Office Olympics - The Office (Season 2, Episode 3)

Original Air Date: October 4, 2005

Today is the day that Michael is going to become a homeowner. He is buying a condo.

While Dwight is in Michael's office discussing the condo, Pam is throwing little balls of paper into a cup on Dwight's desk. She explains that "occasionally Jim dies of boredom, this time it is due to expense reports." She is trying to cheer him up.

Dwight and Michael prepare to leave and finalize the paperwork on Michael's condo. You see, Dwight is Michael's Number 2 man and should always be with him.

With Michael and Dwight out of the office, Jim wanders around. He learns that Kevin and Oscar play paper football and have been for several years. The game is called "HateBall" because Angela hates it so much. When Jim learns that yet another employee has a game (Toby and Bunderball), he decides to start the first ever Dunder-Mifflin Office Olympics.

While signing the papers, Michael and Dwight are mistaken for a gay couple...mostly due to Dwight's interaction and constant questioning. Michael then realizes he is signing a 30-year mortgage and begins to get cold feet. Michael tries to argue his way out of the deal but is told if he backs out he loses his $7,000 initial investment. Michael signs the paperwork. However, the more time Dwight spends the Michael, the more upset with Dwight Michael becomes. So much so that when Michael enters the office in the middle of the olympics he doesn't even notice.

Michael and Dwight attend the "Closing Ceremony" unware of what it is and what has gone on that day.

Gold Winners in Office Olympics

Phyllis got the Gold for Flonkerton (box paper shoe race); Kevin for getting the most M-N-M's in his mouth at once; Ryan for guessing "Someone from Vance Refridgeration" as the next one to use the elevator.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Office Olympics

Photo of Michael Scott
I’m an early bird, and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise, and I have worms. Oh, breakfast.
I got your sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Yummy, yummy. Thank you, Ryan.
What was the thing, ah, you needed me to come in early for?
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Um. The sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. But thank you. And why don’t you take a couple hours. The office is yours. “Home Alone,” “Risky Business.” Take your pants off, run around. Whatever you gotta do.
I’m just going to take a nap in my car until work starts.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok. Removes biscuit, leaving only sausage, egg and cheese. Healthier. Gotta watch those carbs.

Today, I, Michael Scott, am becoming a homeowner. Investing in real estate.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Diversifying. Smart.
Yes it is. Yes it is. It is very important to own property. Back in olden days, they would not even let you vote unless you owned property and they’d throw you in the stocks and humiliate you.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
And it worked. They should bring the stocks back. People’d obey the law, there’d be less troublemakers.
Maybe.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Jim Halpert
looks bored. Taps finger on desk. Head falls to desk
laughs
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Pam Beesley
Every so often, Jim dies of boredom. I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. And our deal is that, it’s up to me to revive him.

You see Dwight’s coffee mug?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Mm-hmm.
Sometimes when he’s not here, I try to throw stuff in it.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
No way. Let’s do this crumples post it and throws into mug. Misses. Oh.
Here.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Wind.
Try paperclips. Oh wait. This message. For Dwight.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Perfect. misses
Oh.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh.

You should go.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Yes. Yes. Final walkthrough.
Uh huh.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Sign the papers at the condo.
You have your lawyer there?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh, I don’t need one.
Can I be your representative?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t need a representative.
I think I should be there.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No, No.
I’m good. I can make sure things are up to code.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No. Dwight. I’m fine.
Please, I’m always the guy you rely on at work.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, this isn’t about work. This is closing on a condo, it’s completely personal.
So you’re taking a personal day?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Except that, this is about my living arrangement, and as boss, I need to have a living arrangement in order to do work.
Please, I’ll make you proud.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok. Fine. Yes, you can come.
Yes! As your representative?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
As my associate.
Same thing.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No it is not.

