Women's Appreciation - The Office (Season 3, Episode 22)

Phyllis gets flashed in the parking lot and Dwight starts an investigation to catch the perp. He gets Pam make a sketch of the flasher by interviewing Phyllis but Phyllis says she didn't get a good look at him. Pam then decides to draw a picture of Dwight without his glasses and with a mustache. Andy helps an oblivious Dwight post flyers with his image on it all over town.

Michael doesn't make much of the flasher incident but after realizing how offended the other employees, he decides to hold a seminar on women's issues. At the close of the meeting, he offers to take the women to the Mall at Steamtown. Before leaving, he receives a call from Jan and she asks to meet with him to have sex. Michael balks... and only becomes more uncomfortable when she says she'll pay him for the sex.

In the food court at the mall, Michael opens up to the women about problems with Jan. Among other things, he tells them Jan has been videotaping them having sex and watching it with him afterwards. Everyone there assures Michael that that type of behavior isn't normal and tell him he needs to get out of the relationship. He doesn't initially go along with their recommendation... but Phyllis gets him to admit he wants to break up with her. Michael thanks them... by treating them each to one item each from Victoria's Secret.

At the office, Kevin discovers a plush waiting room in the ladies rest room. The other men soon join him. They leave in shock after Creed enters and is shown to regularly use the women's room "to do number two" and admitting to the camera crew that he has been "caught several times" and has "paid dearly".

When Michael gets back to the office, he calls Jan to end their relationship and gets voicemail. As he's leaving his "message", Jan walks into into his office to say she's sorry in person for their earlier conversation, but when she receives Michael's voicemail, she walks out in silence.

Jim informs Dwight he saw the flasher two minutes before in the women's bathroom "above the sink". Dwight flies to the bathroom and examines the mirror where someone had drawn a mustache similar to the one in the sketch. Dwight then realizes what Pam has done.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Women's Appreciation

to Pam Hey.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Jim Halpert
Dwight hands Jim a piece of paper Oh, what’s this?
That is a demerit.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
reads demerit “Jim Halpert, tardiness.” Ugh. I love it already.
You’ve gotta learn, Jim. You are second in command, but that does not put you above the law.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, I understand. And I also have lots of questions, like, what does a demerit mean?
scoffs Let’s put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Lay it on me.
Three demerits and you’ll receive a citation.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Now that sounds serious.
Oh, it is serious. Five citations and you’re looking at a violation. Four of those and you’ll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you’re looking at a written warning. Two of those, that’ll land you in a world of hurt… in the form of a disciplinary review written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Which would be me.
That is correct.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.
What’s a dis… what’s that?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, you don’t want to know.

door opens Hey, Phyllis. You all right?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Phyllis
I think I just got flashed.
What? Really?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Phyllis
In the parking lot.
Oh, my God.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
jumps out of his chair and runs for the door Move!
OK, I’ll call the real police.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Andy Bernard
What happened? What can I do to help?
on the phone OK.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Andy Bernard
I’ll check the web.
on the phone Thank you. hangs up the phone The police are on it. They say they’ve already had three calls.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
to Phyllis Can you tell us what happened?
Um… I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions. And he was holding a map. And when I walked over, he had it out… on the map.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Angela Martin
Phyllis. You’re a married woman.
The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what’s all the fuss?
Photo of Creed Bratton

Photo of Creed Bratton
If that’s flashing, then lock me up.

whispering It’s just, like, so creepy.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Ryan
whispering Yeah. Pam and Ryan whispering
What’s happening?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot.
Really? Is she OK?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah, Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down.
OK. deep breath Phyllis, you say? snorts Hmm. suppressed laugher
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
What is so funny?
Um… I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh… Karen from behind?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
I’m guessing not.
laughing softly I’m sorry. It’s pretty funny when you think about it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Mm… not really, no.
It’s disgusting and demeaning.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, OK. Masters of comedy. A guy dropped his pants. Have you ever been to the circus? everyone glares OK. Michael puts his finger through his pant’s zipper He’s back! laughs OK. Hmm. babbling with his coat pulled closed Waagh! flashes everyone
Hey, what’s going on? There’s a police car in the…
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Michael Scott
What? Oh. makes descending scale noise as his finger goes down
What’s going on?
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, Phyllis got flashed. It’s, uh… laughs
I don’t think laughing about it is an appropriate response.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, come on. We are laughing at Phyllis, but she’s not even here, so no harm, no foul.
I don’t think the women in this office –
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Michael Scott
Incidentally, where were you during all of this? Maybe you’re the flasher.
I was at a parent-teacher conference.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh-huh. Prove it. Let’s see your penis. everyone is shocked exhalesI… you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong.

