Money - The Office (Season 4, Episode 7/8)

Michael and Jan start out discussing plans to renovate their condo. Her plans are expensive and you can see it on Michael's face. Another of her expensive plans was trading in both cars to buy her a Porsche Boxster.

Jim overhears Dwight answering his office phone as "Schrute Farms." Come to find out that Dwight is running a bed and breakfast at Schrute Farms. Pam and Jim are in and they spend the night there. They participate in a table-making demonstration, beet wine-making, and distributing manure during their stay at Dwight's "agritourism" business. During the night, Jim finds Dwight in a room moaning... he's depressed because he and Angela broke up. Pam discovers Mose outside using an outhouse, to which she reacts "What century is this?"

The next day at the office, Jim and Pam feel sorry for Dwight and attempt to cheer him up by posting a positive review on TripAdvisor.com for his Bed and Breakfast Around the same time, Andy gives Angela a cat he found in the warehouse and finally gets her approval to ask her out on a date. It doesn't take long for it to crush Dwight and he retreats to the stairwell to moan. Jim joins him there and talks through how hard it was when he was in love with Pam and they weren't together and how miserable it made him feel. He says he would not wish it on his worst enemy, Dwight included.

When Michael starts leaving the office early... and refuses to explain himself to anyone including Jan of where he's going. Well... he's been working as a telemarketer until 1 am to try and keep his financial ship afloat with all the holes Jan has put in it. Due to his moonlighting, Michael is totally unprepared for Ryan's visit to the office to demonstrate PowerPoint. Ryan gets pissed and orders Michael to quit his night job or be fired. During the presentation we find out that Kelly is now dating Darryl - she flaunts their relationship in front of Ryan to try and make him jealous. Michael quits his telemarketing job... but scrambles to find money to pay all of his bills.

Creed tells Michael to declare bankruptcy... and Michael does so by literally walking into the office and shouting "I... declare.... bankruptcy!", thinking that was all that he needed to do. Oscar steps in to help Michael with his finances (and informs him that there's more to bankruptcy). Oscar discovers that Jan isn't the only problem... Michael spends a large amount on useless items like magic kits and bass fishing equipment.

Jan hears about Michael's horrific finances in a phone call with Michael and Oscar. She immediately blames Michael and berates him... at which point Michael bails. He runs out of the office and into an adjacent train lot hoping to catch a train to somewhere that his problems didn't exist. Jan races to the office and finds Michael sitting on a train car singing. She tells him that she will stand by him... just like he did when she was fired.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Money

Coat! throws coat at Pam
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael just rented The Devil Wears Prada. He has his NetFlix sent here to the office, and he watches them in pieces when things are slow.

Steak! Where’s my steeaaak?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
He’s a big Meryl Streep fan, so I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s identified with her character.

Get me Armani.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
A suit?
On the phone.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Like the main company number? Because I’m gonna have to call information.
Where’s Armani? He’s on the phone. Too slow. You are not going to Paris. I’m so much better than you are. breaks into laughter
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I owe you an apology.
You finished the movie.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah. It was awesome. Big surprise ending. Won’t ruin it for you.
No. Go ahead.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Meryl Streep is the bad guy. Never see it coming. Anyways, if I was mean in any way to you, I am sorry. I just want what’s best for you, Mo Chuisle.

Mo Chuisle. He’s watching Million Dollar Baby… He’s gonna try to kill me.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
So this one goes with my eyes and this one goes with your eyes. People have said I have very pretty eyes.
You do.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
I haven’t heard the same about you. So let’s just go with mine.
Well, they both go with the carpet I’ve ordered, and if you go with the brown leather on the sofas, then they go with that too.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
We already have a sofa. So why do—
A futon’s not a sofa.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
It… folds up. You’ve only seen it flat.
I know what a futon is, Michael.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
I— Ok. How much is this going to cost?
It costs what it costs.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
No— don’t… that doesn’t even mean anything.
We have gone through this.
Photo of Jan

Photo of Michael Scott
Yes. Money has been a little tight lately. But, at the end of my life, when I’m sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I’m going to be thinking about how many friends I have, and my children, and my comedy albums. I mean, I have a yacht, so I obviously did pretty well money wise.

