to lunch with me.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
No. I don’t want to stay late to have a two hour lunch.
Michael, we have a lot of work to do.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
What?
Work.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Ugh! God! What happened to you people? talking like a robot We are just office drones. We are office drones. All we do is work… is work.

If you don’t take out his battery, he just keeps going all day.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, no. Your battery fell out.
still talking like a robot I… was just learning… to… love.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Erin
Hi, guys. How you doing?
Erin, how many times do I have to tell you? It is not necessary for you to ask us how we are doing every time you interact with us.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
Right. I’m sorry.
sighs Now, how can I help you?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
Did somebody here leave a map in the printer to Youngstown, Ohio?
Attention, office. Who here is planning a trip to Youngstown, Ohio? I will take your silence to mean that you are all hiding something. This location is the Superior Court –
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
So someone is going to a court. Big deal.
It is a big deal. Cause there’s only a handful of reasons why someone would ever go to a courthouse in Ohio and not be charged with a crime. To claim an inheritance from a deceased relative. To obtain a learner’s permit at age 14 and a half instead of 15. Erin, let me see your birth certificate.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
Sure.

There are other reasons to go to Ohio.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
We’re getting married today.
So, it turns out it’s the closest place to get a marriage license without a 3 day waiting period.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Tell ’em how it happened.
Ok. So, we’re going through all the wedding plans and, boy, it is complicated.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
And very expensive.
Very expensive. Cause you say you want a small wedding and that’s great but then you have to invite –
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
You can’t leave anyone out.
No one.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Ok, just get to the good part.
Ok. Right. Oh, so this morning we are having breakfast together and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, ” You know what I want to do today? I want to marry you.”
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I had just woken up. I didn’t look cute. That’s how I knew he meant it.

Michael? Michael sorry to bother you. Are you going to be working down here? Do you want these down here now?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
No work. No work. No work. I come in here to release frustration. Ooh. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ooh.
Well, I like to swim.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s good.
You have a cool place to come hang.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
If you ever want to come down here, door’s always open, lock’s broken, so…
Thanks.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
Come on in. Hey, hey, hey. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah.
Wow.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
Now you got it.
Now I do got it.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
Now you got it. Hey, you want some espresso?
Oh, yeah.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
You gotta keep yourself dehydrated.
That’s rule #1.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok. I love it. I love it.
Whew.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
I love it.

Guys, I believe that I have figured out what is up your butts. There’s no reason to be scared. The bad man is gone.Charles is gone.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Charles really did a number on these guys. They are way too focused on work. When I was in charge, this place was like Dave and Buster’s People just hanging out, having, fun, eating apps. I don’t know. It’s like pause Dave died or something.

Daddy’s here and daddy is going to take care of you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Please don’t refer to yourself as our daddy.
I am your big daddy and I am gonna kiss da boo boo.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
baby voice Wittle Andy is afwaid.
Andy’s afwaid?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yes.
Are you all afwaid?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No.
Daddy’s here for you. My wittle angels. Ok. I think that I have figured a way to get you guys out of your funk.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
What?
Funk is the problem and the solution.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
That makes sense.
I’ve taken my downstairs office and I have turned it into a place to hang out. A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together. To meet. To greet. To see the ones that you love. To love the ones that you see.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you?
Why don’t you get over lunch, Oscar? Everybody else is past it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Jack Nicholson impression All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy.
This is like a haunted coffeehouse thing?
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Michael Scott
No. Dwight is confusing you. That – it’s, it’s more of a disco.
It’s like a haunted disco.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
… with coffee but without the haunted.
It’s a combo dance house coffee bar.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
It’s a daytime disco on the ground floor of and industrial office building.
It’s a cafe disco.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
Exactly.
So, like, a disco cafe?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Wha – No. No. Not even close. I can’t force you to go down but I can entice you. I’m gonna be down there. Erin will be down there from time to time… and all-you-can-eat espresso.

