Night Out - The Office (Season 4, Episode 15)

Ryan arrives at the Scranton branch and is noticeably friendlier than on his previous visits. "His favorite branch" is sick of Ryan's new website. Ryan shows the staff at the branch the new Dunder Mifflin website, "Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2.0." The previous version's social networking component was invaded by sexual predators and they had to shut down the site.

As Ryan is leaving, Michael asks him to set him up with some of the women he knows. Ryan tells Michael all about the women he meets in clubs. Based on Ryan's success, Michael and Dwight decide to go to New York to meet women... possibly locating Ryan and attending parties with him.

In New York, Michael and Dwight visit a club Ryan likes. Ryan is thrilled to see them but appears to have done a lot of cocaine. Michael and Dwight are oblivious to that fact. Later, Michael, Dwight, Ryan and Ryan's colleague are waiting outside another club. The club won't let anyone in without a date so Dwight teams up with a women's basketball team that are also in line to get in.

Inside the club, Ryan's is dancing like a crazy person. He accidentally hits a girl and her friends attack him. Michael and Dwight have to escort him out of the club. Michael and Dwight bring Ryan back to his apartment, where he asks for advice with someone who has a drug problem. Michael, not realizing Ryan is referring to himself, suggests a wiretap and snitching on a dealer - he's been watching a lot of "The Wire" lately.

Back in Scranton, the branch is going to be forced to work on a Saturday to record their sales as the website's sales - Ryan's orders to try to legitimize his site. Jim suggests instead that everyone stay in late to avoid coming in on Saturday. They all agree but when they go to leave, they realize that the security guard has locked the gate to the parking lot. Jim forgot to tell him they were staying late. They can't return to the office because Pam locked the door from the inside because Dwight is the only one with the keys.

Jim calls the security guard, Hank, who says he's on his way... but drags his feet. Apparently Jim didn't collect the money for his annual tip. While sitting in the lobby area waiting for Hank, Toby reaches over and feels Pam's knee. He then realizes what he's done and says that is moving to Costa Rica and he's just going to jump the fence. He does so and runs away. Shortly after, the cleaning staff arrive and Oscar tells them of their plight (because he speaks Spanish). The cleaning ladies open the gate.

Hank arrives a little later to the office to an empty parking lot. "Son of a bitch," he says.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Chair Model

What’s wrong Michael?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I got gum in my hair.
You do.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
This just stinks. Don’t touch it, please don’t touch it.
You’ve got a ton of dandruff.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
OK, let me be.
How’d you get gum in your hair?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
I was walking in and I noticed something shinny under Stanley’s car and I got under to see what it was and I messed up my hair, all for a stupid piece of tinfoil.
But best case scenario, you thought it was a quarter.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Kill me… right now.
We have peanut butter in the kitchen.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t feel like peanut butter. Get me an ice cream sandwich.
Nope. Not for you it’s for your hair, and it is 9 am.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
No Dwight, not the good peanut butter. People are going to get mad.
Hey, hey, hey. This is my hair we’re talking about.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Smells good.
Taste good too.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh don’t. That’s disgusting.
Wow! Lot of calories.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Well just don’t leave it on too long. Keep massaging please. Ah yeah, that’s nice.

Hey Michael, how was your date last night?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
sighs

I will be honest; the dating has not been going well. Look, men are visual creatures. We crave beauty, like a piece of fine art by any number of renowned artists, or an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude… that, but the women I’m getting fixed up with are, egh! Not that they aren’t nice, or that have great personalities, they just… They just lack a certain… Crawfordness.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Oscar Martinez
I am livid, Absolutely livid.
It’s ridiculous.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Ryan
Yes, I’m having the Scranton branch come in on one Saturday so they can re-enter sales that they made on the phone as sales that were made by the website which they should have done in the first place, if the website had been working.

