Michael Scott Paper Company - The Office (Season 5, Episode 23)

Michael, Pam, and Ryan are trying to adjust to their new office space. It's esssentially a closet with water pipes running through it where you can here the toilets flushing from above (where Dunder Mifflin is). Ryan is spending more time goofing off than anything else. Pam and Ryan fight over who has to make copies for Michael. Michael "doesn't make copies. He's the boss." Michael says that everyone can have a corner, but it turns out that Pam's corner is where the photocopier is. She doesn't want to end up being the receptionist - that's why she quit Dunder Mifflin. Realizing that she is being pushed in that direction, she goes upstairs and asks Charles Miner for her job back. Charles has already given the job to someone else - Kelly Hannon - and Charles has decided to call her by Erin, so as to avoid confusion with Kelly Kapoor.

Michael hosts a pancake luncheon, but only one person and a few Dunder Mifflin employees show up. Just as Michael, Pam, and Ryan come close to giving up, the client from the luncheon calls asking for paper. Pam closes the sale!.

Charles has asked Jim for a "rundown" of his client information. Jim doesn't have a clue what a rundown is but he's too embarassed to ask Charles what it is. Jim spends the better part of the day trying to figure out what a rundown is - asking Oscar and Kevin, and talking with Charles about it. When he finally finishes his "rundown" and brings it to Charles, Charles doesn't even look at it and tells Jim to fax it to everyone on the distribution list. Jim doesn't know what the distribution list is either, so he simply faxes the rundown to his father.

Dwight and Andy are planning a hunting trip, but their tension is created when they both show a romantic interest in Erin. Both make passes at her, but eventually agree their friendship is more valuable than a romantic interest.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Michael Scott Paper Company

It’s Britney bitch. And I am back, in the form of a new company. The Michael Scott Paper Company. tries to parallel park, hits car. Okay. Not gonna make this one. drives away revealing plenty of space for the Cruiser
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
LOVE the hair. Ryan walks up driveway with blonde dyed hair
Morning Michael!
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Hello! They took away my parking space but they can’t take away my pride! awkwardly climbs out of his car

I would like to invite you all to come away with me, on a journey. nips mylar ribbon with hedge clippers, it won’t cut, he tears it down Welcome! To the Michael Scott Paper Company!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Kelly Kapoor
So. I thought we could take the customer on a… Then. Then we could…
You realize you’re not actually talking to me, right?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
And…
Hey Kelly?
Photo of Charles
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Yes? Charles, you wanted me?
Oh, I meant, I meant that Kelly. New receptionist walks in
Photo of Charles

Photo of Jim Halpert
The new receptionist is also named Kelly. So Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk, so that she can run into his Charles’ office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks if she says “You wanted me” enough, he will in fact want her. It’s not the worse plan she’s ever had.

Oh, and Kelly…
Photo of Charles
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Yes Charles? Yes, you wanted me?
Okay, I’m gonna call you Kapoor, okay? And you, Hannon.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Erin
If we’re changing names, can I be Erin? It’s my middle name.
Erin. Okay, that’s very pretty.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Well you know what my middle name is? Rajani Ghana! And I hate it! I hate it!
I thought Rajini Ghanda was a boy’s name?
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Michael Scott
We are in the heart of it. Bathroom sounds rattle the small office. And the surge of water carries our business out to the sea.
What should we do now?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
We wait, and hope that people show up to the pancake luncheon.

I don’t know I think we’ve done absolutely everything you can do to prepare for the day. I’ve updated our contacts, I have gotten quotes from suppliers. I have sent out an E-vite for our big grand opening pancake luncheon. Six yeses, one maybe, only eleven noes. Um, and 788 not yet replieds. But of that group, 782 have viewed it.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I am going to need 800 of these, on nice bright paper. It is a coupon for unparalleled customer service. He sets sheet between Pam and Ryan on desk. Neither takes it.

