Chair Model - The Office (Season 4, Episode 14)

Michael is picking out a new chair for his office. While browsing through a catalog, he falls in lust for a woman modeling an office chair. He decides to resume dating, since he broke up with Jan, and needs the help of the office employees to set him up with their friends.

Nobody in the office are willing to set up any of their friends with Michael... but Dwight does some investigating to try to find the actual chair model for Michael. He learns that she died in a car crash a while ago and Pam takes pity on Michael and sets him up with her landlady.

The date doesn't go well and Michael obviously isn't attracted to the landlady. After Michael admits his blind date was a bust, Dwight convinces Michael that he needs closure on the chair model he "loved" and has lost. The two end up in a cemetery at the grave of the chair model, where Michael grieves by singing a song. They are both singing "American Pie" by Don McLean and dancing on her grave.

With Michael busy, Kevin and Andy Bernard work to get back parking spaces they lost to construction workers. They convene a meeting of the "five bosses".... the five owners of businesses in the office park. Somehow, they manage to get their parking spaces back.

Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Chair Model

W.B. Jones is renovating their offices and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
So we had to park at a satellite parking lot over there.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Which just means we get to see more of our lovely street. Tell them what we saw today Jim.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh today, we saw a junk yard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Nature.

Photo of Oscar Martinez
Been here nine years. Now all of a sudden I’m supposed to park half a mile away.
Photo of Andy Bernard
I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.

Photo of Kevin Malone
sitting down, rubbing his feet I will quit. As God as my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.

Photo of Pam Beesley
Some of us like the walk more than others.
Photo of Kevin Malone
off screen Hurts like hell.

Photo of Pam Beesley
to Michael who is looking at a chair catalog Did you pick a new chair? It’s been awhile.
Photo of Michael Scott
Pam, when I first opened this catalog, I thought I was just going to be picking out a chair.
But instead, you found something to distract you from ever picking out a chair.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Michael started the process of selecting a new chair about three weeks ago. And normally I wouldn’t care, but he promised me his old one. It’s way better. It’s one of these. makes a shrrhhh sound of a chair moving downward as Pam slumps down I really want it.
Photo of Pam Beesley

holding up the catalog Have you ever seen this woman?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Pam Beesley
Her?
Photo of Michael Scott
Hmm…
Photo of Pam Beesley
The one in the really great mesh black high-back swivel chair?
Look at her smile. Those eyes, look at her eyes. She’s got – I don’t know what it is actually, she dresses like a professional and yet you know there is a side of her that could just curl up on a couch.
Photo of Michael Scott
Or in a great chair.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, yeah, maybe, but remember after my dinner party when I said that I was swearing off women?
Photo of Michael Scott
I definitely remember your dinner party.
Photo of Pam Beesley
I think what I meant was that I was completely swearing off one woman. whispers Jan. I think that fate put this catalog in my hands.
Photo of Michael Scott
Actually, I put the catalog in your hands ’cause you have to pick out a new chair.
Photo of Pam Beesley

What is it like being single? I like it. I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate and desperate situations yield the quickest results.
Photo of Michael Scott

Ladies and gentleman, would you please open your supply catalogs and kindly turn to page 85. phone rings
Photo of Michael Scott
on phone Yo, is this his new chair?
Photo of Creed Bratton
on phone No, he hasn’t picked one yet.
Photo of Pam Beesley
on phone Daat!
Photo of Creed Bratton

Photo of Creed Bratton
When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.

I am ready to start dating again. Getting back on the market. So, FYI, for those of you who are thinking about fixing me up with any of your friends, use the woman on page 85 as a template. That will be all.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Andy Bernard
I left my cell phone in my car.
Call us when you get there so we know you’re OK. Andy gets up and leaves
Photo of Phyllis

to Kevin Listen man, I am completely over Jan, so, would you set me up?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
If I had someone to set you up with Michael, then I’d take her for myself.
I thought that you were engaged?
Photo of Michael Scott
Nope. Stacy broke up with me.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Whaaaat? God, that’s terrible man. Eghh, she’s crazy. Umm, are you still on good terms with any of her friends?
Not anymore.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh…
Photo of Kevin Malone
It’s a bitter situation.
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah… ugh. She’s… gets up and leaves you don’t deserve her. Alright.

