Two Weeks - The Office (Season 5, Episode 21)

Michael has resigned and submitted his two weeks notice. He starts goofing off and drinking around the office, while new company vice president Charles Miner plans to hire the new regional manager from the outside, for "obvious reasons." Everyone suggests to Michael that he start looking for another job. But Michael is unworried... and then he learns how bad the economy is. He first tries to find a job at Prince Paper, but Dunder Mifflin ran them out of business. After he's unable to find work, Michael decides to start his own paper company. He tries to convince others around the office to join him, but ends up unsuccesful. Nobody wants to leave their jobs on Michaels sketchy new company. Charles catches Michael labeling Dunder Mifflin customer lists with his new company's name and he orders Hank to escort Michael out of the building. Michael drives away but comes back later and sneaks into the building.

While the office has received a new copy machine, it isn't fully assembled, and Pam is tasked with putting it together. Finally finishing the assembly, Pam feels no satisfaction afterwards. She realizes how underutilized and underappreciated she is at her job. Meanwhile, Angela and Kelly continue their flirting with Charles.

Michael sneaks back into the office, crawling on the floor so Charles, who is sitting in the conference room, won't notice him. Michael gets his customer list and makes a final desperate offer for the other employees to join him. Charles notices Michael and threatens him, prompting Michael to leave without the customer list. Charles goes back to the conference room but Pam follows Michael out of the building, telling him that she is coming with him. There's one condition - she wants to be a salesperson at his new company. Michael agrees, then asks Jim if he wants to come with them, but he declines. Pam and Michael leave together.

At the end of the episode, Charles, who still knows very little about the employees at the Scranton branch, decides to make Kevin the temporary receptionist and make Stanley the office's "Productivity Czar," much to the surprise of both men

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Two Weeks

Photo of Michael Scott
I had no idea when I got in that car and headed to New York I was going to quit. I got on that ramp and I thought two hours, two hours to go. Feeling good. Listen to some tunes. Should’ve peed before I left.
Michael get to the good part.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, so. I get up to the building, I get to the revolving door… broken! So I have to take the normal door.
At least he is in the building.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
No, No! I was so nervous it was the wrong building! I walked into the wrong building!
groans
Photo of Everyone

Photo of Pam Beesley
He finally has a story everyone wants to hear… and he knows it.

Okay focus. Focus. You’re in the right building, you’re with the right people; what happened?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I looked at Wallace and I said “I quit!” and as I turned to leave I looked back and I said “You have no idea how high I can fly.”
Did you tell him how sick of him you were?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Why would I do that?
Well, wouldn’t it feel good to tell him that he was incompetent?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kevin Malone
That he’s wasted 15 years of your life?
Did you spit in his face?
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Michael Scott
You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it.

I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I will have one of own someday. laughs But I dream… so…
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Jim Halpert
Michael has a ‘sticky-hand’ toy and snags a paper off Jim’s desk and then laughs About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-week notice. And, surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying.

Michael is that scotch?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Scotch with Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch. in Oscar’s ear Clinky, clinky-clink. Come-on… come on, come on.

slightly drunk What am I gonna do? I’ll tell ya what I’m gonna do. I gonna do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I gonna stay up all day. Gonna sleep it up all night. I’m gonna give it a OHH! HEY! HO! And I’m going to stop worrying about calories.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Stanley Hudson
Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs?
I have a job.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
For four more days.
Do you have any leads on a job?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Pam, what you don’t understand is that at my level you just don’t look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted.
You called any headhunters?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Any good headhunter knows I am available.
Any really good headhunter would storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife,
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Right, cause that’s what we are talking about.
Uh, I need you to go over this client list and indicate any wrong or false data.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Michael Scott
You’re ‘I need you to’ is my command.
Okay.
Photo of Charles

