Pool Party - The Office (Season 8, Episode 12)

After Robert California is forced to sell his mansion at the behest of his ex-wife following his divorce, Kevin suggests that he have an office pool party. Andy takes his girlfriend Jessica to the party and brings an engagement ring his Jessica-approving mother gave him, hoping to propose. The ring goes missing from Andy's pants and he is horrified that he cannot find it. Kelly and Phyllis later find the ring and decide, based on the superstition of finding a lost ring, that it must be destroyed, setting it in the pool atop a tiny pyre.

Erin, having been told by Meredith that Andy followed her home after the Christmas party, decides to make Andy jealous by flirting with Dwight. Dwight initially refuses, but, after realizing that Erin's choosing him as her co-conspirator is flattering to his attractiveness, agrees to help. The two flirt outrageously whenever Andy is close by, but Andy does not notice. To ensure Andy's attention, Erin and Dwight challenge Andy and Jessica to a series of chicken fights in the pool. After several defeats, Erin is so determined to win a match that she pushes Dwight to the point where he passes out in the water, ending the game.

In a final attempt to make Andy jealous, Dwight tells Andy he wants to pursue a romance with Erin but wants to avoid an "Angela kind of situation" between them. Andy assures Dwight that he and Erin are through but, at the mention of Dwight having sex with Erin that very night, he balks and suggests that Dwight take things slowly instead, leading Dwight to pointedly tell him "You're an idiot." Erin later swims up to Andy with the lost ring, having recognized the Bernard family seal. Andy admits that he has doubts about proposing to Jessica, making Erin very happy.

While most of the employees are congregated in the pool area, Robert gives some of the guys - Jim, Gabe, Ryan, Oscar, and Toby - a tour of his massive home, spending most of the time mournfully describing how it was intended to be the location for wild Bacchanalias. Ruing that his wine cellar will only "go to the lawyers" if left undrunk, he opens it to those at the party, who proceed to get drunk with him. Oscar bonds with Toby after he notices Toby's great wine choice, though Toby just picked it randomly. Toby plays along, glad to be making a friend, but laments the consequences he will later have to face. Jim had intended to make a token appearance at Robert's party and quickly return home to his wife and kids; however, Robert, sensing his reluctance to be there, insists that Jim stay for the duration of the tour; in order to punish him for laughing at an inopportune moment earlier that day as Robert had complained about having to sell his house.

Gabe and Ryan brown-nose Robert throughout the entire night. Eventually, Robert realizes that he is hosting one of the parties he had always imagined, at which point he jumps into the pool completely naked, followed by Gabe and Ryan. Jim takes this as his cue to leave, sneaking away and driving home at top speed, even driving on the lawn and running over a mailbox backing out. At the end of the night, Gabe and Ryan, both drunk and unwilling to concede defeat, remain at the party with Robert even as the CEO passes out.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Pool Party

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Oh, ugh. stands and looks at meatball in chair What is this, a meatball? Really? Stanley laughs

It’s always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience. That was usually Pam so now that she’s out I had to find someone else. Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan. But not everything makes him laugh. He has very specific tastes. Through a painstaking process of trial and error, I’ve found out what he likes. And it’s really weird.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Dwight Schrute
Jim, come on! That’s so juvenile! What the- opens drawer full of meatballs
You’ve been meatballed! laughs
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Ugh.
Are you ready for some meatball?
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Aw, man. Stanley laughs This is not very clever, Jim.
I know.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Look for your stapler!
Dwight finds stapler in giant meatball Really Jim? Really? Very funny.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Stanley Hudson
to Phyllis Oh okay. Good night. climbs in to Dwight’s car What’s the haul?
Thirty-two meatballs.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Good day.

That idiot’s been feeding us for a week.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Stanley Hudson
We’ll never have to buy meatballs again.

phone rings Dunder Mifflin. Jessica, hi! How are you? Oh yay, that’s so great to hear.
Photo of Erin

Photo of Erin
I’m not going to be one of those exes who can’t move on. They have their life and I have mine. I’m taking an Italian class. So far I’ve learned tortellini, spagettini, linguini… Well it’s not so much a class as a restaurant, but I do Monday, Wednesday, Friday from seven to nine.

