Traveling Salesmen - The Office (Season 3, Episode 13)

Original Air Date: January 11, 2007

Kevin tells Angela that Corporate left a message saying they had not received the tax returns. She secretly got Dwight to drive them to New York early that morning. So she replies that they received them this morning. Because of this, Dwight is late for work and Andy uses is as a way to try to get him fired.

The sales people are breaking into groups to go on sales calls.

  • Andy picks Michael
  • Phyllis picks Karen
  • Stanley picks Ryan
  • Leaving Jim and Dwight together

In the car, Andy asks why Dwight does Michael's laundry. He tells Andy that it's punishment for going to Jan behind his back and trying to steal his job.

Phyllis takes Karen to a beauty salon which confuses Karen. And when Karen comes out with big teased hair and lots of crazy make-up she is not pleased.

Ryan asks Stanley if he can take the lead on the sales call. Stanley agrees with delight.

Andy screws up and losses the sale, pretty much by opening his mouth.

While at their sales call, Phyllis asks about the client's wife. The guy shows them a picture of them on vacation. His wife has big, teased hair and lots of crazy make-up. Phyllis winks at the camera.

Stanley introduces Ryan to 3 really big, tall, Afican American clients. He explains Ryan will be the lead. Ryan gets off to a bad start and is so intimidated. In the car, Stanley can't quit laughing at him.

Jim and Dwight made a perfect team, surprisingly enough and made their big sale.

Back in the car, Phyllis tells Karen that she glad Karen is with Jim. That she didn't think Jim would ever be over Pam.

Karen confronts Jim about this new knowledge and he just plays it down and makes her feel better.

Andy, snooping around, finds a toll ticket Dwight got while in New York. He takes it to Michaeal and gets him to think Dwight went behind his back. Dwight denies it but because Angela doesn't want their relationship public he won't tell Michael what he was doing there. So he quits.

In his interview, Andy is explaining his role in Dwight's quitting. Angela is GLARING at him listening to every word. He better watch out, there was fire behind those eyes.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Traveling Salesmen

Jim, could you come in here please?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Harvey
Hi, Jim.
Hello.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Harvey
I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Sorry, oh wow, that’s so rude. I’m sorry, I can’t control him.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah, you can.
You know what? Get Pam.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
For this?
Pam.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Harvey
Pam, you look very hot today.
Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael’s new friend.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Great.
Me so horny. Me love you long tim.
Photo of Harvey
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, that is gross.
Who is ‘Long Tim’?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Damn it.
Long time. Me lobe yoy long time.
Photo of Harvey
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh well, ‘Yoy’ should bring in ‘Long Tim’ in one day. Shouldn’t he?
I would love to meet Long Tim.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah. Right?
Yeah.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Harvey
You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive.
Ok.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Ok. Bye Harvey.
Boobs.
Photo of Harvey

Photo of Kevin Malone
Angela.
What?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kevin Malone
That was a voicemail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them?
They arrived this morning.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kevin Malone
Are you sure? It is a big deal.
Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Kevin Malone
… Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal.

Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It’s like we are touring Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Angela Martin
Everything ok? Takes candy from Pam’s desk
Everything is fine. You are in the clear.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
Thank you. Puts candy back I… I don’t want those.

Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?
Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Hmmm, well… let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don’t know. Michael Scott.
Oh.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Ph. D. Doctor of Sales.
Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Well, it is very gracious of you to accept.
Well, thank you sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
We’re the same age and I’ll pick… Karen.
Oh, uh, thanks.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley.
Pass.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
You can’t pass. You’ve got to pick somebody.
… I’ll take the kid.
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Photo of Ryan
I am very flattered. I was his second choice after “Pass.”

So that just leaves Dwight and Jim.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ok, wait. Does anyone want to trade?
Yup. I’ll trade.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Jim Halpert
Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There is just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot.

Sebring by Chrysler. Heck of a… motor… carriage.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight?
Yup?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Here ya go. throws laundry
Yeah! You want shirts on hangers?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Please.
He does your laundry?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Long story. All right everybody, circle up. Here we go. You know what this is? This is the “Amazing Race.” To Ryan and Stanley And you guys are the retired marines. To Phyllis and Karen And you guys are the mother and daughter. To Dwight and Jim And you guys are the gay couple. And we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go?
Wait, “Amazing Race” like, the biggest sale wins?
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
No, we’re just going to rush out, do the sales thing, and come back.
Is there a prize?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Just bragging rights.
Then how is this “Amazing Race”?
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
It’s just… brrrrrr… It’s “Amazing Race,” Phyllis. Okay? We’re in teams of two and we are on a mission. All right, so, on your mark, get set, go. Let’s do it.
Come on!!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Phyllis
Michael. Michael throws Phyllis’ keys under the car.
Whoah, whoah. Oh hahahaha. Vamanos!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Bueno.
Do you have a pole?
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Karen
Let’s go get a broom.

Seriously? You’re going to sit in the back?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Uh, yeah. It’s the safest part of the car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side of the car first.

Here we go.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, which, in this case, is Michael. Here’s the good news. Every success I’ve ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.

