Dinner Party - The Office (Season 4,Episode 13)

The office workers are stuck working late on a major assignment. Michael asks Jim if he has any other plans and Jim says no. Michael then "calls" corporate and says that his people won't be working overtime. Michael then invites Jim and Pam to join him and Jan for dinner at his condo. Jim previously turned him down nine different times... but this time he had already acknowledged that he didn't have any other plans. Jim suspects that Michael fabricated the whole overtime assignment and the call to corporate just to maneuver him and Pam into coming to dinner. Michael also invites Andy and Angela. He doesn't invite Dwight.

At the party on a tour of the condo, Jan shows her candle-making workspace and her home office. On a tour of the bedroom (with a video camera on a tripod facing the bed), Michael admits that he sleeps on a small bench at the end of the bed due to Jan's "space issues". Michael is very proud of his "plasma TV" which he mounted on the wall himself. It's tiny... but he loves it and says he'll often spend hours standing in front of it and watching. The tension between Jan and Michael is palpable... especially when Jan decides to play a song her form assistant, Hunter" wrote and performed.

In the kitchen, Jan thinks Pam and Michael once dated (which Pam denies vehemently). Michael at the same time is in the garage trying to convince Jim and Andy to invest in Jan's candle-making business for "only $10,000".

Jim attempts to escape the party with Pam by pretending his apartment has flooded, but he's unsuccessful. Dwight arrives, obviously uninvited, with his own food, wine glasses and his former babysitter as his date. As the tension between between Michael and Jan gets worse... Jan throws one of Michael's Dundie awards into his cherished plasma TV (cracking the screen). Police arrive, responding to a call about a disturbance. Even though Jan is upset but remorseful; under the advice of the officers Michael agrees to spend the night at Dwight's place.

After the party, Jim and Pam are in the car and Jim pulls out Hunter's CD - he stole it from the condo.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Dinner Party

This is ridiculous.

Do you have any idea what time we’ll get out of here?

Nobody likes to work late, least of all me. to Jim Do you have plans tonight?

Nope I don’t, remember when you told us not to make plans ’cause we’re working.

Yes I remember. Mmm, this is B.S. This is B.S. Why are we here? I am going to call corporate. Enough is enough, I’m – God, I’m so mad! on phone This is Michael Scott, Scranton, well we don’t want to work. No we don’t! It’s not fair to these people. These people are my friends and I care about them! We’re not going to do it! hangs up Everybody I just got off the horn with corporate and basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment. Go enjoy your Friday.

Thank you Michael.

All right, happy Friday. to Jim Well I think we dodged a bullet there.

I think you did.

I think we should celebrate. How about you, Pam, mi casa, a little dinner, dancing, drinks?

Oh, I-

You said you didn’t have plans. That’s what you said.

Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least 9 times. And every time we’ve been able to get out of it. But I’ve got to give him credit, he got me. Because I’m starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate.

Michael, what time should I be arriving?

Dwight, it’s couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy.

Hey-o!

Does it bother me that I wasn’t invited to Michael’s dinner party? breaks down crying

Hi.

Hello.

Hi.

How are you?

Come on in. Good to see you.

Chilly huh? So glad we finally got to do this with you guys. You wanna take their coats babe?

Yes I would. So, what have you been doing?

Let’s see, since I saw you an hour ago?

Yeah.

I have been getting ready and then driving over here.

Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing.

Really?

Except driving.

We got you this. gives a bottle of wine

Oh well Pam, thank you, this will be great to cook with.

Well have a seat, or come on in, or, I don’t know, make yourself to home. This is our casa.

It’s really nice.

So what do you guys think, should we do the tour first or the appetizers first?

Tour, let’s do the tour first.

Okay.

Do you have a preference babe? Upstairs first?

Totally your call babe.

Alright, well, let’s go then, I say upstairs.

Oh, you guys doing a little construction?

Oh, just redoing the sliding glass door.

Yeah, so sorry about this God-awful carpet, we’re still a work in progress here.

Well, thats…

This is my office.

Yep, never been used.

Not super exciting.

No.

And this is my workspace.

This is it, check that out, can you smell that? the room is filled with candles that say “Serenity by Jan”

Uh-huh.

As you can smell there’s a lot of different odors going on in here.

So you have an office and a workspace?

I do, I cannot create in the same space I conduct business, I’m sure that you’re the same with your doodles. puts a candle to Jim’s nose Smell.

It’s fire.

Uh-huh, Bonfire.

Bond.

Men love this one.

James Bond Fire. I am Bond fire, James Bond Fire. Michael Scarn. clicks tongue

When I get frustrated, or irritated or… angry, I come up here and I just smell all my candles and it just -poof- goes away.

Just like that.

Just like that.

So this is the master bedroom, and these walls used to like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer, So I had it painted in eggshell white.

Guess what, white and eggshell white are exactly the same color.

puts away video camera facing the bed Babe I thought you said you were going to tidy things up.