My favorite branch. How’s everybody doing?
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey man, you mind if I run something by you?
Love it. Go.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
Well, I kinda feel like what we have going for us is our customer service, and no matter how we change this up, I don’t know that a website’s going to be able to replace that.
I can tell you thought about this a lot, I appreciate that.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
Thanks.
David Wallace does too. You told him all about this at the Christmas party, right?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
Did I? I don’t…
You did. Yeah.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hmm.
Watch your back Jim. I’m just kidding.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Michael Scott
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please. I know that a lot of you are very angry with Ryan because he is the reason we all have to come in tomorrow, however, I swear to God, If any of you hurts him in any way emotionally or taunts him or makes fun of his height or his half beard or…
Ok thanks Michael.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah.
I’m here today to do some creative problem solving about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and field your questions.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Question.
Dwight.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Why am I being forced to come in tomorrow and pretend that a website made sales that I made?
This is a temporary measure to increase the legitimacy of the site.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Stanley Hudson
I don’t like when my clients call me to help them use the website, I’m not seeing commissions on that.
I hear you Stanley, that is a great observation. Problems like that will not happen when we launch Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2 point O.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Stanley Hudson
When will that be?
TBD. Phyllis?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Phyllis
Did the police solve the problem with the…
Yes, yes they did, yes they did.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Ryan
Yes, the social networking feature of the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website was infiltrated by sexual predators.

I don’t understand why our website has to have social networking at all.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah, I actually have to agree with Dwight on that one.
It’s all about creating a one stop shop consumer experience, alright? You’re chatting with your friends, you’re talking about the latest music, about the election; all of it is happening in our virtual paper store.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
And then an older gentleman asked you “Boxers or briefs?”
I don’t get the big fuss here, I like the site.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
If I’d have created a website with as many problems, I’d kill myself.
Do you have a question Kelly?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Yeah I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?
slow clapping Ryan has done a very good job, and I am not applauding sarcastically. Think about it, a month ago nobody would go on this site because we were worried about getting molested, or losing our identity, having it stolen. But now, at a time TDB, all of the problems will be in the past. Ya done good kid, ya done good.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Well it has been nice seeing you again my friend.
You too.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh Ryan, I need a girlfriend so bad. hugs Ryan
Michael let me go. Let me go Michael.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Argh. Alright. Do you know any girls in New York you might want to hook me up with? Some that might be interested in a guy like me.
Na.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Na?
Sorry man.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Well you tried.
But seriously, you should see the girls I meet at clubs in the city.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah.
Unreal.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
They sound great.
Bye everyone. Stay real Scranton, alright. Peace.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Michael Scott
Would you have sex with Meredith?
What?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Do you think she’d keep it quiet?
I’m gonna go to my desk.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Jim, it’s not the horniness, ok it’s the loneliness that…
I know.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Let’s go to New York. We’ll go clubbing with Ryan.
I can’t.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes you can, you’re single, I’m single. It’ll be awesome.
I’m not single.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Who you dating?
Pam.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s still going on?

Ok, Dwight grab your stuff, we’re going to New York to party with Ryan and to meet girls.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah!
Oh yes! Count me in dudes. I am in some serious need of some bro’ time. Old ball and chain’s been a lot more chain than ball lately if you know what I’m saying.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
I’m right here.
No, singles only, singles only. Also three is unlucky. Curse of three.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Sorry Andy. Cannot take any chances on curses, not tonight. Let’s go. Everybody, I will see you tomorrow, Saturday morning, probably wearing the same clothes that I am wearing right now, If you catch my drift.
We get it.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
I am going to go get laid. Goodbye.
laughs With sex!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s… I, I think that…

You know what? If we all stayed a couple of hours late tonight without Michael distracting us, we wouldn’t have to come in at all tomorrow.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Jim Halpert
So I caught everyone before they left and I told them my idea, and they loved it. Because this is a group that respects good ideas… the one time a year they hear one.

