Baby Shower - The Office (Season 5, Episode 04)

Dwight assists Michael by acting out the process of childbirth - using a watermelon - so that Michael is prepared whe Jan has the baby. Dwight, acting out child birth, releases the watermelon into Michael's hands... but he's covered it in butter (babies are slippery). The watermelon baby crashes onto the floor and breaks wide open.

Michael makes the Party Planning Committee arrange a shower for Jan. He wants it big... just like the party they had for Phyllis's wedding. But the baby isn't even related to Michael, Oscar notes. Angela plans a "Guess Whose Baby Picture" game for the shower and Andy confuses Phyllis's picture for Angela's.

Jim and Pam are having a tough time communicating with each other. They're having an "out of sync" day... which they would be having even if she were in Scranton.

When Jan arrives, everyon is surprised to see that her baby has already been born. Michael is cold to Holly in an effort to trick Jan into not realizing his feelings for Holly.

Michael, who loves children, says he never misses an opportunity to hold one. But when he holds Jan's baby, he says feels nothing. He then tries to get advice from another "baby-daddy," Darryl. Darryl tells Michael that he doesn't have any attachment to Jan's baby - she's not his child.

Even though Michael has been hostile towards Holly, Jan sees through it and realizes his attraction... she tells Michael not to date Holly and he agrees.

Afterwards, he goes inside and hugs Holly. He obviously feels the connection to her during the hug and asks Holly on a date - which she accepts gladly.

Jim and Pam call each other at exactly the same time as Jim is leaving work. They leave similar messages on each other's voicemail. They're still out of sync.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Baby Shower

looking pregnant Hey Michael?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah.
Contractions are coming every ten minutes.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
OK, just remember to keep breathing.
My cervix is ripening.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
OK, good.

drawing two family trees on a whiteboard Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through draws a question mark delusion.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Michael! My water’s breaking!
Oh, OK! OK!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Aaaaaaaa! What do you do? What do you do?
I get a call from Jan and I meet her at the hospital.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Right. Highways or surface roads?
I take Quincy Ave to Gibson.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, Gibson is covered in potholes. Your car breaks down. Adapt!
I checked the route – there are no potholes. Come on, get in here and have the baby.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s about adapting to the circumstances.
annoyed Andy, would you like to have my baby?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yes! Yeah. squatting and pushing Aaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaa!
No. OK, no. I’m crowning! I’m crowning! Aaaaaaaa! runs into Michael’s office
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
All right, OK. to Andy Sorry. Sorry. Here we go. Here we go!
The pressure! The pressure!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Do it! Do it! Scream! Scream it out, scream it out, scream it out.
Aaaaaaaa!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Aaaaaaaa!

Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up, I performed my own circumcision.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Just keep pushing…
lying on Michael’s desk Hold me!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m right here.
Cradle my head!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m right here, I’m right here.
I’m screaming, I’m screaming, I’m screaming! Aaaaaaaa!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
annoyed All right. Dwight. Just push and breathe.
Numb me up. I want anesthesia!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Shhh. No, you can’t have it. It’s too late.
No! I don’t want natural!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No. You have to just push it out!
OK!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Keep simulating.
Aaaaaaaa!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
OK!
Do you have the Sharpie?!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Keep simulating.
Do you have the Sharpie?!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes, I do!
OK! When the baby emerges, mark it secretly in a kind of a mark that only you could recognize and no baby snatcher can ever copy.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
OK.
Ready?!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes.
Aaaaaaaa!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Aaaaaaaa! It’s coming! Here we go! drops the watermelon onto the floor Oh! God! Wow! What was on that?
Butter. Newborns are slippery.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Nice touch. Good. Let’s try that again.

eating the watermelon It is going to be the happiest day of my life. Dwight gets dressed behind Michael and zips his fly
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Hello ladies, how’s my shower going? Phyllis, did you get the live storks?
No.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Damnit, Phyllis! I’m sorry. more softly Damnit, Phyllis. It was hard enough to convince Jan to come. So are we set for refreshments?
Per your instructions, we have the personalized M&Ms with the baby names. This is your boy bowl, with the name “Chevy.” And this is the girl bowl, with M&Ms with the name “Astird.”
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Phyllis
That can’t be right.
Michael wrote down “Astird.”
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
She said it is the name of a Viking princess. So…
Ass…turd.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Michael Scott
I know. I know. It is beautiful. No. Thank you. Is this it? I mean, is this… Two bowls of M&Ms and some balloons? You know what Phyllis, I think you need to step it up. I think you need to get the lead out. Because if I’m not mistaken, we gave you your wedding shower here. We all came into this room and gave you a golden shower. Well you know what, where’s my golden shower, Phyllis?

