Women's Appreciation - The Office (Season 3, Episode 22)

Phyllis gets flashed in the parking lot and Dwight starts an investigation to catch the perp. He gets Pam make a sketch of the flasher by interviewing Phyllis but Phyllis says she didn't get a good look at him. Pam then decides to draw a picture of Dwight without his glasses and with a mustache. Andy helps an oblivious Dwight post flyers with his image on it all over town.

Michael doesn't make much of the flasher incident but after realizing how offended the other employees, he decides to hold a seminar on women's issues. At the close of the meeting, he offers to take the women to the Mall at Steamtown. Before leaving, he receives a call from Jan and she asks to meet with him to have sex. Michael balks... and only becomes more uncomfortable when she says she'll pay him for the sex.

In the food court at the mall, Michael opens up to the women about problems with Jan. Among other things, he tells them Jan has been videotaping them having sex and watching it with him afterwards. Everyone there assures Michael that that type of behavior isn't normal and tell him he needs to get out of the relationship. He doesn't initially go along with their recommendation... but Phyllis gets him to admit he wants to break up with her. Michael thanks them... by treating them each to one item each from Victoria's Secret.

At the office, Kevin discovers a plush waiting room in the ladies rest room. The other men soon join him. They leave in shock after Creed enters and is shown to regularly use the women's room "to do number two" and admitting to the camera crew that he has been "caught several times" and has "paid dearly".

When Michael gets back to the office, he calls Jan to end their relationship and gets voicemail. As he's leaving his "message", Jan walks into into his office to say she's sorry in person for their earlier conversation, but when she receives Michael's voicemail, she walks out in silence.

Jim informs Dwight he saw the flasher two minutes before in the women's bathroom "above the sink". Dwight flies to the bathroom and examines the mirror where someone had drawn a mustache similar to the one in the sketch. Dwight then realizes what Pam has done.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Women's Appreciation

Photo of Jim Halpert
to Pam Hey.
Dwight hands Jim a piece of paper Oh, what’s this?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
That is a demerit.
reads demerit “Jim Halpert, tardiness.” Ugh. I love it already.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You’ve gotta learn, Jim. You are second in command, but that does not put you above the law.
Oh, I understand. And I also have lots of questions, like, what does a demerit mean?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
scoffs Let’s put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
Lay it on me.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Three demerits and you’ll receive a citation.
Now that sounds serious.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh, it is serious. Five citations and you’re looking at a violation. Four of those and you’ll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you’re looking at a written warning. Two of those, that’ll land you in a world of hurt… in the form of a disciplinary review written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Which would be me.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
That is correct.
OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What’s a dis… what’s that?
Oh, you don’t want to know.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Pam Beesley
door opens Hey, Phyllis. You all right?
I think I just got flashed.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Pam Beesley
What? Really?
In the parking lot.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, my God.
jumps out of his chair and runs for the door Move!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
OK, I’ll call the real police.
What happened? What can I do to help?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
on the phone OK.
I’ll check the web.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
on the phone Thank you. hangs up the phone The police are on it. They say they’ve already had three calls.
to Phyllis Can you tell us what happened?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Phyllis
Um… I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions. And he was holding a map. And when I walked over, he had it out… on the map.
Phyllis. You’re a married woman.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Creed Bratton
The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what’s all the fuss?

If that’s flashing, then lock me up.
Photo of Creed Bratton

Photo of Pam Beesley
whispering It’s just, like, so creepy.
whispering Yeah. Pam and Ryan whispering
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
What’s happening?
Oh, some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Really? Is she OK?
Yeah, Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
OK. deep breath Phyllis, you say? snorts Hmm. suppressed laugher
What is so funny?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Um… I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh… Karen from behind?
I’m guessing not.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
laughing softly I’m sorry. It’s pretty funny when you think about it.
Mm… not really, no.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
It’s disgusting and demeaning.
Oh, OK. Masters of comedy. A guy dropped his pants. Have you ever been to the circus? everyone glares OK. Michael puts his finger through his pant’s zipper He’s back! laughs OK. Hmm. babbling with his coat pulled closed Waagh! flashes everyone
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Hey, what’s going on? There’s a police car in the…
What? Oh. makes descending scale noise as his finger goes down
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Toby Flenderson
What’s going on?
Oh, Phyllis got flashed. It’s, uh… laughs
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Toby Flenderson
I don’t think laughing about it is an appropriate response.
Oh, come on. We are laughing at Phyllis, but she’s not even here, so no harm, no foul.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Toby Flenderson
I don’t think the women in this office –
Incidentally, where were you during all of this? Maybe you’re the flasher.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Toby Flenderson
I was at a parent-teacher conference.
Uh-huh. Prove it. Let’s see your penis. everyone is shocked exhalesI… you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can’t have fun if they don’t feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time… she pretended she didn’t hear me.

on speakerphone Michael, …
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Huh?
…come over after work tonight, OK? I miss your body.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t know. I feel… I drive a lot. I’m spending a fortune on gas and tolls –
I’ll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I’ll leave it on the dresser.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Um, that… I don’t know. That makes me kind of uncomfortable.
$300?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
I… uh, well, I don’t know.
You know whatever. Just let my assistant know if you’re coming over so he can get more vodka, OK? Hunter, are you on?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Hunter
on speakerphone You got it, Jan.

