Beach Games - The Office (Season 3, Episode 23)

Michael is invited by David Wallace to interview for a position at Dunder-Mifflin corporate headquarters in New York City, and he assumes he will get the job so, to determine his successor, he decides to hold a Survivor-like competition at Lake Scranton. Everyone, but Toby (who Michael won't allow), travels to the lake by bus. Toby is pretty disappointed because he was looking forward to seeing Pam wearing a bikini.

Michael chooses the captains of each tribe – Jim, Dwight, Andy and Stanley. He then tells Pam to take detailed notes on the events of the day. The events include games like hot dog eating contests and egg and spoon races. Nobody takes it seriously until Michael reveals he is interviewing for the job in New York. Andy and Dwight step up their efforts and Stanley tries to be enthusiastic but quickly gives up. Little does Michael know that David Wallace also asked Jim and Karen to interview for the same position.

Angela sabotages Andy, leaving him floating in the lake in an inflatable sumo wrestling costume. With the final event upon them, they are taked with a walk across hot coals. Only Pam volunteers initially, but Michael refuses - she is not being considered to replace him. Michael can't even bring himself to walk across the coals and Dwight throws himself on the coals, refusing to leave until he is given the job. Luckily for him, Dwight is dragged off the coals by his coworkers.

Michael assembles a "Tribal Council" stand-up comedy competition. Jim declines to participate and lets Michael know that he has applied for the same position in New York.

Unbeknownst to everyone else, Pam sneaks out and runs barefoot across the hot coals. She then interrupts the Tribal Council to berate everyone for treating her so badly. Noting that almost no one attended her art show. She finishes up with Jim, telling him that she called off her wedding because of him and that it is "fine" that he is with someone else now... but the rub is that she misses the fun that they had as best friends before he was transferred to Stamford.

Best Funny Quotes From Beach Games - The Office

Ughh… Blech.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
OK, where does it hurt?
Just… all over. I don’t want to do anything… I’m dying…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, that’s not how it works. You have to point to a specific part of the body.
Right there. Michael points to computer screen.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
reading from screen “Abdomen. Menses.”
Maybe.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
“The uterus contracts after your egg passes through it.”
Not it. I don’t have eggs.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.

Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
That’s possible.
Michael?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh-huh?
David Wallace is on line one.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
The CFO? Ohh…
OK, everybody out. Out. Out. Out. OK.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
To what do I owe this great honor, David Wallace?
on phone Michael, I am calling—
Photo of David
Photo of Michael Scott
And Gromit. David sighs Jan? Is Jan there?
Jan is out of town right now.
Photo of David
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, you sigh like Jan. I broke Jan’s heart, David, and it was awful. It was… It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes…
Michael?
Photo of David
Photo of Michael Scott
…you just gots to get your freak on.
Michael?
Photo of David
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah.
Michael?
Photo of David
Photo of Michael Scott
Hmmm.
I am calling to see if you can come down and interview for a job we have opening in corporate.
Photo of David
Photo of Michael Scott
Really?
Week from today. Bring your first quarter stats and your recommendation for who would take over the Scranton Branch.
Photo of David
Photo of Michael Scott
Wow. I wish I had prepared something to say.
That’s not necessary.
Photo of David
Photo of Michael Scott
May God guide you in your quest.
Yes.
Photo of David

Photo of Michael Scott
OK, everybody have their towels and swim suits? We have about an hour and half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the partay bus.

Oh I’m excited. Today is Beach Day! And Michael is taking the whole office to the beach. So I’m wearing my bathing suit underneath my shirt lifts up shirt, definitely not wearing anything underneath Oh, yeah… I packed it in my purse.
Photo of Meredith Palmer

Photo of Michael Scott
Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?
I don’t wear a Speedo, Michael.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, you can’t swim in leather pants. laughs I’m just yankin’ your chain. Not literally.

Anybody need sun block? Got SPF 30.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, you know what? Uh, you’re not going.
It’s Beach Day…
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, Toby. We… um… Somebody has to stay here.

