Traveling Salesmen - The Office (Season 3, Episode 13)

Original Air Date: January 11, 2007

Kevin tells Angela that Corporate left a message saying they had not received the tax returns. She secretly got Dwight to drive them to New York early that morning. So she replies that they received them this morning. Because of this, Dwight is late for work and Andy uses is as a way to try to get him fired.

The sales people are breaking into groups to go on sales calls.

  • Andy picks Michael
  • Phyllis picks Karen
  • Stanley picks Ryan
  • Leaving Jim and Dwight together

In the car, Andy asks why Dwight does Michael's laundry. He tells Andy that it's punishment for going to Jan behind his back and trying to steal his job.

Phyllis takes Karen to a beauty salon which confuses Karen. And when Karen comes out with big teased hair and lots of crazy make-up she is not pleased.

Ryan asks Stanley if he can take the lead on the sales call. Stanley agrees with delight.

Andy screws up and losses the sale, pretty much by opening his mouth.

While at their sales call, Phyllis asks about the client's wife. The guy shows them a picture of them on vacation. His wife has big, teased hair and lots of crazy make-up. Phyllis winks at the camera.

Stanley introduces Ryan to 3 really big, tall, Afican American clients. He explains Ryan will be the lead. Ryan gets off to a bad start and is so intimidated. In the car, Stanley can't quit laughing at him.

Jim and Dwight made a perfect team, surprisingly enough and made their big sale.

Back in the car, Phyllis tells Karen that she glad Karen is with Jim. That she didn't think Jim would ever be over Pam.

Karen confronts Jim about this new knowledge and he just plays it down and makes her feel better.

Andy, snooping around, finds a toll ticket Dwight got while in New York. He takes it to Michaeal and gets him to think Dwight went behind his back. Dwight denies it but because Angela doesn't want their relationship public he won't tell Michael what he was doing there. So he quits.

In his interview, Andy is explaining his role in Dwight's quitting. Angela is GLARING at him listening to every word. He better watch out, there was fire behind those eyes.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Traveling Salesmen

Photo of Michael Scott
Jim, could you come in here please?
Hi, Jim.
Photo of Harvey
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hello.
I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Photo of Harvey
Photo of Michael Scott
Sorry, oh wow, that’s so rude. I’m sorry, I can’t control him.
Yeah, you can.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
You know what? Get Pam.
For this?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Pam.
Pam, you look very hot today.
Photo of Harvey
Photo of Jim Halpert
Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael’s new friend.
Great.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Harvey
Me so horny. Me love you long tim.
Oh, that is gross.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Who is ‘Long Tim’?
Damn it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Harvey
Long time. Me lobe yoy long time.
Oh well, ‘Yoy’ should bring in ‘Long Tim’ in one day. Shouldn’t he?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I would love to meet Long Tim.
Yeah. Right?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah.
You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive.
Photo of Harvey
Photo of Jim Halpert
Ok.
Ok. Bye Harvey.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Harvey
Boobs.

Angela.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
What?
That was a voicemail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
They arrived this morning.
Are you sure? It is a big deal.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin?
… Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Andy Bernard
Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It’s like we are touring Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river.

Everything ok? Takes candy from Pam’s desk
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Everything is fine. You are in the clear.
Thank you. Puts candy back I… I don’t want those.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you.
Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first.
Hmmm, well… let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don’t know. Michael Scott.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh.
Ph. D. Doctor of Sales.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you.
Well, it is very gracious of you to accept.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, thank you sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior.
We’re the same age and I’ll pick… Karen.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Karen
Oh, uh, thanks.
Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Pass.
You can’t pass. You’ve got to pick somebody.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
… I’ll take the kid.

I am very flattered. I was his second choice after “Pass.”
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Michael Scott
So that just leaves Dwight and Jim.
Ok, wait. Does anyone want to trade?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yup. I’ll trade.

Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There is just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Andy Bernard
Sebring by Chrysler. Heck of a… motor… carriage.
Dwight?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yup?
Here ya go. throws laundry
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah! You want shirts on hangers?
Please.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
He does your laundry?
Long story. All right everybody, circle up. Here we go. You know what this is? This is the “Amazing Race.” To Ryan and Stanley And you guys are the retired marines. To Phyllis and Karen And you guys are the mother and daughter. To Dwight and Jim And you guys are the gay couple. And we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Karen
Wait, “Amazing Race” like, the biggest sale wins?
No, we’re just going to rush out, do the sales thing, and come back.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
Is there a prize?
Just bragging rights.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Then how is this “Amazing Race”?
It’s just… brrrrrr… It’s “Amazing Race,” Phyllis. Okay? We’re in teams of two and we are on a mission. All right, so, on your mark, get set, go. Let’s do it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Come on!!
Michael. Michael throws Phyllis’ keys under the car.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Whoah, whoah. Oh hahahaha. Vamanos!
Bueno.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Phyllis
Do you have a pole?
Let’s go get a broom.
Photo of Karen

Photo of Jim Halpert
Seriously? You’re going to sit in the back?
Uh, yeah. It’s the safest part of the car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side of the car first.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Here we go.