I make that one copy, and I become the girl who makes copies, and by the end of the day I’m receptionist again. And the worst part is, I like making copies. The paper comes out all warm and stuff. And it’s cold in there. Cause it’s technically a closet.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Andy Bernard
What do you think?
Let me check. Pulls out hunting scope Oh nope! Clearly a hunter. Who knows how to throw an outfit together.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Thank you!

Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Ryan
You should come into town this weekend man. Yeah, we’ll hang out Scranton style.
Hey you said you were gonna be out of town this weekend.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Please don’t listen to my phone calls. Yeah, she’s like um, she’d probably be a Six in New York, but she’s like a Seven here in Scranton. And then uh, my boss is my old boss from Dunder Mifflin. It’s a small space.

Hey Jim can I get a, um-
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hi! Awkward
Hi. I need a rundown of your clients, can you get that to me.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Sure!
Yeah.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Okay.

What the hell’s a rundown?
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Jim Halpert
When did you need that rundown by?
As soon as possible.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Okay.
Just get it right.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah. Gotcha. Of course. I’m gonna dive in. To the rundown. I’ll be exhausted ’cause it’s like a triathlon. At door. Do you want to close this? Close, or keep it?

Oh.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You know there’s a ghost in this office
Really?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
A woman was murdered on this very floor in 1816. Haddie McGonagle. She was a prostitute.
Why was she in this building?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh, this whole place used to be a brothel. There was a tavern on the ground floor.
That’s crazy.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah isn’t it? She was bludgeoned to death by the business end of a riding crop.
Oh my god!
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It was gruesome. They say she walks these hallways. If you ever feel a tapping on your shoulder?
Hmm.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
That could be Haddie. Begging for her life. And it could mean, that you’re next. Taps her shoulder
Oh! Dwight and Erin laugh.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Just kidding. You finding everything okay?
Yeah.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah?
Just got some ice.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Erin eerie voice Erin…
Oh, this is awkward. Andy and Erin ‘dance’ trying to get out of each other’s way
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
Oops!
Uh oh! Oh! Oh! Andy improvs musical verbage
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
So I’ll see you guys around!
Hey buddy.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Hey Ryan? Ryan watches Montgomery Flea Market ad on YouTube Could you get to that copy from before?
Pam’s better at that stuff
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
That is so insulting.
How is it insulting to say that you’re good at something?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
Because the thing you’re saying I’m good at, is pushing a big green button a bunch of times.
I’m not judging it, it’s like … I could run GM but I couldn’t fix a car. It’s not saying one is better than the other.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
Seriously? Because it sounds like one of those is better than the other.
What the hell? Michael closed his laptop
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Listen. Listen listen listen listen listen listen. I need someone to make a copy of this. Because I don’t make copies, I’m the boss. Got it? I make originals.
Yeah I make originals too.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
Shut up!
Stop it stop it! Bickering! Stop it!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Really!
Yeah!
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Not much? What’s up with you? from bathroom above Nah it’s okay. I’m in the bathroom. Hey you been watching Damages this year? It’s so good. No, you gotta tune in, it’s as good as anything on HBO. sound of pissing Hey does blue go with tan?
Would someone just make the copy?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Toby Flenderson
I have like, like a blue shirt? I don’t wear a lot of colors, I have a lot of tan. Uh huh.
Just make that copy okay?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
Seriously? This is what’s so important, putting naked pictures on the desktop?
That’s me and my friend Jonathan from Thailand.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
I don’t want to look at your friend Jasmine’s boobs all day.
You could be hot too if you made any effort. At all.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
Like how? Dyeing my hair blond?
This is from the sun.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh yeah I bet.
They’re getting on my nerves Mom. Both of them. R thinks he’s too good to be here, and P is not as much fun without Jim.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael, we can hear you.
I’m on the phone, please. Mom, I’m gonna have to call you back. P’s being a giant B.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Okay it’s my turn.
No don’t take that, give that back!
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
Give it back for what? What’re you gonna do with it?
I’m gonna make a spreadsheet.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
You’re gonna make another “spreadsheet.”
Yeah!
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah exactly. It’s my turn.
Go make a copy, secretary.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
Come on! Ryan!