I want today to be a beautiful memory… that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it… then it’ll suck.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Toby Flenderson
Hey, want my sun screen?
Oh, great. I forgot mine and I’m wearing a two piece.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Uh-huh.
Thanks Toby.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Hey Pam, I have a very important job for you
I thought we were just having fun at the beach.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
We are. We are. But, I would like you to take notes. And I want you to find out about people’s character. Not their hotness, per se, but their humor, and their charisma, and the indefinable quality that makes you all glad to follow me.

What happens to a company if somebody takes their boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It’s like what happens to a chicken when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
You want me to write down people’s indefinable qualities?
I want you to write down everything that people are doing all day. And then type it up, in a way that is helpful. Alright?
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Pam Beesley
I have the most boring job in the office, so… why wouldn’t I have the most boring job on beach day?

This way to the partay bus.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Kevin Malone
I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

singing Angela mouthing the words next to him And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression. Said, “If you’re gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.” rest of office joins in at varying times You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Michael Scott
Everybody, may I have you attention please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach.
Oh, sweet mother of God.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus.
Excuse me?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Or the front of the bus. Or drive the bus. Just, we are all participating in mandatory fun activities. Funtivities! And there is a special secret prize for the winner!
Yes! Funtivities! I knew it wasn’t just a trip to the beach.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, you know what? Your enthusiasm’s turning people off.
I hope there will be management parables.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, whispering Hey Pam, did you get that down?
Like what?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Like everything I said and everything they did and… Just don’t…
Well… no, I don’t… exactly… what?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Well write it down before you forget it. That’s… You’ve just been drawing pictures. sighs Rrrr. I can’t stay mad at you.

Here we are ladies and gentlemen. Everybody ready? Last one down is a rotten egg. Gets off bus Watch out for snakes!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Angela Martin
Everyone put on sunscreen.
Alright, find a cozy spot. Everybody settle in. everybody sits down on beach OK, everybody up! Circle ’round. motions for circle to form Let us play some games. We are situated on the northeast corner of scenic Lake Scranton. America’s eighth largest indigenous body of water. It is here that a group of Americans will undergo the ultimate challenge. One day, 14 strangers who work together, but only one survivor.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
What?
Just words. Inspiring words. under breath Not a contender. out loud For the competitions, you will be divided into four tribes. Each tribe will have a leader that I will pick randomly off the top of my head without thinking. Jim, Dwight, Andy and Stanley.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yes!
Choose your tribes. Except for Pam. Not Pam.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour. So that should tell you something.

I choose Michael!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m not playing.
OK, temp.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot.

We are going to choose team names. Dwight?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
We will be called Gryffindor.
Really? Not Slytherin?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim.
I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
He-who-must-not-be-named? I wouldn’t do that.
starts chanting Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort …Kevin and Karen follow Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
OK, seriously. You really shouldn’t be saying that.
Hey, hey, hey. Ok, Ok… Stanley, your team name?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
I don’t care what you call my team.
Then I will name your team the Red team.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
No crosses arms, the blue team.

I am also considering Stanley because of all the good that black people have done. For America.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
We will be team U.S.A.
Very good. Pam, please take a note that Andy is patriotic.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Andy Bernard. Pros: He’s classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don’t really trust him.

It is time for the great spoon and egg race. This one is with a little twist.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
There’s already a twist, you’re carrying an egg on a spoon.
Shh… The person carrying the egg will be blindfolded. Please put on your blindfolds. That person carrying the egg will go down, circle a torch, come back, deposit their egg in the pail. First team back is the winner. Alright. Ready? Set. Go! contestants start walking
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Come on Phyllis, you can do it. Phyllis’ egg falls off spoon Ahh…
Thank you so much. Stanley sits down and pulls out his crossword puzzle
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Andy Bernard
Phyllis is out. Yes! to Kelly Follow my voice. Follow my voice. Yeah, keep it moving. Keep it moving. Right this way. Looking good. Cheers
I don’t want to hit the big rock!
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Andy Bernard
Don’t worry. You’re not…
I know I’m near the big rock. I just know it.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Andy Bernard
No where near the big rock.
takes off blindfold I just don’t want to get hit by it…
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Andy Bernard
What’re you doing? No! See, now we’re disqualified.