What’s the deal with Dwight doing your laundry?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Ugh… that is a long story. Um, couple of months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment.
Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially about the part Dwight going behind your back and basically, like, being a terrible person. You know if you want your laundry done right? I used to work at Abercrombie. So, pretty good folder.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Angela Martin
Hey Pam. Would you like to go with me to grab a coffee?
Really?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Yeah, I could use some fresh air. Might be fun.
Ok. Sure.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Ok.

Why are we turning in here, this is a beauty salon?
Photo of Karen
Photo of Phyllis
Um-hmmm.

Hey, do you mind if I take the lead on this one and then you can critique me after?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Stanley Hudson
You want the lead?
Yeah, if you don’t mind.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Mind? Nothing would delight me more.

Leave the keys.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
You still do that thing?
Leave the keys!
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Andy Bernard
I think you have assembled an amazing team at Scranton. It’s really a pleasure to be a part of it. It’s like, everyone has their own special skill, you know, just like the Superfriends. Except for Dwight, who is more like a SuperDud. I mean, he would be a Superfriend if there was a Superfriend whose super power was always being late. You know?
Hawkman.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
My plan is taking longer than I thought but I don’t give up easily. I have walked two marathons.
Walks out of the Ladies’ Restroom Let’s go. The men’s room was disgusting.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
After you sir.
No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Ok, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I will attack you from the front.
Uh, yeah, but it will be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. I can counter it with… Jim slaps Dwight
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Pam Beesley
Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time.
This friend of mine – let’s call her Noelle – she missed this deadline turning something in to Corporate in New York. But then this gallant gentleman – we’ll call him Kurt – he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. That’s… I don’t know. I guess he really just likes her a lot.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
That’s great.
Yes, it is. Walks up to the counter where there is no employee Hello?
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Michael Scott
Hey, did you catch that up at Lake Wallenpaupack?
Yep.
Buyer
Photo of Michael Scott
You know, I used to go up there all the time with my step-dad, and I never caught anything that big.
Caught an eighty-pound shark off of Montauk. It’s in the Hamptons. My dad’s got a 42-ft Bayliner. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow’s nest. Also shot a deer once.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
You know what? Let’s get right down to it. Dunder-Mifflin may be just two rooms and a warehouse, but what we lack in flash, we will make up for with hardwork and decency.
Ok, this is the classic undersell because you should know we don’t work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It’s in New York.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Buyer
Uh, I have to say I am a little wary with getting involved with a big company. We’ve had some problems in the past.
I think what Andy is trying to express is that while we have the resources of a large company, we will give you the care and attention of a small company.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Oh, man, that is, like, poetry.
No.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree.
Stop it. Puts his hand on Andy’s shoulder Stop it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
Ow.

Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. excited This is Pam. I did?
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Andy Bernard
Oh man. Talk about your classic “Lame dash O.” Do we even want that guy buying our paper?
Yes.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
I… I’m so sorry man. I really screwed that up.
Ah, no. Don’t worry about it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
I really ‘Schruted’ it.
What?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
‘Schruted’ it. It’s just this thing that people say around your office all the time. Like, when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, you ‘Schruted’ it. I don’t know where it comes from though. Do you think it comes from Dwight Schrute?
I don’t know. Who knows how words are formed.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Phyllis
It’s a big order. Thanks Kenny.
Yeah, thank you.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Phyllis
Hey, how’s Annie?
Oh, she’s great. This is us last year in Bermuda. Lovely place. You ever been to Bermuda?
Kenny

Julius
Stanley Hudson.
Ah, Julius, how’s it goin’?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Julius
Great, great, great.
Stanley.
Guy
Photo of Stanley Hudson
So good to see you too. I’d like you fellas to meet Ryan Howard.
Hi.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Stanley Hudson
I’m gonna let Ryan do a little pitch for you while I do my crossword. Ryan?
Um… To the Buyers Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
Photo of Ryan
Julius
Hello, Ryan. What do you have for us?
Oh…
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Jim Halpert
We can offer our biggest discounts on 30% recycled and ultra-premium laser.
‘Kay. ‘Kay.
Man
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Can I use your phone?
Yeah, sure, go ahead.
Man
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Thanks.
Let me talk to you about a few of the other things we can offer. Namely, we know the tax season is coming up, so by April 1st we can have you fully stocked.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
On Phone One…
We have discount prices on ink cartridges…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Three…
And, also, any forms that you are going to need…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Seven…
We can custom make them.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah I did a watercolor of Frances Willard Elementary School for a contest they were having. They were calling with the results. And I won. I won! My painting won. So I like to thank my mom for always encouraging me. And I like to thank my dad for buying me my first set of art pencils. And I’d like to thank the sixth grade class that picked me.

Hey Kev, guess what. I won an art contest today.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kevin Malone
How much did you win?
$100.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kevin Malone
I won $400 bucks on the Celtics game last night.
Cool. Congratulations.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Kevin Malone
Thanks, so sweet.