Ryan’s assistant told us that he would be at this club this evening. It is called Prerogative.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Place is packed.
Fire hazard.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Packed with beautiful babies. Swingers. Classic. John Favreau, tall guy from DodgeBall.
Women look like white slaves.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No, they’re just hotties.

I don’t know man, when you think about it, Cabo’s really the third world. I don’t go to a place like that to see more poverty you know. You go there to get some glamour.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey.
Michael.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey!
What are you doing here?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Well you know, just taking you up on your offer to party, so tada.
That is so awesome man!
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Alright!
And you brought this guy!
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah.
Aww!
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Ryan, it’s Michael and Dwight.
I know it’s you guys.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok.
I’m so psyched you’re here!
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Well.
Woooo!
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Alright!
Let’s get a drink.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Let’s do it!

Thanks a lot guys, Good job.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
Later.
Nice job everybody. Great work.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Stanley Hudson
Did you not tell the security guard we were working late?
Nope. I didn’t, but let’s go inside and I can call him right now.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
You can’t, I locked the office from the inside when we left.
Perfect, you guys worked together on this one. If I’m not in my bath with a glass of red wine in an hour, you’re both dead.
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Photo of Pam Beesley
There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, “What if you die Dwight, how will we get into the office?” He said, “If I’m dead, you guys have been dead for weeks.”

Guys, I want you to meet a really good friend of mine, this is Troy.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey, nice to meet you.
Hey, how ya doing?
Troy
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey, Dwight. You resemble a Tolkien character.
Ah, he basically is man. He’s a regular banking wizard.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, no, no. Not a wizard, a hobbit.
Bottle service ya’ll?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh ok, all I know is I would like some chicken fingers and a Midori Sour.
We don’t serve food here.
Waitress
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh ok, then just bring me two cups, one with olives and another filled with maraschino cherries.
Do you live in a regular sized house?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
Yeah. He’s a normal guy, he’s cool.

You really don’t have his phone number?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I told you, I have the number that rings here. Do you want that number?
I might have it in here.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Pam Beesley
Aw! That’s great Toby.
It’s so random that I have it.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Pam Beesley
Toby, you’re the best.
When I put it in I thought it would be a waste of time, but I guess it was worth it.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Jim Halpert
Great, It’s under here as Security Guard home. Did you not get his name? Or…
No.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Jim Halpert
It’s ringing. Does anybody have his name? Quick.
Yes, it’s Eddie.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
It’s not, it’s not Eddie, it’s ah, Evan or…
Hank, his name is Hank.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Jim Halpert
No guys his name’s not Hank, it’s ah, is it Edgar?
Elliot.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Elliot!
Is it Elliot? Hey ch… chief, this is Jim Halpert from um… where you work. You’re the guy who sits behind the desk… you’re, you’re the, the Afri… African-American guy, I mean you’re. Ah… Who, Who’ve I got here?
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Ryan
Dwight Schrute man. How’s Schrute Farms?
Good.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
This guy owns his own beet farm.
Insane.
Troy
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Well it’s weevil season but we were prepared.
Weevils, what a crazy word man. What? I don’t even know what that means. What does that mean?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
They lay their eggs inside the unripe beet root, then come spring time the babies eat their way out.
Crazy. That’s too much for me man, I’m gonna hit the bathroom.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You’ve already been several times.
Yeah.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Maybe you have some kinda bladder infection.
I don’t know, maybe.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I’ll order you some cranberry juice.
With vodka, you’re the best.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
to troy Do you have powers?

on phone Oh thank you Hank. You are a lifesaver, Hank. Appreciate it. to office co-workers Alright, so Hank is gonna come down here and he’s gonna let us all out. lowers voice He said it should just be under an hour, so… everyone groans we did it.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Oscar Martinez
We should all make sure to give him a big tip this Christmas.
Sorry guys, but I don’t think I tipped him for last year’s.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Angela Martin
Yeah, neither did I.
Jim was supposed to collect it.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yup…
Way to go, man.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Now he’s never gonna come.
By a show of hands, who thinks we’re a better couple than Jim and Pam? people raise hands
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Pam Beesley
Phyllis.

