Lecture Circuit - Part 2 - The Office (Season 5, Episode 17)

When they arrive at the Nashua branch, Michael and Pam learn that Holly is away on a human relations retreat. They also learn that Holly is dating a salesman at the office named A.J. Michael is very upset... and is unable to go forward with the presentation. Pam Pam tries to comfort him by telling him that she felt the same way when Jim was dating Karen.

Pam encourages Michael to do the best presentation possible so everyone will tell Holly about it. Michael starts the presentation, but falls apart when he starts asking A.J. intimate questions about the relationship with Holly. Michael bails in the middle of the talk, leaving Pam to awkwardly finish the rest of the presentation.

Michael goes to Holly's desk and cuts a sleeve off her sweater, and then notices a document on her computer called "Dear Michael". He quickly he copies it onto his flash drive and later Michael tells Pam about the letter. She believes reading it would be violating Holly's trust but not so if Pam read the letter. Pam does so but doesn't tell him exactly what she said in the letter. She reassures Michael that Holly still has feelings for him and it is not over. Michael has the closure he sought.

In Scranton, the party planning continues to go poorly. Kelly declares she hates the cake Jim picked for her, which is completely blank; he later decorates it and ends up spelling her name incorrectly as "Kelley". When Kelly insists the party needs a theme, Jim and Dwight are unable to think of anything. Despite a rough start to the party, they finally settle on offering her one hour of napping or one hour of watching television. She loves the idea and chooses the nap.

Angela appears happier than usual - she bought a new $7,000 cat with the money she received from selling Andy's engagement ring. She has also set up a nanny cam so she can monitor the cats from work. She is, however, horrified to see one of her other cats having sex with the new cat, and rushes home to stop it. Later, Kevin and Oscar see Angela arrive home on the nanny cam screen, and become incredibly disgusted when Angela starts licking the cat to help clean it. Angela eventually returns to work and coughs up a hairball.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Lecture Circuit - Part 2

I am on a lecture circuit. I’m goin’ around to all the branches, and I’m telling them my secret recipe for success.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I have now memorized all of your names. Shirty, Mole, Lazy Eye, Mexico, Baldy.

holding a chainsaw And I turn it on and I say ‘Prepare yourself for the Utica Chainsaw Massacre.’
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Karen
How’s Jim?
We’re engaged.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Karen
Oh my God, I’m so happy for you!
Oh, wow, thank you!
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
You remember Holly? She used to work for HR? She’s the love of my life. She just left… and I never got closure. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure.
… Okay, let’s go.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Oscar Martinez
Kevin is holding two ice cream treats Two?
I didn’t eat lunch. Oscar gives Kevin a look I didn’t eat all my lunch.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Angela Martin
enters smiling and waving Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.
It… yeah.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Angela, you’re more chipper than usual.
I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. takes a breath, excitedly She’s hypoallergenic. She doesn’t struggle when you try to dress her. She’s a third-generation show cat. Her father was in ‘Meet the Parents.’ Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Meredith Palmer
How much?
Seven thousand dollars.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Creed Bratton
For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Where’d you get that kind of money?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Angela Martin
I sold Andy’s engagement ring on eBay.
Wait, you didn’t give it back?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
He wouldn’t have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!
Seven grand?
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Angela Martin
Mm-hmm.
I gotta see that little bitch.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Angela Martin
I have something better than a picture. Come on.

You have your cats on Nanny-Cam?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Angela Martin
Yeah. cats meowing I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I’m out of vacation days. And this company still doesn’t recognize cat maternity. I mean, when somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year.
She’s right. I had my second kid just for the vacation.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Angela Martin
Right. Anyways… I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.
Any cat, you mean.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
And person.

So, detour. We’re now adding Nashua to the Lecture Circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone. I don’t think they get a lot of visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross-country skis. Hey-oh! laughs whispers I’ve been driving too long.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Dwight Schrute
shouts from another room What did you do?
Stop yelling at me!
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What did you do?
I didn’t do anything!
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh? Like how to fashion a shiv, hmm?
Hey! What the hell’s goin’ on?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Why don’t you tell Jim where you were from ages 14 to 15.
I was kickin’ it.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Dwight Schrute
In juvie.
What?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Juvie… nile… Detention Center. Where they send teenagers!
Yep.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
For reha-
Got it.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What did you do? Huh?
Hey, Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah, if she’s old enough to get married, she’s old enough to follow the law. to Kelly What did you do?
My boyfriend dumped me, so, I stole his boat. I mean, he told me it was his boat. It was actually his father’s. And I just thought it’d be really romantic, like ‘Thelma and Louise,’ but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can’t believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I thought you said yesterday was your birthday!
Hey, you know what? I got you a cake.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
You did? I wanna see the cake.
And… ta da.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
I hate it.
How do you hate it? It’s a cake.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Well, there’s no flowers… or toys… or— I mean, there’s nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean, it doesn’t have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly!
Right.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Jim Halpert
I forgot if there was an “e” between the “l” and the “y.” I still don’t know.

