Email Surveillance - The Office (Season 2, Episode 9)

Original Air Date: November 22, 2005

Michael spies a gentleman in a turban walking towards the building. Michael immediately makes him out to be a terrorist. Well of course, it's a guy in a turban. Eyeing the terrorist, Michael drops everything, runs into the office and turns off all the lights and tells everyone to be quiet. The gentleman comes to the door and Michael insists all to be quiet. Trying not to look stupid, Michael claims, "The IT guy and me did not get off to a great start."

So the IT guy goes into Michael's office and helps Michael with his PC. He is essentially installing email surveillance software for Michael.

It doesn't take long for this to leak to the office and Michael is confronted by Oscar. Michael tries to deny the surveillance but IT sent the employees a memo explaining that it would be happening.

Kevin is concerned and must delete A LOT of stuff.

Dwight tells Angela to delete any "sensitive e-mails", which makes Pam think he means personal, eluding to their relationship. Pam takes the new development to Jim.

In continuing his search, Michael reads one of Meredith's e-mails that tell of a party at Jim's house that night. Michael was not invited.

Pam continues her investigation into the "Dwangela" romance. She asks Dwight what kind of women he prefers and then she asks Angela if she is bringing a date to Jim's party. Angela says no as she buys two candy bars from the vending machine.

Michael reflects on not being invited and decides he must be more "approachable". So he sets out to eat lunch with the crew at the lunchroom table. He tells of a story in college about how even the professors are invited to parties. Jim gets uncomfortable.

Jim explains to the camera that he is having a party with karaoke and he did not invite Michael. One of the major reasons for the party is to introduce his roommate to his co-workers. Basically to prove Dwight is real because the roommate believes Jim has made him up.

In order to keep Dwight from telling Michael about the party, Jim tells him it is a surprise for Michael. Dwight loves this.

Pam loves that Jim has convinced Dwight his party is a surprise for Michael and Jim loves that Pam is not bringing Roy to the party.

Michael continues to prompt Jim to invite him to his party but Jim is strong and never let's on that there is a party. Michael tries to cover and say he has improv class tonight anyway, but would cancel if anything came up.

As everyone is leaving for Jim's party after work, Michael desparately tries to attach himself to one of the staff. They all make excuses and brush him off.

At the party, Dwight anxiously awaits for Michael's arrival. When Pam arrives, Jim is showing his place around. In front of Pam, Ryan asks Jim if he is still seeing Katie. When Jim claims he hasn't seen her for awhile, Ryan asks for her phone number.

Pam looks around Jim's bedroom and the two interact, clearly showing their attraction for one another.

Later, people are chatting when Pam sees Dwight and Angela chatting, she begins plotting again.

After improv class, everyone brushes Michael off when he tries to be included in drinks after class.

Back at the party, karaoke is in full swing and Michael crashes the party and joins in karaoke.

The camera then shows us 2 pairs of feet tangled up together in the garden. It's Dwight and Angela.

Triva: Who sang karaoke?

Kevin sings "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor, Phyllis sings "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake, and Michael signs "Islands In The Stream", a duet by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. Michael originially could not get a girl to sing Dolly's part and had to sing the song himself. Eventually. Jim takes pity and joins in.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Email Surveillance

It is Friday morning and it is another beautiful day in Scranton, Pennsylvania. sees man in a turban outside Oh my God. Ohhh. dials phone number Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Oh, we have a serious problem here. goes out onto office floor Alright everybody, lock the doors, turn off the lights. Pretend you’re not here.

Are we in danger?

There’s no time to think about if this is real. Just, shh, everybody. knock at the front door

Michael, should I call the… Michael waves his hands What?

The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start.

Yeah, I tried to install it myself, but, uh, you guys have these things so password-protected…

That just means you have to enter your password.

Oh…

What’s your password, Michael?

Oh, umm… looks at Post-It on computer

Oh, it’s 1-2-3.

Yes.

Mi-

AH! Guh-oood.

Sorry.

Please don’t do that.

Ok, I’m sorry. What is going on in there? Why is he here? What are you doing?

I can’t tell you.

You have to tell me.

I don’t have to tell you anything.

Look, Michael, I know you don’t want to have to think about this, but if something were to happen to you, God forbid, then I would need to know in order to take over.

Dwight, nothing is going to happen to me, ok? I’m in the best shape of my life. Look at this. flexes his arms Brrr! That’s strong!

Yeah, but that doesn’t matter, you could get a brain aneurysm-

I’m not going get a brain-

Or get hit by a car-

Stop it.

Or a bus or a train. Get poisoned, fall in a well, step on a mine, choke.

Uh, oh, ok; if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and die, you can have my job, ok? Why don’t you just go… away?