I umm, thought about getting a tattoo on my back as well at one point. I was thinking about getting “Back to the Future.” “Back” because it’s on my back and “Future” because I’m the kind of guy who likes to look ahead into the future. I just think a tattoo should mean something, you know? And it’s my second favorite movie.
Photo of Michael Scott
Girl in Club
I’ve never heard of that movie.
Back to the Future? she shakes head Oh, wow. Well you should take a, a film education course.
Photo of Michael Scott
Girl in Club
How old are you?
Forty… I’m in my forties.
Photo of Michael Scott
Girl in Club
Wow. That’s so cool.
Nuhh…
Photo of Michael Scott
Girl in Club
Well I’m gonna go back to my group now.
Oh, OK.
Photo of Michael Scott
Girl in Club
Thanks for the drink.
You are welcome.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
This place is like sexy pre-school.
Did you want a place where we could meet older women?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
I would love a place where we could meet older girls.
Hell yeah. I’ll hook it up. smashes beer bottle on the floor
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Ahh, wow. That’s dangerous.

to bouncer Check again, Ryan Howard.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
to tall woman in front of him, tapping her shoulder Excuse me.
Yeah?
Tall Girl #1
Photo of Dwight Schrute
referring to girls in front of him How did you all find each other?
Uh, we’re the Jersey State Varsity Basketball team. Northeast Regional Champs.
Tall Girl #1
All Girls
Wooo!
Amazons.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
to Dwight, Michael and Troy It’s off. It’s not the dude I know. It’s some other loser who won’t let us in without chicks.
You’re kidding.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Let’s bail. starts to leave
Ok, wai, wai, wai, wait, wait. turns Ryan around annd points to basketball players You two, Jersey State girls, let’s go.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Tall Girl #2
We’re not going unless we can all go.
OK. You know what, fine. Let’s go, two girls to a guy. Come on, let’s do it. C’mon, Ryan. Move out. OK, three or four with him referring to Troy. Let’s go, c’mon. Here we go.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Toby Flenderson
Hey, look what I found in the back. shows a football to Pam Wanna play? Teach you to throw.
I know how to throw a football.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Course you do.
Yeah, Pam! Hit me up! Go long. Woo! Pam throws football, hits Meredith’s face
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Owww!
Oh God.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Bartender
There you go.
Wait, wait a minute, what’s this, I didn’t order this?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Bartender
It’s for you. From them. points to Jersey State girls across the bar
Oh. dumps drink out
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Troy
What are you doing man?
It’s not safe. Anything could have been in there. to girls Nice try.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
I’ve never met anyone who does that. You wash dogs? Very cool.
That’s one aspect of small pet grooming. What do you do?
Girl in 2nd club
Photo of Michael Scott
I am a bank teller.

Ryan told me to always tell women you work in finance.
Photo of Michael Scott

Girl in 2nd club
Cool.
I think so.
Photo of Michael Scott
Girl in 2nd club
Yeah.
Yeah, I have fun.
Photo of Michael Scott
Girl in 2nd club
I’m just gonna just use the powder room.
All right.
Photo of Michael Scott
Girl in 2nd club
So I’ll see ya soon.
Very perfect. girl walks away, Michael laughs Oh my notices Dwight making out with Tall Girl #1 This needs to be shared. takes a picture with his camera phone Cut to the office – All Office co-workers cell phones go off. They notice the picture Michael has sent and all groan
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
She washes dogs.
You’re doing it man.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
I know. I don’t wanna get ahead of myself, but I think I want her to meet my mom.
Hey man, you ever think there’s gonna be this massive nuclear holocaust, and after all the major nations are destroyed they’ll just be the tribes in the jungle that rise up and survive? The jungle war fare’s gonna rule the world?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, maybe. notices previous girl talking to another guy
It’s inevitable, right?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Hmm…