In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, which, in this case, is Michael. Here’s the good news. Every success I’ve ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Andy Bernard
What’s the deal with Dwight doing your laundry?
Ugh… that is a long story. Um, couple of months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially about the part Dwight going behind your back and basically, like, being a terrible person. You know if you want your laundry done right? I used to work at Abercrombie. So, pretty good folder.

Hey Pam. Would you like to go with me to grab a coffee?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Really?
Yeah, I could use some fresh air. Might be fun.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Ok. Sure.
Ok.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Karen
Why are we turning in here, this is a beauty salon?
Um-hmmm.
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Ryan
Hey, do you mind if I take the lead on this one and then you can critique me after?
You want the lead?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Ryan
Yeah, if you don’t mind.
Mind? Nothing would delight me more.
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Leave the keys.
You still do that thing?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Leave the keys!

I think you have assembled an amazing team at Scranton. It’s really a pleasure to be a part of it. It’s like, everyone has their own special skill, you know, just like the Superfriends. Except for Dwight, who is more like a SuperDud. I mean, he would be a Superfriend if there was a Superfriend whose super power was always being late. You know?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Hawkman.

My plan is taking longer than I thought but I don’t give up easily. I have walked two marathons.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Walks out of the Ladies’ Restroom Let’s go. The men’s room was disgusting.

After you sir.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
Ok, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I will attack you from the front.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Uh, yeah, but it will be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. I can counter it with… Jim slaps Dwight

Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
This friend of mine – let’s call her Noelle – she missed this deadline turning something in to Corporate in New York. But then this gallant gentleman – we’ll call him Kurt – he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. That’s… I don’t know. I guess he really just likes her a lot.
That’s great.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Yes, it is. Walks up to the counter where there is no employee Hello?

Hey, did you catch that up at Lake Wallenpaupack?
Photo of Michael Scott
Buyer
Yep.
You know, I used to go up there all the time with my step-dad, and I never caught anything that big.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Caught an eighty-pound shark off of Montauk. It’s in the Hamptons. My dad’s got a 42-ft Bayliner. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow’s nest. Also shot a deer once.
You know what? Let’s get right down to it. Dunder-Mifflin may be just two rooms and a warehouse, but what we lack in flash, we will make up for with hardwork and decency.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Ok, this is the classic undersell because you should know we don’t work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It’s in New York.
Uh, I have to say I am a little wary with getting involved with a big company. We’ve had some problems in the past.
Buyer
Photo of Michael Scott
I think what Andy is trying to express is that while we have the resources of a large company, we will give you the care and attention of a small company.
Oh, man, that is, like, poetry.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
No.
I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Stop it. Puts his hand on Andy’s shoulder Stop it.
Ow.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Pam Beesley
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. excited This is Pam. I did?

Oh man. Talk about your classic “Lame dash O.” Do we even want that guy buying our paper?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes.

I… I’m so sorry man. I really screwed that up.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Ah, no. Don’t worry about it.
I really ‘Schruted’ it.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
What?
‘Schruted’ it. It’s just this thing that people say around your office all the time. Like, when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, you ‘Schruted’ it. I don’t know where it comes from though. Do you think it comes from Dwight Schrute?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t know. Who knows how words are formed.

It’s a big order. Thanks Kenny.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Karen
Yeah, thank you.
Hey, how’s Annie?
Photo of Phyllis
Kenny
Oh, she’s great. This is us last year in Bermuda. Lovely place. You ever been to Bermuda?

Stanley Hudson.
Julius
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Ah, Julius, how’s it goin’?
Great, great, great.
Julius
Guy
Stanley.
So good to see you too. I’d like you fellas to meet Ryan Howard.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Ryan
Hi.
I’m gonna let Ryan do a little pitch for you while I do my crossword. Ryan?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Ryan
Um… To the Buyers Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
Hello, Ryan. What do you have for us?
Julius
Photo of Ryan
Oh…

We can offer our biggest discounts on 30% recycled and ultra-premium laser.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Man
‘Kay. ‘Kay.
Can I use your phone?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Man
Yeah, sure, go ahead.
Thanks.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Let me talk to you about a few of the other things we can offer. Namely, we know the tax season is coming up, so by April 1st we can have you fully stocked.
On Phone One…
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
We have discount prices on ink cartridges…
Three…
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
And, also, any forms that you are going to need…
Seven…
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
We can custom make them.

Yeah I did a watercolor of Frances Willard Elementary School for a contest they were having. They were calling with the results. And I won. I won! My painting won. So I like to thank my mom for always encouraging me. And I like to thank my dad for buying me my first set of art pencils. And I’d like to thank the sixth grade class that picked me.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey Kev, guess what. I won an art contest today.
How much did you win?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
$100.
I won $400 bucks on the Celtics game last night.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
Cool. Congratulations.
Thanks, so sweet.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Stanley Hudson
Ha ha ha! And you just said, “Hi! Hi! Hi!” Ha heh ha! You sounded like my niece, and she’s six months old!