I will patch you through right now. You sound really pretty today. Okay.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Jessica! I love you! That’s a message from my mom.

My parents met Jessica and they completely flipped for her so they gave me this old family ring to use on her. I know, whoa! Pump the breaks, Bernard, too early! I get it. I just, you know, I’m just carrying it around, seeing how it feels. I haven’t proposed to anyone in years… Mom took the main diamond out, she thought that had more of a my little brother kind of vibe to it, but…
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Jim Halpert
Robert is looking at pictures of a house online Whoa, looks pretty nice. Got a little bit of a Shining vibe, though.
Oh, who needs a house that size?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Big. Stupid. Pure chump bait.
I’m selling the house, actually.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
You know, there’s a glare from over here… oh wow, that’s magnificent.
It’s mid-recession in a depressed area of a faltering state and I’ve got the most expensive house on the market. The one percent are suffering too, people. I wanted it to be my Playboy mansion. A temple to wine, revelry, sex, intrigue… this was hot on the heels of Eyes Wide Shut, mind you. Then I met my wife, she moved in, made it her own. Now she’s left me and forced me to sell the place. The ultimate insult? They’re calling my speakeasy lounge a rumpus room. Jim laughs Does my turmoil amuse you, Jim?
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
I’m sorry, I thought you were making a joke.
What could you possibly have found funny in what I said? What was the joke you thought you heard?
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
I guess I thought you were approaching it with more of a sarcasm than misery. Kind of laughing at your own pain, sad clown thing.
Oh yes. How hilarious it is to laugh at clowns, the painted jesters of the dying circus industry. Very funny, Jim. I get it.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Andy Bernard
Um, I’m getting reports of a serious outbreak of the grumpies in here.
A beautiful monster cost me my forties and my dream home. I think I’m entitled to the occasional bad day.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Andy Bernard
Well, please tell Susan we all say hi.
Dude, what if, since you’re feeling grumpy, we all swing by tonight and check out your indoor pool? Robert laughs
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Kevin, no.
What, as some sort of last hoorah?
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yeah. All of us in the pool, saying hoorah. Maybe the last one that says hoorah is it.
You know I suppose someone should enjoy the place before I hand it over to the staging experts at Remax tomorrow. Let’s try this: everyone, tonight, my house, wear a swimsuit. Let’s just call it a get-together. And let’s say no food.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Kevin Malone
Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air or was it me?
That was you, Kevin.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Kevin Malone
It was me.

You going tonight, kiddo? Cause I can give you a lift.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Erin
Oh, I don’t know, Meredith. It seems like you shouldn’t drive maybe ever.
It’s no problem. You live right near me.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Erin
How do you know where I live?
Andy followed you home after the Christmas party.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Erin
Why?
He wanted to make sure California didn’t put it in you.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Erin
Oh. Come on.

Wow. Andy’s such a weird stalker. Following me home like that when he has a girlfriend? I should get a restraining order. squeaks
Photo of Erin

Photo of Angela Martin
sticks a hand in the pool Oh, it is warm.
It’s almost too warm.
Photo of Cathy
Photo of Gabe
I’m feeling eighty-two, eighty-two and a half.
Oh, so close. Eighty-one.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Gabe
to Cathy Well, we’ll say its eight-two and it’ll be our secret.
to Jim Hey, late guy.
Photo of Cathy
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey. Wow. Just stopping by. Got another party to go to. A wife and two kids at home party.
Oh.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jim Halpert
DJ Pam Halpert is spinning some serious Radio Disney tonight.