I am okay if I lose every single contest today. Honestly. Because I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard! throws a stone
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Jim Halpert
to Karen Woah, stop, stop, stop. There’s a hole. Step over the hole.
Hole?
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yup. Karen takes a big step Perfect, oooh, just made it. OK, turn left.

to Ryan Come on! Come on! Andale! Arriba! Arriba!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
Can you just stop this right now, or I’m not gonna do this anymore.
What are you saying?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
You have to stop yelling at me or I’m not gonna do the egg race.
OK, I apologize for yelling at you.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Ryan
That’s what being a good captain is about. It’s about listening to the members of your team.
I am trying to bring team spirit.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jim Halpert
to Karen Woah, stop, another hole. Take a big step. Karen steps into lake Yes!
lifts up blindfold Oh my God! You ass! chases Jim and throws egg at him both laugh
Photo of Karen

Photo of Pam Beesley
There’s nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh… diligent note-taking. holds up notes
off screen Pam…you’re missing things. shakes off hand and starts writing in notebook
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
at Ryan holding egg in spoon Let’s go! Let’s go! Come on! Mush! Mush! Come on you bastard! Ryan takes off blindfold and throws it to ground along with egg and spoon What the? Damn it temp!
begins to clap Great job everyone, that was fantastic. Michael sighs
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Michael Scott
Okay Pam, I have another little project for you.
Does it have to do with these shopping bags filled with hot dogs?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Smart as a whip! Yes! holds up hot dog packages These are pre-cooked, so it’s not absolutely necessary, but I would appreciate it if you could heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I’m going to be having. I would greatly appreciate it.
When’s the contest?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Like umm…looks at watch ten minutes?
How am I supposed to… get…
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Thanks a bunch.

A good manager has got to be hungry. Hungry for success.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
OK, who’s hungry Kevin starts to put hot dog in mouth No, no, no. Do not touch the food. Please. Not yet. That is our next event. A hot dog eating contest. sighs at the table For those of you who are curious, the world record is 54 and one half hot dogs. Wow! And you know what? I personally have cooked up enough so each and every one of you could break that record. So shoot for the stars, OK? Alright, the team that eats the most hot dogs in ten minutes will be declared the winner. On you mark. Get set.
Can I have a turkey burger?
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
No, I have the only one. I claimed it. Ready?
Turkey is a healthy meat.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Dwight Schrute
It’s very good for you. overlapping talk from all at table
Guys, guys, guys. Come on! Pleeeeease… Let’s just… OK, it’s very important that you all try to eat as many hot dogs as you can. On your mark. Get set. Eat!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Is there any mustard?
No mustard, no mustard. Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it’ll slide down your gullet more easily.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Michael Scott
Come on, the winner gets a big, big prize.
eating hot dog What is it?
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Michael Scott
I can’t say.
You can’t say, or you can’t pronounce it?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
The winner gets a regional manager’s salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world.
Can we just take those first two things?
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
The winner of today gets my job. Ok? I’m interviewing for a job at corporate. And they’re only interviewing a handful of people and I’m the most qualified and I’ll probably get it. Alright?
You’re leaving?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I didn’t want to tell anyway. I didn’t want to cast a pall over our fun beach day. But you know what? I don’t know who to recommend because frankly nobody is stepping up.
slams fist onto table I am so hungry! starts eating hot dog real fast
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Do you expect me to believe that you’re truly making your recommendations on this basis?
points at Stanley Word. Stanley starts eating hot dog There we go. Let’s see it.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Stanley Hudson
I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on!

Four. Three. Two. One. Stop your eating! And the winner is Andy Bernard, with 14 hot dogs!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Team U.S.A.!
One came up.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
13 hot dogs, everybody!
Damn it!
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Creed Bratton
holding a fish with all the meat stripped off Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs!

