Launch Party - The Office (Season 4, Episode 5/6)

Episode Summary

Love seemed to be all around the Scranton office this week as everyone prepared for the official launch of Dunder-Mifflinfinity — not the official name of Ryan's Internet brainchild (or Michael's ''grand-brainchild''). Now that Ryan and Kelly seem kaput, our man from the warehouse Darryl looks like he's stepping up for a shot, valiantly defending her from Dwight's wrath when he discovered she was ordering paper from the website because it was fun to watch it fly into the basket on her computer monitor.

Michael was giving some kind of talk about spicing up their quarterly reports, and it appeared the staff was captivated until Jim explained that they were all just watching the screen saver on the TV next to Michael bounce around like a Pong game, waiting for it to perfectly hit a corner.

Meredith returned to work and asked Jim to sign her cast. He agreed because he's nice that way, and then, in one of the night's most cringe-worthy moments, she hoisted up her skirt to reveal plaster granny panties. Jim looked appropriately disturbed afterward, while Creed looked appropriately creepy and, of course, intrigued.

Poor Dwight was so distraught over Angela that he stopped shaving. While he tried to outsell the website, Pam and Jim were back to their old prank-playing selves as they pretended to be the website and taunted Dwight with IMs. After Dwight beat the website in paper sales, and Angela refused to be impressed.

We'd like to give a special thanks to Emily McGuire for providing this episode summary.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Launch Party

And the same thing goes for quarterly reports. They are unreadable. They’re just numbers and boring and blech. So what I was thinking is that maybe we should have some sort of graphic, like if we have a bad quarter, put in a storm cloud? And… when we have a good quarter, fireworks? Or a racecar? everyone groans Doesn’t have to be a racecar. Use your imagination.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
There’s this cube on the screen, and it bounces around all day, and sometimes it looks like it’s heading right into the corner of the screen, and at the last minute it hits a wall and bounces away. And we are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.

I saw it. I saw it, and it was amazing! Who said I didn’t see it? Did Jim say that I didn’t see it? I saw it!
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
We have a lot of colored paper here… why oh why do we keep printing this on white? screen saver box hits the wall
Dah! Come on!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah! I know. I know. It’s bland.
It’s never gonna happen.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
Dude, you gotta believe.
Maybe, we could have some sort of riddle?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
to Pam Wait for it.
Like, something that you have to look for. Sort of a “Where’s Waldo.” screensaver box hits the corner of the screen
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Everyone
Oh! Yes!
everyone gets up and leaves the conference room Alright. Alright. Let’s quit while we’re ahead.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
That was so awesome.
That was awesome. Thank you.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Some days I am just on fire. What can I say?

Hey… there he is.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey Meredith, how you feelin’?
I never thanked you for coming to the hospital.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, please, it was my pleasure. Well we all came, so…
Well, I really appreciate you coming. I’m singling you ouuuut.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Jim Halpert
Haha…
Anyway, I have this Sharpie…
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Jim Halpert
Uh-huh.
And I was wondering if you could sign my cast?
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Jim Halpert
MmmHmm…
lifts up dress to expose cast on pelvis Can you write where I can read it?
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh yeah.
whispers I’ll read this when I get home.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Jim Halpert
Alright…

Michael? This is the press release I was telling you about. Ryan wants you to share it with everyone.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, does he?
He does.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Mmmmmm. Okay. Attention. Earthlings. I have some news. Beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep. Okay. Today is the big day that I am heading to New York to attend a party with sushi and important people. On an unrelated note, if anyone has an interesting anectdote that is not boring and easy to memorize please drop by my office before I leave. Thank you.
Whoops. Is that really what Ryan wanted you to tell us?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
And… today the Dunder-Mifflin Infinity website officially launches.