It does not matter to me at all whether this baby is biologically mine. I am going to love it. It’s like when the dog nurses the tiger cub. Have you seen that video? It is… it’s so bizarre and unnatural, but… it, it happens.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Phyllis
Hey, I’m collecting for the baby shower.
But Phyllis, it’s not his baby.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Phyllis
I know, Kevin.
Why do we have to pay money to get a gift for his ex-girlfriend’s unborn sperm bank baby?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Phyllis
Look at it as if you’re paying for the cake, not the baby. Sheet cake.

I do enjoy being the head of the Party Planning Committee. I’m no longer under Angela’s heel, and her little grape head is under mine.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
banging on the glass Hey, hey. What are you doing? Don’t talk to them.
Sorry.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Make the party. Don’t – make the party, please, Phyllis. Phyllis starts inflating a balloon with a pump Pump it!

on phone So you know Stacy, right?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Right, the one from England.
There’s no one from England, Jim. Katie studied in Ireland – this is Stacy, the one who does the Murakami-style collages.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh. Right, that style.
So, Stacy and Eric get to Bogre’s DeTech half an hour early so they don’t have to sit on the slab.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
OK…
Anyway, Bogre’s TA Sarah Kaya comes in.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Wait, who’s Sarah Kayacombsen?
No, Sarah Kaya comes in. Don’t interrupt, I have like thirty seconds to finish this and get to DigiPres.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
OK.
So Sarah Kaya says to Eric, “No way. You can’t reserve seats.” And Stacy gets all up in her face and Sarah Kaya picks up Stacy’s new PM pad and throws it at the light box.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
clearly just humoring her No… way!
Yes!
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Ha ha. That’s hilarious?
No, it’s horrible! Jim, she might get arrested.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Who, Stacy?
No, Stacy is a boy. Ugh. Frustrating. Why can’t you just be in art class with me?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Uh…
Oh, wait, I gotta go, class starting. hangs up
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
OK, I’ll ta…I’ll talk to you later. hangs up That was a good story.
Who’s Sarah Kayacombsen?
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Andy Bernard
Yo. I got the Nard-puppy for ya. What’s going on here?
It’s a baby game where you guess whose picture is whose.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Awww. Check it out – who would have thought that this little baby would be marrying that little baby?
That’s Phyllis.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Well –
Yeah, it is. So I hope you two are very happy together. Pervert.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Why would that make me a pervert, I –
Well, it does. That’s me.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
That’s not you.
Yes it is.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
That’s mean, come on, that’s – Angela storms out

Ahoy, matey.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Ahoy.
Ahoy. So, how you doin’?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Good.
Um, listen. Jan Levinson is coming in today, and she is in the terminal stages of her pregnancy – the child of which I have a vested interest. It’s all kind of weird. Anyway, she is incredibly… fat and enormous right now – extremely unattractive. And you are, on the other hand, one of the more attractive people in the office. So, while she’s here I am going to be acting kind of cold to you. And I am doing this to pay respect to her bloated feelings. And I’m treating Ryan the same way.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Of course. Yeah.

I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They’re always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles, I’m constantly hungry – do you think my nipples don’t get sore too? Do you think I don’t need to know the fastest way to the hospital?
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Photo of Jim Halpert
Jan enters the office, pushing a stroller Jan.
Hi, Jim!
Photo of Jan
Photo of Jim Halpert
What do we have here?
This is my baby.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Jim Halpert
Really…
Oh no… Michael enters and notices Jan’s baby
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Jan had the baby and Michael wasn’t there to mark it. So the baby could be anybody’s. Except Michael’s.

So this is Astird.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Astrid.
Oh, OK. Why didn’t you call me?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Well, um, you know, labor just kind of started very suddenly and-
I could have helped.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
And the birth instructor thought it wasn’t a good idea for you to be there, so…
Oh, man. Him? That guy? He had no sense of humor and I proved him wrong in so many ways.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
OK, you don’t have any idea what I’ve been through, so, let’s…
No, I don’t!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
I’m sorry, I thought today at the baby shower would be a good time for the two of you to meet.
Can I hold her?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Yes, yes you can. You know, I think, just leave her in the car seat. Yeah.
cradling the car seat awkwardly All right, OK.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me, and I think it’s because they see me as one of them. But cooler, and with my life put together a little bit. If a baby were president, there would be no taxes, there would be no war. There would be no government, and things could get terrible. It actually, probably – it would be a better screenplay idea than a serious suggestion.