You’re looking at the master of leaving parties early. They key is, you have to make a strong impression, so you want to have a picture taken, you want to say some peculiar non sequitur that people remember, you want to note something unique, a talking point, for later. I don’t mean to brag, but New Year’s Eve, I was home by nine.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Jim Halpert
Robert, just wanted to grab you one second. This place is amazing, by the way.
You should see the whole thing.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
I bet I should. takes cell phone photo That’s beautiful, I’m going to email that to you.
I’m just about to give the tour.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
All right-
Join us. You must see what you were laughing about.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
I must…

looks at pool Wow.
Photo of Jessica
Photo of Andy Bernard
hides ring Yeah, it’s pretty serious poolage.
sees Andy’s hand in his pocket What are you doing?
Photo of Jessica
Photo of Andy Bernard
Hmm? Flicking a bug off my wiener. they both laugh
Gross. I’m getting a drink. Do you want anything?
Photo of Jessica
Photo of Andy Bernard
No, I’m good.
runs to Andy Funny how we can be surrounded by people and still feel so lonely. Hi.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Hi.
How is everything? How’s your car?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
It’s great. You know. Reliable. Great mileage.
Is that so? How about this weekend we take that sucker to a duck pond or something? Maybe get caught in the rain?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Well, I can’t. I’m going skiing with Jessica. you know, a couple of dopes on the slopes.
Oh, like a goodbye trip.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
No. What?
Hey.
Photo of Jessica
Photo of Erin
Hi.

I guess Andy isn’t totally over his current girlfriend. But, if he was jealous once before then maybe I can make him jealous again. Just not with Robert. He told me he was a ride I wouldn’t survive, and I believe him.
Photo of Erin

Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Val. You made it.
Yup, yup.
Photo of Val
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Uh oh, look at this. Red plastic cup, red plastic cup. How about that?
You know, you are just as dumb at night.
Photo of Val
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Mmm. they clink cups
All right, theres- this would be no problem. I could swim under, one breath.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jessica
No, show me.
Okay.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jessica
Dive in right here.
In a minute. In a minute.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Jessica
Okay. You don’t know what you’re doing.
A minute would be cool.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
Hey, Dwight Snoot.
What-
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
What you doing?
I’m relaxing. Scram. pushes her
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
Ow.
Hey, Stanley. Um, what happened to my pants?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Stanley Hudson
I moved them. Pants only need a chair if there’s a person in them.
Where… finds pants, looks for ring
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
Come on, don’t you want to play?
Oh really?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
Yeah.
Yeah, you want to play you little hick? kicks her in to the pool, Erin screams
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Kevin Malone
Whoa.
Dwight! Oh my gosh! Dwight!
Photo of Angela Martin

Photo of Robert California
Here we have the parlor. I imagined people would set down their coats and symbolically their inhibitions. This was the gateway. You enter this room a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a judge, but beyond it you’re simply a penis, a vagina, hunger, ache. Susan used it as a Pilates studio.
sees wine collection Holy cow!
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Robert California
Wine collection.
How many bottles? Three hundred?
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Robert California
laughs About twelve hundred. What the hell, grab a bottle. Less inventory for the lawyers.
Toby! Chateau Margaux ninety-five. You know your wine.
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Well, and you have a… yes, a- d- another chateau.
Robert, you are too kind.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Robert California
Oh.
Too kind doesn’t begin to cover it.
Photo of Gabe
Photo of Ryan
With ammunition like this we are in for quite a night, you and me.
And Gabe-y makes three.
Photo of Gabe
Photo of Jim Halpert
Robert, thank you. Thank you for this. Thank you for all this. This night’s been magical.
Jim, come see this next room. I think you especially would like it.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
Really? Why?
I don’t know. Maybe not. Just come.
Photo of Robert California

Photo of Erin
Dwight dunks her Oh!
laughs You regret attacking me now, hick? Huh?
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
Stop it. Dwight, I was flirting with you. I was trying to use you to make Andy jealous.
I’m not going to help you. Why would you choose me? Because I’m mighty? Because I’m the manliest man in the office? I’ll do it. he picks her up
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
giggles Oh Dwight!

giggles Stop.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You stop.
No, you stop.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, you stop.
to camera Is he looking? shakes her head Oh. You can stop.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Okay, you can stop.
No, no, no, he’s not looking.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
No, you can stop.
You can actually stop.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Whoa, you guys, I just found this insane engagement ring. Is anyone missing this?
The main stone’s missing.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
I don’t know. It looks pretty great to me.