Well the website is the brain-child of my brain-child, Ryan. It is my brain-grandchild. And, uh, to celebrate it’s birth, all of the different branches are going to have satellite parties, which will be connected via web-cams and fibers to the real party, which is going on in New York City at uh, a very exclusive nightclub, and that is where all of the VIP’s, including yours truly, will be partying with uh New York City’s finest, and I do not mean policemen…
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
The company is projecting record high sales, and that by 6:00 the website will be the new best salesman in the company. Wow! Watch out Dwight.
That’s ridiculous. I’m not going to be beaten by a website.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Actually it sounds like you are.
Really? ‘Cause Ryan says so?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
If that’s from Ryan, does it mention if he’s seeing anybody?
No. It doesn’t. I’ll find out tonight.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Yes, please let us know.
I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
Waste of time.
What’s that, pipsqueak?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Waste of time. The website’s going to win.
You believe a computer can beat me?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
I don’t care, but yes.
Well I will prove you wrong.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
I don’t care, and you won’t.
We’ll see.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
I won’t be watching, and I won’t.

Dwight mercy killed Angela’s cat. It’s very complicated. It’s caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela. Who are both already prone to unpleasantness.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Phyllis
Stanley, you’re dancing!
No I’m not.
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Photo of Ryan
Yeah. I created a website. Look, at the end of the day, apples apples flying at 30,000 feet. This is a paper company and I don’t want us to get lost in the weeds or into a beauty contest.
I told you I don’t want you doing these things in here. You can use your own office or do it in the hall.
Voice of Thomas Dean

Photo of Ryan
Convergence. Viral marketing. We’re going guerrilla. We’re takin’ it to the streets while keeping an eye on the street. Wall Street. I don’t want to reinvent the wheel here. In other words, it is what it is. Buyin’ paper just became fun.

And this is where I will record your sales.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hmm. Very nice. Very nice.
And then I will say something positive, like kudos or job well done.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Or zipadeedoodaah.
I can’t tell if he’s mocking me.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Just ignore him.
Ehh, can’t do that. Really hard for me to let things go.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
I was… mocking.
Thank you.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I just feel like we need something more to acknowledge when I make a sale.
Yes like a chime or a bell…
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
Or a gong.
Go to my car. Open the trunk. Inside you will see many pelts. Under the smallest one is a case. Inside that case is a bear horn. Bring it to me.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yes!

Isn’t 7 pm a little late for a lunch party?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
Lunch party? It’s supposed to say launch party! What is wrong with you?

Angela is worse than usual lately, and we have a party to throw. So I Googled how to deal with difficult people, and I got all of this. whispering So we’re gonna try out some new things today.
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Phyllis
So how do you feel about the fact that the banner says lunch?
I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Phyllis
I’m so sorry to hear that, that must be awful.
It is awful. You’ve made this day awful!
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kevin Malone
Maybe you could just change the U into an A.
Then it would say lanch party, Kevin. Would it really be better if it said lanch party?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Ohh, lunch party.
It’s supposed to say launch!
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, wow! Easy, booster seat, nobody cares about this party anyway.
I care!
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Angela Martin
Plan a party, Angela. Oh! And the entire world will see it. Oh! And here’s $65.00 for your budget. Oh and here are four idiots who’ll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh. And your cat’s still dead.

Twenty seconds to go time.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Got it. Carb up.
Really? Power gel?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey, you wanna win? You gotta fuel like a winner.
Okay. We start. As soon as I make… this shot. Aaannnddd go!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Uhyeaahhh! Hello, Susan? Dwight Schrute.
What would you say if I told you we could pull a prank on Dwight and at the same time not be working?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Today I’m prepared to give you 15% off our normal prices.
What?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
He’s going through a break-up.
Yeah, I’m aware of that. But he’s also being super annoying. And I’m not a perfect person.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Andy Bernard
blowing air horn Yeah!
Three reams! Yoohoo… in your face, machines.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
What kind of prank are you thinking?

What if I told you I could offer free shipping? Sure. I’ll hold.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
DunMiff/sys
on monitor Who am I?
on monitor You tell me.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
dictating to Pam Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
on monitor Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
DunMiff/sys
Photo of Dwight Schrute
on monitor How do I know this isn’t Jim?
on monitor What is a Jim?
DunMiff/sys

Photo of Dwight Schrute
It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me! I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me 2 plaques in lieu of a pay raise.

