I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it?
Clueless and often obnoxious, but never malicious. Andy gives people unwanted nicknames, goes on about his Ivy League education, and is completely tone-deaf on issues of class and race –
and yet he's a nice guy at heart. There's a genuine goodness in him. Even his obliviousness is genuine.
Andy Bernard Quotes
- A word of advice, speaking as a former baby. Don't get too hung up on baby names.
- Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them because they are unfair.
- I get super flexible when I'm nervous.
- You are a critical part of this seminar. You're the charming warm-up guy. If the seminar was a meal, you'd be the amuse-bouche.
- You should be an English professor at Cor-not University.
- I'm always thinking one step ahead, like a...carpenter...that makes stairs.
- I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup.
- If you donated my computer to Africa, it would become famous as the slowest computer in Africa.
- I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately...or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it
goes badly, I might lose my job, which would suck, because this is the only job I've ever been good at.
- Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future, and I went to your funeral and guess what? Nobody came.
- Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.
- I guess I don't have what it takes to be a film critic. I could be a food critic...these muffins taste bad. Or maybe an art critic...that painting is...bad.
- In high school, I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway got a 1220.
- Erin and I have our first date tonight. And it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to 'How I Met Your Mother', that's the date that your kids are going
to wait patiently to hear about and you'd better have a good story to tell them.
- Every little boy fantasizes about his fairytale wedding.
- I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies I'm going to kill myself.
- Hey Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented. Well...right back at ya Darryl.
- The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel.
- I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a capella group "Here Comes Treble."
- I went to Cornell. You ever heard of it?
- Steer clear, Big Tuna. Head for open waters.
- Good luck over there, Tuna. Cross me, and I will destroy you.
- I'll be the number two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.
- I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.
- The weird thing is now I'm exactly where I want to be. I've got my dream job at Cornell, and I'm still just thinking about my old pals.
- When I got the name Boner Champ, that's when I became me.
- Call me the Nard Dog.
- Break me off a piece of that... Fancy Feast.
Andy Bernard Trivia
- Andy attended Cornell University and graduated in 4 years.
- Andy was a member of the a capella group "Here Comes Treble" in college.
- Andy's birth name was Walter.
- Andy's star sign in Gemini
- Andy was born in Connecticut
- Andy played Anthony Hope in the Sweeney Todd musical
- The name of the theatre production company that produced Sweeney Todd was "Loose Screw Playhouse"
- Andy gained the name Boney Champ because he had coitus with a snowman to completion.
- Andy has worked for Enron, AIG, and Lehman Brothers.
- Andy is the one who gave Jim the nickname "Big Tuna"
- Nellie Bertram temporarily replaces Andy from the role of Office Manager
- Dwight purchases Andy's Xterra and immediately flips it for a profit.
- Michael Scott spreads the rumor that had Andy doubting his sexuality.