Chair Model - The Office (Season 4, Episode 14)

Michael is picking out a new chair for his office. While browsing through a catalog, he falls in lust for a woman modeling an office chair. He decides to resume dating, since he broke up with Jan, and needs the help of the office employees to set him up with their friends.

Nobody in the office are willing to set up any of their friends with Michael... but Dwight does some investigating to try to find the actual chair model for Michael. He learns that she died in a car crash a while ago and Pam takes pity on Michael and sets him up with her landlady.

The date doesn't go well and Michael obviously isn't attracted to the landlady. After Michael admits his blind date was a bust, Dwight convinces Michael that he needs closure on the chair model he "loved" and has lost. The two end up in a cemetery at the grave of the chair model, where Michael grieves by singing a song. They are both singing "American Pie" by Don McLean and dancing on her grave.

With Michael busy, Kevin and Andy Bernard work to get back parking spaces they lost to construction workers. They convene a meeting of the "five bosses".... the five owners of businesses in the office park. Somehow, they manage to get their parking spaces back.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Chair Model

Photo of Pam Beesley
W.B. Jones is renovating their offices and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get.
So we had to park at a satellite parking lot over there.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Which just means we get to see more of our lovely street. Tell them what we saw today Jim.
Oh today, we saw a junk yard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Nature.

Been here nine years. Now all of a sudden I’m supposed to park half a mile away.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Andy Bernard
I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.

sitting down, rubbing his feet I will quit. As God as my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Pam Beesley
Some of us like the walk more than others.
off screen Hurts like hell.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Pam Beesley
to Michael who is looking at a chair catalog Did you pick a new chair? It’s been awhile.
Pam, when I first opened this catalog, I thought I was just going to be picking out a chair.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
But instead, you found something to distract you from ever picking out a chair.

Michael started the process of selecting a new chair about three weeks ago. And normally I wouldn’t care, but he promised me his old one. It’s way better. It’s one of these. makes a shrrhhh sound of a chair moving downward as Pam slumps down I really want it.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
holding up the catalog Have you ever seen this woman?
Her?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Hmm…
The one in the really great mesh black high-back swivel chair?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Look at her smile. Those eyes, look at her eyes. She’s got – I don’t know what it is actually, she dresses like a professional and yet you know there is a side of her that could just curl up on a couch.
Or in a great chair.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, yeah, maybe, but remember after my dinner party when I said that I was swearing off women?
I definitely remember your dinner party.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I think what I meant was that I was completely swearing off one woman. whispers Jan. I think that fate put this catalog in my hands.
Actually, I put the catalog in your hands ’cause you have to pick out a new chair.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
What is it like being single? I like it. I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate and desperate situations yield the quickest results.

Ladies and gentleman, would you please open your supply catalogs and kindly turn to page 85. phone rings
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Creed Bratton
on phone Yo, is this his new chair?
on phone No, he hasn’t picked one yet.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Creed Bratton
on phone Daat!

When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.
Photo of Creed Bratton

Photo of Michael Scott
I am ready to start dating again. Getting back on the market. So, FYI, for those of you who are thinking about fixing me up with any of your friends, use the woman on page 85 as a template. That will be all.

I left my cell phone in my car.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Phyllis
Call us when you get there so we know you’re OK. Andy gets up and leaves

to Kevin Listen man, I am completely over Jan, so, would you set me up?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
If I had someone to set you up with Michael, then I’d take her for myself.
I thought that you were engaged?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Nope. Stacy broke up with me.
Whaaaat? God, that’s terrible man. Eghh, she’s crazy. Umm, are you still on good terms with any of her friends?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Not anymore.
Oh…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
It’s a bitter situation.
Yeah… ugh. She’s… gets up and leaves you don’t deserve her. Alright.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
sitting on Oscar’s desk Oh hello Oscar Mayer Weiner lover. I bet that you have a bunch of very liberal girl type friends that trust you implicitly because they know you’d never touch ’em, because of your condition. Umm…
Michael?
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
What?
I have a friend who’s single.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh.
Sandy. She’s gorgeous and she’s got a feisty personality, too.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Hmm, I see, feisty. So she’s not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer?
Umm, no, she’s a professional softball player.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Oooo. Catcher or in field?
Umm I don’t know Michael.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Is she a dress wearer or a pants wearer? Could we share a row boat? Could, could a row boat support her?
What are you asking?
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
I think I’m being very clear what I’m asking. Would an average size row boat support her without capsizing? silence It bothers me that you’re not answering the question.
No, alright no, she can’t fit in a row boat.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Damn it, I knew it! I knew it Phyllis! OK!

