Weight Loss - The Office (Season 5 - Episode 01/02)

Dunder Mifflin is running a company-wide weight loss competition with a prize of extra vacation days for whichever branch loses the most weight. Everyone is initially enthusiastic, but the competition takes its toll on them... with Kelly trying so hard to she passes out during one weigh in. Creed sells Kelly a tapeworm to help her weight loss, but Creed privately admits that it "wasn't a tapeworm."

Dwight tricks Phyllis into going somewhere with him and abandons her miles away from the office with no phone or money to force her to exercise. While they collectively lose a lot of weight, the Scranton branch doesn't win the competition. Stanley, proud of his individual results, decides to take the vacation anyway.

Pam is off in New York City starting her graphic design class It's to last 3 months. Jim asks Pam to meet him for lunch at an interstate rest stop between Scranton and New York City and he FINALLY proposes to her... outside... in the pouring rain. She accepts! (nobody is surprised there).

Ryan, back at the office, apologizes to various people around the office for his past behavior, while keeping a list of people who wrong him to take revenge on them when he's back on top. He even apologies to Kelly and asks her out... but she's dating Darryl now so she declines.

Holly catches Angela chastising Kevin. Still believing Kevin is mentally challenged, she yells at Angela. Kevin awkwardly reveals he is not "retarded", and an embarrassed Holly apologizes and leaves. Holly's interest in Michael continues until she finds him talking to Jan (who is still pregnant). Holly goes out on a date with Oscar's yoga instructor. She buys Counting Crows tickets as a surprise for their next date but he never calls her. Michael calls the yoga instructor stupid and offers to buy the tickets... and when she accepts he takes them and tears them up.

Phyllis blackmails Angela with her knowledge of Dwight and Angela's secret affair. She's taking over the Party Planning Committee

Angela dislikes all of Andy's wedding ideas, especially that he's booked his a cappella band 'Here Comes Treble' to play at their wedding.

At the end of the episode, Toby is briefly seen in a Costa Rican hospital with a neck injury he received while zip-lining.

Members of "Here Comes Treble"

  • Carl One
  • Carl Two
  • Broccoli Rob
  • Spare Rib
  • Doobie
  • Lunchbox
  • Boner Champ (Andy)
  • Pubie Lewis and the News
  • Hopscotch
  • Jingle Jangle
  • Sandwich

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Weight Loss

All right, everybody. This is your last meal, so eat up. cheering
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
From this point forward, you will not use the bathroom. We need to keep our starting weights high so we can lose more.

This summer, corporate is sponsoring a little weight loss contest between the branches. Whichever branch loses the most weight gets three extra vacation days.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Meredith Palmer
What should we do with all these leftovers?
I’m taking the dumplings for my wife.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, no, no. This is your last meal. There will be no leftovers.
I can bring these to my shelter.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Stanley Hudson
I’m taking my dumplings.
sprays food with bug poison There. Take those home to your wife.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight, Dwight!
Michael, it’s time.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hit the scales, everybody. Right on that black platform. This way. Step it up.
Don’t go breaking my scale.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin

Photo of Andy Bernard
I’m excited to lose weight for the wedding, because I really want to have washboard abs the first time Angela sees me naked.

Ex-squeeze me.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
No, I will ex-squeeze you.
OK everybody. Get used to this because we are going to be standing here briefly every Monday for the next seven Mondays.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can’t swallow.
smiles, looks to Michael Really, nothing?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
2,336 pounds. Y’all need to learn some portion control.
Wait a minute. Pam is on the scale.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, Pamcake. No, no, no. We would love your extra poundage, but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only.
Family only.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
All right, got it. 2,210 pounds.
Pam, you weigh 226 pounds?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Holly Flax
Almost, Kevin.
Not almost, though, Holly. I mean, not — not close to 200…
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Holly Flax
Math is hard.
Yeah.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
Just, we’ll just keep going.