Well, Kevin, I guess it is just me and you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yeah.
Holdin’ down the fort.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yeah. This place is great.
Thank you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Oh, my God, Kevin. I am still on hold. You were supposed to get the answer from Michael and come back up.
I’m sorry.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
This is a no work zone. Please respect the lei.
Yeah. Respect the lei.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
Come.
Kevin, stay.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Kevin, come.
Kevin, stay.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Kevin, come.
Stay, stay.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Come on, right now.
Cookie. Kevin, cookie.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Ugh. There is no cookie, Kevin.
to Michael Is there a cookie?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Mmm-hmm.
Wha –
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Come on.
Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin. There’s no cookie. There’s no cookie. Come on. Come.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kevin Malone
I wanted a cookie.
Completely unacceptable.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Michael Scott
Now I know what the founders of Phillip-Morris felt like. you just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you’re just some terrible monster.

Michael is holding the stereo speaker up to a vent – blaring “Gonna Make You Sweat Everybody Dance Now”, spins in chair Oww!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Phyllis
Aw, what the hell? goes to Vance Refrigeration Hi, Jessica. Is Bob in?
Oh, he’s on a call.
Photo of Jessica
Photo of Phyllis
Oh, I’ll just duck my head in.
It’s pretty important. He wouldn’t want to be disturbed. Can I give him a message before he gets off?
Photo of Jessica
Photo of Phyllis
Tell him I’m going dancing downstairs in the storage closet between the bathrooms that used to be a utility shower and he should join me there.
I’ll let him know.
Photo of Jessica
Photo of Phyllis
Mmm-hmm.

Phyllis?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Hi.
Hey!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Hey. I like.
starts dancing with Phyllis Alright. Back. There you are. There you go. Good. Good. Ooh. Show me some attitude.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Oh! Mother ******!
Oh, God! No! No! No! No! No!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Back!
Oh, wow! What did you do?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
moans in pain
You didn’t do that. You’re ok. You’re ok. Let’s lie down. You want to go down? Alright.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Wow! Sorry!
Ok. That’s ok. That’s not a problem. Ok, sweetie.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey! Hey, hey, hey! I got your text. Who’s Phillip?
No. No. No.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Who tipped you over? Was it Phillip?
It’s my back.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
It’s her back. We just – We need – Let’s – You know what?
Call a doctor.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
We’re going to take care of you. We’re gonna get you help. Let’s – come on.
No. Call Bob.
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, no. No. No. This is no good.
Yeah. Back injuries are common. Not as common as knee injuries but more common than wrist injuries.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t need you to give me a history lesson. Ok?
What do you think history is?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
It’s just, we need to get her out of here because no one is going to want to go in there with a woman writhing around on the floor. Wait, wait, wait. But most importantly we need to get her some medical attention. ASAP. Stat.

barging through office door Alright. Here we go.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Out of the way! Move it or lose it!
You having fun?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Erin
Oh, my God! What happened?
What? Oh, just having to much fun. Phyllis, we’re going to put you in here. Dwight’s going to take care of you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
What? No. I thought we were going to the hospital.
You want to get sick you go to the hospital.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok, Dwight. Ok. Good. I do not want anyone to worry.
What happened to Phyllis?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, you know. Nohting. She’s – we were hanging out at Cafe Disco and she had a flare up of am existing injury. But she’s a tough, old bird. So…
Can you please go back to work instead of masterminding these situations were in we hurt ourselves?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok. Phyllis did injure herself. But she injured herself having fun and I don’t think she would trade that memory for anything. Phyllis can be heard screaming in the backgroud
I would like the memory of a day uninterrupted by this nonsense.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
You all took a life here today. you did. The life of the party. Erin?
Yes.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
I want you to go downstairs and I want you to shut it down.
Like unplug the coffee machine and bring it up here.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t care. Bury it. I hope you’re happy.
exits the conference room in an undershirt I’m gonna need two able bodied men.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Cafe Disco? More like Crappe Disco.
You’re bad. they turn off the lights and turn on music – start dancing
Photo of Erin
Vance Refrigeration Guy 1
There’s girl in there.
Where?
Vance Refrigeration Guy 2
VRG 1
The other room?
What other room?
VRG 2
VRG 1
Down the hall.
There’s girls in there?
VRG 2
VRG 1
What’d I just say?
You have another sandwich?
VRG 2
VRG 1
Forget the sandwich. Girls. Girls.