Well, I-

Shame on you.

What a cute bench.

Thanks, that’s my bed. Jan has some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy.

Really? ’cause… seems pretty narrow… and short.

It’s actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at this. Lies down

See, he fits perfectly.

I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. reveals a tiny TV I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something . A lot of people in the room, need more space? moves TV back a couple inches Voila, right in the wall.

Wow.

Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it, I love this TV. Oh and I also built this table.

What is that chestnut?

No, I think that is either pine, or nordic cherry.

It’s pine.

Michael, I’m just terrible at all this stuff, so that’s really cool.

Really?

Yeah, he tried to set up my TIVO for me but then I didn’t have audio for a week.

If you ever need any help, I am just a phone call away.

I bet you are.

Well, I saw – oh your Dundies. I’m surprised they’re not out on the coffee table for everybody to see.

It was between the neon beer sign and the Dundies so I said “Honey keep the trophies.”

Oh honey, I have the best trophy right here, aside from my Dundies.

doorbell Oh, excuse us just a second.

I’ll get it.

Andy and Angela enter So glad you’re finally able to be here.

Michael tries to hug Angela No, no.

Okay.

Tuna! What’s up Tuna, we having tuna for dinner? to Pam I bet you’re sick of tuna right? You probably have tuna every night. Tuna! to Jan These are for you. hands flowers

Oh, how thoughtful.

Very nice.

Except for one flower, which is for… my flower.

Aw.

What am I supposed to do with this?

How ’bout we do the short tour and then I’ll start dinner?

Oh I can help starting dinner if you need it.

Oh no no no, it’s just the osso buco needs to braise for about three hours, everything else is done.

Three hours from now or three hours from earlier like 4:00?

You know Pam, in Spain they often don’t start eating until midnight.

When in Rome.

Do you have a preference, upstairs first?

Whatever you say babe.

Follow me.

All right.

How ’bout a toast. Shall I? Here’s to good friends.

Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth.

What was that?

So music, should we turn some music?

Yeah that sounds good.

Do you guys remember my old assistant Hunter? He is an excellent songwriter.

You know what, Hunter was a terrible assistant, that is why Ryan fired him.

Well I think he’s probably just about as reliable as Pam being that it usually takes you an afternoon to get back to me.

Sometimes I think she holds on to faxes.

To camera I don’t care what they say, I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for… at a dinner party.

playing charades No it’s a… hump. There’s a hump.

Joe Camel!

Okay yes, first name of that animal and the second name is the state where Helena is the capital.

Montana.

Oh!

Joe Montana!

Yes! Yes.

Why didn’t you just say 49ers quarterback?

All right, rhythim clapping my my my my turn, my my my my turn, my my my my turn.

Babe can you just like really, woah, could you just simmer down?

No.

Yes, I was watching Jim’s face.

I was watching Jim.

And he was laughing.

No smiling.

Look at him, he’s laughing.

Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game and it’s called ‘Let’s see how uncomfortable we can make our guests’ and they’re both winning. So I’m going to make a run for it. holds cellphone

You’ll never guess, I just got a message from my landlord apparently, my apartment flooded, something with a sprinkler. Pam, we should probably get going and see the damage.

Oh okay.

Well you don’t need two of you to do that.

That’s true. Um… dinner sounded delicious. Pam I’ll see you at home, thank you so much.

Oh Jim, I don’t think you’re going to abandon this party here all by itself.

I don’t know because I everything I own is there.

You can buy new stuff but you can’t buy a new party.

That’s true, that’s a great point. Come on down here. Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends and we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed, all right.

Michael, you’re up.

All right here we go, this is going to be fun, ready. All right first name is Tom-

No no no, no names, no names, no rhyming, no soundalikes.

All right, Okay, okay, you’re getting inside my head. First name is blank and he goes on a cruise, he goes on a Caribbean CRUISE.

I don’t know.

Katie Holmes.

No, Baah! But he’s married to her!

Oh, Dawson’s Creek.

No! It has to be a real person Jim, come on. Okay, no no, I’m gonna pass, I’m gonna pass. Okay, rhymes with Parnold Schporzenegger.

No rhyming!

Not really a rhyme.

Another clue, another clue.

Okay, he is the governor of California, he is the Terminator.

Those aren’t helpful.

Tom Cruise!

No!

Time!

God, does anybody read the paper?!

Michael offers his coat to Pam, who is shivering Oh, thank you.

You’re welcome.

eyes Pam I’m so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The um, sliding glass door shattered. It’s actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it babe or should I tell it?

I don’t like that story babe.

Come on, it’s a cute story, Michael ran through the sliding glass doors because he thought he heard the ice cream truck!

Stop, stop it! I mean, I like ice cream. Okay? Sue me. Oh, no, don’t. I shouldn’t say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue, loves lawsuits. You know honey, that door was extremely clean and it looked invisible.

You are so right, you’re so right because before I lived here, the glass was always covered in smudges, and then I moved in and I cleaned it so I guess that makes me the Devil.