I’m totally gonna slaughter at the weigh-in today.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Oscar Martinez
All I had this weekend to eat was a chicken breast and a case of Diet Coke.
Really? ‘Cause I haven’t eaten anything since noon on Friday.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Oscar Martinez
OK. holds elevator Stanley, come on.
Oh, I forgot something in my car. I’ll see you guys up there. takes the stairs after the elevator doors close
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Photo of Stanley Hudson
I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is, I have lost a little of my speed, a little of my fire. Here’s what I used to look like. holds up old photo Look at those biceps. We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted.

And arch your back. And slowly bring up your head. Michael and Holly face each other in yoga pose
Photo of Holly Flax

Photo of Michael Scott
Jimbo.
Ah, they moved the shower.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Did you see Holly’s butt?
No, I didn’t. Michael laughs You know why?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Why?
Because most of the time, friends don’t talk about other friends’ butts.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
I know.
But what have you learned about her?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year. I learned that she’s allergic to sesame seeds. I learned that she has read “Lonesome Dove” three times.
Nice.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
And that her butt refuses to quit!
Well, I tried. Michael laughs
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
follows Jim into bathroom You have to agree with me. follows Jim back out That’s insane.
I’ll just go later.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
I thought you had to pee.

forces candy out of vending machine and forces fruit into racks
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Oscar Martinez
Hey, if you’re into yoga, I take a great bikram class in Dickson City.
Oh, thanks. I should check that out.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Also — and no pressure — the teacher? He’s a catch.
Actually, I’m a lesbian.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Oscar Martinez
I’m gay!
I’m not a lesbian. I don’t know why I said that… It’s a joke.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Oscar Martinez
What’s the joke?
There is no joke. I just said it because I haven’t had much luck lately and I’m not really looking to date. Maybe I should switch to women.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Oh, you think it’s a choice?
Um, I’m gonna head back to my work area and just–
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Oscar Martinez
I’m messing with you, Holly.
I knew that. OK, bye.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Oscar Martinez
OK.

So you have the directions.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yes.
You have a toothbrush.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yes.
You have a cell phone charger.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I have everything.

Tomorrow I start a three-month design program at the Pratt Institute in New York. I will be a little fish in the big apple. does hand gesture What up, 212?
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Fax this for me.
Come on, man. She goes to New York in like 10 minutes.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s not gonna take her 10 minutes to fax it, Jim. to Pam If I don’t see you again, goodbye. Well, actually, I’ll see you when you give me the fax confirmation, so never mind.

Ang. Ela. sings Ella, ella, ella. Under my Angerela. Ella, ella, ella. Ay, ay–
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
What?
Hey, check it out. hands her brochure This is The Breakers, Newport, Rhode Island. Huge, awesome gorgeous mansion overlooking the Atlantic. And my dad went to Cornell with the current groundskeeper.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Andy Bernard
Every little boy fantasizes about his fairy-tale wedding.

No. No.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
This is where my parents decided not to get divorced.
I don’t care.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
OK. How do you feel about Maine? Angela picks up phone and dials I’m on it. I’ll see you later, love. Dwight’s pager vibrates, he and Angela walk out

exiting warehouse storage room Ahh. We done good in there, half pint.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
Well, that was the last time, Dwight. I mean it.
Monkey. kisses her
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
No, no. I have a fiance I very much like!

sees Pam and Jim through office window, runs out the office Hey, hey! falls down stairs, gets up, falls down again Pam, Pam! Hey!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
What happened?
frazzled and out of breath I wrote you a goodbye poem. It’s really long. I left it up in my office. Could you just please wait till I go get it?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
I should really get going.
No. OK. Um, the last word is “seagulls.”
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m sure it was really lovely.
I took a lot from other poems.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Call me when you get in. kisses Pam
OK, bye.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Bye.
All right, call– leans in to kiss Pam
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, Michael.

Why haven’t I proposed yet? Uh, actually Pam and I talked about it. And we just decided that, um — well, we didn’t want to spend first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam’s always said she doesn’t want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. I’m not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here…
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
OK, no, no, no, no, no, no. Same places as last week.
It doesn’t matter, Michael.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes, it does. No, this is about weight displacement. We have to have the same weight distribution. Right here. Here we go. Let’s move that up. Here we go.
Oh, fancy meeting you here.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
All right.
OK, everybody smile. Ho! You lost 31 pounds.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Michael Scott
All right!

