Booze Cruise - The Office (Season 2, Episode 11)

Original Air Date: January 5, 2006

It opens with a classic prank: Jim puts Dwight's office supplies in the vending machine. (Jim knows the vending machine guy.) Dwight, who is broke, has no way to buy his supplies. Jim hands him a baggie full of nickels.

The staff eagerly awaits for Michael to come to work and tell them where they are going this afternoon. You see, Michael sent out a memo stating that the staff should pack for their "first quarter camaraderie event" and to bring a toothbrush, a swimsuit, rubber soled shoes and a ski mask.

Michael eventually confesses that it is a cruise (in January) on Lake Wallenpaupack, and it will be a party, a leadership training exercise, and a mind-blowing experience.

Jim bets the camera that Michael will stand on the front of the boat and yell "I'm king of the world" in the first hour.

While boarding the ship, the captain quickly pulls rank and deflates Michael. Jim wins his bet as Michael does yell, "I'm king of the world".

Jim, Katie, Roy, and Pam are sitting together. Roy and Katie are getting along great and Pam and Jim keep giving each other looks.

Annoyed with Dwight, Captain Jack asks Dwight if he'd like to steer the ship. Dwight is excited. Captain Jack shows Dwight to the front of the boat where there is a fake wheel. Dwight is pleased.

Katie and Darryl cheer on Roy as he does his snorkel shot. Pam, not impressed, refuses to do one and asks Roy to go somewhere quieter. Roy, drunk, doesn't budge. He needs to see Darryl do his snorkle shot. So Pam and Jim leave together to go to the deck.

On the deck, Pam confesses that she just doesn't get Roy. Jim looks around to make sure they are alone and then he and Pam make eye contact. They stare at each other for several seconds until Pam breaks it to tease Jim about Katie. Clearly, Jim doesn't want to lose this moment and continues to stare into her eyes. He wants to say something. Pam, sensing this may be the case, says she's cold and goes inside. Jim is disappointed.

In talking to Captain Jack, Roy seems to have a moment of drunken clarity and takes the microphone and declares a wedding date. Pam is thrilled.

While outside, watching everyone slow dance, Katie askes Jim if he thinks they'll ever get married. Jim very quickly answers no and Katie is upset. Jim breaks up with her.

Meredith and Captain Jack go at it, sexually, pretty good in the steering room. However, Michael with his business / ship metaphors, scares the non-employee passangers on the ship and they start jumping overboard. This interrupts Captain Jack and Meredith so he puts Michael in the brig.

On the deck, Jim, heartbroken, confesses his feelings for Pam to Michael. Michael does what he has tried to do all night. He motivates Jim to not give up. Engaged ain't married.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Booze Cruise

Hey.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hello. Jim?
What’s up, buddy?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
This is not funny. Why is my stuff in here?
Wow, that’s weird. Oh, dollar for a stapler, that’s pretty good.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah, well, I’m not paying for my own stuff, okay? I know you did this, because you’re friends with the vending machine guy.
Who, Steve?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah, Steve, whatever his name is.
Sorry. What do I want? What do I want… Oh, it’s a pencil cup.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, no, no, no, no. That’s my pencil cup.
Um, I don’t think so, I just bought it.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Uh, I think so, and you’re going to hand it over to me.
I love these.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Okay, fine. Where’s my wallet?
Oh, there it is. J1.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
But I don’t have any…
Here, you know what? You can have some nickels.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Dwight Schrute
putting nickels in Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five…

Hello, everyone.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Good morning, Michael.
Where are we going this afternoon?
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
Ah! Ha ha ha!

Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
“It’s time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask.”
A ski mask and a swimsuit.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
So that he can have us rob a bank, and then escape through the sewers.
And brush our teeth.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah?
Michael.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Stanley! Bo banley.
I need to know…
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Banana fana fo fanley.
What we’re doing.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Be my mo manley.
You said bring a toothbrush.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Stanley.
Is this an overnight?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Maybe. The suspense is just so exciting, isn’t it?
Should my wife tell her boss she’s not coming in tomorrow?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Maybe, I don’t know.
Not maybe. Yes or no.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, no. But… okay, don’t spoil it for everybody, all right? But we are going on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack.
In January?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Michael Scott
It’s cheaper.