carrying the car seat Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege and honor to present for the first time in her life and in the office: Assst…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
trid.
…trid Levinson. Hi! Astrid, this is everybody, look. This is your family. You’re going to know them for the rest of your life.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Well…
looking at Creed Well, he may not be here. Say hello! OK, here we go. lifting the car seat high above his head Lion King!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Michael, Michael, Michael, that’s… yeah… that’s too high. I’ll take that.
OK, come on, let’s get our shower on. Conference room, choppity chip chop.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
You OK? You seem kind of…
sees Jan sizing up Holly I’m fine, weirdo. Such an HR weirdo. Try not to suck all the air out of there when you walk in.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Ready to play some games? Let’s do it!
Michael, the baby’s already been born.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh, duh.
So we had games planned but the baby ruins all of them.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
No, the baby doesn’t ruin anything, Kevin, OK? The baby multiplies the fun. Let’s just do what you were going to do.
OK… Who wants to guess when the baby will be born?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
All right, how about some presents? I want to see some presents. holding a memo pad I got this so I can write down for thank-you notes.
Thank you. That’s very sweet of you.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Whatta we got?
Um, we all chipped in and got you this stroller.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh!
Thank you.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
She already has a stroller.
And this is way worse than the stroller she came with.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Oscar Martinez
She’s got an Orbit; that’s a twelve hundred dollar stroller.
Huh. Twelve hundred dollars for a stroller? Phhhbt.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
OK, what else?

Twelve hundred dollars is what I spent on my whole bomb shelter. For that kind of money, this stroller should be indestructible. straps the watermelon into the stroller on the elevator
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jan
singing “Son of a Preacher Man” to Astrid Being good isn’t always easy / No matter how hard I try / When he started sweet-talking to me / He’d come and tell me everything is all right / He’d kiss and tell me everything is all right / Can I get away again tonight / The only one…

Hey you!
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
on phone Hey! You busy?
Not even. I’m doing laundry for the first time in like a month.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
OK, OK, so you gotta hear this. So, Jan’s shower is going on right now, and she’s singing “Son of a Preacher Man” and everyone’s just staring at her.
I can’t hear anything, there’s like, there’s like machines going-
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
The song is about losing your virginity next to a church, and guess what – she’s been singing for the last twenty minutes!
I can’t hear anything!
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh. OK, well you know what, I um, just call me later.
OK.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m not frustrated. Even if I were in Scranton, Jim and I would have days like this. We’re just… a little out of sync. You know, that’s all. Oh, great. I washed my lipstick.

now belting out the lyrics, even though Astrid is asleep How well I remember / The look that was in his eyes / Stealing kisses from me on the sly / Taking time to make time / Telling me that he’s all mine / Learning from each other’s knowing / Looking to see how much we’ve grown / And the only one…
Photo of Jan

Photo of Dwight Schrute
heaving the stroller into a tire yard Don’t hit the fence. Oh no, my child!

throwing the stroller against a high chain link fence Don’t get stuck on the barbed wire!
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
tossing the stroller off a tall heap of tires Playtime is over!

So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jan
Well, actually, I, uh, I had a tub birth. And it was really, really quite amazing.
You gave birth in a tub?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Jan
Yeah, it’s a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.
Um, so you’re in the tub with everything?
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Jan
Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats, yeah.
Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Jan
Oh no, it’s actually really hygienic, Creed.
Ugh.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Stanley Hudson
I’m done.
Me too.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Jan
And after the birth you get out and deliver the afterbirth. everyone starts leaving
Hey! Hey, no no no no no no no no. No. No. This is the birth story. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. And I should have been there. I should have been there to witness this.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I could have helped.
You’re sad about this. I know that, and I wish that I… but… would it help if you held Astrid for just a, a little bit?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
smiling Uh, yeah.
All right. Um, I’m just going to lie down for a couple of minutes. I’m exhausted, so um. Remind me to talk to you about Astrid’s 529. Wake me in twenty.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
voiceover I usually love babies, but when I held Astrid I just felt… shortchanged.
Phyllis? Could you take-.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Hey guys.
What’s up, Mike?
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh, I need some advice from one baby daddy to another.
You a baby daddy?
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, I a baby daddy. Um, when you first became a baby daddy, did you have an immediate connection with that baby? Like, the first time that you held it, did you find that with your baby baby?
Hell yeah. You know why? Because that was my baby.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Michael Scott
I just saw this baby daddy-
You should stop calling yourself “baby daddy.”
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Michael Scott
Why, Darryl, because I’m quote white quote unquote?
Because you’re not a daddy, and it’s not your baby.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Michael Scott
Well-
You feel connected to his baby over there?
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Michael Scott
It’s- that’s different.
You feel connected to this? hold up his back brace
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s not a baby.
You want to hold me, to see how you feel?
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Michael Scott
sighs Could I?
No.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin