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Michael is actually killing it with Holly. And I think I know why. It’s because Holly is kind of a major dork.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
rapping I’m MC Mike Scott, and I am hot. She’s DJ Jazzy Flax, and she is the best. All those sucker branches can suck our fat!
Wikka wikka wikka what?
Photo of Holly Flax

Ronnie
Dunder Mifflin, this is Ronnie.

I don’t really know Ronnie. But I have a feeling I will get to know her very well over the next few years, and eventually declare my love for her.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Professor
Sorry I’m late. I accidentally switched my alarm clock setting to Zapf Chancery. laughter Which is my terrible segue into our course, Expressive Typography in New Media.
I’m in the wrong class…
Photo of Pam Beesley
Professor
Some of you may remember from last semester I am Professor Monaghan. sees Pam leaving And looks like I’m boring someone already.
Oh, no. I just–
Photo of Pam Beesley
Professor
Please sit down.

You’re shaking. Are you all right?
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Just leave me alone!

sickly I am on the third day of my cleanse diet. All I have to do is drink maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and water for all three meals. Um, I just bought some bikinis online, size 2. So … gonna look amazing.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor

Ronnie
Hi, can I help you?
I need you to make me 100 copies of this on canary yellow.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Kevin Malone
Hi Jan.
Hi.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Kevin Malone
How’s the candle game?
Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Kevin Malone
Cool. Thank God they found her, too.
Oh, they found her?
Photo of Jan

Photo of Michael Scott
Hi, Jan. Hello, baby. How are you? Good to see you. Who’s your daddy? You don’t know who your daddy is, do you? No, you don’t. to Jan Come on. Let’s go in.

When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father. By telling us that he was the father.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Holly Flax
Hey, Oscar. Who’s that woman in Michael’s office with the feet?
That’s his ex.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Holly Flax
Oh, she’s very beautiful.
Yes, she is. And clinically insane.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Holly Flax
So, listen, I don’t know if your offer still stands or whatever, but you can give your yoga teacher my number.
OK.
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Angela Martin
Listen, dummy! It’s not that hard. All you have to do is take the numbers from the sales report and type them into a master spreadsheet. A G.D. monkey could do it. I do not understand why you can’t do it.
No! You do not talk to him like that!
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Angela Martin
But he’s an idiot!
Hey!
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Holly Flax
He is not an idiot!
Thank you, Holly.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Holly Flax
He is mentally challenged. But he’s doing a super job here.
Wait, back up. Do you think that I am retarded?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Holly Flax
Well, no. Dwight…
Oh, Holly, that is very offensive.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Holly Flax
I’m sorry.

Hey. So, since my little lady has such particular, impossible to perceive taste, I have made nonrefundable deposits at four totally different wedding locales: Hot-air balloons over Napa Valley, world-famous Walt Disney’s Epcot Center, scuba-diving wedding in the Bahamas and the Wilkes-Barre Marriott Ballroom C.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
Dangerous. Tacky. Sharks. Haunted. No.

walking into storage room Hurry, we have to make this fast.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Let’s do this thing.
Dwight slaps her butt Hey!
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Angela Martin
I have a nice comforter and several cozy pillows. I usually read a chapter of a book, and it’s lights out by 8:30. That’s how I sleep at night!

All right, I am connecting and … you are not there. Did you install it right? How about this: Go to applications–
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
on computer screen I can see you!
All right!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
This is so cool.
So what is going on, girl in the computer?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Lunch with a girl from my hall.
Uh-huh.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Ceramics class. Then dinner by myself. I’m gonna watch HGTV and maybe go to Bungalow 8 with John Mayer.
OK, can you turn the girl off please? I’m trying to get some work done.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No way. No way. Pam Beesley. Hello. picks up computer Hey, everybody look, Pam. Pam, say hi. Say hi to Pam. Don’t we all look skinny? Oh, oh, almost dropped you!
Can you put me down I’m getting a little nauseous?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Pam, I’d like you to meet Ronnie. We call her Rice-a-Ronnie. She is hilarious. She is wonderful, a beam of light in this dark, dark office. Not really so much. All she does is plop herself down there and answer phones all day.
The nerve.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, calm down, weirdo. It’s just a joke. She’s such a weirdo! You know what? My real beef with her, though, Pam? She can’t find those little colored paper clips that I like so much. Will you help her find them, please?
They’re on the supply shelf.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Let’s go. We are following Pam to the supply shelf. Let us go.