I pictured myself here every night eating a leg of mutton, the juices dripping down my bare chest, wiping my fingers on the walls. Then I met the vegan.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
Good night.
raises wine bottle To the kitchen!
Photo of Oscar Martinez
All
To the kitchen!
To the kitchen. Onward!
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Toby, what’s compelling about this is the note of persimmon. Right?
Note? It’s a symphony.
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Okay, you have to join my wine-tasting club.
I would love that.
Photo of Toby Flenderson

Photo of Toby Flenderson
Toby, you are playing a dangerous game. Guess I’m through the gateway now, though, right?

to Val You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been in this exact angle before. I was scared at first, but I like it.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Meredith Palmer
You guys got to try this pool. No top scum, no band-aids. This thing is choice.
You in?
Photo of Val
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Yeah, sure, sure. I’ll be right in.

I’ve been working out. But, the problem is, I’ve been building muscle underneath. And that top layer hasn’t burned off yet. Awkward stage.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin

Photo of Dwight Schrute
he and Erin feed each other chips Ah, mmm. So good. Now take a chip, crush it into my face, really rub the grease around. Do it. Now rub it in. Oh, yeah, that’s so good. Ah…
Andy’s not even looking. I think sexy eating is a dead end.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Damn it.
What is the most romantic possible thing?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
We can get some chicken fights going in the pool.
Dwight, that’s just- that’s really perfect. Thank you.
Photo of Erin
Both
Yes! they high five and jump in the pool
You’re in my way!
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Erin
Andy, Dwight and I challenge you and Jess to a chicken fight. Winner take all.
Chicken fight!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
No thanks.
Dang it! What the heck already?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Hey, Cathy. Chicken fight!
Okay, yeah. Who’s going to be my partner? Where’s Jim?
Photo of Cathy
Photo of Kevin Malone
I’m right here! gets in pool Cold. Cold. Come on, Cath.

Yeah- oh!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
knocks Cathy off Kevin’s shoulders Yes! Woo!
Woohoo! Yes!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
Dwight, our chemistry is really clicking. We work so well together.
I know. I could just bang you right now.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
He’s not looking. Dwight dumps her in the pool Hey!

I had two bears sewn together to make this king-size. Total waste of two bears.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
To both these bears.
To both these bears.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Toby Flenderson
Bears.
To both these bears.
Photo of Oscar Martinez

Photo of Robert California
When I put in the screening room, I bought three movies: Caligula, Last Tango in Paris, and Emmanuelle 2. Last two movies I actually watched in here Marley and Me and On Golden bleep Pond.
I mean, it’s clearly meant for watching erotic cinema.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Gabe
Yup. We could watch some right now if you want. I got a Korean film on my iPod if you want to just- if you have the cables.

Kelly, that’s a crazy ring you found.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Yeah, thanks. I’m really glad I found it.
I can’t believe you’re wearing it. Are you not superstitious at all?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Shh. Of course I’m superstitious. What are you talking about?
The ring of a failed marriage might have some sinister energy, right? Am I just being silly?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Phyllis
Oh, I don’t think you’re being silly.
Oh God. takes off ring
Photo of Kelly Kapoor
Photo of Andy Bernard
You know what, I can just sell it and put the money in the party fund.
snatches ring Then another woman will get it. We can’t allow that. We have to destroy it.
Photo of Phyllis
Photo of Jessica
to Andy Come on. Let’s chicken fight those two.
comes up from under water How was that?
Photo of Val
Photo of Kevin Malone
Okay. Watch my toes. does hand stand
Hey Val. Want a beer? It might taste better than that pool water you’ve been drinking.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Val
No, I’m good. Thank you.
Cool.
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Photo of Val
Cool. to Kevin Does Darryl not swim?
That’s racist! I don’t know. But I would say, by looking at him, no, Darryl does not swim.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Jessica
knocks Erin off Dwight’s shoulders Yes!
Yeah!
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Dwight Schrute
to Erin Maybe we should take a little break.
Dwight, we’ve got this. I promise. I will not leave your shoulders, no matter what.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Okay.
One more?
Photo of Erin
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yeah!
Yeah! Great! others cheer and clap
Photo of Jessica
Photo of Erin
Mush, mush, mush! Come on!
Go!
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Erin
Go! Okay. Yeah.
Here we go! knocks Erin over Yes!
Photo of Jessica
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yay! Erin comes back up Whoa!
Wow!
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Andy Bernard
I cannot believe you’re still up!
I cannot believe it either.
Photo of Jessica
Photo of Erin
I’ve got this! Dwight gasps Charge! Go! Go! Dwight sinks
muffled Dwight are you okay? Hey, damn it-
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Dwight Schrute
coughs up water Erin, did we win?
Sure. Sure we did.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Dwight Schrute
You’re lying. We didn’t win.
Hey, hey, hey Dwight. It’s okay. Just rest. Just rest.
Photo of Erin

