Shareholder Meeting - The Office (Season 6, Episode 11)

Michael is excited when he's invited by CEO Alan Brand to be honored on stage at the Dunder Mifflin shareholder meeting in New York. He brings Andy, Dwight and Oscar along for the ride in the limo that was sent, making Oscar outraged that the company would spend money on sending a limo when they are about to go bankrupt, and is going to the meeting to better understand the company's financial situation. Oscar is further infuriated that they booked a huge conference room for the meeting. Andy suggests that Oscar bring up these grievances at the meeting, but Oscar refuses out of fear for losing his job.

Dwight decides to stand the line for the microphones so he can ask Michael a simple question to warm up, but gets stuck in the middle of a huge line when he attempts to move to a shorter one. When the meeting begins, the panel is greeted by jeers, which is not what Michael was hoping for. When the panel moves to take a break, the crowd's jeers increase as they protest that the panel has yet to offer any solutions to Dunder Mifflin's situation. Sick of the negative vibe, Michael impulsively announces a 45-day plan to fix Dunder Mifflin, which is greeted with enthusiastic applause.

Jim has a hard time getting Ryan to do work, as Ryan sees no point since the company is on the verge of closing. Later Phyllis decides to take a two-hour lunch break (where she gets drunk), and when Jim tries to stop her, she bluntly tells him that Michael always lets her take two-hour lunch breaks and that she does not have to listen to Jim since he cannot fire her. The rest of the office backs up Phyllis's assessment, and it becomes apparent that Ryan sent an email around the office regarding Jim's lack of authority over the office.

Jim thinks that he needs to make an example of Ryan in front of everyone, but Pam Beesly (Jenna Fischer) does not think Jim is capable of doing so. Jim, after giving Ryan one last chance to do his work, gives him his own personal office space in the small closet in the kitchen, which lacks windows and possibly internet access so he will not bother anyone or become distracted. He presents this "honor" to Ryan in front of everyone, showing them he means business. A humiliated Ryan tries to apologize, but Jim puts him in the closet anyway.

In New York, a frustrated David Wallace reveals to Michael that Dunder Mifflin's corporate leaders have no plan to get the company back on track, much less a 45-day plan. Michael is astounded by this but remains positive, and calls Oscar into the hotel room for some suggestions. However, Oscar is visibly embarrassed and unwilling to criticize the management to their faces. Oscar instead compliments them, does not repeat any of his earlier suggestions, and leaves. Michael follows and rebukes Oscar for backing down, but Oscar still refuses to help him.

When Michael returns, he is further lambasted by the CEO and former U.S. Congressman Chris O'Keefe who openly insults Michael. In his defense, Michael points out he is the only person who seems to be making money for Dunder Mifflin and the only one offering any positive suggestions or plans, and goes so far as to return the former Congressman's insult. Enraged, O'Keefe, who is presiding over the meeting, takes away Michael's limo privileges.

Michael then triumphantly sneaks away with Dwight, Andy, and Oscar back out into their limo and drives out of the city. As they leave, Michael justifies his actions by saying that of everyone there, he and his team are the only ones who deserve to celebrate with limo rides. As they leave, the camera catches a glance at the stock market ticker, where the Dunder Mifflin (DMI) stock price, currently at $1.13, down 6 7/8, continues to drop dramatically. An ending scene reveals that when Dwight reached the end of the line, he complained that the state of the line is indicative of the company's poor management. However, he only offers suggestions about how to improve the line, swiftly ending his turn.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Shareholder Meeting

Dwight enters dressed as Recyclops Not again.

Bow down before Recyclops.

Five years ago, corporate said we had to start a recycling program for Earth Day so Dwight took the lead on that and introduced us to a very close friend of his named Recyclops.

Happy Earth Day, everyone. I’m Recyclops. Did you know that an old milk carton can be sawed in half and used as a planter?

The next year he really stepped things up.

Who has put a number seven plastic in a number four bin?

A year after that Recylcops really began to take shape.

Recylops will drown you in your over-watered lawns.