New York is so exciting. I love my classes. The city’s awesome. Um, can you give me back to Jim now, please?
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
OK, everybody, let’s suck in our guts.
2,184 pounds, for a grand total — oh! You all gained five pounds back.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Michael Scott
Damn it. Come on.
Kelly faints Oh!
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
Oh, my God!

Come on, Bernard. Andy spits on floor as warehouse worker walks past
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Here we go. Everybody on.
All right, we’re set.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Still good. You guys lost a pound. You lost one pound.
I was on an IV for two days at the hospital.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor

Photo of Stanley Hudson
I lost four pounds. I don’t know what those other fools were doing, but I lost four pounds.

Angela, you’ll go to the supermarket and get the New York cheesecake. Make sure it’s the generic one. It’s Stanley’s favorite.
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Phyllis
Yes, I’ve replaced Angela as head of the party planning committee. footage of Dwight and Angela making out I guess I was just in the right place at the right time.

How’s it going?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
It’s going well.
Good.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
I have a crazy idea. What if we did, um, fruit instead of cake?
Cake? Who suggested cake? Angela points to Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
We lost weight today. I think it’s OK to reward ourselves once in a while.
Are you kidding me? We only lost one pound, Phyllis.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I went — I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.

Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Shotgun weddings.
That’s not what that is.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Creed Bratton
Fright. Being scared to death.
No.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Obesity-caused illnesses.
Obesity-caused illnesses.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Thank you. Holly is right. People, this is not just about winning some extra vacation days. This is about a very cool HR initiative that if we don’t follow, we are all going to die of obesity. So how much are we gonna lose?
I would like to lose 65 pounds.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes, all right. Who else? to Angela Can I put you down for 10 pounds?
No. My doctor wants me to gain weight.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
If you gain weight, you will die. I want you to live forever. I want us all to live forever. How? How are we going to do this?
Cryogenics. Beer me five.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
This is how we’re gonna do it. Five pounds. I’m asking each of you to lose five pounds. That plus Jim’s 65 will give us a very good chance at winning this thing.

All right, I’m taking off.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Booty call.
Nope, just going to see Pam.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Here.
Maybe put up some shelves.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Wait a second. removes condom from wallet, throws it to Jim I don’t want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me.
OK, thank you for … this.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
You want more?
No.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Andy Bernard
I don’t know if there’s any one place that has all these things.
It’s not my problem. dials phone
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Thousand-year-old church in the continental United States. There has to be a rainbow. 24-hour veterinarian on call.
That is very important to me, so — I have work to do. Just do it. walks away
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Sweetheart. Angela turns around Just so you know, I don’t care where we get married. I’ll marry you right here in this building. I’ll marry you in the parking lot. I’ll marry you in the eye of a hurricane in the middle of a snowstorm on top of a monsoon. All I care about is that we’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together.
Angela kisses him Hey-oh!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
I know I haven’t made this easy on you. Dwight comes out of storage room alone, looks at watch.

knocks on door Hi.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hi. they kiss Mmm. ‘Cause– looks toward camera
Oh, that’s so rude of me. Have you seen, um, Pam’s new art? It’s right there. Check it out. closes door
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
music playing It’s a pretty lame party.
Does anyone want to dance?
Ronnie

Photo of Jim Halpert
watching baseball game on TV Some girl came into Pam’s room crying about her roommate stealing her soy milk. So I’m in here waiting it out.

Stanley, Michael’s not here. You can eat a slice of your birthday cake.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Stanley Hudson
I don’t like cake anymore
Why not, dawg?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Tastes changed. Now all I like is baklava.