This is not just another party. This is a leadership training exercise. Right? I’m going to combine elements of fun and motivation and education into a single mind-blowing experience.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
It is now time to unveil the destination of this year’s retreat. We are going on a harbor cruise of Lake Wallenpaupack. It’s a booze cruise!
All right!
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Ryan
I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that?
No. This is mandatory. But don’t worry, you know what? You’re gonna learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around, Ryan.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Ryan
I’m already in business school.
Well, this…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Wait, Michael?
Yeah?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit?
To throw you off the scent.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Yeah, but I bought a bathing suit.
Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
I took the tags off already.
Well, that’s not my fault, okay? Just.. we’re not going to pay for a bathing suit. Okay, I know what you’re all thinking, “Who is this smart little cookie?” Her name is Brenda… something, and she is from corporate. And she is here, like you, to learn from what I have to say.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I am a great motivational speaker. I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year, and… it wasn’t the actual course. You have to pay for the actual course. But it talked about the actual course. And I’ve incorporated a lot of his ideas into my own course.

Leader… ship. The word “ship” is hidden inside the word “leadership,” as its derivation. So if this office is, in fact, a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we’re all in the same boat. Teamwork!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Oscar Martinez
Last year, Michael’s theme was “Bowl over the Competition!” So guess where we went.

Now, on this ship that is the office, what is a sales department? Anyone?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
How about the sales department is the sails?
Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good. Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
A furnace?
Yeesh, how old is this ship?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
How about the anchor?
What does the furnace do?
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Michael Scott
All right, let’s not get hung up on the furnace. This just… it’s the sales… I see the sales department down there. They’re in the engine room, and they are shoveling coal into the furnace, right? I mean, who saw the movie Titanic? They were very important in the movie Titanic. Who saw it? Show of hands!
I’m not really sure what movie you’re talking about. Are you sure you got the title right?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Titanic?
I think you’re thinking of The Hunt for Red October.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
No, I’m Leo DiCaprio! Come on!

Michael stands in the front of the boat and says that he’s king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Phyllis
Michael, everyone in the engine room drowned.
No! Thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. They’re happy down there in the furnace room. And they’re dirty and grimy and sweaty, and they’re singing their ethnic songs, and… actually, that might be warehouse.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
What?
The… no, no. No, I didn’t… okay. Well, okay, in a nutshell, what I’m saying is… leadership. We’ll talk more about that on the boat. Ship.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Aye aye, Captain.

singing A three-hour tour, a three-hour tour.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Pam, you are Mary Ann! We have the Professor and Ginger, welcome aboard. Angela, you are Mrs. Howell. Lovey. to Kelly Uh… the native. Sometimes they come from neighboring… to Stanley We have one of the Globetrotters, I am the Skipper, and Dwight, you will be Gilligan.
Cool.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Captain Jack
Actually, I’m the Skipper. But you can be Gilligan.
I’d rather die. Hi, I am Michael Scott, I am the captain of this party.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
I am Captain Jack, I am captain of the ship. I’m also captain of anyone who sets foot on the ship. to boarding passengers Hi, welcome aboard.
Okay.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It’s nebulose.