Sabotage.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
What? What are you saying? Did you say sandwich?
No. I was saying that before. Not now. Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Angela Martin
I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane.
If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
It’s very simple. There are only three rules. You must not touch the ground. You must not step outside of the ring. And you must always wear the safety mittens.
Uh, we don’t have any safety mittens
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Probably left them in the trunk of my car. It’s alright. It’s alright. Here we go.
Get ’em big boy!
Photo of Karen
Photo of Michael Scott
Aaaaaand, go!
C’mon, Jim!
Photo of Karen
Photo of Stanley Hudson
growly noises, Jim looks terrified
What are you doing?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Nice, Stanley!
to Jim Sorry about that. It’s all about taking points away from Dwight.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah. No. Good.

Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man’s eyes… ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Oscar Martinez
If either of these guys are put in charge of the office I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I’m kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We’ll see.

Andy and Dwight sumo wrestle Gaaaaa….
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
One. Two. Three.
Yaaaaa! Yaaaaa!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Excellent!
Gryffindor! Gryffindor!
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Andy Bernard
I didn’t win. But the only reason I didn’t win is because I recently learned that it’s better to work thing out with words.
That’s not why you lost.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yeah it is. I totally could have kicked your butt so bad.
Yeah, right.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yeah, right, c’mon! C’mon! Dwight and Andy wrestle
bouncing off of Andy Aaaagh! Uggggh! How do you like that?
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Andy Bernard
Trying to wet bandana, falls in water Oh, God! Waaa! Guhh! Wuuuh! Help! Angela! Angela, hey! Oh, thank God! Please tell somebody!
What, Andy? Andy, what should I tell them?
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Go tell them I’m floating away, obviously!
I don’t understand what you want from me.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Angela, it’s pretty simple! Look at what I’m doing and go tell somebody about it!
Sorry! Bye, Andy!
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Angela!

I knew that finding a successor would be difficult. I did not know that it would be impossible. Thus far the candidates have been wildly disappointing. Uh, Jim is not taking it seriously. Uh, Stanley is having a stroke. And Andy, where is he? Where the hell is Andy? Where is he, Pam? Do you know? Ah… who’s ahead in points?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
I think they’re even. At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don’t really know how to compare those units.
Check to see if there is a conversion chart in that notebook.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
I really doubt it, Michael.
Please just check.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
on cell phone Great. Yeah, I’ll see you next week. Thank you, and here is Karen Filipelli. Bye.
Hello? Yeah, hi David. Yes, I would like to be considered for the corporate position in well.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
In well?
As well.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
How would that work in well? I just want to know.
Yes. uh, huh.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
Wait a minute.
That would be fine.
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
If this job is in a well, I don’t want it.
whispering Cut it out!
Photo of Karen
Photo of Jim Halpert
I don’t!

What does a great manager need most of all? Courage.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Stanley Hudson
How so? I mean… sure thing, that sounds smart… I can’t do this anymore! I’m goin’ to sit in the bus.
Your loss, Stanley. Meanwhile the rest of us will have a super fun time defeating our fear and creating a lasting memory. Walking through FIRE!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Who among you has the guts to replace me? Let him walk across these coals.
Are you going to try it?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
I’m not going to talk through the fire after your disgusting feet have gone through.
Angela, it is a million degrees.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m gonna do it. And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital. That’s the right spirit when doing a coal walk, right?
No. No, not you, Pam. You have to keep score.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’d like to try it.
Pointless.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
But I’m not kidding. I really want to do it.
Blah, blah, blee blup, blup, okay? This is about guts. It takes guts to be a regional manager. Jim, you’re up.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Nope.
Ji.. why not? C’mon.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, ’cause I don’t want my feet to get burned.
You do not have what it takes to be a regional manager.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
That’s harsh.
Who’s next? Andy? Where’s Andy? Andy is never here today.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
lying in water, car lights light up his location Hello? Who’s there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello?