Michael, we have a situation.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
They should not be in that room.
That’s so lame they didn’t invite us.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
You know what we should do? We should have a party and not invite them.
Yeah!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Let’s go mini-golfing.
Hey, could I have a rain check on the mini-golf. I, uh, actually have a date tonight.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh…
It’ll probably be a total disaster, but…
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
Um, I think you’ll have fun. Men from Scranton are handsome, and they know how to show a woman a good time.
Not that guy who murdered his mother. He was not so handsome. Also Kevin.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
You know what? We’re pretty much done here today. Why don’t you just take off early?
Really?
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah.
Oh, that’s sweet. Wish me luck.
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
Good luck.

Oh, Holly doesn’t need luck. Everyone that meets her instantly loves her.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Party’s over. You are so busted!
OK, everybody. Phyllis, did I or did I not say fruit?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
You said fruit, Michael.
And what is that?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Cake.
You know, we’re gonna have to try a little harder if we are going to win this thing.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Happy Birthday, Stanley! kicks cake onto Michael

It’s kind of a good news, bad news situation. The bad news is we’re not doing very well, so we really had to starve ourselves this whole week. But the good news is that all the other branches are doing just as bad as we are, so corporate upped the prize to five days. So if we stay fat long enough, we may actually get a whole month off.
Photo of Holly Flax

Photo of Kevin Malone
spreading peanut butter on a bagel What?
Oh nothing.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
It’s just some of us are taking this really seriously.

I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It’s going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don’t get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It’s from Mexico.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor

Photo of Creed Bratton
That wasn’t a tapeworm.

walks in the office How’s my favorite branch doing? no one talks, everyone stares at Ryan All right sits at reception.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Michael Scott
Ronnie was bleh. Things were at an all time sad here. But then I got an e-mail from Ryan, that he was coming back to town. And I called the temp agency and I told them I will pay you any amount, just give me Ryan Howard. Give him to me. I want him. I need him.

And you got a goatee!
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
I did!
Did you get that after you helped me move and you saw mine?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes. Gooooo-tee!
Firrrrre-duh guy! high fives Ryan
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Ryan
Hey Kevin… Kevin gives Ryan a noogie That’s really funny.
Yeah.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Ryan
It’s great to see you Kev.
You too.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Ryan
I’m keeping a list… of everyone who wrongs me. So when I’m back on top, they’ll be sorry. Kevin just made the list.

Jim. I wanted to apologize… for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself and now that I’ve quit the rat race I’ve realized there’s so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the company’s history. I’ve even started volunteering. Giving back to the community.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
Well that’s great. shakes Ryan’s hand You’re talking about your court ordered community service?
I don’t need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
But he did, right?
All right.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
All right.

glares into the camera and writes Jim’s name on his list
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Well you lost zero pounds. everyone grumbles No change. On the bright side you gained zero pounds.
Hey, you know what? I can’t do this by myself people! Kelly and I are the only ones who have either passed out or almost passed out. flails his arms
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Damnit, I need these five days for my honeymoon! Who is slacking?
Ok, let’s just all try and work harder, ok?
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Andy Bernard
NO! I want names!

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. I haven’t had a very hard life.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Oscar Martinez
So how was your date?
Eight point five. I got a red wine stain on my favorite shirt. But he’s cute, right?
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
groans painfully
What’s wrong?
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
struggling to speak Mmm— mmm… Um…

Close the door. This is your fault.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Nope.
Your stupid friend zone.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Mmm.
I should have been lovers with her first and then friends. That was terrible advice. Terrible advice! You know my seduction method. I like to get in there and get my hands dirty! Wh— You sabotaged me. You sabotaged me, man!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Attention! Attention! We only have a few weeks left. looking at Phyllis And most of you are just as fat as the day we began.
How much weight have you lost, Dwight?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I am hardly the problem, Jim.
No, you’re definitely the problem.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
This is what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna randomly select three names and these three people will get liposuction. Uhhhhh Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin. And you will be responsible for your own medical bills.