It’s just that you say it’s gonna cost what it costs— phone rings
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
on the phone Michael, it’s Ryan for you.
Conniving little runt. Put him through.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Put him through. Yes. Ryan, my man!
on the phone I sent you an email about the new Powerpoint.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes, and thank you for sending that to me.
I had IT install the updated Powerpoint on the computer so you can use it for the presentation. I really want people there using Powerpoint.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, yeah, I dunno. I dunno, I think those IT guys messed up.
Hold on, I’ll get them on the phone.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
looking at nothing Wait, oh, no, here it is, here it is. Found it.

talking on phone Sure, I can hold.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
picks up phone Dunder Mifflin, Dwight Schrute. Please hold. opens book, then picks up phone Schrute Farms, guten tag. How can I help you? Yes, we have availability on those nights. How many in your party? Oh no, I’m sorry, no king beds. No queen either. Well, we make our own mattresses that don’t conform to the traditional sizes. Closest would be twin. Thank you so much for calling. Call back again. Aufedersein!
Hey Dwight.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
None of your business, Jim.
Do you run the bed and breakfest?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It is not a B and B.

Agrotourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfest. It consists of tourists coming to a farm, showing them around, giving them a bed, giving them brekafest.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jim Halpert
Does the Department of Health know about this?
I’m not telling you anything. lookings into the camera Permits are pending. phone rings Dwight Schrute, Dunder Mifflin.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hello, I’m looking for a room.
Okay, this is a mis-use of company phones.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
It says here you cater to the eldery.
Where did you read that?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
Trip Advsior.

Trip Advisor is the life blood of the Agrotourism industry. A couple of bad reviews there, you might as well close up shop. That’s what took down the Stalk Inn. One of the cutest little asparagus farms you’ll ever see.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
How many in your party?
Two?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
We offer tours of the fields, and of the barn. Uh, perhaps you’ll be interested in, um, Mose’s table making demonstration?

So, um, I forgot to tell you that I need the car tonight.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh! Um, actually, I need the car.
Why? Improv? Why don’t you just pretend you have a car? Good practice, incase you ever do a scene where you need to pretend you have a car?
Photo of Jan

Photo of Michael Scott
Use to have two cars, traded ’em in, now we’re down to one. Good economic sense. Although the new car is a Porsche. For her.

One cardigan, one sleeping cardigan and one sleep apnea mask.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
What about my cherub figurine?
You took that with you.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
No I left it on my night table— your night table, by the lamp.
You are incorrect. I was recently scrubbing my room of memories, and I didn’t see it there.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
Fine.

My girlfriend and I broke up recently. And I must say, I am relieved. Gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition, where when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his door step by his parents. You can use these oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don’t care, they’re your oats.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Kevin Malone
The bar uses an applause meter. That is why it’s so important that you all come and applaud only for my band. Scrantonicity 2. NOT Scrantonicity, which I am no longer a part of. Michael, can I count on you?
You can not, I have a thing tonight.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Dammit.
Uh, Michael.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
What?
That reminds me, uh, if the invitation still stands, Pam and I would love to have dinner tonight.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh no, I have a thing tonight.
Darn it!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Shoot!
How about this weekend?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
No, can’t.
We only had tonight free, and we really wanted to spend it with you.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Dammit to hell. I-I-ugh, ok. All right.
Where are you going out tonight?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
You wouldn’t understand. It’s a secret.
I wouldn’t understand or a secret?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
You wouldn’t understand, Jim. It’s a secret.

I’m sorry Mr. O’Brian, I didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner. I just have a very exciting offer. My records indicate that you have expressed interest in losing some weight. Well, what if I told you that I have a pill that will make you 50 pounds lighter in 5 minutes? How does that sound? Amazing right? Well, it won’t be that fast, but it will–notices camera– it will be that easy.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
I can’t believe this place is real. I mean, I’ve heard about his beet farm for years, but wow.
The Beets Motel.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
The Beets Motel? That is, wow.
Thank you. Eh. The Embassy Beets. Radishon!
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
How are you doing this?
I don’t know! Mose starts running by the left side of the car
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh my gosh.