Then tragedy struck Recyclops when his fictional planet was attacked by some other fictitious thing… I can’t remember.

Recyclops will have his revenge.

I think this was also the year he renounced Earth Day and vowed to the destroy the planet he once loved.

Oh my God, you guys, look. It’s Recyclops.

Recyclops destroys! starts tearing through the office

Oh, is today Recyclops Day?

Yes.

I thought you were killed by Polluticorn.

Polluticorn wishes. starts spraying the office with something

That’s aerosol spray. It’s terrible for the environment.

Humans are terrible for the environment.

The thing I like most about Recyclops is that he’s creating a different world for our child.

Mmm.

A world where you truly can be anything you want.

God bless you, Recyclops. And your cold robot heart. Dwight throws an aluminum can towards the recycling bin and misses

seated Ok. Ok. How ’bout this? rises, waves, sits back down

That’s great.

I want it to be better than ‘Great’, Pam. How ’bout I remain seated… and I just do a little bit of a nod. Sort of a humble thing. demonstrates

Sure.

Nope. Then my face is down. They can’t see my face.

And it looks like you’re taking a dump.

Alan Brand is the CEO of the company, if title’s important to you, has personally invited moi to go to New York to the shareholder’s meeting and sit up on the stage with the board of directors. And at some point they are going to introduce me as the most successful branch manager that they have. And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd… and the crowd goes wild.

doing an announcer voice Ladies and gentlemen from Scranton, Pennsylvania, please welcome Michael ‘The Machine’ Scott. Michael waves, twirls and sits down

Don’t do the twirl.

Lose the twirl.

The twirl sucks.

Michael, I hated the twirl.

still doing the voice & spinning in his chair Hate the twirl!

Ok. Obviously I’m not going to do the twirl. I only did it because I nailed the wave.

Yeah, good. Don’t do it.

I am not going to do the twirl. Alright? It’s not even a twirl, it’s a spin. I might do the spin.

The long term problem is bad investments that they need to dump. The short term problem is the company has no cash and there’s no where to get it.

Ok, Oscar, I don’t need the whole enchilada just the bullet points.

Those are the bullet points.

Well, could you condense it please?

That’s as simple as I can make it.

Michael? The limo’s here for you.

It’s not a limo. It’s a town car. Town cars are actually better, though. Better torque. Better handling.

He said limousine, so…

at window in conference room Check it out, guys. There’s a limo down here. everyone heads to the conference room Michael, look. Oh, man.

They sent a limo.

Town cars suck. Town car is something that a company sends when they’re in trouble. A limousine is something that a company sends when they have cause for celebration. And in this case I think we are celebrating me.

everyone is rushing down the stairs to see the limo Oh, wait. Wait. Wow. Wow! Oh, no way. Look at that.

What kind of mileage does this baby get?

It’s like what high school kids take to prom on tv shows.

This is so typical of management to spend money on this. Ugh. Bunch of boobs.

Hate to break it to you Oscar but some of us like boobs.

Calves. Calves all the way.

I’m so jealous right now.

Hey, you know who you should be jealous of? Yourself. Because you’re invited and you’re invited and you’re invited and you and you and you and you and you and you-

Limo Driver

Car seats eight.

What?

Limo Driver

The car seats eight.

The limo seats eight. Ok. Then Jim and Pam and Ryan plus a guest.

Jim & Pam

No thanks.

I’ll use it when you’re done.

others start raising their hands to be picked Mmm… whoa.

The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons and idiots. Because that’s what you’d have to be to own it. And, as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.

in the limo with Dwight, Andy and Oscar I wish the windows weren’t tinted so people could see us in here.

Hey, guys, do you think anyone might have had sex in here?

Definitely.

Smells like it.

Definitely. Look they got pillows. That. That’s bigger than my bed.

Word.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

the limo driver raises the divider window Who’s playing with the button?

Hey, Ryan. Could you start consolidating all our Rolodex information into Outlook?

Uh, it doesn’t seem like there’s much of a point if the company’s going under.

But if the company doesn’t go under then we’ll finally have all our contacts in one program.

The company’s probably going under, though.