We’ll I appreciate what you guys are saying but it, uh, makes more fiscal sense to go with one of the big guys.
Man
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Sure.
Sure, that’s true we can’t compete with their prices. But let me ask you something. How important to you is customer service?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Man
It’s very.
Please keep holding, your call is very important to us.
Phone
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Erm, that’s one of the ‘Big guys.’ Been on hold this whole time.
Dials cell Phone And this is Dunder-Mifflin.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Dunder-Mifflin customer service, this is Kelly.
Hey, Kelly, it’s Jim.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Oh my god, Jim. How are you ? I wanted to tell you … . Jim hangs up
Here is my card. It’s got my Cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don’t celebrate any major holidays.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Man
All right, I get it. We got a deal.
Thanks.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey, Angela. I got good news today too. I won an art contest.
That’s great Pam. I like having these little moments with you. You know what? Sprinkles recently had kittens.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh.
I would like to offer you the dominant male. His name is Ash.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh?
Mmm-hmm.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hmm. I don’t think so. But thanks. My building manager… is… You understand.
Well then. Have a nice day.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Karen
Thanks. That was fun.
Yeah, I really enjoy spending time with you. You are a very nice person.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Karen
Thank you.
I’m so glad you’re with Jim. He was hung up on Pam for such a long time. Never thought he would get over her.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Karen
That’s nice.
You can pay me back later for the makeover.
Photo of Phyllis

Photo of Andy Bernard
Hey boss. Got a minute?
Yes, Andy.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
I forget, why did Dwight say he was late this morning?
He didn’t say.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
That’s weird. Because I was just walking past his desk and I saw this, which is a tollbooth receipt from New York City, stamped really early this morning. So, why would Dwight go to New York without telling anyone? Do you think he went to see Jan? That’s not like him. Is it? Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal. Did you betray Dwight and try to steal his job or something?
No, you are remembering it wrong.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is his strike two. You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three.

I like Karen. She’s pretty and appears intelligent.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence.
My girlfriend is also beautiful and smart. She could be a model or a college professor which is intimidating to a lot of guys.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
We should go on a double date.
No thank you.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jan
Dwight’s name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don’t know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote “Beeswax. Not yours, Inc.”
I knew it. Dwight and Jim walk in
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Oh, doggie.

Hey, do you want to grab a coffee?
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
Sure. Look at you!
Yeah.
Photo of Karen

Photo of Jim Halpert
Beesley, coffee?
No, thanks. I had some already.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
All right.
Oh, but, hey, Jim.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah.
I won an art contest today.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
No way! All right Pam. Congratulations. high five
Thanks.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Which one was it?
I sent in one of my watercolors.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Cool.
It was the new one I did.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh
You ready Jim?
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah. Can I see it when I get back?
Yeah.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Big deal.

Hey, we nailed the sale!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Where were you this morning?
I overslept. Damn rooster didn’t crow.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Why do you lie, liar?
I am not a liar.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
You are lying right now.
It sure seems like he is lying.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Stay out of this, you!
I know that you went to corporate this morning, and I know that you lied about it. And given our history, I need you tell me this instant exactly what you were doing.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Michael, I cannot tell you what I was doing there. But you have to trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you or this company.
Ok, you know what? I want you to think about your future in this company. I want you to think about it long and hard.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
That’s what she said.
Don’t. Don’t you dare. I want to know what you were doing this morning by the end of the day.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s going to be ok.
How is going to be ok, Dwight? Everyone will know our business.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
That’s not the worst thing in the world. I’ll just stand up in front of the office and reveal our true love. It won’t be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan.
I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Well, I don’t have a lot of choices.

So, let me ask you a question.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
Ok.
Did you ever have a thing for Pam?
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
Pam? Did I ever have a ‘thing’ for her? No, why? Did she say something?
I moved here from Connecticut…
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah. Ok, here’s the … I had a crush on her before I left. And I told her about it and she didn’t feel the same way. So, it didn’t amount to anything, and I left. I’m really glad you’re here. ‘Kay?
‘Kay.
Photo of Karen

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ahem-hem-hem. May I have your attention please? This will only take a moment of your time. Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown and I will meet my new challenges head-on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It has been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon but remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So… .

Oompa-Loompa Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompity-doomp.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Dwight Schrute
I would like to give the rest of my belongings to Michael Scott. Just take them. Except this.
Good luck.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Ryan
Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed.

Dwight, from sales, was one of the most honorable and efficient employees this company has ever had.
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Dwight Schrute
One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.

Hey man. Dwight hugs Jim and leaves
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Karen
What happened on your sales call?

Um, am I happy the way things turned out? Oh, well, happy’s such an ugly word. But, um, I saw what needed to be done and I did it and now I’m thrilled. So, it’s pretty… camera had focused in on Angela watching Hello? Pretty good.
Photo of Andy Bernard

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