Ha ha, you are! She is! She is the devil! I’m in hell! Aaahhh I’m burning, help me!

You shouldn’t joke about that.

Is there more wine in the kitchen?

I will get it, I will get it, what kind of hostess would I be if I didn’t get. It’s okay, I don’t mind. In fact you know what, girl’s trip, Angela come on. Girl’s trip.

checking the oven Uh, not even close.

So you keep a very tidy house.

You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath, whew. But I don’t have to tell you Pam.

No, yeah. What?

Oh well don’t tell me that he’s really changed since you guys dated.

Oh, are you joking?

Well, Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him.

I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.

I’ve noticed how you look at him at the office.

Mmhmm.

in the garage So I spend most of my time right here. Have a hand the chairs are shaped like hands. So Jim I noticed you checking out Jan’s candles.

Oh no she just put it in front of my face.

Yeah, did you know that candles are the number one fastest-growing product in the scent aroma market? $2 billion dollar a year industry. And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of “Serenity by Jan” What do you think about that?

Thought about it, I’m in.

I’m sorry, are you really trying to get us to invest in Jan’s company?

I’m sorry. doorbell rings What now?

Coming! Dwight and a woman are at the door holding wine glasses and a cooler

Hello.

What are you doing here?

We came here to eat dinner and to party, this is a dinner party right?

whispering Awesome.

What is he doing here?

Yes, What are you doing here?

Dwight is my friend.

You said that I could not invite Dwight because he was not part of a couple, and because we didn’t have enough wine glasses. Dwight brought glasses and a person.

Fine, whatever you want, just like always, whatever you want.

Whatever I want? It’s never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?

We saw Wicked.

When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn’t so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn’t want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children.

I am so sorry that I don’t want to bring kids into this screwed-up world, okay? But look if you want to have kids, then fine you win. Let’s have a bleeping kid.

Do you mean it? You want to have a kid? Jan walks away

I hate my life.

So can we come in?

Hmmm… Mmm… great turkey leg.

crying I’m just gonna check on dinner. Jan gets up from the table

Angela, would you like some of my beet salad?

I hate beet salad.

Hey hey hey hey. to Angela I know you love beet salad. I’ve seen you eat it many times.

The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.

leans across to Pam whispering Pam… I hope she didn’t do anything to the food.

whispers Like… like what?

I can’t prove it but I think she might be trying to poison me. Jan serves the food Hey, looks great babe.

Yeah it does.

I know Jan didn’t poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table wouldn’t it be me? Michael’s former lover?

Michael dips his steak into his wine Can you not do that? It’s disgusting.

You know I have soft teeth, how can you say that?

Oops.

Excuse me for a second. gets up from the table

to babysitter So… how do you guys know each other?

And now you guys are dating?

Purely carnal and that’s all you need to know.

Would you write down your e-mail because I have just so many questions…

Nevermind.

Ok… alright… here we go. takes down huge painting behind his seat and puts up a neon beer sign There. plugs it in Oooookay.

That’s nice.

Everybody enjoying their meal?

Hey babe?

Yeah?

How about we take the beer sign down until our guests leave and then we can discuss it.

No. No. I’m gonna leave it up. I think it ties the whole room together.

Ok. gets up and goes over to the stereo and turns on Hunter’s CD really loud

to the guests Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don’t think he’s that good.

At least he’s an artist.

BFD. I’m a screenwriter.

shouting AND I’M A CANDLEMAKER BUT YOU DON’T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT!

NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS!

FOR AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY!

MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES!

YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT!

OH GOOD. I’LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER!

AND YOU’RE HARDLY MY FIRST!

yells THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID! Jan gets an evil look on her face and picks up Michael’s dundie and throws it into his plasma screen tv THAT IS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe! Jan goes upstairs crying.

Fine. Get outta here.

It’s getting late.

You know what guys, she’ll be out of the bathroom soon.

Jim and Pam head out the door and there are policemen at the door Of course

Get out of my way, I’ll take care of this. OK.to police Uhhh what seems to be the problem officers?

Nope. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party.

Oh… yes. There was some screaming but… um… my girlfriend… threw a dundie at my TV. Plasma.

Would she get into trouble?

I will take the fall. I did it.

running out the door) Michael! pleading Michael. What are you doing to him?

puts his hand on the Officer’s shoulder Michael can come home with me.

Jim? Pam?

Oh… my apartment’s on fire

whispers Flooded.

Flooded.

You people. to Michael Come on. You’re sleeping with me.

No.

I’m gonna take you home Michael.

Nope.

Alright. leads Michael away

Bye Babe!

Pam and Jim are sitting in Jim’s car in front of Detroit Coney Island Chili Dogs This is the best burger I’ve ever had, babe.

You know, babe, I should have told you but… I did something bad.

Hmm?

holds up Hunter’s CD I stole this. Pam laughs For you babe.

Hunter’s voice starts singing, Pam joins in One night…