Okay.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yes it’s too tight.
Waaay too tight.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
Really?
This is why I’m here?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Why is it so tight?
It’s the European cut.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Is just looks bad.
Umm… hey. Ah, what’s hanging?
Photo of Michael Scott
Tech Guy
Setting up the web-cam for the party.
Oh good. Okay cool. How many pounds do you think I could lose by 7?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Depends… how much have you eaten already today?
I had um, one of those danishes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.
You had carbs? That’s awful.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Pam Beesley
Uh, just one second. We’re in a meeting and I’ll see if he’s available. It’s Jan.

Why don’t you wanna go tonight? What… all your friends are gonna be there. It’ll be fun.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
on phone My friends? Michael, I was terminated.
Just…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Is it really that important to you?
Yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Alright.
Thank you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Go by yourself.
Na… no. No. If I go by myself everybody will think I’m a big loser.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Well…
Do I have your permission to invite Carol?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
What? No Michael!
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s just the first… girl that popped into my head. I’ll find somebody I haven’t slept with.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ohhhhhh!
Website check please.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Three hundred and five.
Three-oh-five. You my friend are winning handsomely.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Oop. It just made another sale. Three eighty.
You my friend are in a very close second.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Four-oh-two.
Okay, uh why don’t you just lay off, lady?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Meredith Palmer
What do you want me to do, not announce it? Four twelve.

So. This is the dealio. God has smiled upon me and given me two tickets to the big party in New York tonight. What are you doing this evening? Look at that. They have their own little language now. Like twins.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Sure we’ll go.
Alright. Well fight it out amongst yourselves. I was thinking Pammy but boys night out is also good.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh I’m sorry. What?
One of the tickets is for him.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Just let me know who the winner is.
Not it.
Pam and Jim
Photo of Jim Halpert
Nope.
I won.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Definitely not. If anything it was a tie.
Tie goes to the girlfriend.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, I realize you normally reorder in November, but what I’m suggesti… you did what? Ah no! That’s exactly what you’re not supposed to do, damnit! Why would you reorder from a computer when you can have the personal touch of a salesman? Ahhhhh. hangs up phone
How’s it going?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Fine. Good.
Yeah?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah.
You look a little worried.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I do not look worried.
on monitor You do look worried.
DunMiff/sys
Photo of Dwight Schrute
on monitor Here’s a suggestion computer. I assume you read…
Here’s a suggestion computer. I assume you read binary so why don’t you zero one one, one one one one, zero one one zero one one.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Okay. Um, while you were typing that I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. Oop, and sold more paper.

I asked for assorted cutlery and I got back spoons. These are worthless.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Phyllis
I want to understand what you’re saying but it’s difficult for me when you use that tone.
Phyllis. These are spoooons. Spoons have rounded tops, and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks, which have prongs, or tiny spears on top. And we need knives, which have blades. Do you understand me now?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Phyllis
Yes.
Goodie.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey man.
What’s up man?
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Jim Halpert
What’s going on?
Make a delivery.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh yeah?
Kelly ordered this online.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin

Photo of Dwight Schrute
What are you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer and every sale counts.
But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says, “Thanks for shopping at Dunder-Mifflin.”
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Damnit Kelly! It knows! It knows what you did!
Who knows?
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Return it! Return it now!
Hey! How about instead of yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over five hundred sheets of paper you get back to your desk. Start sellin’ multiple reams like a man.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Y… You don’t understand. If… okay, if this makes the difference, I’m gonna tell it that you were responsible.
Who’s it?
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Here you go.
Thanks.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
So you still missing Ryan?
Not so much anymore.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Mmmmm.

I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yes, Mr. Galliado. How would you like to pay ten percent less for paper than you’re paying right now? It’s not important how I got your information. What is important is that you say yes. Good.

Alright. I’m ready to go and I’m callin’ shotgun.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I’m driving?
Yes. Thank you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Alright, let me just say good-bye to Pam.
Oh yeah, you’d better. You better say good-bye to Pam. Say good-bye to Pam. Byyyyyye. I love you. kissing noise, kissing noise I love ya Pam… okay. singing I’m leavin’ inside Jim’s car, I don’t know when I’ll be back again. Yes I do. Tomorrow I’ll be back. I’ll be back. Tomorrow. Um… yeah. So you know what? Why don’t you guys take off a little bit early tonight?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Because there’s a party! A party for the website I’ve been planning for two weeks.
If you are not this tall, you may not ride the rollercoaster. See you guys tomorrow.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Perfect. So let me just get some basic information from you. Mmmhmm.
on monitor Oh. I didn’t realize we could use the leads we stole from Staples.
DunMiff/sys
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I’m sorry. Am, so sorry. I… yes. Uh, could you repeat that?