I have been Michael’s #2 guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart, and I’m like Mozart’s friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart; you’re going to get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, most honorable Pamera. Not offensive, because that’s the way they talk in movies.
You headed out?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
We are. Dwight and I are going to the big thing. So why don’t you have everybody work on their expense reports and I’d like them in by the end of the day.
Ok.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Very good.
Have a great time.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
We will. Um, did you do the thing I asked you to do about the magazines?
Yeah, I changed them to your new address.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Good. The Small Business Man?
Yup.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Maxim? American Way? Cracked?
Yes, I changed your Cracked magazine subscription.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
How about, uh, Fine Arts? Aficionado Monthly?
shakes head
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
NO, well can you get on that, because I don’t just read Cracked. Thank you.
Yeah.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Ok. See you soon.

What kind of shocks you got on this baby?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t know, regular. Normal ones. Nothing fancy. Not my style. What are you doing?
tries to open sun roof I want to put the top down.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
What? No, Dwight. It’s fifty degrees outside. Don’t… please…
But then no one can see us.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I… Just… Would you put it up? roof opens Ok. Fine. Just leave it down. Whiner.
Check it out. points at sunglasses Terminator.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I do not understand what you spend your money on.

paper football lands on desk Ooh.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey, Oscar, on these new expense reports, do we really have to go back to last quarter?
Yeah. It’s a terrible system, I know.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Jim Halpert
points at paper on desk What does 2005 season mean?
Eh.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Jim Halpert
Wait a minute, what is this?
It’s a scoreboard.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Jim Halpert
What?
Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael’s out.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Jim Halpert
Really?
Yeah.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
Or when we’re bored.
Oh my God! Wait, this goes back two years.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
We’re bored a lot.

flicks football onto Kevin’s desk OH!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Kevin Malone
Oh!
Sweet!
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yes! So close. I really love the paper triangle flicking and hitting things game. Yeah.
We call it Hate Ball.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Why?
Because of how much Angela hates it.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey, do you guys have any other games?
Sometimes we play “Who can put the most M&M’s in their mouth?”
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Angela Martin
You play that.
You should ask Toby to teach you Dunderball.
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Michael Scott
Home, sweet home.
Which one’s yours?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Right there. My sanctuary. My party pad. Someday I can just see my grandkids learning how to walk out here. Hang a swing from this tree. Push them back… wait… turns around no, it’s this one, right here. Home, sweet home.

bounces ball off wall with Toby So that’s what this sound is all day.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Carol
Michael, this is Bill. He’s the head of the condo association.
Oh, how are you? Nice to meet you, Bill. Bill. Mr. Bill. OHHH NOOO. MR. BILL. OHHH! SNL? When they pull him apart? He’d always get rolled over by something.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Bill
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
This is smaller than your old place.
Yeah, small. I’m buying it and I’m not renting it. So, it’s still an upgrade. He doesn’t know anything about property ownership. Kind of an idiot. Um.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin, Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

Are we ready to sign some papers?
Photo of Carol
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Actually, no. We have a couple of questions, about the neighborhood.
It’s very safe. It’s very clean. Also, it’s very accepting of all lifestyles.
Photo of Bill
Photo of Carol
It’s a very gay-friendly neighborhood.
Oh. Good. That’s good. It’s good to be accommodating of that.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Let’s go check out the master bedroom.

Stanley. Just played Dunder Ball with Toby. What about you, you got any games?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Yeah, I got a game. It’s called “work hard so my kids can go to college.”
Fair enough.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
This, my friends, is the master bedroom. Check out the cathedral ceilings. Those are like seventeen feet high. We have cable readiness. points at wall Right there. I am going to totally pimp this place out. I am going to put a surround sound system. I am going to put a plasma screen right against this wall.
Oh. Terrible idea.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m putting my bed right over here.
No, no, no, no, no. This is a shared wall. Neighbor throws his wife into the wall, plasma screen hits the floor. Totally smashed.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, then I will get a warrantee.
Warrantees don’t cover it, plus they’re a rip-off.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Well then I won’t get a warrantee.
Shh Shh.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
So that’s the problem, is solved. What?
Listen. puts ear to wall Can you hear that? Oh man. These babies are thin.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jim Halpert
sings Olympic theme song This scented candle …andle …andle. Which I found in the men’s bathroom …room …room. Represents the eternal burning of competition. Or something.
It smells like cookies.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yes it does. Yes it does my friend. Ok, we will be competing for gold, silver and bronze yogurt lids.
Now the bronze are really blue, and they’re also the back side of the gold, so no flipping. K? Honor system.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Angela Martin
I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games. Just not at work.

