Night Out - The Office (Season 4, Episode 15)

Ryan arrives at the Scranton branch and is noticeably friendlier than on his previous visits. "His favorite branch" is sick of Ryan's new website. Ryan shows the staff at the branch the new Dunder Mifflin website, "Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2.0." The previous version's social networking component was invaded by sexual predators and they had to shut down the site.

As Ryan is leaving, Michael asks him to set him up with some of the women he knows. Ryan tells Michael all about the women he meets in clubs. Based on Ryan's success, Michael and Dwight decide to go to New York to meet women... possibly locating Ryan and attending parties with him.

In New York, Michael and Dwight visit a club Ryan likes. Ryan is thrilled to see them but appears to have done a lot of cocaine. Michael and Dwight are oblivious to that fact. Later, Michael, Dwight, Ryan and Ryan's colleague are waiting outside another club. The club won't let anyone in without a date so Dwight teams up with a women's basketball team that are also in line to get in.

Inside the club, Ryan's is dancing like a crazy person. He accidentally hits a girl and her friends attack him. Michael and Dwight have to escort him out of the club. Michael and Dwight bring Ryan back to his apartment, where he asks for advice with someone who has a drug problem. Michael, not realizing Ryan is referring to himself, suggests a wiretap and snitching on a dealer - he's been watching a lot of "The Wire" lately.

Back in Scranton, the branch is going to be forced to work on a Saturday to record their sales as the website's sales - Ryan's orders to try to legitimize his site. Jim suggests instead that everyone stay in late to avoid coming in on Saturday. They all agree but when they go to leave, they realize that the security guard has locked the gate to the parking lot. Jim forgot to tell him they were staying late. They can't return to the office because Pam locked the door from the inside because Dwight is the only one with the keys.

Jim calls the security guard, Hank, who says he's on his way... but drags his feet. Apparently Jim didn't collect the money for his annual tip. While sitting in the lobby area waiting for Hank, Toby reaches over and feels Pam's knee. He then realizes what he's done and says that is moving to Costa Rica and he's just going to jump the fence. He does so and runs away. Shortly after, the cleaning staff arrive and Oscar tells them of their plight (because he speaks Spanish). The cleaning ladies open the gate.

Hank arrives a little later to the office to an empty parking lot. "Son of a bitch," he says.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Chair Model

Photo of Pam Beesley
What’s wrong Michael?
I got gum in my hair.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
You do.
This just stinks. Don’t touch it, please don’t touch it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You’ve got a ton of dandruff.
OK, let me be.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
How’d you get gum in your hair?
I was walking in and I noticed something shinny under Stanley’s car and I got under to see what it was and I messed up my hair, all for a stupid piece of tinfoil.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
But best case scenario, you thought it was a quarter.
Kill me… right now.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
We have peanut butter in the kitchen.
I don’t feel like peanut butter. Get me an ice cream sandwich.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Nope. Not for you it’s for your hair, and it is 9 am.
No Dwight, not the good peanut butter. People are going to get mad.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey, hey, hey. This is my hair we’re talking about.

Smells good.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Taste good too.
Oh don’t. That’s disgusting.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Wow! Lot of calories.
Well just don’t leave it on too long. Keep massaging please. Ah yeah, that’s nice.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey Michael, how was your date last night?
sighs
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I will be honest; the dating has not been going well. Look, men are visual creatures. We crave beauty, like a piece of fine art by any number of renowned artists, or an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude… that, but the women I’m getting fixed up with are, egh! Not that they aren’t nice, or that have great personalities, they just… They just lack a certain… Crawfordness.

I am livid, Absolutely livid.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Angela Martin
It’s ridiculous.

Yes, I’m having the Scranton branch come in on one Saturday so they can re-enter sales that they made on the phone as sales that were made by the website which they should have done in the first place, if the website had been working.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Ryan
My favorite branch. How’s everybody doing?