Kelly.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Oh, hello Ryan. You look well.
I wanted to say I’m sorry… for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid twenties and I was goin’ through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11. Um, I want you to know I’ve changed.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Cool.
We should get a drink later. Catch up. Pick me up around eight?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Oh that is so sweet. Um, but I’m dating Darryl, still, and we’re like crazy in love so…
That— I, um… cool. Well maybe I’ll see you around.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
It’s a small office.
Yeah.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hello Phyllis. Do you have a minute? Listen. I’m really sorry… about what I said before. Ok? I was way out of line.
Yes you were.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Dwight Schrute
But you know what, I want to make it up to you. There is a sure fire sale, but it’s a two man job. Interested?
Split the commission?
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Dwight Schrute
sighs Sixty – forty. Hm? they shake hands I’ll drive.

exhales, camera shows Kelly and Darryl making out on the reception couch, Kelly looking at Ryan
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Holly Flax
Dieting’s only half of it.
Mmm-hmm. Saunas.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
And exercise. Although I know everybody loves going to the gym.
Gah, the dreadmill. both laugh
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
Probably the weirdest thing about Pam being gone would be lunch… actually. But um, it will force me to become acquaintances with people I consider… coworkers.

Oh, my God. Ok. Everybody just act normal. Don’t say anything.
Friend
Photo of Pam Beesley
What?
My ex-girlfriend. She’s right behind you. Just… hide me.
Friend
Photo of Pam Beesley
Really, where?
No no! Don’t look! Pam sees an old lady behind him
Friend
Photo of Pam Beesley
Wow, was it the age difference?
Uh, actually, kind of. Yes. I just didn’t like eating dinner that early. they laugh, Pam’s phone rings, she answers
Friend
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey! Jim! Um, listen, can I call you back in a little bit? I made friends!

storms in the office, sweaty and out of breath Are you insane?!
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey, hey!
Oh my God, what happened?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Phyllis
There was no client. Dwight drove me to an abandoned warehouse five miles away and pushed me out of the car. I had to walk home with no money and no phone.
And you burned over a thousand calories walking home. And this branch just got a little bit closer to winning the contest. Phyllis Vance, ladies and gentlemen! claps
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Phyllis
You left me in a bad part of town!
Yeah, I took your purse. What are you worried about? Phyllis storms to her desk, picks up phone and dials You look great. I can definitely see the difference.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Phyllis
into phone Phyllis Vance for David Wallace.

“…or that Dunder Mifflin does not discriminate. Nor does it condone unhealthy dieting habits or extreme weight loss strategies. As was clearly stated in the official starting—“
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Michael Scott
in a fat suit, speaking in his Michael Clump voice Ohhhh! Bang! Boom! Say Clump! Why hello everybody!
What are you doing?
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Jim Halpert
Fair question.
I say, I say, I say, I say down Holly! I’ll take it from here. I am beautiful. hangs pictures of fat people on the wall, including two fat people on a bike, the Ghostbusters Marshmallow Man, Elvis, Martin Lawrence in Big Mamma’s House, Jabba the Hutt, and a fat pig They are beautiful. He is beautiful. This big fat pig is beautiful.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
It’s my sumo suit. I just didn’t inflate it all the way. I am so glad that I bought instead of rented.

Body image. We are here because there is something wrong with society.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
See, you’re always saying there’s something wrong with society, but… maybe there’s something wrong with you.
If it’s me, then society made me that way. Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, “Why are you dressed in a plus sized suit?”
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Because you’re kind of doing Michael Clump.
How do you know Michael Clump?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Because it’s your making-fun-of-fat-people character.
How dare you! Michael Clump is a celebration of fat people.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
I think of him as more like… a monster? What about, “I say, I say, I say, I’ll sit on you!”
No, no, no, it goes, it goes… look, “I say, I say, I say, I’ll sit on you!”
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No, no, no, NO, no! You know what? Fat people are not monsters! Why don’t you guys have a little more sensitivity to the subject. Bang! Boom! Case in point! Look at the outside of this building. It is ugly. But you come inside… and it is beautiful. Just like this unappealing fat suit. Inside is a rather handsome, sexy, man.
Vamping.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey! Why don’t you just sit down, please?
Eh, I’ve been sitting all day.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
We’re doing this because of you. So why don’t you just go stand somewhere else. to Ryan Hey. Hey. You shaved?
I did.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Why?
at a loss for words
Photo of Ryan

Professor
So, in the year 2000, fungus and even black mold was discovered growing in the cave. Some blame it on the new air conditioning system they installed. Some, on the high powered lights. Pam’s friend shows Pam a drawing mocking the professor, they laugh Others feel that fungus is do to an over—
to friend Nice.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Professor
Quiet please.
Sorry.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Friend
Sorry.