They always say that it is a mistake to hire your friends and they are right! So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey buddy, what are you up to?
Um, nerthing?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated, and your skin flushed, and I’m assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your penis.
Pffft.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us?
The last thing I want to do, is step on your funk man.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
And I, yours. So I will cede her to you.
No, that’s ridiculous.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No no no.
Look you’ve been here longer, and besides, I’m a better wingman than I am a boyfriend so-
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Look I just want you and I to hang out so, you know. Just, They Hi-5 badly Boom.

Listen up. It has come to my attention that some people in this office are not getting along with other people in this office. And I think I have come up with the reason why. This office space is too small.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Definitely.
Okay. There are … 4 corners in this room. Each corner is to be a personal space for each one of you. Whichever corner you want. And make it your own.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
We could work from home.
Or you could fire one of us. Whoever has less education.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay guys, thank you for the offers. But I want you to get pumped about this corner idea. All right? 1,2,3- What are we gonna do?
…. Corner idea?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
No, you’re supposed to say, “Rock the house.”
Rock the house!
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Pam Beesley
How would we know that?

Hey dude, you know what a “rundown” is?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Use it in a sentence.
“Uh, can you get this rundown for me?” impersonating Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Try another sentence.
“This rundown better be really good”?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Oscar Martinez
I don’t know but it sounds like the rundown is really important.
Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Why don’t you just ask him–
No. I can’t. It was like, hours ago.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Oscar Martinez
What have you been doing?
Try it in another sentence.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Ryan
Last night was crazy. Jojo? Yeah. He did a donut in a parking lot in front of a cop. And then he yells, “Hey cop, you like donuts?” then we drive off. No, he just stayed there. Pam goes to sit in a chair in the corner. I want that new phone. No, the other one. No the other one. No, you know which one I’m talking about it’s the one, the one with the awesome browser. More bathroom noises No, not that one.

That’s my corner.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
I thought that was your corner.
No, this is where I work. I can’t relax in the same corner where I work.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
So my corner’s the one with the copier?
Pam, I don’t make the rules. Pam walks out.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Yeah. I wish my iPod could make phone calls. No I don’t want an iPhone, I know what an iPhone is.

You started on that rundown yet? Looks at Jim’s screen.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, this is just something I’m taking a break with.
Oh.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
I will get back to the rundown, uh, right now.
Okay, great.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey you know what? Do you have a rundown that I could take a look at, just so I know what type of rundown you’re looking for ?
Just keep it simple.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Keeping it simple -that’s what I’m doing. But I am working hard on this one. Real hard.
You’re working hard? On this?
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
No. Not too hard. Not harder than I should.
Right. I mean why work harder than you should.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
No, I….

Can I help you?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Pam Beesley
No thanks.
Hey!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey I’m here to see Charles.
Okay.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey Charles.
Hey Pam.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Pam Beesley
I know you’re a very busy man so I’ll cut right to the chase. I’d like my old job back.
I don’t know what to tell you. The job’s been taken.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Pam Beesley
Um, well, I could come back as a salesman. I have experience now.
Um.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Pam Beesley
Or I could come back as your personal assistant. You know? Sort your mail, set your appointments. I know all the people.
Yeah I know.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Pam Beesley
Personal shopper?
No.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Pam Beesley
Well it was great catching up with you. And I’ll see you around the building.
Okay.
Photo of Charles

Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m just gonna sit here for a little bit longer if that’s okay. The air smells so good. I don’t remember it smelling so good. The chairs are so comfortable.

Oh hey! Stanley, Phyllis. Come on in. Welcome, welcome. Let me give you the tour.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
I get it. To Phyllis You need to see more?
It’s really cute.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Thank you. You remember Ryan Stanley laughs deeply And Pam is around here somewhere.
She’s upstairs talking to Charles.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
What for?
I don’t know. They shrug and leave.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Ryan
Are we staying til five?
Yes.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Maybe the Michael Scott Paper Company was a huge mistake. I should leave. I should go, and start my own paper company. That’ll show ’em.