on phone Please don’t pick up, please don’t pick up, please don’t pick up.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Hank
Hello?
Haaank. Is that you?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Hank
Yeah.
Still haven’t left the house yet, huh?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Hank
I’ll get ready to leave.
Good. Please hurry.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Hank
on phone Stop calling me so I can put on my damn socks!
Will do. hangs up I’ll stop calling.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
on phonne I am. I am getting out there. Well, no I’ve asked a lot of girls to dance mom. They’re just, it’s not… Ryan is dancing feverishly and falls over Yes, I shaved above my neck. Oh my God, mom, I gotta go. One of my friends is getting beaten up by some girls.

Actually, it’s kind of too bad we’re not coming into work tomorrow.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Why?
I bet Michael had some elaborate theme party planned, like Scrambled Egg Saturday. a few chuckles
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Toby Flenderson
More like “Everyone let’s get your boss laid Saturday.” more laughs Toby puts his hand on Pam’s knee, everyone stares, Toby removes his hand I have an announcement uh, to make. I am moving to Costa Rica. Thought about it for a long time now. And I’m finally gonna do it. So, I’m just gonna hop the fence and jog home now. runs out of lobby and climbs the fence and jogs away

Michael and Troy dragging Ryan out of the club Those girls really wailed on you bad.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Why wouldn’t they let me dance?
Well…
Photo of Michael Scott
Troy
OK I gotta go. Do not take him to a hospital. runs away
Pretty weird. Dwight and tall girl run out of club
Photo of Michael Scott
Tall Girl #1
to Dwight You have to go with me.
I do, I have to go.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Tall Girl #1
Stay. Stay, please?
No, I have to go. Good luck against Conn College, alright?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Tall Girl #1
Call me.
Uh huh. to Ryan and Michael I’m not gonna call her.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Let’s go.
I don’t wanna go back in.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
I know, here we go.

notices cleaning crew coming up to the gate Cleaning people. Oscar. everyone starts to walk outside OK, so all you need to do is explain to them what happened, ’cause I think they can help us.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Why are you assuming they only speak Spanish?
I… just… if they speak Spanish.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Oscar Martinez
to cleaning people Good evening, we locked ourselves in. women don’t respond Nosotros trabajamos aqui, nos trancamos, OK?
Ohh…
Cleaning lady
Photo of Oscar Martinez
They happened to speak Spanish.
Lucky us.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Ryan
This is a one time thing, you know that right? they walk into Ryan’s apartment
Wow.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
This is it.
All right.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
This is where the magic happens.
Nice.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Very nice.
One of you guys can have the sofa, and one of you guys can have…
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I got sofa. I got sofa.
Dwight, I’m the boss.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I got floor.
Case anyone needs to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I don’t wannna get my head stepped on.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
to Ryan Do you want me to sing you a song my mother used to sing me, when we were sick?
No. Dwight starts singing in German
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight, shh shh. Dwight. Leave him alone.
It’s a lullaby.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Shh. Ryan, Ryan, we’re going to take your clothes off.
No. Guys, I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.
Shh, just stop. Here’s what you do. You tell him that you’re his friend and that you’re gonna help him and that everyone’s gonna be all right. And then you put a wire on him and you find out who’s selling him drugs and then you get that guy and you flip up, turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy to the people who’s really really bad. Been watching The Wire recently. I don’t understand a word of it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Guys, I’m going to sleep. You can leave the light on if you want, but please stop talking, OK?
OK. Good night Ryan.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Best night ever.

Like I said, it’s not about the horniness, it’s about the loneliness. And how can I be lonely with my boys? Like a famous person once said, Boys on the side. But I don’t, I disagree, I say… let’s hear it for the boys.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Hank
drives up to parking lot to notice all the office cars are gone Son of a bitch.

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