Could go either way.

Seems like it’s leaning one way.

Maybe we should just wait and find out.

Definitely.

Ok.

So should we wait to find out before we start doing all this stuff?

Nah. Might as well do it now.

Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just gonna wave, or what?

I will have to answer.

I’ll ask you a question.

Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park.

Michael Scott you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin. How do you do it?

No, no. That’s too hard. Say your name is Zamboni and then I will say, ‘Well, we’re sort of on thin ice.’ they all laugh I won’t say that. I’ll something like that.

This is your big day. Come on.

Oh, my god. This is it.

Mr. Scott?

Laurie

Yes.

I’m Laurie.

Laurie

Oh, hi.

Thank you for joining us. Come with me.

Laurie

Well, thank you and, and please call – continue to call me Mr. Scott.

Ok. If you just want to follow me I’ll take you up to the lounge.

Laurie

Well, I guess this is as far as I can take you guys. So –

Kay.

Good luck, Michael.

See you later.

walking past bodyguards at the door Officers. Thank you.

After you, Mr. Scott.

Laurie

Thank you.

Michael.

Hello.

So glad you could make it.

Thank you.

How was the ride?

Oh. It was awesome. Very, very sublime.

I’m glad. I want to introduce you to everyone. First we’ll start with Alan Brand. Alan? CEO. Michael Scott, Branch manager, Scranton.

It’s nice to meet you, Michael.

It’s nice to meet you, too. It’s an honor and a privilege.

Seated, we have the former congressman, Chris O’Keefe.

Ah. bows Your eminence.

Registrar

For those of you with questions, please line up behind one of the four microphones that have been placed in the aisles.

Coming through. Che, che, che, che, che, che. spots microphone and gets in line, sees an empty mic and attempts to get there first Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. a line appears from nowhere Ah. Damn it. heads back to the original line which is now even longer Wha- okay grunts

I was hoping to lob Michael his softball question early. I wanted to swing by the garment district, pick up a few crates of my shirts. I got a shirt guy.

Can you believe this? The money they spent on this convention hall. finding a seat Excuse me, miss. I just want to take the stupid board of directors by their necks. This is so simple.

Yeah. Well, you should do that. Get in line.

Oh, what a great idea and lose my job. No thank you.

Look, do you want to be able to tell your grandkids you stood up for yourself during the – America’s biggest financial crisis?

How is he gonna have grandkids?

You guys ever protect the president?

No.

Security

What about Madonna? Or Obama twins? Anybody famous?

Not supposed to talk about it. Nelly Furtado.

Security

Alright, guys. You ready?

Rock and roll. they walk into convention room and are booed by everyone

Dunder Mifflin is still a strong company. We are poised to come through this more streamlined and profitable than ever. boos from the crowd

to David This is not as much fun as I thought it would be.

It was fun when we weren’t on the brink of bankruptcy.

accidentally into his microphone We’re going bankrupt, you think? angry jeering from the crowd They are really angry.

The shareholders need to empower our leadership –

I’m just gonna run to the bathroom. Will you save my place?

Woman in line

Man in line

Sure.

No. You will not.

Woman in line

Excuse me?

Oh, I’m sorry. Were you raised in a household with no consequences?

Woman in line

It’ll just be a second.

Oh. If onlys and justs were candies and nuts then every day would be Erntedankfest.

… and we’re confident. There are many things to be optimistic about in Dunder Mifflin’s future and one of them is here with us today. Michael Scott, Scranton Branch manager.

loudly applauds Yes.

In these uncertain times, Michael has managed to maintain steady profits from his Scranton branch. We all thank you, Michael. scattered applause Another bright spot in the Dunder Mifflin landscape, our new waste pulp re-purposing plant in Milford. applause

Hey, Phyllis. Are you just getting back from lunch now?

Bob took me to Capello’s. We got a little tipsy.

Ok. You shouldn’t be telling me that stuff and also shouldn’t be taking two hour lunches without telling me.

Oh, it’s ok. Michael doesn’t really care about these things.