In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can’t have fun if they don’t feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time… she pretended she didn’t hear me.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jan
on speakerphone Michael, …
Huh?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
…come over after work tonight, OK? I miss your body.
I don’t know. I feel… I drive a lot. I’m spending a fortune on gas and tolls –
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
I’ll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I’ll leave it on the dresser.
Um, that… I don’t know. That makes me kind of uncomfortable.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
$300?
I… uh, well, I don’t know.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
You know whatever. Just let my assistant know if you’re coming over so he can get more vodka, OK? Hunter, are you on?
on speakerphone You got it, Jan.
Photo of Hunter

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Employees of this office are very small and delicate. Deserve protection from local pervs. Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.

exhales I am sick over this thing. Those people out there are clearly afraid. And that can’t happen. Not in my house.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Agreed. Let me show you what I’ve been working on.
OK.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
lays a folder full of pictures on Michael’s desk There are several penises there I’d love Phyllis to run her eyes over. You know, see if we can catch this pervert.
This is the last thing that Phyllis needs to see right now, Dwight.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Look at that one.
Dwight, are those your pants? That’s a Polaroid. Dwight takes the Polaroid and crumples it in his hand
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Attention, everybody. Dwight has something he would like to say.
Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map, and his penis – I think you know what I’m referring to – Michael has authorized me to form an emergency anti-flashing task force.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
raises hand Question. Won’t that interfere with your other task forces?
Answer: No, because this is being given priority one. This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know… I know what you’re thinking. Pam nods Won’t that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam. You can draw, kind of. Why don’t you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
Phallus?
Phyllis, sorry. I’ve got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Pam Beesley
I don’t often miss Roy. But I can tell you one thing. I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. small laugh Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim’s… Whoo, I am… I am saying a lot of things.

I didn’t really get a good look.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Pam Beesley
That’s OK. I don’t feel like answering phones.
Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? reads memo “Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding 1/4 inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute.” This is ridiculous.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.
Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
reads memo “Sleeves down to the wrists, buttoned-up collars, and muted colors.” Nobody dress like that. camera pans over to Angela
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
OK, you know something, Dwight? We are not the terrorists. Why don’t you just take these women, put ’em in a burlap sack, and hit ’em with a stick? Because that’s what you’re doing. I celebrate these women. They deserve the right to dress as they please. If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that.
Look, it’s really simple. We just want you guys to treat us with respect.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
See? That’s what we’re talking about. Did you hear that, Dwight?
Yes. Did you hear that, Michael?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No, Dwight. Respect. R-E-S-P-svee-T. Find out what it means to me. All right, you know what? That’s it. Conference room, five minutes. Women’s appreciation.
Wait a second, how are you qualified for that?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, I don’t know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?
eating banana Mm, less than three.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
That is not current.
You know what? Why doesn’t Oscar run the meeting? He’s a homosexual.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Why don’t you run the meeting? You play with dolls.
Those are collectible action figures and they’re worth more than your car.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women.

I, um… would like to apologize for all of the men who thought this was a laughing matter.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Creed Bratton
Are we still discussing this? I say again, what is the big deal?
Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meredith Palmer
I don’t remember doing that.
What a surprise.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
OK, no catfights. Please. Let’s – my point is… my point is… a penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.
Alien. Blagh!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
What are…? Shut it. Shut. Up. OK, so what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women’s problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? No. No, they are not. points to Pam Even the hot ones aren’t really that skinny. So what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn’t care. Society sucks. I don’t even consider myself a part of society. FYI. Because I am so angry over all of this.
If it were up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yes, Andy. Then the fashion models could come here and work with me.
What you’re saying is extremely misogynistic.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And I proves my point. Women can do anything.
I’m saying that you’re being sexist.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
No. I’m being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.
That – it’s the same thing.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Phyllis
Michael.
Yes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
Because wha… that was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
And when we get mad, you always ask us if we’re on our periods.
I have to know whether you’re serious or not.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I wish I could menstruate.

If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Karen
Can we just get back to work?
Ye – OK, yes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
This is not work talk.
You’re right. You’re right, you’re right. And you know why? It’s because of where we are. This is a masculine environment. We need to find a place where you feel comfortable. You know where we’re gonna go? The Steamtown Mall. Kelly gasps
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Karen
Frankly, it’s kind of insulting. But I have a bunch of stuff I need to return in my car. So… I could do that.