What is wrong with these people? I would do anything for them and they’re just hanging me out to dry.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Dating shouldn’t be hard for somebody like me, but it is and you know why? Because nobody here is willing to help me. Nothing would ever get done in this office without a formal request, would it? Well, fine. Here goes.
I don’t think that this is—
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, now OK, I know that this is probably not appropriate, but I need help. Because I want to play ball with my kids before I get too old. And before that happens I need to get laid. And before that happens I need to be in love. And I don’t wanna hear “Ahnnn… I can’t help elhh la la.” No. No. I’m a catch and I am not going to be the one who got away. So, this is what we’re going to do. Dwight is going to hand out index cards and I want you all to write down the name of an eligible woman for me to date by the end of the day. No, by the end of the hour or you are fired.
gets up from chair Write legibly people.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Andy Bernard
Because of the construction at W.B. Jones, half of us have to park in the satellite lot.
Hmm..
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
It’s like a ten minute walk.
No, thirty.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, look, I am in an assigned parking place in front, so… Alright, alright, alright, umm let me try to think about what it would be like to not have one. thinks OK, yes that would be bad.
Yes.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yes.
That would be bad.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
OK.
Nice.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Andy Bernard
…So help us out.
Wish I could, but I can’t. Well can, but won’t. Should, maybe, but shorn’t.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Michael, please he–
What part of shorn’t don’t you understand, Kevin? Look I could probably handle it, yes, but I think it would be a good exercise for you guys to do it yourselves.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
We won’t let you down.
Oh you can’t because I don’t care. Listen, Kevin and Andy high five as they leave Michael’s office don’t forget to fill out those cards. My love cards.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Stanley Hudson
There’s nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.
Well, I’m setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway, he can just deal with it.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Pam Beesley
to Jim Who are you putting down?
Oh, you don’t know her.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Who is it?
Your mom.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah, whatever. Jim holds up the card Pam laughs Give it to me. Give it to me.

Ok, Wendy. Hot and juicy red head. Give this a try. Michael dials phone number. Phone rings.
Photo of Michael Scott
Wendy’s phone operator
Wendy’s.
Hello Wendy, this is Kevin’s friend, Michael.
Photo of Michael Scott
Wendy’s phone operator
This isn’t Wendy.
Oh, I’m sorry, could you put her on please?
Photo of Michael Scott
Wendy’s phone operator
Dude, this is a Wendy’s restaurant.
under breath Damn it Kevin. OK, umm, could I just have a frosty and a baked potato please?
Photo of Michael Scott
Wendy’s phone operator
You have to come to the restaurant to order food.
Well, I’ll send somebody to come pick it up. Just have it ready.
Photo of Michael Scott
Wendy’s phone operator
It’s ready now.
Well put it aside. hangs up the phone Dwight enters Umm… yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
OK, I have collected the rest of the ladies.
Good. Good because this batch was awful. Umm… this one says chair model…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I wrote that. Michael, you shouldn’t have to settle. This is my pledge to you. I will find her and I will bring her to you and as God as my witness, she shall bear your fruit.
That sounds good. both smile Go get her. Wa-Wait, wait, wait, wait. First, go to Wendy’s, get my food. Come back and then go.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
on phone That is fantastic. Thank you, thank you very much. This is just what I needed.

