Two Weeks - The Office (Season 5, Episode 21)

Michael has resigned and submitted his two weeks notice. He starts goofing off and drinking around the office, while new company vice president Charles Miner plans to hire the new regional manager from the outside, for "obvious reasons." Everyone suggests to Michael that he start looking for another job. But Michael is unworried... and then he learns how bad the economy is. He first tries to find a job at Prince Paper, but Dunder Mifflin ran them out of business. After he's unable to find work, Michael decides to start his own paper company. He tries to convince others around the office to join him, but ends up unsuccesful. Nobody wants to leave their jobs on Michaels sketchy new company. Charles catches Michael labeling Dunder Mifflin customer lists with his new company's name and he orders Hank to escort Michael out of the building. Michael drives away but comes back later and sneaks into the building.

While the office has received a new copy machine, it isn't fully assembled, and Pam is tasked with putting it together. Finally finishing the assembly, Pam feels no satisfaction afterwards. She realizes how underutilized and underappreciated she is at her job. Meanwhile, Angela and Kelly continue their flirting with Charles.

Michael sneaks back into the office, crawling on the floor so Charles, who is sitting in the conference room, won't notice him. Michael gets his customer list and makes a final desperate offer for the other employees to join him. Charles notices Michael and threatens him, prompting Michael to leave without the customer list. Charles goes back to the conference room but Pam follows Michael out of the building, telling him that she is coming with him. There's one condition - she wants to be a salesperson at his new company. Michael agrees, then asks Jim if he wants to come with them, but he declines. Pam and Michael leave together.

At the end of the episode, Charles, who still knows very little about the employees at the Scranton branch, decides to make Kevin the temporary receptionist and make Stanley the office's "Productivity Czar," much to the surprise of both men

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Two Weeks

I had no idea when I got in that car and headed to New York I was going to quit. I got on that ramp and I thought two hours, two hours to go. Feeling good. Listen to some tunes. Should’ve peed before I left.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Michael get to the good part.
Okay, so. I get up to the building, I get to the revolving door… broken! So I have to take the normal door.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
At least he is in the building.
No, No! I was so nervous it was the wrong building! I walked into the wrong building!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Everyone
groans

He finally has a story everyone wants to hear… and he knows it.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Pam Beesley
Okay focus. Focus. You’re in the right building, you’re with the right people; what happened?
I looked at Wallace and I said “I quit!” and as I turned to leave I looked back and I said “You have no idea how high I can fly.”
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Did you tell him how sick of him you were?
Why would I do that?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Well, wouldn’t it feel good to tell him that he was incompetent?
That he’s wasted 15 years of your life?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Did you spit in his face?
You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Oscar Martinez
I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I will have one of own someday. laughs But I dream… so…

Michael has a ‘sticky-hand’ toy and snags a paper off Jim’s desk and then laughs About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-week notice. And, surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Kevin Malone
Michael is that scotch?
Scotch with Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch. in Oscar’s ear Clinky, clinky-clink. Come-on… come on, come on.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
slightly drunk What am I gonna do? I’ll tell ya what I’m gonna do. I gonna do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I gonna stay up all day. Gonna sleep it up all night. I’m gonna give it a OHH! HEY! HO! And I’m going to stop worrying about calories.

Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
I have a job.
For four more days.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Pam Beesley
Do you have any leads on a job?
Pam, what you don’t understand is that at my level you just don’t look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
You called any headhunters?
Any good headhunter knows I am available.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Any really good headhunter would storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife,
Right, cause that’s what we are talking about.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Charles
Uh, I need you to go over this client list and indicate any wrong or false data.
You’re ‘I need you to’ is my command.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Charles
Okay.