Malls are just awful and humiliating. They’re just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior’s section. There are petite adults who are sort of… smaller who need to wear… maybe a kids’ size 10.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Michael Scott
OK, let’s go, ladies of Dunder-Mifflin. Hey, we should have a calendar printed up. Pam, put that in my good idea folder. Pam nods Let’s go!
Have you finished with the sketch?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah.
Hmm, doesn’t seem like the type.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
Uh, Phyllis got a good look.
Hmm.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Pam’s sketch looks like Dwight with a mustache, but without his glasses I plan on plastering this pervert’s face everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide.

tires screeching Oh.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Meredith, slow down! We’re not gonna get there any faster if we’re dead.
Thanks. I know how to drive. dumps the crumbs from a bag of chips she was eating into her mouth and throws it out the window
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, yeah. You really shouldn’t litter.
My car, my rules.
Photo of Meredith Palmer

Photo of Kevin Malone
Hey, Jim. You wanna go in the women’s bathroom?
No. Thank you, though.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
You aren’t curious?
Not really. I’ve seen a bathroom before.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yeah, but… it’s every guy’s fantasy.
I think you mean a girl’s locker room. And in the fantasy, there’s usually girls in it.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
quietly Yeah. I’m going in.
Go crazy.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
in women’s bathroom Oh… my… God.

I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Of course you do, moon face. That’s because you’re a preppy freak, you’re the office pariah, and nobody likes you. So start hanging these all around the building.
This guy looks like a real deviant.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, duh. That’s why we gotta catch him. Start hanging those.
Aye, aye, Cap’n.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
More like, “Aye, aye, General.”

Meredith parking the car I don’t think she’s gonna make it. Don’t think she’s gonna make it – metal scraping
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Meredith Palmer
It’s a little too tight. I’m gonna find another spot.
Many women are competent drivers. scraping OK. Come on.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
marks Scranton with a red pushpin on a map of Pennsylvania and exhales This is what we know.

in women’s bathroom Well, I stand corrected. This is pretty cool.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yes.
Hey, uh… where’d you decide to take Karen tonight?
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Jim Halpert
Anna Maria’s.
What’s the occasion?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
Six-month anniversary. What?
Nothing – I think, uh, we all kinda thought you guys were just, like, hooking up.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
No, we’ve been dating for six months.
Uh, she might mention an email that I wrote a while back, um –
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, right. I remember that one. She read it to me. She said she’s not really ready to date somebody in the office, but she really likes you as a friend.
I figured. It’s cool. I don’t – I wouldn’t want to be in an office relationship anyway.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Michael Scott
All right. Hope nobody’s on a diet.
Thanks, Michael.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Angela Martin
Thank you, Michael.
You’re welcome. You’re welcome, you’re welcome. OK. So, let’s dish.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
What do you want to dish about?
Anything you guys want. This is your time. everyone is silent or continues to eat, Michael exhales Mm. What is a Pap smear? Or is it “shmear?” Like the cream cheese.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
OK. New topic. Kelly, how are things with Ryan?
Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
What, um… what do you think of role-play?
Oh, it can be fun.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah? Well, Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy.
It’s a pretty common one.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
I just… I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.
OK. I’m gonna be at the doll store.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Angela Martin
Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.

Michael, you shouldn’t do anything that you’re uncomfortable with.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Jan says anything that doesn’t scare us is not worth doing. I don’t know. Maybe we’re different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex.
Oh, my God.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
groans And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form.
That is not healthy behavior.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
No, it’s not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.
Michael, you need to get out of this.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
No, she’s… she’s fooling around. It’s a woman thing.
No, normal women don’t do stuff like that. This is bad. Karen nods and Michael looks like he’s about to start crying
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
No… No, it’s all right. I’m OK. I’m OK. sniffing You guys… what are we gonna do about Jan? sighs

Read the pros first.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
OK. Jan is smart. Uh, successful. Good clothes. Hot. Perfect skin. Nice butt.
She does have very nice clothes.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Karen
OK, OK. Um, cons.
Cons. Wears too much makeup. Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I’m unhappy when I’m with her. Flat-chested.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
What was the last one?
She’s totally flat. Shrunken chesticles.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
No, the one before that.
I’m unhappy when I’m with her.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael… you shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t make you happy.
I’m happy sometimes. Um… when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having sex.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Karen
Look, most relationships have their rough patches. You just have to push through it sometimes.
Yeah, that’s smart.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Maybe. But it sounds like you’re just wrong for each other.
That sounds good too. I don’t know who’s right. I just don’t – I don’t know. I don’t know.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
I bet you know. Don’t think, just answer. What do you want to do about Jan?
I wanna break up with Jan. Wow. I wanna break up with Jan.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
My mom taught me that.