I mean, I don’t even know what the theme is. What’s the theme?!
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Jim Halpert
Birthday.
Frosting.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Those aren’t… themes. There’s always a theme. walks out
There’s always a theme.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Nice job on the cake, Bozo!
Okay, you know what, next time, I’ll let you get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Pam Beesley
taking Michael’s picture Okay, a little bit more closer to the sign. Yeah.

Do I look okay?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
You look good.

Hi.
Photo of Michael Scott
Receptionist
Hi, can I help you?
Yes, you can. I am, uh, Michael Scott, Regional Manager of the Scranton branch.
Photo of Michael Scott
Receptionist
Yes, we were expecting you. Have a seat.
Thank you. … Um… is, uh, Holly Flax anywhere here?
Photo of Michael Scott
Receptionist
Actually, she’s on an HR retreat for the next three days.
Oh- She’s not here?
Photo of Michael Scott
Receptionist
But, if you need to get in touch with her immediately, you could talk to A.J. He’s a salesman here.
A.J.
Photo of Michael Scott
Receptionist
Yeah, he’s her boyfriend. He’s just over there.

She has a boyfriend.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m so sorry, Michael.
How could she do this to me, Pam?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
She’s not doing it to hurt you.
I can’t do the presentation, I can’t- voice cracks … just… oh… thinking about seeing him… and… thinking about… him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God! starts crying, covers his face
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn’t want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but-
I know, just… uh, please, I’m going through something, okay? exhales
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
You know, when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she’ll realize what she’s missing.
And then she’ll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah, maybe.
laughs
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Maybe. One step at a time.
sighs
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
You can do this.
I can do this.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Oscar Martinez
It could be snacks, or-
Why would we- cats meowing from Angela’s computer, sounds like crying
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Wha-
Is that what I think it is? Kevin and Oscar get up and go to Angela’s computer
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Good God!
gasps
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
laughs
gasps
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kevin Malone
That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady!
No!
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Awesome!
Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad! You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Yeah, I know fixed; that ain’t fixed.
No way.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
No, now listen. You can’t let what you see here, sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. all laugh I gotta go. I’ll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that! Oh!
Oh, the other one’s watching.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Jim Halpert
Okay, so all we need is a theme… and cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake.
Busy!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey, what’s that show that she’s always talking about?
Oh, my God. Is this how you are with Pam? ‘Cause she must want to shoot herself in the face.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
You know what? I could use a little help.
You know what? I’m a little busy.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
We have a lot to do, and you are… putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you’ve been doing, is making a sign?
It’s not effeminate. It’s festive.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
You’ve been making that sign, for something that we could just announce to the whole office? Hey everybody, the party’s now at 3!
I know, I just read it on the sign.
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Photo of Michael Scott
Goooood morning, Viet-Nashua! Sales. Sales is what bwings us together, today. How do we deal with clients who say, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn… about paper” and get them to “Show us the money!” Well, we are going to find out today. Show of hands. How many of you are salesmen? Let’s see the salesmen. some raise their hands Oh, okay. Well I know what the rest of you are thinking. Wow, yuck. Salesmen are the worst! They are awful. They are so arrogant. They think the whole place revolves around them. Handsome, good listeners, funny, Mr. Wonderful. So, okay, you’re a salesman. What’s, uh, what’s your name?
A.J.
Photo of A.J.
Photo of Michael Scott
A.J. What kind of name is A.J.?
laughs
Photo of A.J.
Photo of Michael Scott
What do you race cars?
laughs I’m a salesman. That’s why I raised my hand.
Photo of A.J.
Photo of Michael Scott
Ooh. Ouch. Okay, good. You’re funny, very good and funny. Tell me, A.J., are you dating? Is there somebody you date?
Yeah. Why, are you interested? all laugh
Photo of A.J.
Woman
I have a question about discounts from distributors.
Yep, we will get to you. Okay, so you’re dating somebody? Um… is it serious?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of A.J.
It’s pretty serious, yes.
Huh- pauses Does she ever talk about me? voice cracking
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, God.
Excuse me?
Photo of A.J.
Man
What does this have to do with sales?
It’s all connected. Shut up. to A.J. Does she ever mention ‘Michael Scott?’
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of A.J.
No, what are you talking about?
sighs loudly Does it feel good?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of A.J.
Does what feel good?
grunts Your life. sits down, upset Oh, wow. Whew. Ahh, legs are sorta giving out. Long drive in the car, so let’s just- We’ll just continue. sighs, falls to floor, gets more upset Oh, wow. takes deep breath Ooh, okay.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael, get off the floor!
Yeah, yeah… uh, I can’t do this Pam. Just read from- just read the cards.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
whispering No, no, no, you have to do it-
No, no, I’m okay. I’m all right. sighs heavily Okay… okay.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
That was weird, huh? It’s all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. pauses I’m just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened and the fact that I’m going to be doing the rest of the presentation. reading from the cards, in Forrest Gump voice Sales is like a box a chocolates, you never know which vendor you’re gonna get. Forrest Gump.