I just love sales. I love it to death. It’s as simple as that. And I don’t get to do it enough as a manager, so I took this second job. I count it as a hobby. Some people have golf, or relaxing.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Nick
What’s going on here?
Hey, I just got off the phone, and I was gonna make another call.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Nick
We’re a legit operation with a license from the city I can show you. We pay minimum wage against commision—
No, they’re with me, so… this is Nick Figaro, manager to the stars!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
We have three rooms, each with a different theme.
What are the themes?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
American, Irrigation, and Night-Time.
Irrigation.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Nice.
I’ll put you down for Irrigation. Well then, do you have any special needs or diertary restrictions?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yes. We will be requiring a bed time story.
No.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Not even Harry Potter?
No. Jim, come on.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Mose
But you promised.
Mose, bags! Now!
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Here we are, the Irrigation Room! A very special room. So I’ll come get you before the table-making demonstration. And as of this morning, we are completely wireless here in Schrute Farms. But as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we’ll get that power back on. All righty.

Everybody in the conference room. In 5 minutes.
Photo of Nick
Photo of Michael Scott
These meetings are useless.

I just want to remind you to stick to the script. Improving the work. So, make the call, say the lines, make the sale. Got it?
Photo of Nick
Photo of Michael Scott
Very inspirational. laughter
We’re offering a $50 bonus tonight to the guy with the most sales. Ok.
Photo of Nick
Co-Worker 1
Or a woman.
Or a trained seal. laughter
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Nick
You could make jokes when you’ve made a sale there rookie, ok? laughter ends

Hmmm, I’d say 1 in 6.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
What?
Oh, I thought you asked me what our chances were in being murdered here tonight.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Jim Halpert
You know, I’ve just realized, this is Pam’s and my first night away together. I use to play it over my head, and it was just a little bit different. Maybe a uh, nice hotel. Or a romantic dinner. Wine… uh but, wine that wasn’t made out of beets. Didn’t think Dwight would be involved at all. And uh, I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure, just… less.
Mose, what are you doing? No Mose! Put the— Put the manure down! Put it down! Do not throw it! DO NOT THROW IT! Ow!
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Yes, is Mr. Hudson there?
on the phone Yes, who is this?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m just calling because you responded positively to the—
Michael?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
…Stanley?
Why are you calling me here at home?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Spanish accent Senor, are you happy with your—
Michael, I know that’s you. Why are you calling me here at home?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
speaking with a different voice Have you— Have you considered satellite television?
Michael, I know that’s you. I know your voice. Why are you calling me here at home? Michael hands up
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Photo of Stanley Hudson
on the phone When I’m at home at night in my own house in my sweats drinking some red wine watching my mystery stories, the last thing in the whole God forsaken world I want to hear is the voice of Michael Scott.

Well your son sounds like he’s really motivated. I think it’s crazy the coach won’t play him frankly.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Nick
hangs up phone My office.
You bet.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Nick
Just dial the number on the sheet and stick to the script. Say those words exactly, got it? I don’t know why we have to keep on having this conversation.
Look, I know sales, and I had that sale, I just needed a few more minutes—
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Nick
A few more minutes is a waste of our time.
It is not a waste of our time.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Nick
This is a trading game.
No.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Nick
You give a quick pitch. You make the sale. You move on. That’s how Vikram does it.
Vikram doesn’t have my people skills.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Nick
Good for Vikram, because he out-sells you every night.
Well, I hope this conversation has helped.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
reading to Jim, Pam, and Mose And Harry saw the white hand raise its wand, and felt Voldemort’s surge of vicious anger. Saw the frail old man on the floor write in agony. “Harry?” It was over quickly as it had come. Harry stood shaking in the darkness, clutching the gate in the garden, his heart racing.

What did you get tonight?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Vikram
Oh it looks like mixed masala, eggplant, and rice.
Oh, that looks good.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Vikram
Oh, and what about you? Peanut butter flavor again?
I am going with the vanilla crisp this evening.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Vikram
Enjoy.
Thank you.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Vikram
I was a surgeon back home.
Really?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Vikram
Oh yeah.
Wonder what I would’ve been back home?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Vikram
Well this is your home.
I know, but it’s competitive here. What’s a dollar worth in your land? Medical school must cost like 40 bucks or a donkey or something.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Vikram
Uhh, no.
I would’ve been chief of surgery… Or a cowboy.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
Jim and Pam hear noise Wait, you’re going up there?
Yeah. Coward.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Pam Beesley
Pam sees Mose in an outhouse Oh my God. What century is this?