Photo of Jan
wakes up on the reception couch Oh. I was just catching up on my sleep.
I can imagine.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Jan
Where’s Astrid?
Oh, I think she’s on a sales call.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Jan
On a what?
Waaa! More paper! Waaa! she cracks herself up but Jan is unimpressed No, she’s just on a coffee break.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Jan
sarcastically That’s funny.
She’s with Angela.
Photo of Holly Flax

Photo of Angela Martin
with Astrid covered in and surrounded by vegetables on a lunch table That’s good. Now, I need you to – I need it to look up here. Get the baby to look up here, ready?
OK. Yeah. Look at my finger. Look. Looook!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
Now. Come on, up here!
Look up here!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
Your hand’s in it.
What? Sorry.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
Yeah, that’s a good one.
What are you doing? What’s going on? Excuse me.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Andy Bernard
We’re taking a picture.
picking up Astrid There you are.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Andy Bernard
She’s nature’s bounty.
You don’t flash around a newborn baby. Don’t you know that?
Photo of Jan

Photo of Jan
Michael, I need your help.
sees Holly behind Jan I was just going to… I was going to talk to Holly, about her hygiene. She smells like old tomatoes and dirt.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Uh… come on.

I like to call this… the bumper test. drags the stroller behind his car and runs into it several times
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Sure you can’t stay a little longer?
Oh, no, Michael, you know what? I really have to go.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
All right. All right, everybody, we’re leaving. Jan and Astrid are leaving.
You know what, where is the stroller that I came in with?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh. I took the liberty of putting it in your trunk.
Ah. Thanks, Dwight.
Photo of Jan

Photo of Jan
OK. You know what? There is, uh, there is one more thing that you can do for me.
OK?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Don’t date Holly.
Wha – that’s, I hate her. Wha – God! Why would you even ask me to – I, I mean, not that it matters, ’cause I don’t, but wha – OK, all right, fine.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Thanks for the baby shower. It was great. And I’ll see you… soon.
All right.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
OK.

You still gonna be mean to me?
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
just hugs her, and she hugs him back and smiles You wanna go out?
Yes.
Photo of Holly Flax

Photo of Michael Scott
I didn’t feel much when I held Astrid, but I got a good feeling from Holly.

on voicemail Hey, it’s Jim. Leave a message.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hi.
on voicemail, because she’s calling Jim at the same time Hi, this is Pam. Leave a message.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
walking to his car Hey, it’s me. It is 5:03.
I figured I’d catch you walking to your car, but…
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
You must be out or something.
I’ll leave a message.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Is it me, or are we just a little off today?
I guess this is just one of those days. It’ll get better.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hope you didn’t have any major laundry issues.
I finished my laundry. Got all my socks. Nothing like that time that crazy guy pushed you.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Remember that time that I helped you do your laundry and that crazy guy came in and started yelling at you?
And then, remember, we went shopping the next day to buy me a washer and dryer?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yet here you are, back in a Laundromat. Now, I’m just trying to help you, Beesly. Be safe.
You’re probably upset that I’m even at a Laundromat right now. But, don’t worry, I’m being safe. And I’m headed home. I’m… headed to my dorm. Not home.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Wish you were home. Uh, anyway…
Anyway, um… I miss you.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
I miss you.

All right, how about we play the game where we guess how big the mother’s belly is?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh! OK!
Well…
Photo of Jan
Photo of Angela Martin
How many squares of toilet paper go around the waist?
Does that mean there’s no toilet paper in the bathroom?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
Kevin, relax.
OK, you know what, I don’t think I need to do this one, because I only gained twelve pounds and I’m just going to get rid of all of that, so…
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Seventeen. I say seventeen squares.
OK, give me the roll. I’ll do it.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Do the boobs!
Yeah, we’re not doing my boobs, Michael. OK, seven, someone give me the prize. to Astrid Oh, it’s OK…
Photo of Jan
Photo of Holly Flax
Did she really just have a baby? She’s so beautiful.
Oh yeah. Wait ’til you get to know her better though.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey! HR lady, stop whispering in the corner please. Very rude. You’re ruining the party.

I’m starting to get a feeling for what life was like around here for Toby.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Toby Flenderson
on the phone It was terrible.
I know.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Toby Flenderson
I prefer being stuck in a Costa Rican hospital.
Really?
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Not really.

Hey Jan, you went to a sperm bank?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jan
Uh, yes, I did.
I donated sperm.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jan
Oh.
Maybe I’m the father.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jan
Well, this is a highly exclusive establishment.
Next to the IHOP?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jan
Well, I paid for an ideal specimen.
Are you saying Kevin is not an ideal specimen?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Jan
This is a wonderful shower, everyone. Thank you.
to camera I might have done it with Jan!
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Jan
It’s not Kevin’s child. Can’t possibly be. I mean, I don’t know what I would do. Sue… icide?

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