I care about them and I’m just as much of a boss as Michael. Stanley laughs What’s so funny? I’m a co-manager.

That doesn’t make you a boss.

It’s not like you can fire people or anything.

Well – who? How did you? Who, who told you this?

Ryan.

Can’t say.

Sorry. Plastered.

Ok. Who else has heard the rumor that I am not as much in charge as Michael? everyone raises there hands – including Pam

Stuff gets around. I don’t participate.

Who here heard it from Ryan?

Does and email count?

Yes.

Yeah. everyone raises hands again

I am just as much of a boss as Michael and I can do anything that Michael can do. Alright? Who here believes that I have as much power as Michael? Pam, after a moment, is the only one who raises her hand

I forgot I have to support him no matter what. Close one.

These questions are bush league.

You should get up and say something. You’ve got to be true to what’s in there. points to Oscar’s heart Don’t be a wuss.

I’ve always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway, got a 1220, always regretted it. I feel lachrymose .

over the crowd booing Believe me everyone is working very hard, working weekends, struggling, trying to right the ship.

Shareholder

You’re a criminal.

Hey, hey, hey. I’m sorry. These are not criminals. They are nice. They invited me to come here today. They invited me to their hospitality suite where I had free food and it was delicious. Get this. Know how nice they are? The sent a stretch limo all the way to pick me up in Scranton. That’s –

Female Shareholder

Limousine?

Yes.

Second Shareholder

You’re all corrupt. You should be in jail. crowd agrees

Quiet! Quiet, please! Please, quiet! Quiet, please. We want to hear your questions.

Do you love her or do you love the idea of her?

I don’t know, man. I just don’t know.

I gotta make an example out of him. Should I just fire him?

Can you actually fire people?

To be honest, I don’t know, but maybe I could just yell at him in front of people.

Well, I can’t really imagine you yelling at anyone.

Oh, well I yell. You’ve heard me yell.

Oh. Ok. I’ve heard you exclaim. Like the time you said, ‘Hey, look. We parked over here!’.

Well, that was apple-picking day and there’s no need to yell that day, you know. I was just excited to find the car. Perfect end to a perfect day.

Well, you’ll figure it out.

Ok. We’re gonna take a 15 minute break and then we’re gonna answer more questions.

You haven’t said anything yet and we’re headed for bankruptcy. crowd agrees

Third Shareholder

board of directors has started to exit Yeah, well, that’s not gonna happen. That’s not gonna happen. We’ll be back with some answers. a few murmurs from the crowd of ‘What answers?’ I – ok. I know that you’re mad at me and you’re mad at all them –

How are you gonna fix the company?

Fourth Shareholder

Ok. Alright. We are gonna – we’re gonna go out there during this break and we are gonna come back with a plan. We’re gonna come back with a plan for you. It’s a 45 day plan. 45 days to get us back on track. crowd starts to agree and perk up 45 points. It’s a 45 day/45 point. One point per day. We get the 45 points we are back in business. crowd applauds And you can take that to the bank. applause continue And Limo Lady, we are going completely carbon neutral. crowd has gotten very excited and is cheering I love you, New York! Michael does the spin and leaves the stage – then runs back across the stage You. You.

Hey, Ryan. How’s it going?

playing Tetris on his computer Here’s the thing. Um, I’ve tried it like five different ways in my head and – Oh, got one. Um, I’m such a perfectionist…

Mmm-hmm.

That I’d kinda rather not do it all then do a crappy version.

Simple data entry, though. So there’s really only one way to do it.

Sounds like you have a really specific vision for it. Do you wanna maybe just take a whack at it?

You know what?

What?

I think I know the problem.

Great.

I think you seem distracted.

Yep, that is a problem.

But, you know what? I came up with something and I think it’s really gonna help.

Well, I’m glad you’re finally being proactive, Jim.

I am, too. Let me show you.

Wow. Things are really picking up.

What was that about?

O’Keefe

What?

You were supposed to wave.

I did wave. I did a lot more than wave.

What are we supposed to tell them now? Ok? You’ve dug us quite a hole.

We tell them the plan, right?