sitting on Oscar’s desk Oh hello Oscar Mayer Weiner lover. I bet that you have a bunch of very liberal girl type friends that trust you implicitly because they know you’d never touch ’em, because of your condition. Umm…
Photo of Michael Scott
Michael?
Photo of Phyllis
What?
Photo of Michael Scott
I have a friend who’s single.
Photo of Phyllis
Oh.
Photo of Michael Scott
Sandy. She’s gorgeous and she’s got a feisty personality, too.
Photo of Phyllis
Hmm, I see, feisty. So she’s not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer?
Photo of Michael Scott
Umm, no, she’s a professional softball player.
Photo of Phyllis
Oooo. Catcher or in field?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
Umm I don’t know Michael.
Photo of Michael Scott
Is she a dress wearer or a pants wearer? Could we share a row boat? Could, could a row boat support her?
What are you asking?
Photo of Phyllis
I think I’m being very clear what I’m asking. Would an average size row boat support her without capsizing? silence It bothers me that you’re not answering the question.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Phyllis
No, alright no, she can’t fit in a row boat.
Damn it, I knew it! I knew it Phyllis! OK!
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
What is wrong with these people? I would do anything for them and they’re just hanging me out to dry.

Dating shouldn’t be hard for somebody like me, but it is and you know why? Because nobody here is willing to help me. Nothing would ever get done in this office without a formal request, would it? Well, fine. Here goes.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Angela Martin
I don’t think that this is—
Well, now OK, I know that this is probably not appropriate, but I need help. Because I want to play ball with my kids before I get too old. And before that happens I need to get laid. And before that happens I need to be in love. And I don’t wanna hear “Ahnnn… I can’t help elhh la la.” No. No. I’m a catch and I am not going to be the one who got away. So, this is what we’re going to do. Dwight is going to hand out index cards and I want you all to write down the name of an eligible woman for me to date by the end of the day. No, by the end of the hour or you are fired.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
gets up from chair Write legibly people.

Because of the construction at W.B. Jones, half of us have to park in the satellite lot.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Hmm..
It’s like a ten minute walk.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
No, thirty.
Well, look, I am in an assigned parking place in front, so… Alright, alright, alright, umm let me try to think about what it would be like to not have one. thinks OK, yes that would be bad.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
Yes.
Yes.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
That would be bad.
OK.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
Nice.
…So help us out.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Wish I could, but I can’t. Well can, but won’t. Should, maybe, but shorn’t.
Michael, please he–
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
What part of shorn’t don’t you understand, Kevin? Look I could probably handle it, yes, but I think it would be a good exercise for you guys to do it yourselves.
We won’t let you down.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh you can’t because I don’t care. Listen, Kevin and Andy high five as they leave Michael’s office don’t forget to fill out those cards. My love cards.

There’s nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.
Photo of Stanley Hudson
Photo of Phyllis
Well, I’m setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway, he can just deal with it.
to Jim Who are you putting down?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Oh, you don’t know her.
Who is it?
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Your mom.
Yeah, whatever. Jim holds up the card Pam laughs Give it to me. Give it to me.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
Ok, Wendy. Hot and juicy red head. Give this a try. Michael dials phone number. Phone rings.
Wendy’s.
Wendy’s phone operator
Photo of Michael Scott
Hello Wendy, this is Kevin’s friend, Michael.
This isn’t Wendy.
Wendy’s phone operator
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, I’m sorry, could you put her on please?
Dude, this is a Wendy’s restaurant.
Wendy’s phone operator
Photo of Michael Scott
under breath Damn it Kevin. OK, umm, could I just have a frosty and a baked potato please?
You have to come to the restaurant to order food.
Wendy’s phone operator
Photo of Michael Scott
Well, I’ll send somebody to come pick it up. Just have it ready.
It’s ready now.
Wendy’s phone operator
Photo of Michael Scott
Well put it aside. hangs up the phone Dwight enters Umm… yeah.
OK, I have collected the rest of the ladies.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Good. Good because this batch was awful. Umm… this one says chair model…
I wrote that. Michael, you shouldn’t have to settle. This is my pledge to you. I will find her and I will bring her to you and as God as my witness, she shall bear your fruit.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
That sounds good. both smile Go get her. Wa-Wait, wait, wait, wait. First, go to Wendy’s, get my food. Come back and then go.

on phone That is fantastic. Thank you, thank you very much. This is just what I needed.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Dwight Schrute
The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used a Wilkes-Barre modeling agency. The agency gave me the following information. reads from notepad Deborah Shoshlefski. 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed.