Ha ha ha! And you just said, “Hi! Hi! Hi!” Ha heh ha! You sounded like my niece, and she’s six months old!
Photo of Stanley Hudson

Man
We’ll I appreciate what you guys are saying but it, uh, makes more fiscal sense to go with one of the big guys.
Sure.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Sure, that’s true we can’t compete with their prices. But let me ask you something. How important to you is customer service?
It’s very.
Man
Phone
Please keep holding, your call is very important to us.
Erm, that’s one of the ‘Big guys.’ Been on hold this whole time.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Jim Halpert
Dials cell Phone And this is Dunder-Mifflin.
Dunder-Mifflin customer service, this is Kelly.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey, Kelly, it’s Jim.
Oh my god, Jim. How are you ? I wanted to tell you … . Jim hangs up
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Here is my card. It’s got my Cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don’t celebrate any major holidays.
All right, I get it. We got a deal.
Man
Photo of Jim Halpert
Thanks.

Hey, Angela. I got good news today too. I won an art contest.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
That’s great Pam. I like having these little moments with you. You know what? Sprinkles recently had kittens.
Oh.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
I would like to offer you the dominant male. His name is Ash.
Oh?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Mmm-hmm.
Hmm. I don’t think so. But thanks. My building manager… is… You understand.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Angela Martin
Well then. Have a nice day.

Thanks. That was fun.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Phyllis
Yeah, I really enjoy spending time with you. You are a very nice person.
Thank you.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Phyllis
I’m so glad you’re with Jim. He was hung up on Pam for such a long time. Never thought he would get over her.
That’s nice.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Phyllis
You can pay me back later for the makeover.

Hey boss. Got a minute?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes, Andy.
I forget, why did Dwight say he was late this morning?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
He didn’t say.
That’s weird. Because I was just walking past his desk and I saw this, which is a tollbooth receipt from New York City, stamped really early this morning. So, why would Dwight go to New York without telling anyone? Do you think he went to see Jan? That’s not like him. Is it? Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal. Did you betray Dwight and try to steal his job or something?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
No, you are remembering it wrong.

Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is his strike two. You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
I like Karen. She’s pretty and appears intelligent.
Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
My girlfriend is also beautiful and smart. She could be a model or a college professor which is intimidating to a lot of guys.
We should go on a double date.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No thank you.

Dwight’s name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don’t know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote “Beeswax. Not yours, Inc.”
Photo of Jan
Photo of Michael Scott
I knew it. Dwight and Jim walk in
Oh, doggie.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Karen
Hey, do you want to grab a coffee?
Sure. Look at you!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Karen
Yeah.

Beesley, coffee?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, thanks. I had some already.
All right.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, but, hey, Jim.
Yeah.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I won an art contest today.
No way! All right Pam. Congratulations. high five
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Thanks.
Which one was it?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I sent in one of my watercolors.
Cool.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
It was the new one I did.
Oh
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Karen
You ready Jim?
Yeah. Can I see it when I get back?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah.
Congratulations.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Thanks.
Big deal.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey, we nailed the sale!
Where were you this morning?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I overslept. Damn rooster didn’t crow.
Why do you lie, liar?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I am not a liar.
You are lying right now.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Andy Bernard
It sure seems like he is lying.
Stay out of this, you!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I know that you went to corporate this morning, and I know that you lied about it. And given our history, I need you tell me this instant exactly what you were doing.
Michael, I cannot tell you what I was doing there. But you have to trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you or this company.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok, you know what? I want you to think about your future in this company. I want you to think about it long and hard.
That’s what she said.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Don’t. Don’t you dare. I want to know what you were doing this morning by the end of the day.

It’s going to be ok.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
How is going to be ok, Dwight? Everyone will know our business.
That’s not the worst thing in the world. I’ll just stand up in front of the office and reveal our true love. It won’t be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world.
Well, I don’t have a lot of choices.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Karen
So, let me ask you a question.
Ok.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Karen
Did you ever have a thing for Pam?
Pam? Did I ever have a ‘thing’ for her? No, why? Did she say something?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Karen
I moved here from Connecticut…
Yeah. Ok, here’s the … I had a crush on her before I left. And I told her about it and she didn’t feel the same way. So, it didn’t amount to anything, and I left. I’m really glad you’re here. ‘Kay?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Karen
‘Kay.

Ahem-hem-hem. May I have your attention please? This will only take a moment of your time. Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown and I will meet my new challenges head-on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It has been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon but remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So… .
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Andy Bernard
Oompa-Loompa Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompity-doomp.

I would like to give the rest of my belongings to Michael Scott. Just take them. Except this.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Good luck.

Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed.
Photo of Ryan

Photo of Angela Martin
Dwight, from sales, was one of the most honorable and efficient employees this company has ever had.

One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey man. Dwight hugs Jim and leaves
What happened on your sales call?
Photo of Karen

Photo of Andy Bernard
Um, am I happy the way things turned out? Oh, well, happy’s such an ugly word. But, um, I saw what needed to be done and I did it and now I’m thrilled. So, it’s pretty… camera had focused in on Angela watching Hello? Pretty good.

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