Wow, I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
No one said it has no calories.
Oh, hey, guys. I want to do something nice for you, because you did something so nice for me earlier. I want you to go in there. I want you to buy one item on me as a thank-you. Kelly sprints inside Victoria’s Secret Come on. Get in here.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Let’s face it, most guys are from the Dark Ages. They’re caveman. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing 8-inch heels, and to be wearing, um, see-through underpants. But… for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.

in women’s bathroom This is so great, huh? We should do this much more often.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Toby Flenderson
I-I think we hang out an appropriate amount of time.
What are you doing in here? This is the women’s room.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Kevin Malone
You’re in here.
I pay for that privilege. goes into stall
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Kevin Malone
all get up to leave OK.

wearing headphones and speaking loudly I’m a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women’s room for number two. I’ve been caught several times and I have paid dearly.
Photo of Creed Bratton

Photo of Michael Scott
Mm. You don’t want anything? My treat. Some panties or… pick a thong or… G-string. T-back. Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through, push-up, lace? Thigh-high? Bustier? Any – it just – you know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear.
Phyllis. What do you think? Too much?
Photo of Karen
Photo of Phyllis
Jim’s gonna love it. Karen giggles

I’m kind of in-between boyfriends right now. So I don’t need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels. I figure I can cut up this robe.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Angela Martin
in the car Slower. Slower. Meredith. Michael’s cell phone ringing My Humps Slow it up.
Oh. Oh, no. inhales sharply It’s Jan. What do I do?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Karen
Answer it.
Don’t answer it.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
OK, it stopped.
bang Whoa.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Meredith Palmer
tires screeching Crap.

snickers at Pam’s sketch That is pretty cool.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Michael, you know how to, um -change a wheel, right?
Uh, yeah. Yep. Um… Could somebody grab me the lever, and I will…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Here, uh… Meredith? Why don’t you put your hazards on.
Yeah, get your hazards on for safety. Let’s see. takes off his coat and tosses it aside There we go! Pam brings over the jack and lug wrench Good. Yes, we have the… all right. tries the use the jack to loosen the lug nuts
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
I think I’ve got it.
Do you have a… a crescent? A crescent Allan?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
I don’t think we really need that, Michael.
Uh… you know what? I’m going to… you take care of that. I’m gonna do traffic… detail.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
You know, I changed a tire today. All by myself. This bathrobe’s already coming in handy. Meredith honking Coming!

Think we’ll find him?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah, I do. ‘Cause justice never rests.
pulls a candy bar from his coat pocket Halvsies?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No. Wholesies. snatches the candy bar
Listen, man, I really appreciate you letting me shadow you today. I feel like I learned a lot.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Natch. bites off a lot of candy bar
Yep. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll hang some of these posters around my neighborhood. Schools, post office, et cetera.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You know, I may have underestimated you. You’re not a total ass. coughs

OK, I am really going to do this.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Good luck, Michael.
You know what? I need my girls with me. Pam, Karen, even Phyllis. Come on. Let’s do this. Let’s do it. sighs
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Karen
OK, remember, be strong.
I love you guys. Now I’m getting her voicemail.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Don’t leave a –
leaving a message Hey, Jan. It’s me, Michael. I’m just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I-I wanna remain friends. Or at least business associates who get along. Oh, just so you know, it’s not me, it’s you. Jan walks in OK, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. Um, so I’ll talk to you later.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Michael… clears throat I was, um… I was really unhappy with our conversation earlier. And I… I just – I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I decided that I would drive down here and apologize to you in person. So… takes Michael’s hand I’m sorry.
Thank you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
So… we’re good?
Abso-fruit-ly.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
cell phone vibrates Oh. Hold on, I’m sorry.
No… No…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
One second. Oh! It’s from you. Uh, you wanna grab some dinner?
Yeah.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
OK. voice on phone “It’s me, Michael. I’m just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I want…”
Maybe some Italian. voice on phone “… to remain friends. Or at least business associates -” Jan takes the phone away from her ear Chinese? voice on phone “who get along. Oh, just so you know, it’s not me, it’s you. OK, buddy.”
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jan
Oh. door closes

sighs Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There’s a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart, and for Kelly, a brain. “Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?” You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
phone rings Dunder-Mifflin paper/sex predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute.
Hey, Dwight. It’s Jim.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Jim, what are you doing? I’m busy.
No, you’re not. I’m looking right at you.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ugh. I’m hanging up.
Don’t. quietly I have information about the sex predator.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You have information about the sex predator?
I saw him two minutes ago.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Where?
In the women’s bathroom, above the sink.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
hangs up and runs to the women’s bathroom Anti-flashing task force! Above the sink. Above the sink. Hmm. sees himself in the mirror with two black marks on the mirror making a mustache, removes his glasses and figures it out PAM!

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