Employees of this office are very small and delicate. Deserve protection from local pervs. Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
exhales I am sick over this thing. Those people out there are clearly afraid. And that can’t happen. Not in my house.
Agreed. Let me show you what I’ve been working on.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
OK.
lays a folder full of pictures on Michael’s desk There are several penises there I’d love Phyllis to run her eyes over. You know, see if we can catch this pervert.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
This is the last thing that Phyllis needs to see right now, Dwight.
Look at that one.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight, are those your pants? That’s a Polaroid. Dwight takes the Polaroid and crumples it in his hand

Attention, everybody. Dwight has something he would like to say.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map, and his penis – I think you know what I’m referring to – Michael has authorized me to form an emergency anti-flashing task force.
raises hand Question. Won’t that interfere with your other task forces?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Answer: No, because this is being given priority one. This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know… I know what you’re thinking. Pam nods Won’t that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam. You can draw, kind of. Why don’t you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community?
Phallus?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Phyllis, sorry. I’ve got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody.

I don’t often miss Roy. But I can tell you one thing. I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. small laugh Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim’s… Whoo, I am… I am saying a lot of things.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Phyllis
I didn’t really get a good look.
That’s OK. I don’t feel like answering phones.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Karen
Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? reads memo “Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding 1/4 inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute.” This is ridiculous.
Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Karen
Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Pam Beesley
reads memo “Sleeves down to the wrists, buttoned-up collars, and muted colors.” Nobody dress like that. camera pans over to Angela
OK, you know something, Dwight? We are not the terrorists. Why don’t you just take these women, put ’em in a burlap sack, and hit ’em with a stick? Because that’s what you’re doing. I celebrate these women. They deserve the right to dress as they please. If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Karen
Look, it’s really simple. We just want you guys to treat us with respect.
See? That’s what we’re talking about. Did you hear that, Dwight?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yes. Did you hear that, Michael?
No, Dwight. Respect. R-E-S-P-svee-T. Find out what it means to me. All right, you know what? That’s it. Conference room, five minutes. Women’s appreciation.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Wait a second, how are you qualified for that?
Oh, I don’t know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
eating banana Mm, less than three.
That is not current.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You know what? Why doesn’t Oscar run the meeting? He’s a homosexual.
Why don’t you run the meeting? You play with dolls.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Those are collectible action figures and they’re worth more than your car.
You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I, um… would like to apologize for all of the men who thought this was a laughing matter.
Are we still discussing this? I say again, what is the big deal?
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Michael Scott
Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.
I don’t remember doing that.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Angela Martin
What a surprise.
OK, no catfights. Please. Let’s – my point is… my point is… a penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Alien. Blagh!
What are…? Shut it. Shut. Up. OK, so what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women’s problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? No. No, they are not. points to Pam Even the hot ones aren’t really that skinny. So what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn’t care. Society sucks. I don’t even consider myself a part of society. FYI. Because I am so angry over all of this.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
If it were up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models.
Yes, Andy. Then the fashion models could come here and work with me.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Karen
What you’re saying is extremely misogynistic.
Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And I proves my point. Women can do anything.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Karen
I’m saying that you’re being sexist.
No. I’m being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Karen
That – it’s the same thing.
Michael.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes.
When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Because wha… that was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
And when we get mad, you always ask us if we’re on our periods.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
I have to know whether you’re serious or not.
I wish I could menstruate.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

Can we just get back to work?
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
Ye – OK, yes.
This is not work talk.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
You’re right. You’re right, you’re right. And you know why? It’s because of where we are. This is a masculine environment. We need to find a place where you feel comfortable. You know where we’re gonna go? The Steamtown Mall. Kelly gasps

Frankly, it’s kind of insulting. But I have a bunch of stuff I need to return in my car. So… I could do that.
Photo of Karen

Photo of Angela Martin
Malls are just awful and humiliating. They’re just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior’s section. There are petite adults who are sort of… smaller who need to wear… maybe a kids’ size 10.