There is no plan.

Here’s what we’re gonna do. The 45 day thing that I outlined, we go with that. Day 45, company saved. Day 44, go. What do we got? We have 15 minutes.

Excuse me?

O’Keefe

Just whatever comes to mind. Shout it out.

Who the hell is this guy?

O’Keefe

I am the guy who roused that crowd.

Yes.

Got them on their feet.

Yes.

They were so happy down there.

Yes.

Who cares?

Ok. Alright. Well, I know a guy. This Mexican guy. He is a math whiz. He knows economics as well as he knows bull fighting and I am going to call in a little favor.

No. No. No. No. No. No. Don’t call anybody, Michael.

Well, I’m texting him, so.

Please do not text anybody, now, Michael.

It’s done. Oscar, sitting in the lobby, receives a text

Oh. There he is. Come on in. Come on in. Gentleman, I would like you to meet Oscar. Come on in. Don’t be shy. This is Oscar Martinez. Oscar, why don’t you come over here. Let me present you. Step up. Step up there. Oscar is an accountant extraordinaire at the Scranton branch and he has a wonderful idea as to how to get us out of this murky, murky situation. Take it away. Oscar stands there stunned

I think this is really gonna help. If you could just hold up here one second. addresses the whole office Hey, guys. Quick announcement. If I could just have everyone’s attention. turns back to Ryan I just figured you needed a place where you can concentrate and not be bothered by bothering people.

Mmm-hmm.

Let me show you what I mean. Jim opens the closet door to reveal a work station Your new office. How great is that, right? For a job well done. Well, not done.

I will, uh, I will do my work right now. I will stay late tonight.

Right.

Uh, I’m very sorry… about everything.

laughs You’re a good kid. You know what? It gets bigger once you’re in there. Enjoy it. shuts the door and walks to his office

from behind the door Is there internet?

Ummm…

Tell them what you told me. This is genius.

Tell them about the cash flow and the dumping of properties and – this is all –

Um..

It’s all good. It’s all good stuff. Lay it on them.

I feel, as does Mr. Scott, that we are in the best of hands. Capable hands.

That wasn’t what you were saying to me. He was much more articulate and that was better. Much better.

I think this has gone very well and I thank you.

O-kay. Oh… hey, hey. follows Oscar into the hall What are you doing?

Michael, I didn’t ask to come up here.

Wow, man. That –

What?

That was embarrassing.

For me.

For me, too. You embarrassed me.

You -Oscar walks away, Michael goes back in the room

Well, that was a waste of a text. Let’s get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don’t seem to have a plan so I’m thinking I go down there. Maybe rattle off a few jokes. Congressman could follow.

He’s our best manager? Where’s the off button on this moron?

O’Keefe

Uh, I’m not a moron. Time after time my branch leads in sales. I have personally won over 17 Dundie awards. So, I am not a moron and I am just trying to help, you know? So… you’re the moron.

zipping through the hall while texting

Yes it is a thrill to be honored by one’s company. To have the people that you work for stop for a minute and say, ‘Wow. Great job.’ That is what it is all about. Not the perks. Perks? The perks. I could take or leave the perks. Limos are for people who make the company money not lose millions and have no plan. So we’re leaving early. After all, we are the only ones with anything to celebrate.

He can take the bus. He’s had his limo ride.

O’Keefe

running out of the building with Oscar, Andy, and Dwight Oscar! Oscar! Come on! There he is! There he is! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Scranton! Scranton! Scranton! Dunder Mifflin!

The gentleman in the, uh, glasses.

Dwight Schrute, Scranton branch. I just want to say that I have been standing in this line all day and if this line is any indication of how this company is being run then we are in big trouble. cheers from crowd Thank you. Right. I know. And I just want to say that I believe that there are options out there. crowd still applauding A take a number option like they have in a deli. What about line varieties? Like an express line for quick comments of ten words or less. They can move much more efficiently. What about ropes along the lines that you can hold on to.

Thank you. Thank you for your suggestions.

Yeah.

« Previous Episode - Murder

Next Episode - Scott's Tots »