You know what, here’s the thing about Die Hard 4. Die Hard one, the original, John McClane was just this normal guy. You know, he’s just a normal New York City cop, who gets his feet cut, and gets beat up. But he’s an everyday guy. In Die Hard 4, he is jumping a motorcycle into a helicopter. In air. You know? He’s invincible. It just sort of lost what Die Hard was. It’s not Terminator.
Photo of Michael Scott
Co-Worker 2
Dude, you should review movies. other co-workers agree
I actually wrote a movie.
Photo of Michael Scott
Co-Worker 3
Really?
I’m writing one, yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Co-Worker 3
What’s it about?
Um, sort of a spy, thriller…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Nick
What’s so captivating? everyone stops talking, go back to work I like captivating things. And this must be really captivating because it’s keeping you off the phones. I mean time is your money, that’s how I know how captivating it is. Because how much time you spend talking.

Pam and Jim hear Dwight crying Ugh, your turn.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Jim knocks on Dwight’s door, crying stops Come in. Did you have another nightmare?
Hey Dwight.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh, Jim. I thought you were Mose.
Does Mose have nightmares?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh yes. Ever since the storm.
Is everything satisfactory with your stay?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah, yeah.
Great.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Just thought that I heard crying, moaning, or something in here.
Oh. Well I’ll look into that in the morning. Thank you for bringing that to the attention of the staff.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Good night, Dwight. Jim leaves, Dwight continues crying

Yeah, so we’re all gonna go out for a beer. Do you wanna come?
Co-Worker 2
Co-Worker 3
We’d love for you to come, Michael.
Thanks, no, I have work tomorrow morning.
Photo of Michael Scott
Co-Worker 2
All right, next time dude.
Okay, see you guys. Sees Jan Hey, how you doin’?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
You drive, I had too much wine.
Okay. How’s yoga?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
I didn’t go.
Wh-Why not?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
I just didn’t!
Okay.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
How was improv?
Good night Vikram.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Vikram
Good night.
Hey, congrats on the bonus.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Vikram
Thank you Michael.
I’m gonna have it one of these nights.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Vikram
Well if you concentrate and make your calls faster, yeah.
Good night.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Vikram
Good night.

Michael. Morning. Hey Dwight, how are you?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Pam.
You okay?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I am better than you have ever been or ever will be. Ryan walks in
Hey guys! What’s happening? How’s my favorite branch doin’?
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Ryan
Okay, Michael, why dont you start us off?
Um… that wasn’t much of an introduction.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Ladies and gentlemen, your boss, Michael Scott.
Ahh, still lame. Okay. All right. Thank you, Ryan, for that wonderful introduction. Okay, um, today we’re gonna be talking… about…PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Yes I forgot about Ryan’s presentation. And yes, it would have been nice to do well with the first presentation he had given me. But you know what else would have been nice? Winning the lottery.