Yesss! Ten reams for the US District Court! Did I happen to mention the forty reams for the battered women’s shelter?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
No ! blows air horn and dances
Huh?!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
Stop it! Gimme that! Give it!
Did you see the board?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
There’s still an hour.

You ever read this? holds up Green Eggs and Ham
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yep. A long time ago, but, I liked it.
Got it for Ryan. Wanted to get him Oh The Places You’ll Go, but they were sold out. Figured…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah.
Same sort of stuff in here.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
It’s not. It’s different. But it’s a good book.
Mmwa. Mmwa.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
What was that?
Leaving Pennsylvania.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh. Two kisses.
One for me one for Jan.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Gotcha.
You guys should come over for dinner. You and Pam. That’d be fun. Friday?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
That would be fun.
Wanna come over Friday?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Uhhh. Can’t.
After work you guys…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, no cause… you’re gonna let me know when we’re close, right?
Yes. Actually I will tell you right now. It’s a club called Chatroom, and there’s a password to get in, which is actually password. So…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Mmmkay…
What are you doing?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Uh, that is an invitation to an online party.
No.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yep.
No, I’m sure that’s not. Na…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Are there, uh, three w’s at the beginning of the address?
Yes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yep.

Well the invitation says VIP’s only. Is this how you treat your VIP’s, Ryan? We’re already in the city. The main part with the buildings. What am I supposed to do? What do you want me to do tonight? And if you tell me, that I have to drive back to Scranton, to the satellite party, I am going to throw up! Okay I’m going to throw up. I’m throwing up. You’re making me throw up, Ryan.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
You know what this is like? I’ll tell you what this is like. This is like when the Freshmen would throw a party and wouldn’t let any of the Seniors go.

Doesn’t it just piss you off sometimes that that little twerp got the promotion over us?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh actually I withdrew from consideration.
Yeah. I withdrew too.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
Four! Three! Two! One!
Yes!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Woo!
Woo!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
After numerous projections that the computer would crush all salesmen in it’s path, I am very happy to report that our very own Dwight Schrute has crushed his electronic nemesis, if you will, by a whopping fifty-two reams.
Reams. Wait. Say it. Say it again. Announce it again.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Fifty-two reams!
No no no the first part.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Dwight has defeated the computer.
Hey. So. What do you think? I did it for you.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
I didn’t ask you to do it for me.
You didn’t have to.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Angela Martin
How do you tell someone it’s over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary?

Hello, Pam.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hello.
Hey. Do you have any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Um… uh… I’ll get back to you.
Let me know.
Photo of Angela Martin

DunMiff/sys
on monitor You beat me. You are the superior being.

Alright who wants to party?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Why aren’t you in New York?
Ohhh, what? Oh I think I faked Oscar out.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
You said you weren’t coming back and we could leave early.
I think I faked Stanley out too. Who else thought that I was leaving? And they could all go home early? Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Well who needs New York? Right? We can have a killer party right here in Scranton.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Thank you.
Nope nope nope no. This is going to be nothing like the party you’ve been planning. This is going to be good and everybody’s gonna come. What’s wrong with Dwight?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
He beat the computer.
Oh hey! Good for you. Good for you. Scranton power. Alright you know what? Angela I’d like you to come into my office in ten minutes. Bring something to write with and something to write on. Good.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
This was a pretty disappointing day. It was kind of a slap in the face to realize that I wasn’t as important as I thought I was to a certain young executive who I cared about. But, you know, I’m not gonna cry over it. I did that in the car on the way home.