Hey, look! I’m king of the world!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Captain Jack
Okay, all right! Welcome aboard! I am your captain, Captain Jack.
And I am the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Michael Scott. Welcome, welcome!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
Okay! So…
Okay! So…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
Please. The life preservers.
Right.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
They are located underneath the seats, all along the border of the boat.
But don’t worry, you are not going to be needing life preservers tonight.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
Well, we might, okay? Please let me finish, okay? Thank you. So, the Coast Guard requires that I tell you where the safety exits are. On this ship, it’s very easy. Anywhere over the side. Dwight laughs loudly. Not only am I your ship captain, I am also your party captain! Whoo! We’re gonna get it going in just a few minutes here…
I’m your party captain too! And you are gonna put on your dancing shoes later on! So we are gonna…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
Okay, Michael, if you don’t mind…
Rock it!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
Please, okay?
If the boat’s a-rockin’, don’t come knockin’!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
Michael.
Yep.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
Your company’s employees are not the only people on the boat tonight, okay?
We’re all gonna have a good time tonight!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
Why don’t you let me and my crew do our job. You just sit back and have a good time. All right?
Hm? Okay. Yep.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Katy
You guys, it’s like we’re in high school and we’re at the cool table. Right?
Yeah.
Photo of Roy
Photo of Katy
Pam, were you a cheerleader?
No, she was totally Miss Artsy-Fartsy in high school. She wore the turtleneck and everything!
Photo of Roy
Photo of Katy
That’s hilarious.
It’s not hilarious, but…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Roy
Where did you go to school?
Bishop O’Hara.
Photo of Katy
Photo of Roy
Piss slop who cares-a? We played you! You… you really look familiar. Did you… you cheered for them, didn’t you?
Um, no.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Katy
Yes, I did! chanting A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Awesome! Awesome is what we are! We’re the football superstars! A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
I remember that! We crushed you like 42-10!
Photo of Roy

Photo of Michael Scott
Having fun?
Yeah. Everybody’s really nice.
Photo of Brenda
Photo of Michael Scott
Good. Well, that is what Scranton is all about. Not like you New Yawkers.
When are you going to start the presentation?
Photo of Brenda
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, we already sort of started it back at the office and on the dock with the Gilligan thing, so… right now, I was thinking. Yes. Okay, listen up all you Dunder-Mifflinites! I would like to talk to you all about life preservers. Now, one important life preserver in business is IT support.
Not now, Mike, we’re doing the limbo! That’s right, partiers, it’s time to limbo, limbo, limbo!
Photo of Captain Jack
Photo of Michael Scott
So, okay.
Limbo, whoo!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Captain Jack
All right! I need a volunteer to come up here and hold my stick. Who’s it gonna be?
Me.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Captain Jack
Okay…
Me! Me, me, me.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Captain Jack
Uh… usually it’s a woman.
I’m stronger.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Captain Jack
Hey, I got an idea! How would you like to steer the ship, Dwight?

Keep us on a steady course. Keep a sharp eye out. I’m counting on you!
Photo of Captain Jack

Photo of Dwight Schrute
I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four. And I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.

All right, all right, that was great! Now it’s time for the dance contest!
Photo of Captain Jack
Photo of Michael Scott
But before that, I have to do my presentation.
Nope! Dance contest!
Photo of Captain Jack
Photo of Michael Scott
All right, we’ll have a motivational dance contest! Hit it! Yeah, okay, dancing! It is a primal art form used in ancient times to express yourself with the body and communicate!

Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
singing What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?
Hey, come inside and talk to me.
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
I can’t. Do you want us to run aground, woman?!

chanting Snorkel shot! Snorkel shot!
Photo of Katy
Photo of Roy
Whoo! Who’s next? Come on, Pam! Come on! Come on!
No, I’m not going to do that.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Roy
Come on!
That’s what I’m talking about!
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hey, why don’t we find like a quieter place to hang out?
I’ve just gotta wait for Darryl to do his shot. Just a minute. Come on! chanting Darryl! Darryl!
Photo of Roy

Photo of Pam Beesley
It’s getting kind of rowdy down there.
Yeah. chanting Darryl! Darryl! Darryl!
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Sometimes I just don’t get Roy.
Well…
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I mean, I don’t know. So… what’s it like dating a cheerleader?
Oh, um… A long silence.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’m cold.

So, what’s this presentation all about?
Photo of Captain Jack
Photo of Michael Scott
Ah! See, this is of general interest. It is about priorities and making decisions, using the boat as an analogy. What is important to you? If the boat is sinking, what do you save?
Women and children.
Photo of Captain Jack
Photo of Michael Scott
No, no. Salesmen and profit centers.
That’s a stupid analogy.
Photo of Captain Jack
Photo of Michael Scott
Okay, well, obviously you don’t know anything about leadership.
Well, I was the captain of a PC-1 Cyclone Coastal Patrol Boat during Desert Storm.
Photo of Captain Jack
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Wow. You should be the motivational speaker.
Okay.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Yeah. He gives me real responsibility, Michael. Captain Jack delegates. He’s let me steer the ship for the last hour.