There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed, it— And I am not going to tell them that I’ll be reading their e-mails.

So how do you search?

By keyword phrase.

Try “profits”. No! Try “Michael Scott”. “Michael” “boss” and “funny”. Sadiq (IT guy) types; result pops up Oh my God, wow! chuckles E-mail from Stanley. Stanley, Terribly nice guy. reads e-mail “Sorry I didn’t write back sooner; I can’t go to the game tonight because my boss Michael is an ass and making me stay late.” Well, Stanley’s an ass. Not one of our harder workers.

Hey, what’s the deal, Michael? Why are you spying on our computers?

Oh, no, everybody; Oscar’s gone crazy! What other ghost stories do you have for us? That I’m a robot? robot voice I will destroy everything in my path-

Actually, it’s just-

Beep! Bop!

Ok…

Bommmm. Bop! Onk onk. Tin Man voice Oil can. Oil can.

Tin Man. Actually we just a got a memo from IT saying you’re doing e-mail surveillance.

Oh, what? No. That defeats the whole purpose.

So it’s true? You have access to our e-mails?

You know what the problem is?

I think I do.

The problem is that when people hear the term “big brother”, they immediately think it’s scary or bad, but I don’t. I think, wow, I love my big brother.

I gotta erase a lotta stuff. A lot of stuff.

Oh hey, just so ya know, if you have a lot of sensitive e-mails, they need to be deleted immediately.

I know.

Good. Pam overhears

whispers to Jim Hey. Something just happened. Dwight just told Angela that she has to deleted all of her sensitive e-mails immediately.

What?

I know!

Hmm…

Do you think that they’re like-

No.

No, right, no, no.

humming

Uhhh, ew, ew, ew… .Maybe?

It’s like squishing a spider under a book. It’s gonna be really gross but I have to look and make sure that it’s really dead. Sooo… to camera guys If you guys see anything… ?

Hey, Dwight, um, my friend is kinda into these two girls that he works with.

Nice.

One is tall and brunette, and the other one is short, and blonde, and perky, and kinda judgmental. Who do you think he should choose?

Does he have access to their medical records?

Ummmm…

I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff, I can look up anyone’s psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections. There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we are down river from that old bread factory.

Meredith has an E-vite from Jim. Barbeque at Jim’s tonight. Tonight? Wonder where my e-vitation is. Click on guest list. Angela, Stanley, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Kevin, Creed. Must be… .scrolls down list No.

Hey, Angela-

Hi.

How’s it going?

It’s ok.

Listen, are you bringing anyone to Jim’s party tonight?

No. Are we supposed to?

No. I mean, I don’t know, I don’t think so.

Hmm… Pam reaches towards vending machine Excuse me.

Oh.

There’s always a distance between a boss and the employees. It is just nature’s rule. It’s intimidation mostly, it’s the awareness that they are not me. I do think that I am very approachable, as one of the guys. But maybe I need to be even approachabler.

That’s pretty young.

Yeah.

to Michael Are you gonna eat with us?

Of course. Hangin’ with my crew, crew that I am one of. Hangin’ with my Cup of Noodles. This is a meal in a cup.

Uh hum.

Hot, tasty. Reminds me of college. Lived on this stuff. Brain food. Mmmm… You know what I really, really miss about college? The parties. Everybody’d go. The athletes, the, the nerds, professors.

The professors would go to the parties?

Yeah! They were the most fun. We always invited them.

It’s true. I’m having a party. I’ve got three cases of imported beer, a karaoke machine, and I didn’t invite Michael. So three ingredients for a great party. And it’s nothing personal, I just think that if he were there, people wouldn’t be able to relax, and you know, have fun, and my roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks that I’m making Dwight up. sighs He is very real.

to cameraman What? looks at Dwight eating a Baby Ruth Ohhhh… Yes! Thank you!

Question: on the Internet there are several different options to get to your house for the party tonight-

Oh, uh, no. Could-

I was wondering-

Could, keep that down.

Why?

Because not everybody knows about the party.

Like who? Who doesn’t know?

Umm, Michael.

Why just Michael?

Because it’s a surprise.

Is it?

Uh hmm.

Oh, that’s perfect!

So, don’t tell.

I won’t.

Ok.

So, Dwight thinks that tonight is a surprise party for Michael.

Really? That’s great.

I know.

Maybe we can get him to hide and wait somewhere.

laughs Oh man. Oh, you know what, speaking of which, I was just trying to get a handle on, you know, numbers for food and stuff. So do you think that Roy’s gonna come, or…

Oh, no, he can’t make it.

Oh, ok, cool.

Hey there.

Hey.