Hey man, you mind if I run something by you?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Ryan
Love it. Go.
Well, I kinda feel like what we have going for us is our customer service, and no matter how we change this up, I don’t know that a website’s going to be able to replace that.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Ryan
I can tell you thought about this a lot, I appreciate that.
Thanks.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Ryan
David Wallace does too. You told him all about this at the Christmas party, right?
Did I? I don’t…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Ryan
You did. Yeah.
Hmm.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Ryan
Watch your back Jim. I’m just kidding.

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please. I know that a lot of you are very angry with Ryan because he is the reason we all have to come in tomorrow, however, I swear to God, If any of you hurts him in any way emotionally or taunts him or makes fun of his height or his half beard or…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Ok thanks Michael.
Yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
I’m here today to do some creative problem solving about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and field your questions.
Question.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
Dwight.
Why am I being forced to come in tomorrow and pretend that a website made sales that I made?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
This is a temporary measure to increase the legitimacy of the site.
I don’t like when my clients call me to help them use the website, I’m not seeing commissions on that.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Ryan
I hear you Stanley, that is a great observation. Problems like that will not happen when we launch Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2 point O.
When will that be?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Ryan
TBD. Phyllis?
Did the police solve the problem with the…
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Ryan
Yes, yes they did, yes they did.

Yes, the social networking feature of the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website was infiltrated by sexual predators.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Dwight Schrute
I don’t understand why our website has to have social networking at all.
Yeah, I actually have to agree with Dwight on that one.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Ryan
It’s all about creating a one stop shop consumer experience, alright? You’re chatting with your friends, you’re talking about the latest music, about the election; all of it is happening in our virtual paper store.
And then an older gentleman asked you “Boxers or briefs?”
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Creed Bratton
I don’t get the big fuss here, I like the site.
If I’d have created a website with as many problems, I’d kill myself.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Ryan
Do you have a question Kelly?
Yeah I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
slow clapping Ryan has done a very good job, and I am not applauding sarcastically. Think about it, a month ago nobody would go on this site because we were worried about getting molested, or losing our identity, having it stolen. But now, at a time TDB, all of the problems will be in the past. Ya done good kid, ya done good.

Well it has been nice seeing you again my friend.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
You too.
Oh Ryan, I need a girlfriend so bad. hugs Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Michael let me go. Let me go Michael.
Argh. Alright. Do you know any girls in New York you might want to hook me up with? Some that might be interested in a guy like me.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Na.
Na?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Sorry man.
Well you tried.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
But seriously, you should see the girls I meet at clubs in the city.
Yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Unreal.
They sound great.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Bye everyone. Stay real Scranton, alright. Peace.

Would you have sex with Meredith?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
What?
Do you think she’d keep it quiet?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I’m gonna go to my desk.
Jim, it’s not the horniness, ok it’s the loneliness that…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I know.
Let’s go to New York. We’ll go clubbing with Ryan.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I can’t.
Yes you can, you’re single, I’m single. It’ll be awesome.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I’m not single.
Who you dating?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Pam.
That’s still going on?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Ok, Dwight grab your stuff, we’re going to New York to party with Ryan and to meet girls.
Yeah!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Oh yes! Count me in dudes. I am in some serious need of some bro’ time. Old ball and chain’s been a lot more chain than ball lately if you know what I’m saying.
I’m right here.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, singles only, singles only. Also three is unlucky. Curse of three.
Sorry Andy. Cannot take any chances on curses, not tonight. Let’s go. Everybody, I will see you tomorrow, Saturday morning, probably wearing the same clothes that I am wearing right now, If you catch my drift.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
We get it.
I am going to go get laid. Goodbye.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
laughs With sex!
That’s… I, I think that…
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
You know what? If we all stayed a couple of hours late tonight without Michael distracting us, we wouldn’t have to come in at all tomorrow.

So I caught everyone before they left and I told them my idea, and they loved it. Because this is a group that respects good ideas… the one time a year they hear one.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
Ryan’s assistant told us that he would be at this club this evening. It is called Prerogative.