pointing to staff members Blazer. Freckles. Penguin. K.D. Lang. Holly’s boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then, also to help you memorize names. I have a chainsaw! holds up chainsaw, makes a wimpy chain saw noise Cutting down the competition.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Angela Martin
cats meowing in backgroundon Nanny-Cam Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I’m looking for Mr. Ash. He’s a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. Do you hear me? Bad. Yeah, you were bad. No, you look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? You look at me. ‘Cause I’m talking to you right now.
chuckles
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
snickers
meows like a cat, then hisses
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kevin Malone
This is getting weird.
Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue? Angela licks cat, meows
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
Ohhh…

sighs, touches Holly’s sweater, cuts off sleeve, chuckles, sees Word document on Holly’s computer named “Dear Michael,” plugs in USB flash drive to copy file from computer
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Angela Martin
shivers meowing noises Has this been on the entire time?
I have no idea.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
I was looking at pictures of food on my computer.
sigh of relief Well, sorry I’m late. clears throat, coughs, pulls hairball out of her mouth
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Oscar Martinez
I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also, I’m pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.

loading up car with Michael Don’t look up. Don’t look up. sighs as office workers all looking from window
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
Want some pie?
No.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I went through Holly’s things.
What?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I stole a sleeve of her sweater.
Oh, Michael…
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I also stole something off of her computer. A document called “Dear Michael.”
You did what?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I shouldn’t have done it. It just- I couldn’t help it.
She never sent it to you?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
No, sh- she didn’t. I’m gonna read it.
No.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes.
No, under no circumstances can you read that letter. It’s a violation of her trust.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
How?
Because, she didn’t send it to you!
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I know, I know. You’re right, you’re right.
I could read it.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
No, that wouldn’t-
Yeah, I could read it.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
No, you don’t have to do that.
Go get your laptop.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay. leaves to get laptop
to camera What? I’m not in love with her.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Dwight Schrute
blowing up balloon, breathes loudly You have to write my suggestions down, too.
I’m not writing, “Horse Hunt.” I don’t even know what that means.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s in the name.
grunts Okay, so far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades, and yes, horse hunting.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You’re right, forget horse hunting. It’s stupid.
Look, is there a birthday you remember that you loved?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Here’s one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I’d never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord. pretends to bite
Okay, stop. Forever stop that story. That’s disgusting, and it doesn’t count. So give me another one.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Schrutes don’t celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a Depression-era practicality, and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year. rolls eyes What about you?
Actually, when I was seven, my Dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
That’s cool. Hey, you know what’s even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.
to camera Didn’t see that one coming.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Pam Beesley
closes laptop It’s deleted.
Well?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
She still has feelings for you.
She said that? Is that what it said? What did it say?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
I can’t tell you specifically, but… it’s not over.
You’re sure?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
nods and smiles
smiles, sighs, chuckles Okay.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Kelly Kapoor
enters conference room
Happy Birthday!
All
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Surprise!
Hey, it’s not a surprise.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Not a surprise.
This doesn’t look good.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Jim Halpert
What?! You have a cake. You have a delicious cake, with your name spelled correctly?
shakes her head no
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Told you.
You haven’t heard our theme, though.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
You don’t hear a theme, you see it… why is there a chicklet on my cake?
That’s the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Our theme, if you will.
Because the fun part is, you get to decide on an hour of television, or an hour of napping.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
That’s our theme.
Cool.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah?
I love it.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Dwight Schrute
high-fives Jim Oh, yes! Okay, good. So what’s it gonna be, Kapoor?
Ooh- can she pick a half hour of each?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No.
No.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
Oh, then pick TV.
Take a nap!
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Oscar Martinez
TV.
No, watching TV at work is really cool.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Take a nap, nothing good is on TV right now.
Bonnie Hunt is on.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
You know what, I have been watching TV all week. I choose nap.
All right.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Okay, nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We’re gonna be eating cake at our desks. Let’s go.
Surprise.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Move it! Let’s go, go, go, go, go. I got this.
Ahem. This is for you… and puts blanket around her shoulders …Happy Birthday, Kel.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
giggles Thank you.
turns off lights Okay, you’ve got one hour. shuts door
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
I’m too excited to sleep.

Mm, great cake.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Thanks. both eat cake

opens door to wake Kelly, bangs together two trash can covers loudly Birthday time is over! Now go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap. slaps Kelly’s butt Many happy returns. slams door
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
I feel great. So good to have closure. Ah! We should go apologize to Roy or something.
No, we don’t need to do that.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? Oh, oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford that I insulted? We should find him!
You mean Tony?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Jabba the hut, Pizza the hut, Fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza, pepperoni Tony!
Oh, Michael.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Man, was he fat. So, so… fat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him, I would never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big fat fatty.

As you may know, I am no longer in a relationships. It’s been really stressful here. So, I decided to treat myself to one of God’s most perfect creations…a beautiful new cat! It’s tacky to talk about money. But she cost seven thousand dollars!
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Kevin Malone
holds up cell phone showing video of Angela talking to her cats For a rainy day. laughs

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