OK, let’s go, ladies of Dunder-Mifflin. Hey, we should have a calendar printed up. Pam, put that in my good idea folder. Pam nods Let’s go!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Have you finished with the sketch?
Yeah.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hmm, doesn’t seem like the type.
Uh, Phyllis got a good look.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hmm.

Pam’s sketch looks like Dwight with a mustache, but without his glasses I plan on plastering this pervert’s face everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Pam Beesley
tires screeching Oh.
Meredith, slow down! We’re not gonna get there any faster if we’re dead.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Thanks. I know how to drive. dumps the crumbs from a bag of chips she was eating into her mouth and throws it out the window
Oh, yeah. You really shouldn’t litter.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Meredith Palmer
My car, my rules.

Hey, Jim. You wanna go in the women’s bathroom?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
No. Thank you, though.
You aren’t curious?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Not really. I’ve seen a bathroom before.
Yeah, but… it’s every guy’s fantasy.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
I think you mean a girl’s locker room. And in the fantasy, there’s usually girls in it.
quietly Yeah. I’m going in.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Go crazy.
in women’s bathroom Oh… my… God.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Andy Bernard
I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today.
Of course you do, moon face. That’s because you’re a preppy freak, you’re the office pariah, and nobody likes you. So start hanging these all around the building.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
This guy looks like a real deviant.
No, duh. That’s why we gotta catch him. Start hanging those.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Aye, aye, Cap’n.
More like, “Aye, aye, General.”
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Meredith parking the car I don’t think she’s gonna make it. Don’t think she’s gonna make it – metal scraping
It’s a little too tight. I’m gonna find another spot.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Michael Scott
Many women are competent drivers. scraping OK. Come on.

marks Scranton with a red pushpin on a map of Pennsylvania and exhales This is what we know.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jim Halpert
in women’s bathroom Well, I stand corrected. This is pretty cool.
Yes.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Hey, uh… where’d you decide to take Karen tonight?
Anna Maria’s.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Ryan
What’s the occasion?
Six-month anniversary. What?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Ryan
Nothing – I think, uh, we all kinda thought you guys were just, like, hooking up.
No, we’ve been dating for six months.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Ryan
Uh, she might mention an email that I wrote a while back, um –
Oh, right. I remember that one. She read it to me. She said she’s not really ready to date somebody in the office, but she really likes you as a friend.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Ryan
I figured. It’s cool. I don’t – I wouldn’t want to be in an office relationship anyway.

All right. Hope nobody’s on a diet.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Thanks, Michael.
Thank you, Michael.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
You’re welcome. You’re welcome, you’re welcome. OK. So, let’s dish.
What do you want to dish about?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Anything you guys want. This is your time. everyone is silent or continues to eat, Michael exhales Mm. What is a Pap smear? Or is it “shmear?” Like the cream cheese.
OK. New topic. Kelly, how are things with Ryan?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome.
What, um… what do you think of role-play?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Oh, it can be fun.
Yeah? Well, Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Karen
It’s a pretty common one.
I just… I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
OK. I’m gonna be at the doll store.

Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael, you shouldn’t do anything that you’re uncomfortable with.
Jan says anything that doesn’t scare us is not worth doing. I don’t know. Maybe we’re different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, my God.
groans And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Karen
That is not healthy behavior.
No, it’s not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael, you need to get out of this.
No, she’s… she’s fooling around. It’s a woman thing.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, normal women don’t do stuff like that. This is bad. Karen nods and Michael looks like he’s about to start crying
No… No, it’s all right. I’m OK. I’m OK. sniffing You guys… what are we gonna do about Jan? sighs
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
Read the pros first.
OK. Jan is smart. Uh, successful. Good clothes. Hot. Perfect skin. Nice butt.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
She does have very nice clothes.
OK, OK. Um, cons.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
Cons. Wears too much makeup. Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I’m unhappy when I’m with her. Flat-chested.
What was the last one?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
She’s totally flat. Shrunken chesticles.
No, the one before that.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m unhappy when I’m with her.
Michael… you shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t make you happy.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m happy sometimes. Um… when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having sex.
Look, most relationships have their rough patches. You just have to push through it sometimes.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, that’s smart.
Maybe. But it sounds like you’re just wrong for each other.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
That sounds good too. I don’t know who’s right. I just don’t – I don’t know. I don’t know.
I bet you know. Don’t think, just answer. What do you want to do about Jan?
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
I wanna break up with Jan. Wow. I wanna break up with Jan.
My mom taught me that.
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Michael Scott
Wow, I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories.
No one said it has no calories.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, hey, guys. I want to do something nice for you, because you did something so nice for me earlier. I want you to go in there. I want you to buy one item on me as a thank-you. Kelly sprints inside Victoria’s Secret Come on. Get in here.