She’s dead? Dwight makes knife slitting noise She’s so young.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
She was so young and now she is dead. As dead as every dead animal who has ever died.
Oh, God. Oh…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Why don’t you sit down? Michael… come on. gets up and leads Michael to sit in his chair Here we go. Yeah.
Michael, you didn’t even know her.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Michael Scott
Try not to be so hurtful Jim.
Jim, how dare you. Jim’s face is in shock
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Please, not at a time like this. sighs
OK Michael, you know what? I might have someone for you.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh really? What’s her name? Burger King?
No, I mean it. walks towards Michael She’s really nice and sweet and you guys might actually get along. hands over card to Michael
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t, I don’t think I’m ready. Is she hot?

I’m setting Michael up with my land lady. She’s really sweet and… whatever, I just can’t take Michael like this.
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.

We need to assemble the five families.
Photo of Kevin Malone
Photo of Michael Scott
while brushing teeth with an electric toothbrush No, not the five families.
We have to.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Kevin Malone
The five families are the five companies of Scranton Business Park. The bosses rarely meet. There’s Michael Scott, Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin. Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Paul Faust of Disaster Kits Limited. They call him “Cool Guy Paul.” W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Air. Grade A Bad Ass. And Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye. Bill Cress is super old and really mean.

still brushing teeth Sorry, I don’t have time for this right now. I’m trying to get a date with Pam’s hot friend. And she needs to meet me right now.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Kevin Malone
to Andy I’m calling the meeting anyway.

to cashier at coffee shop Thank you very much. Our suspect has straight brown hair. She is wearing blue jeans and a black top. So… behold our bachelorette cut to a blonde woman in a skirt. Give her ten for looks and a three for her ability to describe herself. Hello, my lady. woman walks right by and doesn’t respond
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Margaret
Michael?
turns around to see the woman from his description Ugh.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Margaret
Are you Michael Scott?
Is who a Michael what?
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Margaret
Oh, I’m sorry, I’m, I’m supposed to be meeting someone named Michael.
Oh, that’s not, yeah I’m not… OK…
Photo of Michael Scott
Coffee shop worker
Michael? Michael? reads cup Large hot chocolate with caramel and a shot of peppermint.

So you get the rent checks every month and what happens next? What…
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Margaret
You’re asking what I do with the checks that people write to me?
Just making conversation.
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Michael Scott
Why is it so hard to meet people? I… you know… it’s uh… All I want is somebody nice and sweet and someone I can talk to and share an experience with, you know? Why is it so hard for people like us?
I don’t know.
Photo of Margaret
Photo of Michael Scott
You wanna see what I walked out on? This is gonna blow your mind. holds up cell phone with a picture of Jan Look at that.
She’s beautiful.
Photo of Margaret
Photo of Michael Scott
Yeah. Yeah, and you can’t see her whole body. Down here, she’s got a boob job. Just… she was just crazy smart and really manipulative and I don’t know.
Michael? Hello? Michael? Michael hangs up phone
Jan [on phone]
Photo of Margaret
I’m gonna head out.
Oh, OK. Well, umm… I enjoyed this conversation. It was very nice. It was like talking to the sweet old lady on the bus.
Photo of Michael Scott
Photo of Margaret
That’s incredibly rude.
Now you ruined it. gets up and leaves
Photo of Michael Scott

Photo of Bob Vance
Where’s Scott?
Uh Michael Scott could not make it today due to an unforeseen prior engagement.
Photo of Andy Bernard
W.B. Jones
Let’s just meet back in an hour.
Gentleman please. We called this meeting. Andrew Bernard is the name of me. And this is my associate, Mr. Kevin Malone.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
nervously stuttering I… have… things…
Alright, what do you want?
W.B. Jones
Photo of Andy Bernard
Well first of all, I’d just like to say pulls out note cards what an honor it is to be sitting here with you gentlemen.
You have about ten seconds—
W.B. Jones
Photo of Kevin Malone
We want our parking spaces back!
Whose parking spaces?
Paul Faust
Photo of Kevin Malone
W.B. Jones’ construction guys park in our parking spaces every morning and some people have to park really far away and walk all the way to the office. And some people sweat too much for comfort and—
Ohh… God…
Bill Cress
Paul
I don’t have time for this you guys. to W.B. Jones Just give ’em back their spaces.
OK.
W.B. Jones
Paul
We good? OK. Could have done this over e-mail.