Almost quittin’ time.

Yup, it’s, uh, four o’clock.

One more hour. Take care of anything you forgot to do. Hey, you know, I don’t know if you have any plans tonight, but if ya don’t, we could hang out.

Oh, um… .I can’t.

You have plans.

Uh hmm, definitely.

I do, too. I do, too.

You do?

I do, yeah. Big plans.

Because you said “do you wanna hang out”-

Tonight, I can’t do it tonight, no. Improv class, I have improv class, hanging out with my improv buds-

Really?

Yeah.

Aw, that sounds like a lot of fun.

It’s the best. It’s the best. I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up, I would definitely not go.

Improv sounds great.

It is. Ok.

Alright.

someone coughs What?

I think Stanley just coughed.

Hey, Pam. Do you need me to walk to your vehicular transport?

No thanks.

Alright. Oscar, got big plans tonight with-

I’m on a call.

Kevin, big man, big man, what are you doing tonight? Where are you off to?

My brother is in town and we are going to see the Alaska Film Festival at the Scien-

Ok, alright.

Oh.

Hey, Angela, rushy, rushy. Where you rushin’ off to?

I’m just leaving for the day.

Yeah, well duh. Where ya headed?

Charity. Bake drive.

Liar!

No!

You are a liar.

No, I’m not.

Dwight, oh ho, Dwight, Dwight, my loyal compadre. You and I are hangin’ tonight. The two of us. We are celebrating our freedom and our manhood. You know what? Why don’t we watch that show that you’ve been wanting to watch, that stupid Battleship Galaxy.

Battlestar Galatica.

That’s, whatever stupid show you want-

I can’t-

To watch tonight

Tonight.

We’re watching it.

Unfortunately, I’ve got plans. I have to go to practice. Soccer practice.

I didn’t know you played soccer, Dwight.

Clarinet.

You, too, Dwight?

Have fun tonight! Whatever it is that you’re doing, and I’ll see you Monday. to the camera He has no idea!

Quick announcement everybody, if I could have everybody’s attention. We do have wine in the kitchen, and, uh, there is beer available on the porch and despite what you might think, it’s not all for Meredith and Kelly, so please enjoy.

Jim! You really think this is a good idea, huh? A hide-a-key rock?

Mark

Hey, you must be Dwight!

You don’t work with us.

That’s because Mark’s my roommate.

Hey, I love the Birkenstocks.

Mark

Thanks. Yeah, I always keep an extra set in the car, for special occasions. Jim, come here.

Uh hmm.

When is the guest of honor coming?

Oh, uh, later-ish.

He’s gonna love it!

Great. to a group of guests Just wanna let you guys know that we will be taking the tour like I promised-

Hey.

Hey! Just in time! You wanna go on the group tour? We were just about to leave.

Definitely.

Well, the group tour is now leaving, then. Ladies and gentlemen, just a few things that we are gonna be pointing out to you today, you will be able to see both bedrooms and, uh, if we’re lucky, maybe get a chance to peek into the bathroom, who knows. I have to remind you that flash photography is prohibited and as much as you can, please refrain from touching things. I know you might want to.

Hey, is Katy coming?

Uh, actually, I haven’t talked to her in a while.

Huh, is it ok if I call her?

We can talk about that later.

Ok, let’s get right into it. I need two people for the first scene.

In Horshack voice from ‘Welcome Back, Kotter’ Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo, Mr. Cart-air, Mr. Cart-air.

Ok, Michael. And… anybody? How about Mary-Beth? Come on. Ok, so you start us off Mary-Beth.

Great. skips La la la la la laaa…

fake kicks in door Boom! Detective Michael Scarn. I’m with the FBI.

Think about this; what is the most exciting thing that can happen, on TV, or in movies, or in real life? Somebody has a gun. gasps That’s why I always start with a gun, because you can’t top it, you just can’t.

Girl acting Pregnant

I’m supposed to meet my doctor here? Have ya seen him? He’s a very angry midget.

Boom! Freeze! Michael Scoon, FBI. You know what you did. Boom! Boom! Boom! shoots at Pregnant Girl and another actor Yeah, you thought that you could get away with your little ruse, didn’t you? Didn’t ya!? Well, you didn’t, because I know where ya hid the diamonds. I been on to you and your little friends for weeks. another actor steps in Boom! Boom! Boom!

Actor

I’m not even in the scene!

Again!?

Actress

Boom! Boom!

Stop, stop, ok, stop.

Boom! Boom!

You shot me, great. Now stop.

Why

You can’t just shoot everyone in the scene.

Well, if you hadn’t stopped the scene, you would have seen where it was going.

Ok, what about the scene they set up?

Boring.

No, it wasn’t. No more guns.