The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used a Wilkes-Barre modeling agency. The agency gave me the following information. reads from notepad Deborah Shoshlefski. 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
She’s dead? Dwight makes knife slitting noise She’s so young.
She was so young and now she is dead. As dead as every dead animal who has ever died.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, God. Oh…
Why don’t you sit down? Michael… come on. gets up and leads Michael to sit in his chair Here we go. Yeah.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Michael, you didn’t even know her.
Try not to be so hurtful Jim.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Jim, how dare you. Jim’s face is in shock
Please, not at a time like this. sighs
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
OK Michael, you know what? I might have someone for you.
Oh really? What’s her name? Burger King?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, I mean it. walks towards Michael She’s really nice and sweet and you guys might actually get along. hands over card to Michael
I don’t, I don’t think I’m ready. Is she hot?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m setting Michael up with my land lady. She’s really sweet and… whatever, I just can’t take Michael like this.

No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Kevin Malone
We need to assemble the five families.
while brushing teeth with an electric toothbrush No, not the five families.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
We have to.

The five families are the five companies of Scranton Business Park. The bosses rarely meet. There’s Michael Scott, Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin. Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Paul Faust of Disaster Kits Limited. They call him “Cool Guy Paul.” W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Air. Grade A Bad Ass. And Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye. Bill Cress is super old and really mean.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Michael Scott
still brushing teeth Sorry, I don’t have time for this right now. I’m trying to get a date with Pam’s hot friend. And she needs to meet me right now.
to Andy I’m calling the meeting anyway.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Michael Scott
to cashier at coffee shop Thank you very much. Our suspect has straight brown hair. She is wearing blue jeans and a black top. So… behold our bachelorette cut to a blonde woman in a skirt. Give her ten for looks and a three for her ability to describe herself. Hello, my lady. woman walks right by and doesn’t respond
Michael?
Photo of Margaret
Photo of Michael Scott
turns around to see the woman from his description Ugh.
Are you Michael Scott?
Photo of Margaret
Photo of Michael Scott
Is who a Michael what?
Oh, I’m sorry, I’m, I’m supposed to be meeting someone named Michael.
Photo of Margaret
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, that’s not, yeah I’m not… OK…
Michael? Michael? reads cup Large hot chocolate with caramel and a shot of peppermint.
Coffee shop worker

Photo of Michael Scott
So you get the rent checks every month and what happens next? What…
You’re asking what I do with the checks that people write to me?
Photo of Margaret
Photo of Michael Scott
Just making conversation.

Why is it so hard to meet people? I… you know… it’s uh… All I want is somebody nice and sweet and someone I can talk to and share an experience with, you know? Why is it so hard for people like us?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Margaret
I don’t know.
You wanna see what I walked out on? This is gonna blow your mind. holds up cell phone with a picture of Jan Look at that.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Margaret
She’s beautiful.
Yeah. Yeah, and you can’t see her whole body. Down here, she’s got a boob job. Just… she was just crazy smart and really manipulative and I don’t know.
Photo of Michael Scott
Jan [on phone]
Michael? Hello? Michael? Michael hangs up phone
I’m gonna head out.
Photo of Margaret
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, OK. Well, umm… I enjoyed this conversation. It was very nice. It was like talking to the sweet old lady on the bus.
That’s incredibly rude.
Photo of Margaret
Photo of Michael Scott
Now you ruined it. gets up and leaves

Where’s Scott?
Photo of Bob Vance
Photo of Andy Bernard
Uh Michael Scott could not make it today due to an unforeseen prior engagement.
Let’s just meet back in an hour.
W.B. Jones
Photo of Andy Bernard
Gentleman please. We called this meeting. Andrew Bernard is the name of me. And this is my associate, Mr. Kevin Malone.
nervously stuttering I… have… things…
Photo of Kevin Malone
W.B. Jones
Alright, what do you want?
Well first of all, I’d just like to say pulls out note cards what an honor it is to be sitting here with you gentlemen.
Photo of Andy Bernard
W.B. Jones
You have about ten seconds—
We want our parking spaces back!
Photo of Kevin Malone
Paul Faust
Whose parking spaces?
W.B. Jones’ construction guys park in our parking spaces every morning and some people have to park really far away and walk all the way to the office. And some people sweat too much for comfort and—
Photo of Kevin Malone
Bill Cress
Ohh… God…
I don’t have time for this you guys. to W.B. Jones Just give ’em back their spaces.
Paul
W.B. Jones
OK.
We good? OK. Could have done this over e-mail.
Paul

Photo of Kevin Malone
After Stacy left, things did not go well for awhile. And, and it was hard to see… starts breaking up It’s just nice to win one.