Hey Michael…
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey.
Can I talk to you a minute?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
You can talk to me for as long as you want. I have all the time in the world. eats some spaghetti Oh God! Blech! Phyllis!
I just wanted to tell you that… Oh What? takes a present out from behind his back What’s that?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh! Hey. What is this about?
Um, you know, cause your leaving and so, it’s a farewell…
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh.
I hope I get to work with you someday again.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Me too, me too. Is this wine?
Ah… busted. Yes
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
I already have wine.
Oh.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Isaac
interviewee enters office Hello.
Hi.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Isaac
Isaac Silby here for the interview
Uh, yes. Please have a seat. It’ll be a few minutes.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Isaac
Thank you. to Michael You interviewing too?
Hmm?
Photo of Michael Scott
Isaac
Interviewing?
For?
Photo of Michael Scott
Isaac
Regional manager.
Yes I am.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Charles
For regional manager I’ve decided to go with an outside hire. For obvious reasons.

Where you from?
Photo of Michael Scott
Isaac
Philly.
That’s a drive!
Photo of Michael Scott
Isaac
Yeah, well this is one of the few places that’s hiring. It’s uh, its brutal out there.
sighs
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Kevin Malone
Pam?
Hmm?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kevin Malone
When will the new copier be ready?
I’m working on it Kev.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kevin Malone
You said it would be ready by today. And it is today.
It’ll be ready soon.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kevin Malone
Soon could mean anything. Soon could be 3 weeks.
Is that what ‘soon’ means to you?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kevin Malone
Sometimes.
Then come back soon.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Pam Beesley
During the course of business, a copier goes though something called ‘Normal wear and tear.’

feeding coins into a vent I think it’s 75 cents.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Oscar Martinez
That’s a lot.

Bandit is chewing on wires Bandit, No! No no no!
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Kevin Malone
dumps coffee all over the copier glass Oh!

Yesterday, they delivered the new one. But they didn’t set it up. So my day just got a little more interesting. holds up a huge manual
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Jim Halpert
overhears loud monster noises Its Monster dot com. Singular.
Thank you. groaning ceases
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
You work in paper long enough, you get to know the players. dials phone
Hi, you’ve reached Prince Paper. We are sad to inform you that after 40 years of serving the community we are no longer in business. Thank you for your support. May God bless you. girl’s voice Bye!
Phone
Photo of Michael Scott
sighs What am I gong to do? Uh… chuckles.

PSST! PSST!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah… .you want me to come in your office? Oh.

Okay, oh okay, okay. Close your eyes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I would prefer not to.
Just close your eyes. I’m going to start my own paper company.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
You’re starting your own paper company?
yeah!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Why?
Can you believe… cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Do you know the industry is in decline?
Yeah! Oh God. I practically invented decline.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Right.
Right, I know paper, I know how to manage. I have a name, close your eyes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
No, I did that before, it added nothing.
Close them.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Okay. keeps eyes open
Alright, Michael Scott Paper Company. You want in? Do you want to be a part of this?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I am not gonna do this.
Obviously.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
And you are not going to, either.
Oh, agreed, mmm, except…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Here’s the thing. What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A, exists, and B, has a salary. Because they’re set up to do that kind of thing.
Hey hey… what’s up Chuck?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Charles
Jim.
Hey.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Charles
what are you doing?
Nothing, just talking.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Charles
Okay, Michael handed in his 2-week notice, did you also hand in your 2-week?
I didn’t… no.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Charles
Okay. After you.
No I’m staying.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Charles
Okay.

examining the copier manual Do you want me to translate the German instructions for you?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, I’m sure they’re pretty much the same as the English instructions.
Typical American ignorance that got us involved in a war we never should have been in. World War II.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
That’s a really… well fine, Do the German instructions say what this is supposed to do?
Deutsch… let me see here. That is either an incense dispenser, or a ceremonial sarcophagus.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hmm…