I could of-

No. No. Michael, I want you to give me all the guns you have.

Ok.

Just, I want you to get rid of all your guns and give them to me. Great.

Yehhhehh.

Yeeehh, ok.

Jim’s bedroom.

See, I knew we lost somebody on the tour. It’s-

Cool… This is your desk.

This is my desk.

Your home office?

My home office, this is it.

Down. You have to sit down so I can get the full effect.

Ok, sure. Will do.

Ok, wait, so that would make me walks to side of room like right here.

Yeah, that… Yep, that feels about right.

And Dwight would be like-

You know what? Let’s just leave that image out of it, because this is a happy place. Happy thoughts, Pam. Happy thoughts.

Umm, gasps yearbook!

Yeah, you don’t have to, ummm. Alright, yes, that’s not gonna be awkward at all.

finds Jim’s picture Ooooohhh no!

Oh yeah.

You were so dorky!

Thank you.

Freeze!

I’m in.

You wanna go over the rules one more time?

No, no, no. I’m looking in my wallet for money so you can tell me my fortune.

I promise it’s worthit . Ooo, I can see you walking out of here and you’re thrilled with your reading.

What are you… whispers to Bill

Michael, what did you tell him?

Nothing.

Then why are his hands up? Bill?

He told me he couldn’t show it to me, but he has a gun.

Ok, let’s call it a day. Nice job, Bill.

Good, it’s good. Good work, everybody.

Angela, burger? Dog? Havin’ fun?

I got sap on me.

Chicken, hot dog, burger.

I’m a vegetarian.

There is soda inside.

Guh.

I didn’t think the premium laser color copy batch would sell as well as it did.

Yeah, it surprised us all. I’ll tell you why. Because when they—

I’m sorry guys; can we please not talk about paper? There’s gotta be something else we can talk about.

I think it’s alright. Jesus drank wine. Pam overhears

Hey Phyllis, come here for a second.

Sure.

Have you heard anything about any secret office romances?

You tell me. Well, you do mean you and Jim right? Oh God. I am so sorry, I thought, you guys hang out all the time and you’re talking all the time. I’m sorry!

That’s ok. It’s ok.

smacks Ryan’s hand Not so fast… Fire Guy.

How do I get to Bernie’s Tavern from here?

Oh, don’t worry. We’re all gonna carpool.

So Bernie’s, huh? We’re all going to Bernie’s? to camera Go to Bernie’s?

Oh sorry, we’re not going as a group, it’s just a private friend who just happens to know all of us from different ways is throwing a private birthday thing.

Right, right, right. Well guys, I’d love to go to Bernie’s with you, but, you know, I have an office party. A big office party I need to go to, so… Can’t get out of it.

Ok.

Ok, see you later. Nice job, Bill. Not.

singing Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I’ve ever known…

Oh by the way how’s your side project going?

Oh, yeah I gave that up.

Really?

Yeah, it turns out I was, um, just grasping at straws.

Just because two people are hanging out, it doesn’t mean that they’re together, you know? Like people can just be friends. And I think that it was really unfair to think that there was anything else going on.

singing Just turn around now, cause you’re not welcome anymore.

Surprise! laughs Everybody!

Dwight…

Wow! Who opened the morgue for this thing? I’m just driving by, thought I’d drop in. to Jim There’s some wine. I would love a glass, if you’re gonna open it. Here ya go Temp, take my jacket! sees Sadiq (IT guy) Oh, come on! That guy? He is a good guy, not a terrorist. Karaoke, I love it! I am a karaoke fiend. I call dibs. I got next, I got next up. Come on, let’s get this party started, ha! Ok? Where’s that wine?

Ok, yeah, this is a duet, so, need somebody else, Pam? You wanna come up and sing this one? Need somebody else. Takers, please. singing Baby when I met you there was peace unknown. Kelly? Tried to get you with a fine tooth comb. I was soft inside, there was something goin’ on. This part goes to the, uh, girl. You do something to me that I can’t explain. Hold me closer and I feel no pain. In every beat of my heart, we got something goin’ on. Tender love is blind—

singing It requires a dedication, all this love we feel needs no conversation. Divided, together, uh huh. Making love with each other, uh huh.

We’re making love!

singing Islands in the stream, that is what we are, no one in between, how can we be wrong? Sail away with me…

Talk! Just talk!

I am-

Shut up!

Funny story: the way that I got into improv was, I got into improv. The story about me getting into improv was that I was walking down the street, and a race car pulls up, and the guy says “Hey you’re funny, you’re the funniest guy I’ve ever seen, or my name is not Dale Earnhardt.” giggles And that was an improv. Um, the real way is that I found a flyer.

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