Photo of Andy Bernard
Hey Michael…
Hey.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Can I talk to you a minute?
You can talk to me for as long as you want. I have all the time in the world. eats some spaghetti Oh God! Blech! Phyllis!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
I just wanted to tell you that… Oh What? takes a present out from behind his back What’s that?
Oh! Hey. What is this about?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Um, you know, cause your leaving and so, it’s a farewell…
Oh.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
I hope I get to work with you someday again.
Me too, me too. Is this wine?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Ah… busted. Yes
I already have wine.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Oh.

interviewee enters office Hello.
Isaac
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hi.
Isaac Silby here for the interview
Isaac
Photo of Pam Beesley
Uh, yes. Please have a seat. It’ll be a few minutes.
Thank you. to Michael You interviewing too?
Isaac
Photo of Michael Scott
Hmm?
Interviewing?
Isaac
Photo of Michael Scott
For?
Regional manager.
Isaac
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes I am.

For regional manager I’ve decided to go with an outside hire. For obvious reasons.
Photo of Charles

Photo of Michael Scott
Where you from?
Philly.
Isaac
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s a drive!
Yeah, well this is one of the few places that’s hiring. It’s uh, its brutal out there.
Isaac
Photo of Michael Scott
sighs

Pam?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hmm?
When will the new copier be ready?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m working on it Kev.
You said it would be ready by today. And it is today.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
It’ll be ready soon.
Soon could mean anything. Soon could be 3 weeks.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
Is that what ‘soon’ means to you?
Sometimes.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
Then come back soon.

During the course of business, a copier goes though something called ‘Normal wear and tear.’
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Creed Bratton
feeding coins into a vent I think it’s 75 cents.
That’s a lot.
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Angela Martin
Bandit is chewing on wires Bandit, No! No no no!

dumps coffee all over the copier glass Oh!
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Pam Beesley
Yesterday, they delivered the new one. But they didn’t set it up. So my day just got a little more interesting. holds up a huge manual

overhears loud monster noises Its Monster dot com. Singular.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Thank you. groaning ceases

You work in paper long enough, you get to know the players. dials phone
Photo of Michael Scott
Phone
Hi, you’ve reached Prince Paper. We are sad to inform you that after 40 years of serving the community we are no longer in business. Thank you for your support. May God bless you. girl’s voice Bye!
sighs What am I gong to do? Uh… chuckles.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
PSST! PSST!
Yeah… .you want me to come in your office? Oh.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, oh okay, okay. Close your eyes.
I would prefer not to.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Just close your eyes. I’m going to start my own paper company.
You’re starting your own paper company?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
yeah!
Why?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Can you believe… cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper.
Do you know the industry is in decline?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah! Oh God. I practically invented decline.
Right.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Right, I know paper, I know how to manage. I have a name, close your eyes.
No, I did that before, it added nothing.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Close them.
Okay. keeps eyes open
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Alright, Michael Scott Paper Company. You want in? Do you want to be a part of this?
I am not gonna do this.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Obviously.
And you are not going to, either.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, agreed, mmm, except…
Here’s the thing. What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A, exists, and B, has a salary. Because they’re set up to do that kind of thing.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey hey… what’s up Chuck?
Jim.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey.
what are you doing?
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Nothing, just talking.
Okay, Michael handed in his 2-week notice, did you also hand in your 2-week?
Photo of Charles
Photo of Jim Halpert
I didn’t… no.
Okay. After you.
Photo of Charles
Photo of Michael Scott
No I’m staying.
Okay.
Photo of Charles

Photo of Dwight Schrute
examining the copier manual Do you want me to translate the German instructions for you?
No, I’m sure they’re pretty much the same as the English instructions.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Typical American ignorance that got us involved in a war we never should have been in. World War II.
That’s a really… well fine, Do the German instructions say what this is supposed to do?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Deutsch… let me see here. That is either an incense dispenser, or a ceremonial sarcophagus.
Hmm…
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Dwight Schrute
My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious.