I’d like to be engaged. How did you manage to pull that off?
Photo of Katy
Photo of Pam Beesley
Uh, I’ve been engaged for three years, and there’s no end in sight. So… you don’t wanna ask my advice.

Suppose your office building’s on fire. Jim, who would you save?
Photo of Captain Jack
Photo of Jim Halpert
Um… let’s see, uh… The customer. Because the customer is king.
Not what I was looking for, but a good thought.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
He’s just sucking up!
When you were in the Navy, did you ever almost die?
Photo of Roy
Photo of Captain Jack
Oh yeah, oh yeah. And I wasn’t thinking about some customer. I was thinking about my first wife. The day I got back on shore, I married her.

You know what? I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Roy
Hello, everybody, could I have your attention for just a second? Could you listen to me for a second? We were up at the front, and we were talking about what’s really important, and… Pam, I think enough is enough. I think we should set a date for our wedding. How about June 10th? Come on, let’s do it! Come on, Pam!

I don’t want to take credit for this, but Roy and I were just having a conversation about making commitments and making choices. Right? Did I motivate you?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Roy
No, it was Captain Jack.
Well… could have been either one of us, because we were pretty much saying the same thing. Congratulations. That is great!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
We gotta celebrate! Hey, I got an idea, I got an idea. I can marry you right now, as captain of the ship!
Yes! I can marry you as regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, no, I want my mom and dad to be there.
Then I’ll give you away!
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, thank you.

Do you think that’ll ever be us?
Photo of Katy
Photo of Jim Halpert
No.
What is wrong with you? Why did you even bring me here tonight?
Photo of Katy
Photo of Jim Halpert
I don’t know. Let’s break up.
Whoa. What?
Photo of Katy

Photo of Captain Jack
This is where Captain Jack drives the boat.
Wow!
Photo of Meredith Palmer

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the Moon.
Captain Jack is a fart face. I’m on medication.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Brenda
Really? What?
Vomicillin. Okay. All right. It’s time to be boss. It’s time to motivate. Let’s blow some minds here. Okay, guys, guys, cool it. Everybody, Dunder-Mifflin Scranton employees, Brenda, I have some very, very urgent news I need to tell everybody right now. Listen up. The ship is sinking! Okay? We’re going down, right now. Just wrap your heads around the reality of that. Shh, please! Everybody, it’s my turn now, okay? Captain Jack is gone. In five minutes, this ship is going to be at the bottom of the lake! And there aren’t enough spaces on the lifeboat! Who are we gonna save? Do we save sales? Do we save customer service? Do we save accounting? This is a business scenario. Right? It’s a scary… it’s a…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Captain Jack
Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on here?
It’s a predicament, and it’s something that each and every one of us has to think about.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
I’m in the brig. See? The boat’s not as corporate-friendly as advertised. What was the deal with the guy jumping overboard? What was… if he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now and not all wet.

Is somebody there?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
What happened to you?
Captain Jack has a problem with authority.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, right, because you announced that his ship was sinking?
He just totally lost it. If you ask me, he caused the panic.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
What a night.
Well, it’s nice for you. Your friend got engaged.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
She was always engaged.
Roy said the first one didn’t count.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
That’s… great. You know, to tell the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam, so…
Really? You’re kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never have put you two together. You really hid it well. God! I usually have a radar for stuff like that. You know, I made out with Jan…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah, I know.
Yeah? Yep. Well, Pam is cute.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Yeah. She’s really funny, and she’s warm. And she’s just… well, anyway.
Well, if you like her so much, don’t give up.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
She’s engaged.
BFD. Engaged ain’t married.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Jim Halpert
Huh.
Never, ever, ever give up.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Don’t worry, Michael. I’m taking us to shore.
It’s a fake wheel, dummy.
Photo of Michael Scott

The Office TV Show Footer image