How we doing on time?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
The party starts in an hour.
Good. These are some things that I would like to have happen.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Beer, lite beer, streamers, orchids. Better lighting?
Mmmhmm.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Something made of ice?
Those are just things. This is how I want it to feel.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Pizza, pizza with mushrooms, pizza without mushrooms, white pizza, steak?
I would like this party to be sexier, cooler, more important…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Chocolates? Someone famous?
Yes
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Cool music.
Uh…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Confetti.
I want it…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
Go-Go dancers?
I want it to embarrass all other parties. I want it to be a party that the guys in New York watch on the web-cam and say, “Wow! How did they get Al Roker to come?”
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
I can’t do this.
Yes you can.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
I can’t do it.
Yes you can. I know you can. I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t hundred percent believe it. Who else could do this?
Photo of Michael Scott
Angels
Okay. Okay.
No seriously. Is there anyone else who could do it better? Because we don’t have a lot of time. I’ll get the pizza!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
What do you think of Angela?
I think she’s efficient.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
No, not like that, as a woman. W-O-M-A-N.
I hadn’t noticed.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
You hadn’t noticed she’s a woman?
impatient sigh
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
I hear she’s single and ready to mingle. I’m thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right?
I think it’s inappropriate to date someone you work with.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Isn’t that part of the fun?
No. I think you should date Kelly.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
She works here too, how is that any different?
Uh, she works in the annex. You’re also welcome to date Toby.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
raised eyebrows Okay.

Good news.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
We get to go home?
Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo?
Photo of Michael Scott
All
murmurs of approval
Wait! Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Same thing.
No, no.
Photo of Kevin Malone
All
disagreeing with Michael
You know what? I don’t understand when you all talk at the same time.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Oscar, talk to him.
Michael, there’s a very big difference between these two pizza places. Both in quality of ingredients, and overall taste. Which one did you order from?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
Pizza by Alfredo.
shouts of disapproval
All
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, okay, what’s better? A medium amount of good pizza? Or all you can eat of pretty good pizza?
Medium amount of good pizza.
All
Photo of Michael Scott
sighs, walks back into office

Oh no, it’s bad. It’s real bad. It’s like eating a hot circle of garbage.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Phyllis
You can pick one of these things. It’s unreasonable for you to ask me to do all of this.
It should take no time at all if you put the care into it that you normally do.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Phyllis
Balls up post-its and throws them in Angela’s face
Ow!
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Phyllis
That seemed to shut her up.

Are you looking for dinner and a movie? Because you’re not going to find it in that box. Camera pans to Kevin giving an “are you kidding me?” look
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Andy Bernard
Just so happens that I know where you can find it, but again, not in the box.
Angela, are you hearing words that I’m saying?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
What?
Hello.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
I have been working on a party for three weeks that just got thrown out the window. So now I’ve got to pull together a whole new party, and my useless number two quit, so now there’s no one in charge of orchids, chocolates, or the thing that’s made of ice. And my upper back itches, and it’s itched all day, and I can’t reach it, and Kevin had Greek food for lunch again.

They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? Well then, explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Michael Scott
Yup.
The Pizza by Alfredo guy is here.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
You don’t have to say it like that.
I said it normal.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey
Hey. Sixty-three fifty, and that’s not including tip.
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
Right, I have a coupon, so half of sixty-three fifty, and half the tip of sixty-three fifty.
The half off coupon only applies to orders of two pizzas.
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, I told them on the phone that I was ordering eight pizzas.
I don’t care what you told them on the phone, that’s our policy.
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
You didn’t actually think I was going to spend sixty bucks on pizza?
It’s not pizza.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, it doesn’t say it anywhere on the coupon, and if it’s policy, it should say it on the coupon.
shrugs
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
sarcastic shrugging of shoulders What do you mean hmm-um?
Not my problem.
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
It is your problem. That’s no way to do business, okay? I ordered eight pizzas with a half-off coupon, so I would like eight pizzas for half-off. End of story.
Great story. It’s sixty-three fifty, and that’s not including tip.
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m not giving that to you.
Well then you’re not getting you’re pizzas.
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
No, no you’re not going anywhere. You’re staying here until we figure this out.
What?
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
You know what? This young man needs to learn that’s not how you treat people. I don’t care if it’s pizza. Good business is about respect and accountability and follow through. You don’t just make promises and pull the rug out from under somebody, do you? Dwight, please escort this young man into the conference room. Right now, get in the conference room.
I’m not going in there.
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes you are, yes you are, and you will come out when you decide to give me a discount on the pizza. Please, thank you.
This is stupid.
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
No, you don’t even know what stupid is. It’s about to get all stupid up in here.