And the best way to start is to hit start. And up comes the toolbar, that’s what she said. What we have to do here is go to Run, and then you look up to PowerPoint. And we are in. We are going to register. You hit register— Updates are ready. I should update. Um, estimated time 12 minutes, so this should take 5 or 10 minutes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Is this the first time you ever opened PowerPoint?
Why?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
You didn’t prepare a presentation at all, did you?
No, I had a really rough night, and my boss can back you up on that.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
I’m your boss.
My other boss, Mr. Figaro.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
You have another job?
What I do between 5:30 pm and 1 am is no one’s business but mine and my other business’.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Are you a cocktail waitress?
You can not have another job if it affects your work here.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
It won’t.
It did, all ready.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, honestly, it was unlikely I was gonna figure this out anyways. Kelly laughs
You’re so funny.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Ryan
Why is Darryl here? He works in the warehouse.
I invited him.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Ryan
It’s not a party. Darryl, back downstairs, this isn’t information you need.
There’s information here? Yeah, you’re right, I don’t need this.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Okay. makes out with Darryl
Hey, get off.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Umm, see you later tonight.
I have plans later.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Okay, bye honey.
How long until you actually get this presentation ready?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Why don’t you do the presentation, because you know how to do it?
You know what I really want? Honestly Michael, is for you to know it, so you can communicate to the people here, to your clients, to whomever.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Huh, okay.
What?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
It’s whoever, not whomever.
No, it’s whomever.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
No, whomever is never actually right.
No, sometimes its right.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Creed Bratton
Michael is right. It’s a made-up word used to trick students.
No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Obviously it’s a real word, but I don’t know when to use it correctly.
Not a native speaker.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
I know what’s right, but I’m not gonna say, because you’re all jerks who didn’t come see my band last night.
Do you really know which one is correct?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Kevin Malone
I don’t know.
It’s ‘whom’ when it’s the object of a sentence, and ‘who’ when it’s the subject.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Phyllis
Yeah, that sounds right.
Well it sounds right, but is it?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
How did Ryan use it? As an object?
As an object.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Ryan used me an object.
Is he right about that?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Pam Beesley
How did he use it again?
It was Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Michael Scott
Thank you.
To whomever, meaning us, the indirect object. Which is the correct usage of the word.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Michael Scott
No one, uh, asked you anything ever, so whomever’s name is Toby, why don’t you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull.
Wait! This doesn’t matter. And I don’t even care. Michael, you quit the other job, or you’re fired here.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Michael Scott
I’ve never done this before. I’ve never quit anything in my life. So, you are filming history.

Nick, I had a dream last night that I had two full time jobs. One here at the Lipophedrazone diet pill company—
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Mr. Figaro
Lipophedrine
And the other I was a Regional Manager of a small paper supply company called Dunder Mifflin.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Mr. Figaro
Never heard of it.
In this dream I did both of these jobs beautifully, and I loved it, and everybody loved me. But the truth is, I can’t do this.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Mr. Figaro
Are you quitting?
I am.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Mr. Figaro
Come back anytime, don’t forget to disinfect your headset.

I was never in this for the money. But it turns out that the money was an absolute necessity for me. I tried to live the dream. I tried to have a job, a girlfriend, another job, and I failed. But the good thing about the American dream is that you can just go to sleep, and try it all again the next night.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
So.
What’s up?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
Me. All night. Dreaming about Angela’s smoking hot body.
You’re being gross.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
Not from a male perspective. You need to set me up with her, I know she told you that she’s looking, and she’s totally not responding to my moves.
What moves?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
I have moon-walked past accounting like ten times.
I can’t believe that’s not working.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yeah.
Um, I don’t know if I really see you two together.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
Really? Well, maybe you should look in the smart part of your brain.
She’s very religious.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
Okay, well I come from a line Wasps so long it leads back to Moses.
Okay, well she takes her convictions pretty seriously, she can be kind of severe.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yeah, and I punched a hole in a wall.
That’s right, you did.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yeah.

Now that I think about it, Angela and Andy might actually make a good couple. But I couldn’t do that to Dwight… or Angela… or Andy.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
Hey Kevin, you’re a gambler right? A rounder, you play the ponies, small horses.
I do gamble Michael.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, I was thinking about doing some gambling myself. You know, just a little bit of money. Maybe doubling it, and them doubling it seven more times. I don’t know, kind of just for fun. I was thinking, do you have tips, or ideas about sure things. Like a boxer who is going to throw the big fight, you know, like, like he’s tied into some crooked dealings, maybe his kid is sick or something. Like, who do I call about that?
The mob.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Do you know anybody in the mob?
shakes head no
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, um, Oscar, I’m going to need to take another advance on my salary.