Let the games begin. sings Olympic theme
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Carol
And then, I just need you to sign here at this arrow.
What kind of mortgage did you get?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh… Ten year.
Well, ten over thirty, so thirty year total.
Photo of Carol
Photo of Michael Scott
What? Wha? You said ten.
Ten year fixed, over thirty. Thirty year total.
Photo of Carol
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ho, thirty years.
Ok, ok, ok.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Wow, you’ll be paying this off in your mid-seventies.
Alright.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Forget about retiring when you’re 65. Hey, I’ve got an idea. You know that extra bedroom? If the whole girlfriend thing never happens, that’s where the nurse can live.
Ok. Alright. Oh boy.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Well, this is it.
Whenever you’re ready.
Photo of Carol
Photo of Michael Scott
Um. Oh. moves stove burner Oh, ok. Is that suppose to come off?
Actually yes.
Photo of Carol
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey, look! Cool. Carpenter ants.
Um. I’m going to take a little breather for a second. Excuse me.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
We’ll be here waiting for you.
Oh, man.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
A thirty year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.

Whenever you’re ready, Michael.
Photo of Carol
Photo of Michael Scott
Uh. breathes deeply, head at knees

You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies. And I’m blanking on the name, can you help me out Pam?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton.
Hum.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
In English, box of paper snowshoe racing.
Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Pam Beesley
The thing about Jim, is when he’s excited about something, like the Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so that hardly ever happens.

So, who will be challenging Kevin in Flonkerton? Anyone?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Phyllis
I’ll do it.
Yes! Phyllis! claps Phyllis, just put your foot right through here lifts strap on box of paper. Right through the flonk.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
The ceilings are lower than they were last week. That, I don’t… I don’t…
What?
Photo of Carol
Photo of Michael Scott
…know if you showed me this same unit or not.
Michael, this is the unit you saw and…
Photo of Carol
Photo of Michael Scott
Where are all the hot people? I was told that there would be all these attractive singles.
Who told you that?
Photo of Carol
Photo of Michael Scott
As far as I can tell, I’m the best-looking person here.

There’s a basic principle in real estate, that you should never be the best-looking person in the development. It’s just sorta common sense, because if you are, then you’ve no place to go but down.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Carol
Is this a financial thing? If it’s a financial thing, what some people do is they rent out the third bedroom.
No, no, no.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Carol
That’s some extra income for you.
I am not going to rent the third bedroom. I want a price reduction or I am a-walkin.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Carol
You will lose $7,000 if you walk away right now.
Ehhhh….
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I made the right decision. I’m glad I signed. I’m a homeowner. Right? Good to be a homeowner. Diversifying. This is good. This is fun. We’re having fun.
Totally having fun. Can you imagine those poor saps stuck at the office today? laughs
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jim Halpert
Here we go. Here we go.
Go! Go! Go!
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Pair of shoes!
Dig deep, dig deep! OHHHhhh! It’s Phyllis!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
It’s Phyllis!
Phyllis by a nose. Gold medal in Flernenton.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Flonkerton.
Thank you, delegate from Iceland.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Wow!

empties bowl of M&M’s into his mouth
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Wow! Ok. No one else should even try! Gold medals! Give him medals. Wow.

There’s something else Dwight wanted to talk to you about. I have a surprise for you, for helping me out today.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You didn’t have to…
No, no. I insist. I insist. Because you’ve really done some great work. Great work. And that is why, I am going to let you move into my third bedroom and pay me rent.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Why did I do it? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts. Ah. I rewarded Dwight with the room, and he is rewarding me back, ah, with $500 plus utilities.