My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Pam, listen. This order form. Instead of saying “Dunder Mifflin” at the top is there any way I could get it to say something else?
Like Michael Scott Paper Company?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
You… oh. Somebody has been talking in bed. Pillow talk.
Hmm… yeah. Listen Michael. Have you really thought this through? ‘Cause it’s a pretty big risk.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
This is a dream that I have had since lunch, and I am not giving up on it now.
Yeah… you could give it up though right? And almost nobody would know.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Before you got here, I’m the one who landed all these clients. Half of them, at least. I can do it again. I know the market, I know the price points. I’m on it, don’t worry. So, how do I do that?
Well, um, you can scan it, and then you can upload the image, and then you can copy the new image.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Can’t I take some paper and just tape over it with transparent tape?
Yeah. Good.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Thank you very much.
Mmm-hmm
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Kelly Kapoor
So that is why I have to leave at 5: 00 on Tuesday, it’s to pick up my little sisters from school. We’re really tight. We’re like the Kardashians..
You know, you can run this stuff by Toby.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Yeah I don’t like talking… knock on door
Come in…
Photo of Charles
Photo of Angela Martin
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were with anyone. I just wanted to bring you the brochure on that accounting seminar that I was telling you about. Earlier.
Yep, we were in the middle of something so why don’t you just…
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Angela Martin
Okay, um, actually you know it was so much fun last year. There was a Sunday-bar. I mean I didn’t have any, you know, to stay trim.
Did Michael just let anybody in his office?
Photo of Charles
Angela and Kelly
Yep! Yeah. He just loved having people, communicating all the time. He was like ‘Come on in!”

I am aware of the effect I have on woman.
Photo of Charles

Photo of Kelly Kapoor
So you should be heading back to your desk.
Okay. Bye Charles. Well you’ll let me know. Good bye.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
She’s such a special person. And she’s turning 50 this year.

I’m starting my own paper company.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
No way!?
Yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
In this climate?
Yeah. In all climates. It’s going to be worldwide. And I’m looking for some talented salesmen to join me. That’s where you come in.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Ehh… in accent well it’s a very intriguing concept, isn’t it? Um… hmmm..makes weird noises to stall, Dwight enters Michael is starting his own paper company. What do you think about that?
Your own paper company.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Can you believe it? Well, we’ll see, we’ll see. It’s just a, just a nugget of an idea right now so
Right…
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Potential, lots of potential. yes.
What a courageous venture.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
It’s… it’s very courageous, very exciting. Um…
Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities…
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s what I was thinking, with the farm, so… You getting to wherever I’m gonna put my thing.
Okay. So yeah.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
So think about it. Lets put a pin in it for now.
You know, I would love to put a pin in that.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Pam Beesley
Everyone, can I have your attention. This is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Right? drum roll on copier
Little Ms. Thing wants attention.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Pam Beesley
Meredith… copier has an error Oh… so uh… G-44. It’s not ready Kevin!

I’m at a crucial point where I have sunk 4 hours into that copier, and I am not going to let it beat me like that wireless router did.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Oscar Martinez
bites his sandwich and notices there is a note in it

You put a note in my food?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
I made it sterile.
Just to say “sterile” doesn’t make it so.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, Oscar. To come work for me.
Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research, financials?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
No, no no.
You need those things. Most new businesses, they don’t make a profit till at least two years. And then your margins will be razor thin. Best case scenario, you don’t cut yourself a salary for at least 5 years. Can you go 5 years without a salary, Michael?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay.
Five years?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, hey, you already have the job. You don’t have to convince me.
It’s just not prudent Michael.
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Michael Scott
from inside the restroom Stanley?
Can’t you see I’m urinating?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Listen, Listen, Stanley. You don’t have to answer me now.
No.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Just… I want you to think about it, I’m starting my own company.
No.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh-okay, you’re not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars.
No I didn’t.
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Photo of Michael Scott
You know what. I had a great time at prom. And no one said ‘Yes’ to that either.

How’s it working?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Phyllis
Um, let’s see… it’s fine.
Good.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Pam Beesley
I did it. I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book, in plastic with offset colors. Which feels…

Hey Hank, You ready?
Photo of Charles
Photo of Hank
Yeah.
Okay, Michael?
Photo of Charles
Photo of Michael Scott
Hmm?
I can’t pretend I haven’t seen that. So I am going e to ask you to stand up, walk out. And you can’t take anything.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, I have immunity. It’s my two-weeks…
not if you’re starting your own paper company, Michael. Hank…
Photo of Charles
Photo of Hank
Okay Michael.
Hank? You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Hank
Come on man, let’s, let’s go.