Why don’t you go Michael?
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Because I already did. Remember? I burned my foot on a George Foreman grill.
And that is not the same at all. If you’re going to ask other people to do it, you should do it yourself.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Alright. Okay. Alright. Fine. ‘kay. clears throat, breathes noisily The mind has to wrap around the foot. exhales Okay.
Do you want us to count to three?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes. Count to three, please.
Three. Two. One.
Photo of Group
Photo of Michael Scott
Count the other way. Count… no, no, count one, two, three, not three, two, one.
One. Two. Three! Go! Do it! Go, Michael.
Photo of Group
Photo of Michael Scott
Wait! Am I going on go? Or am I going on three?
On the go that’s after three.
Photo of Creed Bratton
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay.
One, two, three, go!
Photo of Group
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No! It’s okay. I will do this Michael.
Don’t, don’t.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
walking on coals I will walk and stand on these coals until you award me the position of regional manager!
Wow. Go, Dwight. Keep moving.
Photo of Group
Photo of Dwight Schrute
standing still, on the coals GIVE ME THE JOB! GIVE ME THE JOB!
I’m not going to give it to you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
falling on his knees, then on all fours Aaagh, aaagh!
yelling excitedly for Dwight to get off the coals
Photo of Group
Photo of Pam Beesley
Michael, do something!
Aggggh, that stings!
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Being the boss is also about image. I’ve never looked like that. That was gross. I just, I don’t see the connection between a firewalk and management. Worst seventy-five bucks I ever spent. You know what, if I had to pick my replacement based on today, it would be Mr. “Outside Hire.”
Or Mrs. “Outside Hire.”
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah. Ummm, hmm… True. Look, I don’t want to leave this branch that I love to an outside hire therefore we are going to have a one hundred point winner take all sudden death tribal council round. To test the aspect of my job that I think is the most important, something I call the Bob Hope factor.
Who’s Bob Hope?
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
God! He’s a comedian.
Oh, like Amanda Bynes.
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
Who’s Amanda Bynes?
She’s from “What a Girl Wants.”
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, I love that movie. Yes, Kelly is right, the person to replace me has to have a great sense of humor and they have to possess the leadership qualities of a Bynes or a Hope. So without further ado, Jim and Dwight show us what you got.
Hey, I know what you’re looking for, but um, I got to be honest, I really don’t think I should be considered as your replacement.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
You are being too modest.
Michael, on Thursday I’m going to drive down and interview with David for the open position in New York.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Hhhh… okay. That is not funny. I am deducting sixty points from Voldemort for false pretenses. Okay, Dwight your turn. Wow us.
The Aristocrats. A man and his wife and his children go into the offices of a talent agency. And the talent agent says, “Describe your act.” And the man says something really, really raunchy and the talent representative says, “What do you call yourselves?” And the man says, “The Aristocrats!”
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Pam Beesley
breathes deeply and runs across coals Oooh, uh hah, ooh! Wha-hoo! Ahhhh…

finishes story I mean truly repulsive acts.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
That is a very, very funny story.
runs over after walking over fire coals Hey! I want to say something. I’ve been trying to be more honest lately and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk! Just, I did it! Michael, you couldn’t even do that. Maybe I should be your boss? Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn’t any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It’s like sometimes some of you act like I don’t even exist. turns and looks directly at Jim Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we’re not even friends. And things are just like weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford, and I really miss you. I shouldn’t have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn’t care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you’re with someone else. And that’s… fine. It’s… whatever. That’s not what… I’m not… Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I’m just trying to say to you, Jim… and to everyone else in this circle I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am going to go walk in the water now. Yeah. It’s a good day.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Pam, that was amazing. But I am still looking for someone with a sales background.

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones. They’re a modern stone-age family. Ba-ba-da-da-da. From the town of Bedrock, they’re a page right out of history. Ba-da-da-da-da. overlapping singing of the wrong verses When you’re with the Flintstones, have a yabba-dabba-doo time, a dabba-doo time, we’ll have a gay old time!
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Photo of Michael Scott
WWWWIIIILLLLMMMMAAAA!
Nice!
Photo of Andy Bernard

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