Dwight, I would like you to apologize to this beautiful, beautiful woman for forcing her to walk five miles, which for her is basically a death march.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
She should thank me.
Ok Phyllis, thank Dwight first.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Why should I have to thank him?
You’re right, you’re right. Just, Dwight, do it. Just say it ok.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
exhales I apologize for creating a ruse which forced you to exercise.
Finally. Right? Ok, Phyllis you must be exhausted from standing on those gams. Why don’t you have a seat? Phyllis sits Let’s all clap at Phyllis. everyone claps Ok! in Michael Clump voice When Michael Clump wants to remind you normal voice that corporate… their idea, yes, was to urge you to lose weight, but more importantly what this whole thing is about, this contest is really about being healthy. And in order to be healthy, you have to eat, Kelly. Kelly. kneels down in front of Kelly, Dwight tries to help him down, Michael shouts gibberish at him Kelly, I want you to stand up on your chair. Come on, stand up on your chair. Stand up, stand up, stand up. Somebody help her. Here we go. Kelly stands up on her chair Ok, I want you to look at her. She’s a beautiful Indian woman. Why? What makes her beautiful?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
stands up Everything. She’s perfect.
I like her nails.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok, be more specific.
I like her fingernails.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Phyllis
I like her purple dress.
What about her looks?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Creed Bratton
Hell of an ass.
…what else do people like?
Photo of Kelly Kapoor

Photo of Phyllis
I wonder what people like about me? … Probably my jugs.

Kelly, will you just agree to stop this mess and stop trying to kill yourself?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
I hate dieting, I hate it so much. I hate this worm inside of me!
I want you to know. Kelly, look at me! I want you to know that you are beautiful. You are truly, truly beautiful. Give me a hug. Michael hugs Kelly, his head in her chest Mmmmmm.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
Summers going great. Just spent two hours listening to Michael Clump. I have a weird pain in my left side that I’m convinced is an ulcer. My girlfriend lives in New York and I haven’t seen her in 10 days. How’s your summer?

Hey Ryan, look. Shaved off my goatee. I am goateeless. We are the goateeless brothers.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Oh…
Ahaha, Yep! Dwight looks down depressingly and rubs his new goatee
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
How was Friday night?
Oh, I had a good time, but it’s been three days and no call. I even have two tickets to see Counting Crows for tonight, so…
Photo of Holly Flax
Photo of Oscar Martinez
He’ll call.
Oscar, enough with the girl talk please.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
You guys lost four pounds.
Hey!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
I say we have a parade.
We better.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Excellent! Good job.

So as it turns out, tonight is my nephews T-ball game and I kinda missed the first three, so…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
You’ve already disappointed him so much. He can’t be expecting a lot from you.
I know. I suck.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yes, you do.
Dwight says “Hi.”
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I do not! I do not say “Hi” Pam!
Now he is saying “Hi” louder.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I… listen, umm, we’re still good for this weekend, right?
Umm…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
No football games, recitals, karate tournaments.
Hey, can you go to IM?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
OK.
OK.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Jim Halpert
Let’s meet for lunch.
What are you writing about me?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
What — today?
Yeah. C’mon we’ll meet halfway. You’ll be back for your 4 o’clock class.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I’m gonna write you both up for not working.
I’m gonna write you up for not working.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ok, well played. Neither of us’ll write the other up for not working.
Where?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
The rest stop where that soda exploded on me. Exit 17, I think. 1 o’clock.
Alright. See you there.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Jim Halpert
holds up an ASCII image of Dwight

Yeah, oh, hey. Did he call?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
I just got off… Kendall? I just got off…
No no, did, I heard you talking to Oscar about that guy. What, what happened? Did he call?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Oh, no.
Really?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
No.
Aach.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
And you know what? I even got two tickets to see the Counting Crows tonight as a surprise. Why do guys not call when they say they are gonna call?
I dunno. I always call everybody back right away. He’ll call back though. Give him until the end of the day, he’ll call. If he doesn’t, he is loco.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Thanks. That’s sweet. Anyways, umm, seems like we lost to Utica by only eight pounds.
Ugh.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Well, at least everyone lost weight. That’s all that really matters.
Wait, do we have until the end of the day?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Holly Flax
So we’re only eight pounds behind Utica. Now, I know it’s a stretch but we could weigh ourselves again at the end of the day and maybe win this thing after all.
Leave it to me, boss. I can get this whole office to make weight. turns up thermostat It’s gonna be a little toasty in here. Good old fashioned sweat lodge.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Andy Bernard
Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them… or he quits them because they are unfair.