Margaret the land lady? Really Pam, is that what you think of me?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
She’s sweet and cute. I thought you’d get along.
Oh, OK, Well I’m looking for a passionate affair, not companionship. I’m a man… of intensity, of, of cool and youth and, and passionately. God…walks away back to his office
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
walks up to reception Margaret?
I know.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
You just got yourself kicked out of your apartment. both laugh
Oh I don’t care, I didn’t really like that place that much anyway. I’ll just move.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh really? Who’s gonna take you in? You’re messy. You’re a klutz, you spill everything. And you leave the volume on the TV way too loud.
Yeah, maybe I’ll just move in with my boyfriend ’cause he’s kind of a slob, too.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
OK, sure. Let’s do it. Pam laughs
No, I umm, well I’m not gonna, I’m, I’m not gonna move in with anyone unless I’m engaged.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Have I not proposed to you, yet?
Hmm, I don’t, know…
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, well, that’s coming. smiles
Oh, right now?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
No. Not gonna do it right here, that would be rather lame.
OK, so then, when?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Pam, I’m not gonna tell you. Hate to break it to you, but that’s not how that works.
Oh, right, yeah.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Wait, I’m serious. It’s happening.
Ohh kay.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
And when it happens, it’s going to kick your ass, Beesly. So… stay sharp.
I’ve been warned.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Jim Halpert
I am not kidding. shows camera an engagement ring Got it a week after we started dating.

I don’t know man. I was with Jan for so long. I was excited about meeting somebody new. Put my heart out there. It’s just… sighs
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You know what you need? Closure.
You’re right. What do you mean though?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
There was a woman in your life who affected you very deeply, and she left before you could say good bye. I think you need to say good bye.
Hmm.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Come on. I’ll drive.

We did it.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Andy Bernard
at same time as Kevin I did it.
We got our spaces back.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Wow. Stanley laughs and high fives Kevin
Nice job.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Nice. fist bumps Kevin
Yeah, there it is. You’re welcome.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Andy Bernard
Did I do this for me? No, I did this for the little guy. For Joe Sixpack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his four hundred dollar a month apartment, wonders how’s he gonna pay his mortgage that month. Wonders how he’s gonna fill his car up with oil. Wonders how I’m gonna pay my kid’s orphanage bills. That guy shouldn’t have to wonder where he’s gonna park.

looking at the chair model’s headstone How did she die?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I guess you could say she died of blunt force trauma and blood loss. She got in a car accident and plowed into the side of an airplane hanger.
God.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah.
She was so innocent.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
She was stoned apparently.
You know I used to think that I had this perfect person out there waiting for me, but knowing that, that’s just silly because she’s dead. What do you do?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You wait until next year’s chair catalog comes out and you find someone who’s still alive.
Oh, you move on.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah.

Where do you want to go for dinner?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I don’t know, I kind of hate all our regular places right now. Oh, you know what Jim gets down on one knee, that one…
Hey Pam, will you wait for me one second while I tie my shoe?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
smiling I hate you. walks away
What? My shoe is untied. What is your problem? Pam laughs Oh my God, you thought I wa— oh.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, oh.
No, no, no.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
How could I have thought that? How could I have thought that?

singing Bye, bye, Ms. Chair Model lady. I dreamt that we were married and you treated me nice. We had lots of kids…drinking whiskey and rye, oh why’d you have to go off and die? Why’d you have to go off with Dwight and die?
Photo of Michael Scott

Michael/Dwight
singing OH! You believe in rock ‘n roll. Can music save your mortal soul? And then jumbling up the words can you have to dance real slow. Well, I know that you’re in love with him. ‘Cause I saw you dancing in the gym. more jumbled words ‘You both kicked off your shoes. Those rhythm and blues…
Return.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Rhythm and blues…
This’ll be with Dwight the day that I died.
Photo of Michael Scott

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