I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He’s a good guy. And he’s super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He’s all the way over there.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Michael Scott
to everyone Well here we are… I would just like to…
No, no no no. You’re done, Michael.
Photo of Charles

Photo of Michael Scott
yelling from Parking lot Alright then everybody, I’m outta here!
from behind the upstairs window What is he doing? It looks like he’s saying something.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
I think he’s singing.
I can’t believe this is really happening.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
… and I feel free!

And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone. Michael sneaks back in the parking lot, and into a back door of the building
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Andy Bernard
The whole office feels darker, you know? It’s just a sad dark day.
Andy He’s gone.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Andy Bernard
I know.
You don’t have to kiss his ass anymore.
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Toby Flenderson
Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it’s not great, but it’s something to watch. And when it’s over you’re like… how much time is left on this flight? Now what?

Michael is Army crawling around the office Michael?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Shh shh shh… don’t look down, look straight up. Come on please!
These are for employees only.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Angela Kevin, you have to help me out I just need a few things then I will be gone.
Michael, why is it that you asked everyone except me, Angela, Creed, and Meredith?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
I was going to, I wanted to. But I had to start somewhere.
But you didn’t want to start with us?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
No, of course not. But now I want everybody. Jim! Jim? Buddy, Hey! Buddy, Jimbo? Did you have time to think about my offer?
I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
So which way are you leaning?
Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Thanks Jim.
Hey, did anyone see the client list that Michael was supposed to be working on.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No.
Okay, let me know if you find it.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, Okay, we don’t have much time. Just act normal. Don’t look at me people. Stop. Don’t look down. Don’t look down. He’s going to see me. Don’t look all the way up. Keep it at a normal height. Okay. This is not Michael Scott talking right now, this is your future. Hello, I am your future. You’re older, and you are very happy now. Because you went with Michael Scott. Right. So everybody come on down. Lets just crawl out of here together. Alright? Come on! Are you, are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be? Pam is thinking hard Alright. Everybody who’s going to go with me I want you to stomp your foot. Okay, alright. Come on. You’re coming with me. Come on Phyllis. Here we go, here we go!
Michael get up!
Photo of Charles
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh God… okay alright. It’s time to go it’s time to go. Jim, let’s go. Come on!
Michael, what are you doing?
Photo of Charles
Photo of Michael Scott
I think maybe Hank should be here.
Hank? No, I don’t need Hank Michael.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Michael Scott
You’re going to mess with me, is that what you’re going to do? I’ll tell you something Charles, I don’t even care. Cause I’ve got nothing got lose. Charles steps towards Michael Oh my God, OH GOD! No no, all right. Fine, it’s not even worth it.
Oh no.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
What?
I’m going with him.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
What? Pam!
I’m going.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Pam! You can’t be serious.
Michael, wait! I’m coming with you.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
You are?
Yeah.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay. It’s going to be great.
Great. Uh, except, I don’t want to be a receptionist anymore.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Right… Executive assistant.
Salesman.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Alright, okay. Deal! Okay, well… Jim?
Still no.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, okay, lets go.
Oh, all my stuff is still upstairs so…
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Are people watching?
Probably.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Michael, its not how you leave in an office. It how you…
Jim Jim Jim… we’re having a company meeting here.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I’ll bring your stuff home. Okay, bye.
Okay, see you later.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Bye.

So, we had a personnel change today. Shouldn’t effect our day to day. But, until we get a new receptionist I want Kevin on the phones.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Kevin Malone
Phones?
Also, there has been too much wasted time. So Stanley.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Stanley Hudson
holding a crossword puzzle Yes.
Yeah, I want you to be on top of that okay? I want you to be my productivity czar. Okay, good. Uh, okay that it on my list. So uh, you know, no excuses guys. Lets get going okay? everyone leaves except Kevin and Stanley, who are sitting stunned in their chairs
Photo of Charles

The Office TV Show Footer image