I guess they got what they want. I am eating alone. Might as well be dinner.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
You comfy? Alright? Alright. Relax. Relax, ok?
Dwight! Dwight!
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Come on. Relax. The shirt wasn’t doing you any favors. If my assessment in correct, you grind your teeth?
I do.
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Dwight Schrute
No kidding! She sits three feet from me. It’s the most annoying thing. mimics grinding teeth It’s like children singing Christmas carols.

Yeah! I love the vibe down here.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
Ashley! You made it!
You invited someone?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Erin
Oh, yeah. Was I not allowed to do that?
I’ve been here 8 years and I’ve never… Erin walks away Rude.
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Andy Bernard
I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure I’m in a dance off. Alright!

Cafe Disco is dead but I can still hear the music in my head.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Creed Bratton
I hear it, too, Boss.

It’s better than I imagined it!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Phyllis
That feels good, Dwight.
Tell me where it hurts.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Phyllis
Right… mmmm… right there.
Oh yeah. you’ve got a knot in your crest. This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations. and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. they were wrong. He came in 9th in the Apple Creek Derby and his jerky came in 3rd the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Welcome, welcome! Cafe Disco. I am Michael Scott.
Hey, Angela! Welcome to –
Photo of Erin
Photo of Angela Martin
Stop!
Angela. Angela. Angela. May I interest you in a triple espresso or perhaps a dance?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
No. I didn’t come down here to get wet and wild. I just need you to sign these.
Oh. Alright. There you go.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
No. You need to sign them all.
No. No. No. Here is the deal – one signature for every song.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Look, I hate to be “that” person but I just don’t like the general spirit of music.
I know. I know, Angela. A lot of people doubted Cafe Disco at first but it is a magical place. You have to give it a chance. If these walls could tale they would say, ” This is a magical place! You are safe here. We have talking walls. We’re not going to eat you.” Angela shows Michael the papers again No.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
This is oil from the gland of an otter. It keeps their fur water resistant, as well as traps heat. Now I need you to lie still for an hour.
An hour? I can’t stay here an hour.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, girl. Whoa. Whoa.

Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey, thank you, Creed. you’re really getting this place.
No problem. I’ll just have no idea who’s driving behind me now.
Photo of Creed Bratton

Photo of Dwight Schrute
I’m gonna with the python.
But the rattler’s so scary.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No. Please. I find the rattle soothing. It puts me to sleep.
I think Bob is gonna cheat on me with his new secretary. she starts to giggle
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What’s so funny?
When I say it out loud it’s so silly. they both laugh
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Michael Scott
Hey! Hey! Angela, no! No cleaning up!
You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
No… cleaning… up.

waiting outside the bathroom for Pam, he is holding a hand-picked bouquet of flowers and pacing These are for you.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
They’re beautiful.
You ready?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah.

We should probably stop by. It’d mean a lot to him.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
Hey! Hey! Jim and Pam! Can you believe this? It’s really happening.
Wanna dance, Dwight?
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ordinarily I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic.
Mind if I steal my wife?
Photo of Bob Vance
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You can’t steal what is legally your property.
Are those staples?
Photo of Bob Vance

Photo of Andy Bernard
This dance competition is not over.
What dance competition? I was just dancin’ casual with my friends, y’all.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor

Photo of Michael Scott
You guys are the best for coming. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I understand.
We’re gonna stay.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Really?
Yeah. At least for one more dance.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, no. Not me. Not me. Get out of here. Cafe Disco! Dwight hits Michael in ear Hey! Come on, man. It’s not even to “Y”.

This is so cheesy.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yes.
I like cheesy.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Me, too.
Yeah. I think maybe I want a “wedding” wedding.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Me, too.
Really?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah.

Would you like to dance?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
No. Camera pans to down to show her swinging her foot to the music

Yeah. No. Well, ok.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Stop squirming.
Well, stop trying to poke me with a sharp thing.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
You wanted to do this. Just be brave.
I, I – but you’re not a professional and I’m thinking maybe we should have gone to a professional.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
I’m doing it. No. I’m doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise I’m gonna mess up.
Are you sure that’s not the “gay” ear?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Gay ear? Are you 12 years old?
Well, I…
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Look, I’m gonna count to 3.
Count to twen – count to twenty.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
No. I’m gonna count to 3.
K
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
1… 2… 3
Agh! Son of a bitch!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Andy, that was just the ice.
It was?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Yeah. It was.

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