After Stacy left, things did not go well for awhile. And, and it was hard to see… starts breaking up It’s just nice to win one.
Photo of Kevin Malone

Photo of Michael Scott
Margaret the land lady? Really Pam, is that what you think of me?
She’s sweet and cute. I thought you’d get along.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, OK, Well I’m looking for a passionate affair, not companionship. I’m a man… of intensity, of, of cool and youth and, and passionately. God…walks away back to his office
walks up to reception Margaret?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I know.
You just got yourself kicked out of your apartment. both laugh
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh I don’t care, I didn’t really like that place that much anyway. I’ll just move.
Oh really? Who’s gonna take you in? You’re messy. You’re a klutz, you spill everything. And you leave the volume on the TV way too loud.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Yeah, maybe I’ll just move in with my boyfriend ’cause he’s kind of a slob, too.
OK, sure. Let’s do it. Pam laughs
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
No, I umm, well I’m not gonna, I’m, I’m not gonna move in with anyone unless I’m engaged.
Have I not proposed to you, yet?
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Hmm, I don’t, know…
Oh, well, that’s coming. smiles
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, right now?
No. Not gonna do it right here, that would be rather lame.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
OK, so then, when?
Pam, I’m not gonna tell you. Hate to break it to you, but that’s not how that works.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Oh, right, yeah.
Wait, I’m serious. It’s happening.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
Ohh kay.
And when it happens, it’s going to kick your ass, Beesly. So… stay sharp.
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Pam Beesley
I’ve been warned.

I am not kidding. shows camera an engagement ring Got it a week after we started dating.
Photo of Jim Halpert

Photo of Michael Scott
I don’t know man. I was with Jan for so long. I was excited about meeting somebody new. Put my heart out there. It’s just… sighs
You know what you need? Closure.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
You’re right. What do you mean though?
There was a woman in your life who affected you very deeply, and she left before you could say good bye. I think you need to say good bye.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Hmm.
Come on. I’ll drive.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Kevin Malone
We did it.
at same time as Kevin I did it.
Photo of Andy Bernard
Photo of Kevin Malone
We got our spaces back.
Wow. Stanley laughs and high fives Kevin
Photo of Oscar Martinez
Photo of Pam Beesley
Nice job.
Nice. fist bumps Kevin
Photo of Jim Halpert
Photo of Andy Bernard
Yeah, there it is. You’re welcome.

Did I do this for me? No, I did this for the little guy. For Joe Sixpack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his four hundred dollar a month apartment, wonders how’s he gonna pay his mortgage that month. Wonders how he’s gonna fill his car up with oil. Wonders how I’m gonna pay my kid’s orphanage bills. That guy shouldn’t have to wonder where he’s gonna park.
Photo of Andy Bernard

Photo of Michael Scott
looking at the chair model’s headstone How did she die?
I guess you could say she died of blunt force trauma and blood loss. She got in a car accident and plowed into the side of an airplane hanger.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
God.
Yeah.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
She was so innocent.
She was stoned apparently.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
You know I used to think that I had this perfect person out there waiting for me, but knowing that, that’s just silly because she’s dead. What do you do?
You wait until next year’s chair catalog comes out and you find someone who’s still alive.
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
Oh, you move on.
Yeah.
Photo of Dwight Schrute

Photo of Jim Halpert
Where do you want to go for dinner?
I don’t know, I kind of hate all our regular places right now. Oh, you know what Jim gets down on one knee, that one…
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
Hey Pam, will you wait for me one second while I tie my shoe?
smiling I hate you. walks away
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
What? My shoe is untied. What is your problem? Pam laughs Oh my God, you thought I wa— oh.
Oh, oh.
Photo of Pam Beesley
Photo of Jim Halpert
No, no, no.
How could I have thought that? How could I have thought that?
Photo of Pam Beesley

Photo of Michael Scott
singing Bye, bye, Ms. Chair Model lady. I dreamt that we were married and you treated me nice. We had lots of kids…drinking whiskey and rye, oh why’d you have to go off and die? Why’d you have to go off with Dwight and die?

singing OH! You believe in rock ‘n roll. Can music save your mortal soul? And then jumbling up the words can you have to dance real slow. Well, I know that you’re in love with him. ‘Cause I saw you dancing in the gym. more jumbled words ‘You both kicked off your shoes. Those rhythm and blues…
Michael/Dwight
Photo of Michael Scott
Return.
Rhythm and blues…
Photo of Dwight Schrute
Photo of Michael Scott
This’ll be with Dwight the day that I died.

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