Let’s face it, most guys are from the Dark Ages. They’re caveman. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing 8-inch heels, and to be wearing, um, see-through underpants. But… for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Kevin Malone
in women’s bathroom This is so great, huh? We should do this much more often.
I-I think we hang out an appropriate amount of time.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Creed Bratton
What are you doing in here? This is the women’s room.
You’re in here.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Creed Bratton
I pay for that privilege. goes into stall
all get up to leave OK.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Creed Bratton
wearing headphones and speaking loudly I’m a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women’s room for number two. I’ve been caught several times and I have paid dearly.

Mm. You don’t want anything? My treat. Some panties or… pick a thong or… G-string. T-back. Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through, push-up, lace? Thigh-high? Bustier? Any – it just – you know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Karen
Phyllis. What do you think? Too much?
Jim’s gonna love it. Karen giggles
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m kind of in-between boyfriends right now. So I don’t need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels. I figure I can cut up this robe.

in the car Slower. Slower. Meredith. Michael’s cell phone ringing My Humps Slow it up.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh. Oh, no. inhales sharply It’s Jan. What do I do?
Answer it.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Pam Beesley
Don’t answer it.
OK, it stopped.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
bang Whoa.
tires screeching Crap.
Photo of Meredith Palmer

Photo of Jim Halpert
snickers at Pam’s sketch That is pretty cool.

Michael, you know how to, um -change a wheel, right?
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh, yeah. Yep. Um… Could somebody grab me the lever, and I will…
Here, uh… Meredith? Why don’t you put your hazards on.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, get your hazards on for safety. Let’s see. takes off his coat and tosses it aside There we go! Pam brings over the jack and lug wrench Good. Yes, we have the… all right. tries the use the jack to loosen the lug nuts
I think I’ve got it.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Do you have a… a crescent? A crescent Allan?
I don’t think we really need that, Michael.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh… you know what? I’m going to… you take care of that. I’m gonna do traffic… detail.

You know, I changed a tire today. All by myself. This bathrobe’s already coming in handy. Meredith honking Coming!
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Andy Bernard
Think we’ll find him?
Yeah, I do. ‘Cause justice never rests.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
pulls a candy bar from his coat pocket Halvsies?
No. Wholesies. snatches the candy bar
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Listen, man, I really appreciate you letting me shadow you today. I feel like I learned a lot.
Natch. bites off a lot of candy bar
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yep. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll hang some of these posters around my neighborhood. Schools, post office, et cetera.
You know, I may have underestimated you. You’re not a total ass. coughs
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
OK, I am really going to do this.
Good luck, Michael.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
You know what? I need my girls with me. Pam, Karen, even Phyllis. Come on. Let’s do this. Let’s do it. sighs
OK, remember, be strong.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
I love you guys. Now I’m getting her voicemail.
Don’t leave a –
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
leaving a message Hey, Jan. It’s me, Michael. I’m just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I-I wanna remain friends. Or at least business associates who get along. Oh, just so you know, it’s not me, it’s you. Jan walks in OK, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. Um, so I’ll talk to you later.
Michael… clears throat I was, um… I was really unhappy with our conversation earlier. And I… I just – I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I decided that I would drive down here and apologize to you in person. So… takes Michael’s hand I’m sorry.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Thank you.
So… we’re good?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Abso-fruit-ly.
cell phone vibrates Oh. Hold on, I’m sorry.
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
No… No…
One second. Oh! It’s from you. Uh, you wanna grab some dinner?
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah.
OK. voice on phone “It’s me, Michael. I’m just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I want…”
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
Maybe some Italian. voice on phone “… to remain friends. Or at least business associates -” Jan takes the phone away from her ear Chinese? voice on phone “who get along. Oh, just so you know, it’s not me, it’s you. OK, buddy.”
Oh. door closes
Photo of Jan

Photo of Michael Scott
sighs Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There’s a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart, and for Kelly, a brain. “Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?” You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.

phone rings Dunder-Mifflin paper/sex predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey, Dwight. It’s Jim.
Jim, what are you doing? I’m busy.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
No, you’re not. I’m looking right at you.
Ugh. I’m hanging up.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Don’t. quietly I have information about the sex predator.
You have information about the sex predator?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
I saw him two minutes ago.
Where?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
In the women’s bathroom, above the sink.
hangs up and runs to the women’s bathroom Anti-flashing task force! Above the sink. Above the sink. Hmm. sees himself in the mirror with two black marks on the mirror making a mustache, removes his glasses and figures it out PAM!
Photo of Dwight Schrute

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