Pam, listen. This order form. Instead of saying “Dunder Mifflin” at the top is there any way I could get it to say something else?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Like Michael Scott Paper Company?
You… oh. Somebody has been talking in bed. Pillow talk.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hmm… yeah. Listen Michael. Have you really thought this through? ‘Cause it’s a pretty big risk.
This is a dream that I have had since lunch, and I am not giving up on it now.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah… you could give it up though right? And almost nobody would know.
Before you got here, I’m the one who landed all these clients. Half of them, at least. I can do it again. I know the market, I know the price points. I’m on it, don’t worry. So, how do I do that?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Well, um, you can scan it, and then you can upload the image, and then you can copy the new image.
Can’t I take some paper and just tape over it with transparent tape?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah. Good.
Thank you very much.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Mmm-hmm

So that is why I have to leave at 5: 00 on Tuesday, it’s to pick up my little sisters from school. We’re really tight. We’re like the Kardashians..
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Charles
You know, you can run this stuff by Toby.
Yeah I don’t like talking… knock on door
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Charles
Come in…
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were with anyone. I just wanted to bring you the brochure on that accounting seminar that I was telling you about. Earlier.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Yep, we were in the middle of something so why don’t you just…
Okay, um, actually you know it was so much fun last year. There was a Sunday-bar. I mean I didn’t have any, you know, to stay trim.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Charles
Did Michael just let anybody in his office?
Yep! Yeah. He just loved having people, communicating all the time. He was like ‘Come on in!”
Angela and Kelly

Photo of Charles
I am aware of the effect I have on woman.

So you should be heading back to your desk.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Angela Martin
Okay. Bye Charles. Well you’ll let me know. Good bye.
She’s such a special person. And she’s turning 50 this year.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor

Photo of Michael Scott
I’m starting my own paper company.
No way!?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah.
In this climate?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah. In all climates. It’s going to be worldwide. And I’m looking for some talented salesmen to join me. That’s where you come in.
Ehh… in accent well it’s a very intriguing concept, isn’t it? Um… hmmm..makes weird noises to stall, Dwight enters Michael is starting his own paper company. What do you think about that?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Your own paper company.
Can you believe it? Well, we’ll see, we’ll see. It’s just a, just a nugget of an idea right now so
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Right…
Potential, lots of potential. yes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What a courageous venture.
It’s… it’s very courageous, very exciting. Um…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities…
That’s what I was thinking, with the farm, so… You getting to wherever I’m gonna put my thing.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Okay. So yeah.
So think about it. Lets put a pin in it for now.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You know, I would love to put a pin in that.

Everyone, can I have your attention. This is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Right? drum roll on copier
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Little Ms. Thing wants attention.
Meredith… copier has an error Oh… so uh… G-44. It’s not ready Kevin!
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m at a crucial point where I have sunk 4 hours into that copier, and I am not going to let it beat me like that wireless router did.

bites his sandwich and notices there is a note in it
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Oscar Martinez
You put a note in my food?
I made it sterile.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Just to say “sterile” doesn’t make it so.
I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, Oscar. To come work for me.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research, financials?
No, no no.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
You need those things. Most new businesses, they don’t make a profit till at least two years. And then your margins will be razor thin. Best case scenario, you don’t cut yourself a salary for at least 5 years. Can you go 5 years without a salary, Michael?
Okay.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Five years?
Okay, hey, you already have the job. You don’t have to convince me.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
It’s just not prudent Michael.

from inside the restroom Stanley?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Can’t you see I’m urinating?
Listen, Listen, Stanley. You don’t have to answer me now.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
No.
Just… I want you to think about it, I’m starting my own company.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
No.
Oh-okay, you’re not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
No I didn’t.

You know what. I had a great time at prom. And no one said ‘Yes’ to that either.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
How’s it working?
Um, let’s see… it’s fine.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Pam Beesley
Good.