I don’t even know what to say.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
I’m thinking, lock into a four year commitment, we’ll go month to month after that. Or, until I start dating, have a girlfriend, then you’re, you know, you’re gone.
Question. Where can I put my terrarium?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
What the hell is a terrarium?
It’s a fish tank for snakes and lizards.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, so an aquarium. Ah, that will not come into this place.
Question. My grandparents left me a large number of armoires.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Pam Beesley
Are you sure you don’t want to play?
I’m sure.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Come on Angela, don’t you have a game?
I have one, yes.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Well, let’s play, what is it?
I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Pam Beesley
We’re friends.
Apparently.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Jim Halpert
Very nicely done. I think that’s H-O-R for Stanley, and H-O for Phyllis.
Are you calling me a ho?
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh my god. Phyllis, coming alive. I like it.

Question. What about carpooling, who pays for the gas?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
We take separate cars.
Question. Can sometimes I drive your car and you drive mine?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Why would we do that?
Just for fun?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
No.
Question. Who is the primary on the fire insurance?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
EHHHHNT. Game over. Offer revoked. Dwight. I’m sorry, but you reach out and you try to be a nice guy, and help out a friend, and this is what happens. This is what I get. Oh god. I’m … Ok.

Thank god. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a nine bedroom farm house. I have my own crossbow range. It’s a perfect situation for me. Although two bathrooms would have been nice, we just have the one. And it’s under the porch.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Oscar Martinez
Ah…
OH!
Photo of Everyone
Photo of Jim Halpert
Who had someone from Vance Refrigeration?
I did.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Jim Halpert
Ryan Howard. Ryan! claps Gold medal.

I made something for our closing ceremonies.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
What? looks in box Oh my god. Where did you have time to make that?
Automatic voicemail.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Alright Pam, alright gives her hi-five. Nice work!
sees Angela making check mark on tally sheet
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Stanley Hudson
A little bit more and I would have had it.

You know you can always refinance your mortgage. We had a 15 year on our beet farm. We paid it off early.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah, well, you know what? Nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst.
People love beets.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Nobody likes beets.
Everybody loves beets.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don’t you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy. I’d love a piece of candy right now. Not a beet.
Let’s get this roof going.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Stop it! smacks Dwight’s arm
Ow.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jim Halpert
Final lap. Final lap. Time to beat is 1:15.
Oscar!
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Everyone
Go! Go! Go!
Time to beat is one minute, 15 seconds. Here they come. Michael and Dwight enter Guys?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
What is going on?
Nothing. Guys? Timer’s still going? Er?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
That’s my stopwatch.

hands expense report to Oscar Here you go. All done.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Great.

Yeah, I filled out the expense reports. That took about five minutes and then I closed two sales at lunch time. So, about as productive as any other day. If not more so.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Ryan
I figured I could throw it away now, or I could keep it for a couple of months and then throw it away. I mean, it was really nice of Pam to make them, but what am I going to do with a gold medal made of paper clips and an old yogurt lid?

Hey.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I have 59 voicemails.
Mmm. Hey, can you ignore those and do something for me instead?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Sure.
Okay, today. 5 o’clock. Closing Ceremonies.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Really?
Notify the athletes.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Cool.

Michael.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah. Jim. Slim Jim. What’s going… What’s going on?
Nothing. I just wanted to congratulate you on your condo.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh. Thanks. Thanks. It’s very cool. It’s a three bedroom, gay-friendly.
Nice.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
You know.
Hey, would you mind coming out here for a second? I just have something for you.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Really?

What’s this?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
These are the Closing Ceremonies. Step up. You’re on the top one. Michael stands on podium Congratulations to Michael, because he closed on his condo. So, gold medal. everyone claps
I don’t really know what to say. Um, I’m not one for making speeches, but ah, my heart is very full at this moment.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
And for Dwight Schrute, the silver medal.
Get up here, Dwight.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Silver medal.
Yep, not as good as gold. national anthem plays Why are you playing the national anthem?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Um… ‘Cause your condo’s in America.
Oh. doves move across cord What the hell is that?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Those are the doves.
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