Place is packed.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Fire hazard.
Packed with beautiful babies. Swingers. Classic. John Favreau, tall guy from DodgeBall.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Women look like white slaves.
No, they’re just hotties.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Ryan
I don’t know man, when you think about it, Cabo’s really the third world. I don’t go to a place like that to see more poverty you know. You go there to get some glamour.
Hey.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Michael.
Hey!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
What are you doing here?
Well you know, just taking you up on your offer to party, so tada.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
That is so awesome man!
Alright!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
And you brought this guy!
Yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Aww!
Ryan, it’s Michael and Dwight.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
I know it’s you guys.
Ok.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
I’m so psyched you’re here!
Well.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Woooo!
Alright!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Let’s get a drink.
Let’s do it!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
Thanks a lot guys, Good job.
Later.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Nice job everybody. Great work.

Did you not tell the security guard we were working late?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Jim Halpert
Nope. I didn’t, but let’s go inside and I can call him right now.
You can’t, I locked the office from the inside when we left.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Perfect, you guys worked together on this one. If I’m not in my bath with a glass of red wine in an hour, you’re both dead.

There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, “What if you die Dwight, how will we get into the office?” He said, “If I’m dead, you guys have been dead for weeks.”
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Ryan
Guys, I want you to meet a really good friend of mine, this is Troy.
Hey, nice to meet you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Troy
Hey, how ya doing?
Hey, Dwight. You resemble a Tolkien character.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
Ah, he basically is man. He’s a regular banking wizard.
No, no, no. Not a wizard, a hobbit.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
Bottle service ya’ll?
Oh ok, all I know is I would like some chicken fingers and a Midori Sour.
Photo of Michael Scott
Waitress
We don’t serve food here.
Oh ok, then just bring me two cups, one with olives and another filled with maraschino cherries.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Do you live in a regular sized house?
Yeah. He’s a normal guy, he’s cool.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Jim Halpert
You really don’t have his phone number?
I told you, I have the number that rings here. Do you want that number?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Toby Flenderson
I might have it in here.
Aw! That’s great Toby.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Toby Flenderson
It’s so random that I have it.
Toby, you’re the best.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Toby Flenderson
When I put it in I thought it would be a waste of time, but I guess it was worth it.
Great, It’s under here as Security Guard home. Did you not get his name? Or…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Toby Flenderson
No.
It’s ringing. Does anybody have his name? Quick.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yes, it’s Eddie.
It’s not, it’s not Eddie, it’s ah, Evan or…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Creed Bratton
Hank, his name is Hank.
No guys his name’s not Hank, it’s ah, is it Edgar?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Phyllis
Elliot.
Elliot!
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Jim Halpert
Is it Elliot? Hey ch… chief, this is Jim Halpert from um… where you work. You’re the guy who sits behind the desk… you’re, you’re the, the Afri… African-American guy, I mean you’re. Ah… Who, Who’ve I got here?

Dwight Schrute man. How’s Schrute Farms?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Good.
This guy owns his own beet farm.
Photo of Ryan
Troy
Insane.
Well it’s weevil season but we were prepared.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
Weevils, what a crazy word man. What? I don’t even know what that means. What does that mean?
They lay their eggs inside the unripe beet root, then come spring time the babies eat their way out.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
Crazy. That’s too much for me man, I’m gonna hit the bathroom.
You’ve already been several times.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
Yeah.
Maybe you have some kinda bladder infection.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
I don’t know, maybe.
I’ll order you some cranberry juice.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
With vodka, you’re the best.
to troy Do you have powers?
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jim Halpert
on phone Oh thank you Hank. You are a lifesaver, Hank. Appreciate it. to office co-workers Alright, so Hank is gonna come down here and he’s gonna let us all out. lowers voice He said it should just be under an hour, so… everyone groans we did it.
We should all make sure to give him a big tip this Christmas.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Sorry guys, but I don’t think I tipped him for last year’s.
Yeah, neither did I.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Phyllis
Jim was supposed to collect it.
Yup…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
Way to go, man.
Now he’s never gonna come.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Andy Bernard
By a show of hands, who thinks we’re a better couple than Jim and Pam? people raise hands
Phyllis.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
I umm, thought about getting a tattoo on my back as well at one point. I was thinking about getting “Back to the Future.” “Back” because it’s on my back and “Future” because I’m the kind of guy who likes to look ahead into the future. I just think a tattoo should mean something, you know? And it’s my second favorite movie.
I’ve never heard of that movie.
Girl in Club
Photo of Michael Scott
Back to the Future? she shakes head Oh, wow. Well you should take a, a film education course.
How old are you?
Girl in Club
Photo of Michael Scott
Forty… I’m in my forties.
Wow. That’s so cool.
Girl in Club
Photo of Michael Scott
Nuhh…
Well I’m gonna go back to my group now.
Girl in Club
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, OK.
Thanks for the drink.
Girl in Club
Photo of Michael Scott
You are welcome.