Kelly eating in the break room Hey, is that healthy food?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Nope.
We’re trying to win a contest here, Kelly. Please?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey, Michael. I just scheduled lunch with a client so I might be back a little late.
Ok, that is fine. Just water, and be back by weigh-in, ok?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Perfect.

sprays the inside of the vending machine with bug spray
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Angela Martin
I hate to even ask because you have been so accommodating about all the wedding stuff.
Your wish is my command.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
Is there any way our first dance can be to my favorite song, The Little Drummer Boy?
Of course!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
Really?
Yeah! I mean it’s a great song. I always thought it was bigger than Christmas anyway. You know?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
Mmhmm.
And you know what? The guys already know it so it’s easy breezy.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
The guys?
I didn’t tell you.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
Mm-mm
Here Comes Treble, class of ’96 was available for our big day, so, I booked ’em.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
I don’t think that…
And, they are collectively my best man. And they are crashing with us for three weeks, so… it totally works out.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
I don’t know if I want your old college a capella group to be our wedding band.
Ok, I hear you, sweetheart, but this is a deal breaker. But you know what? You’re gonna love these guys. Carl 1, Carl 2, Broccoli Rob, Spare Rib, Doobie, Lunch Box, Boner Champ, that’s me, Pubie Lewis and the News, Hopscotch, Jingle Jangle, Sandwich. These are the best best-man a guy could ever hope for.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
Angela dials the phone Let’s talk about this later. Dwight’s pager buzzes
Mm-wah! Angela walks away, Dwight follows
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey! This is not half-way! I did the math. I had to drive way longer than you. Montclair would have been closer, so you have to buy lunch.
Jim gets down on one knee
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
What are you doing?
I just… couldn’t wait.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh my God!
Pam, will you marry me?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh my God!
So?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yes! they embrace and kiss

God. Where is Jim?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Holly Flax
I’m calling it. I guess that’s curtains for the yoga guy.
Aww, really?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Yeah.
I have to say, I think the problem with that whole thing…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Yeah?
…was that he was a complete stupid idiot.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Aww man, I really wanted to see them.
I know. I love Counting Crows.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Look at where my seats were.
Wow, really?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Yeah.
That’s a shame. A shame to waste these. I want to buy them from you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Michael, you don’t have to buy them.
I do. No. I do. I, I want to. Trust me. I really do.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Ok.
Ok?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Yeah.
Alright. Alright! tears up tickets Just, I want you to just forget about him, ok? Case closed. Umm, can I pay you tomorrow? I have like a 60 dollar limit on my ATM, so…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Yeah.
Is that good?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Holly Flax
Yeah.
Hey, sorry everybody.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What are you smiling about there smiley pants? You’re late.
Wet Tuna!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey Dwight.
OK.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
What’s up, Meredith?
Nothing.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Dripping on me.
Darryl, would you do the honors?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Two thousand one hundred seventy-five. everyone moans Sorry guys.
Nonono, no, no, I don’t want to hear moaning. This is a good day. You guys accomplished something big. You lost a ton of weight, literally. A lot of weight. And I don’t care what any stupid scale says. You guys are all gigantic losers.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Stanley Hudson
I don’t know about anyone else. But it was a good summer for me. I lost seven pounds. And you know what? I’m just gonna take five days off anyway.

in a hospital bed, watching Entourage in Spanish Oh, I went zip lining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn’t strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And, I’ve been in the hospital five weeks now. I still haven’t seen the beach. It’s nice to have visitors.
Photo of Toby Flenderson

The Office TV Show Footer image