What do you mean you have plans tonight?
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
I have my daughter tonight; we’re renting Charlotte’s Web.
Well, you have to make a choice, it’s either your daughter, or me.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
My daughter.
Okay, I see how it is. pushes a stack of files onto the floor Oops.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
That was cold.
makes a W then an L with her fingers, and then runs a finger across her throat
Photo of Kelly Kapoor

Photo of Phyllis
He’s always been terrible with money.
I bet it’s Jan spending him straight to the poor house.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yeah, women be shoppin’.
I can’t believe he has a second job.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Oscar Martinez
He’s not even good at his first one.
Hey guys.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Shh.
What’cha talking about? camera pans to each face in the break room Okay, I know what’s going on. You’re talking about Jim and Pam, if they’re having sex, what it looks like, I know, I think—
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael.
Hey, hey, hey.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Michael, are you having money problems?
Monkey problem? No, I’m not having monkey problems. Why would I have monkey problems?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
You heard me correctly.
Oh, I hate monkeys.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
What’s going on, why do you have a second job?
I don’t have a second job. Maybe I’m having an affair with Suzanne Summers.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Doesn’t Jan have money?
I don’t talk to my girlfriend about money. It is rude, and unsexual.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
True, it’s best to hide our money problems from women.
I totally agree with you. But I don’t have money problems, I don’t. Alright, you know what? Watch this, if I had money problems, would I do this? Michael holds up a bill, crumples it up, puts it back in his pocket
Photo of Michael Scott
Oscar and Stanley
You just put it back in your pocket.
Yeah, but I destroyed it, it’s not even useable anymore.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Hey, let’s call this what it is.

It’s like she only wants to hook up when Ryan comes around. It’s gotten to the point where I get excited every time I see that little dude walk through the door.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin

Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Well, I just need to know where this is going.
Hey, I like you. Oh yeah, what’s not to like? But you need to access your uncrazy side, otherwise maybe this thing’s run its course.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Don’t you dare walk away from me Darryl Philben, you are the most selfish person I’ve ever met in my entire—
Slow down, think it over.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin

Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Darryl Philben is the most complicated man that I’ve ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of game is that?

Hey cuz, heard you’re having money problems.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Michael Scott
No you didn’t.
Listen, I’ve got the answer. You declare bankruptcy, all your problems go away.
Photo of Creed Bratton

Photo of Creed Bratton
Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider.

How would that help Creed? In Monopoly when you go bankrupt, you lose.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Creed Bratton
You don’t go by Monopoly man, that game is nuts. Nobody just picks up “get out of jail free” cards, those things cost thousands.
That is a good point.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Creed Bratton
Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature’s do-over. It’s a fresh start, it’s a clean slate.
Like the witness protection program.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Creed Bratton
Exactly.
Not at all.
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Michael Scott
I’ve always wanted to be in the witness protection program. Fresh start, no debts, no baggage. I’ve already got my name picked out, Lord Rupert Everton. I’m a shipping merchant who raises fancy dogs. That’s the life.

I… DECLARE… BANKRUPTCY!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Oscar Martinez
Hey, I just wanted you to know that you can’t just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.
I didn’t say it, I declared it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Still, that’s not anything.

This is a lot of credit card debt.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, tell me about it.
Mmm.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
You know, Jan has my credit cards, and she’s using them as if I’m made of money, she thinks I’m a human ATM machine.
Okay, a hundred and twenty-five dollars, Amazon.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, that’s the Muppet Show, on DVD, classic.
Twelve hundred dollars. What’s a Core Blaster Extreme?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
That is by far the best way to strengthen your core. This machine, you sit on a stabilizer ball, you put your feet into the power stir-ups, you reach up and you grab onto the super rod, and you twist, and you twist, and you twist. It strengthens your entire core. Your back core, your arm core, the Marine Core actually uses it. I think that’s how they got a core.

I left a little present for Angela. I think she’s going to like it, because I found it outside of Vance Refrigeration all alone, and I told her in the note that the cat came to find her, that they were destined to be together. I got game.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Oscar Martinez
Okay, the green bar is what you spend every month on stuff you need, like a car and a house.
Mm-hm. That is so cool how you have my name at the top.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
The red bar is what you spend on non-essentials, like magazines, entertainment, things like that.
Right.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever, ever needs, like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment.
How do they do this so fast? Is this power-point?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
Man, Angela really had a hold on him. Dwight playing the recorder in the background Angela.