This place is like sexy pre-school.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Did you want a place where we could meet older women?
I would love a place where we could meet older girls.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Hell yeah. I’ll hook it up. smashes beer bottle on the floor
Ahh, wow. That’s dangerous.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Ryan
to bouncer Check again, Ryan Howard.
to tall woman in front of him, tapping her shoulder Excuse me.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Tall Girl #1
Yeah?
referring to girls in front of him How did you all find each other?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Tall Girl #1
Uh, we’re the Jersey State Varsity Basketball team. Northeast Regional Champs.
Wooo!
All Girls
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Amazons.
to Dwight, Michael and Troy It’s off. It’s not the dude I know. It’s some other loser who won’t let us in without chicks.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
You’re kidding.
Let’s bail. starts to leave
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ok, wai, wai, wai, wait, wait. turns Ryan around annd points to basketball players You two, Jersey State girls, let’s go.
We’re not going unless we can all go.
Tall Girl #2
Photo of Dwight Schrute
OK. You know what, fine. Let’s go, two girls to a guy. Come on, let’s do it. C’mon, Ryan. Move out. OK, three or four with him referring to Troy. Let’s go, c’mon. Here we go.

Hey, look what I found in the back. shows a football to Pam Wanna play? Teach you to throw.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Pam Beesley
I know how to throw a football.
Course you do.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yeah, Pam! Hit me up! Go long. Woo! Pam throws football, hits Meredith’s face
Owww!
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Kevin Malone
Oh God.

There you go.
Photo of Bartender
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Wait, wait a minute, what’s this, I didn’t order this?
It’s for you. From them. points to Jersey State girls across the bar
Photo of Bartender
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh. dumps drink out
What are you doing man?
Troy
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s not safe. Anything could have been in there. to girls Nice try.

I’ve never met anyone who does that. You wash dogs? Very cool.
Photo of Michael Scott
Girl in 2nd club
That’s one aspect of small pet grooming. What do you do?
I am a bank teller.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Ryan told me to always tell women you work in finance.

Cool.
Girl in 2nd club
Photo of Michael Scott
I think so.
Yeah.
Girl in 2nd club
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, I have fun.
I’m just gonna just use the powder room.
Girl in 2nd club
Photo of Michael Scott
All right.
So I’ll see ya soon.
Girl in 2nd club
Photo of Michael Scott
Very perfect. girl walks away, Michael laughs Oh my notices Dwight making out with Tall Girl #1 This needs to be shared. takes a picture with his camera phone Cut to the office – All Office co-workers cell phones go off. They notice the picture Michael has sent and all groan