You find anything?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Kevin Malone
We think it’s a straight forward kidnapping.
Stanley, could you look up “accomplices”?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Why can’t you guys do it?
Because we’re looking up jail time.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Fine.

I’ve seen this kid before. He’s one the kids who sneaks on my farm and steals my hemp.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Pizza guy
Yeah, I know that guy. He’s that farmer that grows really crappy weed.

You ready to give me my discount now?
Photo of Michael Scott
Pizza guy
No.
Okay, what have you been doing in here this whole time?
Photo of Michael Scott
Pizza guy
What kind of business is this?
We’re a paper company. The best paper company in the whole wide world.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Alright, Dwight, knock it off. You better think about what you are doing young man.
You better think about what you’re doing.
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
No! I’m an adult, I don’t have to think or do anything. You’re a kid, a little snot-nosed, punk kid who thinks he’s better than everyone else, because he’s some hot shot, and you don’t know anything about sales. So stop being a disrespectful little jerk, okay?
Sales?
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah sales, you sell pizza. Last time I checked that’s called sales.
You’re such a loser.
Pizza guy
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What did you just call him?
A loser.
Pizza guy
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What did you say?
A loser.
Pizza guy
Photo of Michael Scott
Alright stop, stop making him say it! You just made this worse, a whole lot worse.
I can make him talk, Michael.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
All
Michael, Michael
Stop talking all at once!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
You need to let him go.
Let go of the little jerk boy before he has learned his lesson?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yes.
You know what Jim, the world would be a better place if people were held accountable for their actions.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yes, but not by kidnapping.
I’m not kidnapping him, I’m keeping him until I get what I want.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
As a hostage.
I think you’re over-thinking it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
I think you’re under-thinking it.
Yes, is Alfredo there? Can I speak to a manager then? Okay, can you tell the manager that I’m keeping his delivery kid until I get a discount on the eight pizzas I ordered. Yes, I know it is not on the coupon. Also I would like him to throw in two, three pizzas for our…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Ransom.
Trouble. Okay, alright.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
What did he say?
He said no.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
So, we should let him go.
No, no.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Okay.

Listen up kid. pops balloon with his hands I don’t like you, but because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
I have to hang these.
Why are you looking at her like that?
Pizza guy
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey!

What’s going on?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Michael just called the pizza place with a list of demands.
Mister Overdramatic, what’s up Kevin?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
We’re getting hungry out there. We’re all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat. We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end.

I needed another hour, it could have been done in another hour.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Meredith Palmer
I think it looks good.
That’s why you’re not in charge Meredith.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Here you are my dear, one thing made of ice.
How did you, um, where did you…
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s just ice, it’ll melt all over the floor.
Will you help me put it over there?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yes I will.
Okay.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Excuse me.

I stole it!
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Oscar Martinez
Thank God.
Michael, Ryan wants to introduce the branch managers in a few minutes. You just have to wave and introduce yourself.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I’ll just wave and introduce myself.
Hey, quick question. If I take a pizza, do you think you could take some sodas and some napkins up to the roof?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m all over it.
Okay.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Jim Halpert
What have we got here?
Good pizza.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah, cheese, or do we have other flavors?
Different stuff.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Which one’s this? Perfect.

Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah, enjoy this moment, because you’re never going to go back to this time before you met your desk mate Dwight.
And that’s when I knew. You?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
You came up to my desk, and said, this might sound weird, and there’s no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you’re about to eat has expired.
That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yep.
Wow, can we make it a different moment?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Nope.

Can I start talking? Is this thing on? Give me a signal when you want me to start.
Manager
Photo of Ryan
And now from my old hometown, Scranton Pennsylvania, my former boss, Michael Scott.
Hey, I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer, so take that bleephole.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Always a jokester. How about that image? Crystal clear.
If anyone out there is listening, I’m being held here against my will. I’m a minor.
Pizza guy

Photo of Angela Martin
Ow! What are you doing?
You said your upper back itched.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
I didn’t ask you to scratch it.
Look Angela, I know this is weird because we work together, and up until and possibly now I’ve repulsed you, but I like you.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
I’m not dating you.