Michael, I’m going to set you and Jan up with a debt consolidator, you meet with this guy.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
No, no, we are going to leave Jan out of this.
She has to know.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
We will find another way, we’ll ask power-point.
Michael, this is a presentation tool.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
You’re a presentation tool if you think I’m gonna tell Jan about this.
I’m done!
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
No you’re not! Ok, just… you’re not a tool. Look, we’ll tell her that it’s bad, but it could’ve been a lot worse but due to some fancy financial foot work I was able to cut it in half.
Jan is smart.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
She poses.

Dwight, how’s the hotel business?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Stupid.
Have you checked Trip Advisor recently?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No.
Maybe you should.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Maybe you should. Whatever.

We wrote a good review. Under comments, we wrote, the natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedroom and makes you dream of simpler times.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
The dawn goose walk will tug at your heartstrings.
Table making never seemed so possible.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
You will never want to leave your room.
The architecture reminds one of a quaint Tuscan beet farm.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Dwight Schrute
I’m glad you enjoyed your stay.
We really did. It was fun.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Oscar Martinez
So due to Michael’s clever financial maneuvering, he finds himself tremendously in debt.
on phone You’re broke?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Um, that’s, how did you get that from what Oscar’s saying?
on phone Michael, how did this happen? Where did all your money go? I don’t, I don’t get this. I really don’t. I don’t know how you could be so irresponsible. I mean, this is, it is astounding to me, really. I don’t know what more to say.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Jan.
on phone Yeah, what?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Michael left.
on phone Okay, where did he go?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Oscar Martinez
I don’t know.
on phone Well, is he coming right back?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Oscar Martinez
I don’t think so.
on phone I’ll be right there.
Photo of Jan

Photo of Michael Scott
What am I doing? I am blowing dodge. I’m getting out of town. Whatever you call it, I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.

to Andy You may ask me out to dinner. Nothing fancy or foreign, no bars, no patios, no vegetables, and no seafood.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Pam Beesley
Dwight.

Uhh-mmm moaning
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?
incoherent mumbling No you didn’t.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah, I didn’t think I had. Well, it was all about Pam.
Mmm-uh-mm incoherent mumbling
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah, I mean she was with Roy, and, uh, I just couldn’t take it. I mean, I lost it Dwight. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. It was something that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and that includes you.
sobbing, reaches out to Jim after he walked away
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey, I was thinking about dinner— Jim grabs her face and kisses her
Ah, dinner. Let’s see, maybe we should try the new Italian place, where the drive-in used to be.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Okay.
Yeah?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah.
Okay.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Pam Beesley
Jim’s just really passionate about Italian food.

Yep, I’m very passionate about Italian food. In fact, um, I’m in love with Italian food.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Oscar Martinez
Jan, he went running that way.
Alright. throws her keys at Oscar
Photo of Jan

Photo of Michael Scott
singing Runaway train, never come back. Runaway and I’m never coming back.
Michael.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey Jan.
What’s going on?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Not much, what’s up with you?
Well, why are you sitting on a train? Where are you going?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m out of answers Jan.
What does that mean?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
I told you, no more answers. This is who I am now. A guy on a train with no answers. I hope that can be enough for you.
Michael, come on. Running away from your problems won’t solve anything. You know that.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t know that.
Your creditors can follow you anywhere with ease. Your debt follows you around the world, electronically.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
I’ll stay off the grid.
Uh, Michael, come on, come on, you can deal with this. It’s not that bad.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah it is, it is. I really messed up.
Well, when my life fell apart and they, and they screwed me in New York, and I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me, I didn’t have anyone. I mean, my whole family still won’t even talk to me, on the advice of counsel, and my friends were just waiting for this to happen.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s really nice of you to say.
Michael, no, what I want to say is you were there for me. By my side. Without even a thought. That’s just who you are. I mean, no matter how badly I treat you, or what I’m going through, you just, you are there for me. And that is a guy worth staying beside. So, where’s this train taking us?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
I think the engineer left.

takes a ruler and shoves it between his desk and Jim’s, knocking Jim’s files on the floor Hello, this is Dwight Schrute calling from Dunder-Mifflin, and according to our records you appear to be low on office supplies. Okay, sure, yeah I can take care of that right now.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Don’t sell your implants please.
I’m keeping them. I know you like them. They’re kind of uncomfortable though.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s nice though.
It’s kind of painful and my nipples are over-sensitive now.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
It looks cute though.

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