She washes dogs.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
You’re doing it man.
I know. I don’t wanna get ahead of myself, but I think I want her to meet my mom.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Hey man, you ever think there’s gonna be this massive nuclear holocaust, and after all the major nations are destroyed they’ll just be the tribes in the jungle that rise up and survive? The jungle war fare’s gonna rule the world?
Yeah, maybe. notices previous girl talking to another guy
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
It’s inevitable, right?
Hmm…
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
on phone Please don’t pick up, please don’t pick up, please don’t pick up.
Hello?
Photo of Hank
Photo of Jim Halpert
Haaank. Is that you?
Yeah.
Photo of Hank
Photo of Jim Halpert
Still haven’t left the house yet, huh?
I’ll get ready to leave.
Photo of Hank
Photo of Jim Halpert
Good. Please hurry.
on phone Stop calling me so I can put on my damn socks!
Photo of Hank
Photo of Jim Halpert
Will do. hangs up I’ll stop calling.

on phonne I am. I am getting out there. Well, no I’ve asked a lot of girls to dance mom. They’re just, it’s not… Ryan is dancing feverishly and falls over Yes, I shaved above my neck. Oh my God, mom, I gotta go. One of my friends is getting beaten up by some girls.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
Actually, it’s kind of too bad we’re not coming into work tomorrow.
Why?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Pam Beesley
I bet Michael had some elaborate theme party planned, like Scrambled Egg Saturday. a few chuckles
More like “Everyone let’s get your boss laid Saturday.” more laughs Toby puts his hand on Pam’s knee, everyone stares, Toby removes his hand I have an announcement uh, to make. I am moving to Costa Rica. Thought about it for a long time now. And I’m finally gonna do it. So, I’m just gonna hop the fence and jog home now. runs out of lobby and climbs the fence and jogs away
Photo of Toby Flenderson

Photo of Michael Scott
Michael and Troy dragging Ryan out of the club Those girls really wailed on you bad.
Why wouldn’t they let me dance?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Well…
OK I gotta go. Do not take him to a hospital. runs away
Troy
Photo of Michael Scott
Pretty weird. Dwight and tall girl run out of club
to Dwight You have to go with me.
Tall Girl #1
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I do, I have to go.
Stay. Stay, please?
Tall Girl #1
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, I have to go. Good luck against Conn College, alright?
Call me.
Tall Girl #1
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Uh huh. to Ryan and Michael I’m not gonna call her.
Let’s go.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
I don’t wanna go back in.
I know, here we go.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
notices cleaning crew coming up to the gate Cleaning people. Oscar. everyone starts to walk outside OK, so all you need to do is explain to them what happened, ’cause I think they can help us.
Why are you assuming they only speak Spanish?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Jim Halpert
I… just… if they speak Spanish.
to cleaning people Good evening, we locked ourselves in. women don’t respond Nosotros trabajamos aqui, nos trancamos, OK?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Cleaning lady
Ohh…
They happened to speak Spanish.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Jim Halpert
Lucky us.

This is a one time thing, you know that right? they walk into Ryan’s apartment
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Wow.
This is it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
All right.
This is where the magic happens.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Nice.
Very nice.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
One of you guys can have the sofa, and one of you guys can have…
I got sofa. I got sofa.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight, I’m the boss.
I got floor.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Case anyone needs to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I don’t wannna get my head stepped on.
to Ryan Do you want me to sing you a song my mother used to sing me, when we were sick?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
No. Dwight starts singing in German
Dwight, shh shh. Dwight. Leave him alone.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s a lullaby.
Shh. Ryan, Ryan, we’re going to take your clothes off.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
No. Guys, I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do?
I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Shh, just stop. Here’s what you do. You tell him that you’re his friend and that you’re gonna help him and that everyone’s gonna be all right. And then you put a wire on him and you find out who’s selling him drugs and then you get that guy and you flip up, turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy to the people who’s really really bad. Been watching The Wire recently. I don’t understand a word of it.
Guys, I’m going to sleep. You can leave the light on if you want, but please stop talking, OK?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Dwight Schrute
OK. Good night Ryan.
Best night ever.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Like I said, it’s not about the horniness, it’s about the loneliness. And how can I be lonely with my boys? Like a famous person once said, Boys on the side. But I don’t, I disagree, I say… let’s hear it for the boys.

drives up to parking lot to notice all the office cars are gone Son of a bitch.
Photo of Hank

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