So, Angela is stubborn as a mule, she’s giving off fairly strong vibes that she’s not interested.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
smiles
But do I like her or not, because if I like her, then I can’t back down.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
kicks open bathroom door If you’re going number one you’ve got ten more seconds!

Hey, have you seen Jim?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
I guess he wanted to get out of here before the cops find out.
Ahh-chaa!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
I’m just scaring him. The trick is to make him think you’re going to do something to him.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Pizza guy
I can hear you, man.
Shut up, or I’m going to punch you in the throat!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey, hey, hey stop it. Stop it now, God. Oh my God, oh my God, no, no, no. I kidnapped a kid.
You had to, what other choice did you have?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I could have paid for the pizza.
Well, yeah.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh my God, oh my God.

This is Michael.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Hello Michael, this is Ryan, first off thanks for the shout out.
You’re breaking up. I can’t hear you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Why is there a kid on your webcam saying that he’s being held against his… Michael hangs up on Ryan
to Dwight Mmm-kay. I want you to go in there, and pay him for the pizzas, and give him a generous tip, no more than ten percent.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What will you do?
I will open the door.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah.
And hopefully he will walk out, and the rest is out of our hands.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
So, I’m paying full price?
Yes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Here we go, sixty-five. You know what? There’s two more.
See ya, drive safely.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Michael Scott
pizza guy flips him off Okay.
Now what?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Now we wait, and hopefully nothing happens.
Alright. Oh, I assume I’m going to be reimbursed for the pizzas.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Not now Dwight, please, it’s not the time.

A toast, better make it good. To avoiding a class two felony charge.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Ah-ha.

answers two ringing phones Hello, hey hang on a second. Hello, hang on.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Andy Bernard
Andy plus two voices on the phone singing If you change your mind, I’ll be first in line. Honey, I’m still free, take a chance on me. If you need me let me know, gonna be around. If you got no place to go, if you’re feeling down. If your all alone when the pretty birds have flown, honey I’m still free, take a chance on me. Gonna do my very best, and that ain’t no lie, if you put me to the test, if you let me try. Take a chance on me, that’s all I ask of you Angela. Take a chance on me.
Hey how’d it go?
Voice #1 on phone
Voice #2 on phone
Yeah, what’d she say?
I don’t know yet, I have to call you back.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Voice #1 on phone
You have to give us something…
I’ll call you back.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Angela Martin
I have to go clean up after the party.

What a horrible day.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Blah.
Bluh.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Uhh.
Well, I need to get the horrible taste of this pizza out of my mouth. I’d really like some sushi. I was hoping that I would have New York style sushi today. And you know what?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What?
I’m going to get it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Coopers has calamari.
Uh-uh, no, there is only one place where they authentic New York style sushi.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Tokyo?
New York. Wanna go?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yes.
Alright, you drive.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Okay.

Nice.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Here we go.
Woo-hoo.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Mmm.
Yum.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Bartender
I’m sorry, you guys are going to have to leave.
Hey, you know what? Michael and Dwight grab plates of sushi Come on, come on, let’s go.
Photo of Michael Scott
Man
Hey, you’re the Scranton guy.
Guilty.
Photo of Michael Scott
Man
I liked your statement tonight.
Oh, thanks. This is the guy that beat the computer.
Photo of Michael Scott
Man
Oh, very cool. It was funny to see Ryan all embarrassed by that.
Yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Man
See you later.
Later on.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
mocking Ryan I’m Ryan, and tonight didn’t go the way that I thought it would, because it didn’t work out for me, and I’m very embarrassed. I got egg all over my face.
And I spent so much time in Scranton and I never sold any paper.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I never sold any paper, because I’m an idiot.
I started a fire with my cheese pita.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I made it with my cheese pita.
I date Indian girls.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I started a fire, I started a fire.
Now I’ve got a beard, and I can do whatever I want, and I’m your boss.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
And I’m hot, I’m so hot. That’s why everybody…
I don’t get that, I don’t understand that.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, it’s part of it, it’s just the… uhhh.
Wanna head back?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah, let’s go.

steps in front of camera, adjusts jacket, poses, winks
Photo of Ryan

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