I did it. I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book, in plastic with offset colors. Which feels…
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Charles
Hey Hank, You ready?
Yeah.
Photo of Hank
Photo of Charles
Okay, Michael?
Hmm?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Charles
I can’t pretend I haven’t seen that. So I am going e to ask you to stand up, walk out. And you can’t take anything.
Okay, I have immunity. It’s my two-weeks…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Charles
not if you’re starting your own paper company, Michael. Hank…
Okay Michael.
Photo of Hank
Photo of Michael Scott
Hank? You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building.
Come on man, let’s, let’s go.
Photo of Hank

Photo of Kevin Malone
I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He’s a good guy. And he’s super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He’s all the way over there.

to everyone Well here we are… I would just like to…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Charles
No, no no no. You’re done, Michael.

yelling from Parking lot Alright then everybody, I’m outta here!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
from behind the upstairs window What is he doing? It looks like he’s saying something.
I think he’s singing.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
I can’t believe this is really happening.
… and I feel free!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Oscar Martinez
And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone. Michael sneaks back in the parking lot, and into a back door of the building

The whole office feels darker, you know? It’s just a sad dark day.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Phyllis
Andy He’s gone.
I know.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Phyllis
You don’t have to kiss his ass anymore.

Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it’s not great, but it’s something to watch. And when it’s over you’re like… how much time is left on this flight? Now what?
Photo of Toby Flenderson

Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael is Army crawling around the office Michael?
Shh shh shh… don’t look down, look straight up. Come on please!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
These are for employees only.
Angela Kevin, you have to help me out I just need a few things then I will be gone.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Michael, why is it that you asked everyone except me, Angela, Creed, and Meredith?
I was going to, I wanted to. But I had to start somewhere.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
But you didn’t want to start with us?
No, of course not. But now I want everybody. Jim! Jim? Buddy, Hey! Buddy, Jimbo? Did you have time to think about my offer?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else.
So which way are you leaning?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else.
Thanks Jim.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Charles
Hey, did anyone see the client list that Michael was supposed to be working on.
No.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Charles
Okay, let me know if you find it.
Okay, Okay, we don’t have much time. Just act normal. Don’t look at me people. Stop. Don’t look down. Don’t look down. He’s going to see me. Don’t look all the way up. Keep it at a normal height. Okay. This is not Michael Scott talking right now, this is your future. Hello, I am your future. You’re older, and you are very happy now. Because you went with Michael Scott. Right. So everybody come on down. Lets just crawl out of here together. Alright? Come on! Are you, are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be? Pam is thinking hard Alright. Everybody who’s going to go with me I want you to stomp your foot. Okay, alright. Come on. You’re coming with me. Come on Phyllis. Here we go, here we go!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Charles
Michael get up!
Oh God… okay alright. It’s time to go it’s time to go. Jim, let’s go. Come on!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Charles
Michael, what are you doing?
I think maybe Hank should be here.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Charles
Hank? No, I don’t need Hank Michael.
You’re going to mess with me, is that what you’re going to do? I’ll tell you something Charles, I don’t even care. Cause I’ve got nothing got lose. Charles steps towards Michael Oh my God, OH GOD! No no, all right. Fine, it’s not even worth it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh no.
What?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m going with him.
What? Pam!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m going.
Pam! You can’t be serious.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael, wait! I’m coming with you.
You are?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah.
Okay. It’s going to be great.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Great. Uh, except, I don’t want to be a receptionist anymore.
Right… Executive assistant.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Salesman.
Alright, okay. Deal! Okay, well… Jim?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Still no.
Well, okay, lets go.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, all my stuff is still upstairs so…
Are people watching?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Probably.
Michael, its not how you leave in an office. It how you…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Jim Jim Jim… we’re having a company meeting here.
I’ll bring your stuff home. Okay, bye.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Okay, see you later.
Bye.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Charles
So, we had a personnel change today. Shouldn’t effect our day to day. But, until we get a new receptionist I want Kevin on the phones.
Phones?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Charles
Also, there has been too much wasted time. So Stanley.
holding a crossword puzzle Yes.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Charles
Yeah, I want you to be on top of that okay? I want you to be my productivity czar. Okay, good. Uh, okay that it on my list. So uh, you know, no excuses guys. Lets get going okay? everyone leaves except Kevin and Stanley, who are sitting stunned in their chairs

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