Get your free pancakes. They are delicious. They are nutritious. They are complimentary. Flips a pancake. It’s about 8×11 inches Young sir, would you like a free pancake?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
I’m texting. I don’t want to get my fingers sticky.
Ryan, enough with the texting machine. Come on. And tuck in your shirt, you’re the face of this company.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey Pam.
Hey.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
You sorta disappeared there for a while. Where ya been?
Yeah, I needed to take care of some stuff.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah?
That’s as specific as I’d like to be.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, at least you’re still being honest with me.

There’s the rundown you asked for. I may have expanded some areas that you weren’t prepared for.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Charles
Great. Fax that to everyone on the distribution list.
Yeah sure. You want to look at it first?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Charles
Do I need to?
No. No, I just wanted to make sure, it was in the same format. So that distribution list is gonna be my…?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Charles
What’s that?
The one I have. I’ll use the one I have.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Jim Halpert
Just faxing. My Dad. A rundown.

We’re small, but we’re eager to make a name for ourselves.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Man
Do you have a card?
Nope, I don’t have a card, but I’ll do you one better. A little scrap of paper.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Creed Bratton
These are terrible boss. You gotta make them in a circle so that they cook evenly.
These are shaped like paper.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Creed Bratton
Well I don’t even want these. Takes the rectangle pancakes out of his coat.
I’ll take them for my kid.
Photo of Meredith Palmer

Photo of Erin
Country roads, take me home, to the place…Dwight is strumming the tune on his guitar Sorry. I like that song. You’re good!
You’re good.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
Thank you.
That was great, but it’s just sort of, it’s still a little choppy like. But don’t worry, it’s hard, it took me a while too. It’s like Andy plays Country Roads on his banjo.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
Wow!
What? Oh my God you heard that I’m so embarrassed. I’m like so rusty.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh it’s good, you’re coming along. It’s really technically proficient but really there’s no heart or soul in it.
Really?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey you want to sing with me? Almost heaven…
West Virginia, Blue Ridge mountain, Shenandoah River Andy vocalizes
Dwight and Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
In German! Leben ist dort alt, alter als die Baume, Junger als die Berge, wie eine Brise blasend
Take me home, country roads, to the place, I belong. West Virginia, mountain momma, take me home, country roads. Erin leaves
Dwight and Andy
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Take it Andy! Take me home, to the place I belong, Ba bah dah duh
You have to stop. bangs on glass window
Photo of Toby Flenderson

Photo of Michael Scott
I once had a dream. That I was eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. And, let me tell you something it was delicious. So the next day, I decided to make that sandwich. And in real life it is disgusting. The phone rings It is a disgusting sandwich. It rings again. And the reason I tell you this story. phone Pick up the phone.
Dunder Miff…Michael Scott Paper Company, this is Pam. Oh, hi Russell from the pancake luncheon, how are you? Well we’d like to do business with you too! How can we make that happen?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Ryan
Keep going. Whispers
Don’t tell them we have free delivery! Also whispers
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
We already offered free delivery!
They don’t know that!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Um, I can offer you free delivery on any order that you place today. Okay, twenty boxes? I can do… just a second. I can do 20 boxes at 43 dollars a box. Great!
Write it down.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Give him a guarantee.
A guarantee of what?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Just say the word.
And I guarantee, that you will be satisfied! ‘Cause your satisfaction is our guarantee! We guarantee it. We look forward to doing business with you too. Thank you Russell.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes!
I made a sale!
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Ryan
Oh!
You did!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh!
Oh yeah!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
We did it !
She did it!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Dancing in the office

Who would have thought, that the thing that would save this company would be work? And pancakes? In the end, this day definitely had its ups and downs. I realize that we don’t have the biggest office. Which is a surprise, because 165 square feet sounds like a lot. But, we have people with the biggest hearts. And I think for a small company that is really flushing Someone went to the bathroom. That is really what’s important.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song.
Cherry Pie, Warrant.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Better a cappella!
No! Really?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yeah. Name another.
Enter Sandman, Metallica.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Better a cappella.
Rebel Yell, Billy Idol
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Aw!! Way better a cappella
Really?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yeah.

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