Photo of Kelly Kapoor
You’ve broken up your last couple, you evil ring. Do it. Meredith sets fire to paper ring boat
We’re in the pool!
Photo of Angela Martin
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Shut it, Angela.

Ugh. Same old party, same old people. Am I right? Reminds me of Phyllis’s birthday.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Ooh, do not remind me of Phyllis’s birthday.
I know. laughs But boy, that Erin. She sure is a ripe little tiger, isn’t she? Rroww! And to think, I always thought of her as a second Meredith. Respectfully, I don’t want us walking into a similar Angela kind of situation.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Mmm.
So I just want to make sure that you are completely, one hundred percent done with Erin.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Last I checked, I’m with Jessica. And I like to get my monog on. It’s monogamy for my hog ‘n me.
Not what I asked.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
We’re done. Erin and I are over.
So then you won’t mind if tonight I just go crazy on her, just go nuts, rrargh. With sex.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Andy Bernard
Have at it. Or take it slow. Whatever you guys work out.
sighs You’re an idiot.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Kevin Malone
Kelly, that is mine! This is mine! Val, Erin and Kevin play with pool noodles
Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
Photo of Erin
Photo of Kevin Malone
No!
Oh I’ve got him!
Photo of Val
Photo of Darryl Phylbin
Cannonball! jumps in pool Let’s do this!

Erin swims up with ring Wow.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
So I kind of stepped on this. I think it’s yours.
Yeah. Oh wow. How did you know it was mine?
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
The Bernard family seal. Duh.
Duh.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
Sorry if your special night was ruined.
Oh, whoa. Whoa, no, it’s not a special night.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Erin
Oh, you weren’t going to do that?
Honestly Erin, I don’t know what I’m doing. I… I just… I don’t know. Thank you.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Erin
Andy’s confused. That’s not what I was hoping for, but it’s not so bad either. I can live with confused. I get confused. I totally get confused.

And of course, the pool. The ultimate lubricant for any wild evening. It was here that my parties would have crescendoed into true madness.
Photo of Robert California
Photo of Jim Halpert
To madness.
To madness.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Toby Flenderson
To madness. Robert laughs
To madness.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey, um, I think you parked my car in. Is there any way you can move your van?
Oh, I’m sorry. When I got here, I put my keys in a bowl.
Photo of Meredith Palmer
Photo of Jim Halpert
Are you serious?
Robert, I want you to know, I’m here to rock with you as late as you want, man.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Gabe
And that goes double for me. I’ll stay even later than you’d like.
Toby pours wine into Oscar’s mouth Toby! I am Bacchus, god of wine!
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Toby Flenderson
And I am Bacchus’s friend!
Gentlemen, bear witness. While I’ve been mourning the nights that never were, one of them has been unfolding here before me. This is no get-together. This is a party. Robert strips, jumps in pool, Gabe and Ryan join him
Photo of Robert California
All
Yes! Woohoo! Bravo!
And there’s my talking point.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Robert California
Yes, that’s it. Push yourselves, boys. It’s not a party if you don’t do something that scares you. I need a breather. Oh. Oh. You two keep going.
Hey, he’s asleep. We can just leave.
Photo of Ryan
Photo of Gabe
So leave.

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