The Deposition - The Office (Season 4, Episode 12)
Jan is suing Dunder Mifflin (her former employer) for wrongful termination. Michael is put in the position by Jan to be a witness against his own employer. Ryan, checking in
with Michael, wants to make sure Michael will not say anything to harm Dunder Mifflin even though Michael is Jan's boyfriend.
Toby arrives to the meeting the HR representative and Michael goes ballistic. The deposition, going pretty well for Jan, soon goes awry. Michael can't help but get in one "That's what she said." during the deposition. She's claiming that she was terminated due to discrimination over her breast augmentation but the company says it was
she didn't disclose the relationship with Michael as soon as it was a relationship. Their evidence... the topless photo of Jan with Michael in Jamaica. To counter their evidence - Jan submits Michael's personal diary, which she brought to the deposition without
his knowledge or permission. The meeting degrades even further when Michael finds out Jan had given him a bad performance review even after they had begun dating. She claimed that he was unfit for regional manager and should be demoted to sales.
Michael also learns he was never a real contender for Jan's former position. David Wallace had been deposed previously and was said while Michael is a nice guy, he's ultimately not suited for the position.
Michael effectively defends the company anyway, and says "you expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend."
Back at Scranton, Jim repeatedly loses to Darryl at ping pong. Kelly (now Darryl's girlfriend) trash talks Pam about Darryl's superior play... to the point where Pam builds a makeshift ping pong table in the conference room for Jim to practice against other office employees. She needs Jim to win. Jim practices with several coworkers and eventually ends up training with Dwight - who is far better at it than Jim.
When Jim and Darryl have a rematch, Jim again loses to Darryl. Kelly keeps up the trash talk and Pam has had it. They need to play each other at ping pong... but they play really poorly. Jim and Darryl quickly get bored of watching them and decide to play ping pong in the conference room.
Best Funny Quotes From The Office - The Deposition
How long have you known Ms. Levinson?
Six years and two months.
And you were directly under her the entire time?
That's what she said.
That's what she said.
Mr. Scott, who's this other woman, Ryan. Who you refer to here as, 'just as hot as Jan but in a different way.'
Not a woman, just a cool, great-looking best friend--
I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical like, your momma's so fat she could eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like, you're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right there.
Mr. Scott, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired?
She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what, I call them.
Can you be more specific. Who are the twins?
Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They make milk.
You don't have to go any further.
The warehouse got a ping pong table last week. Now Jim comes down to play with Darryl. Sometimes I bring him juice. My boyfriend is twelve.
If I may, he was just telling a joke before, so can we move on to a different question?
Are you sure?
Can you go back to where this digression began?
readingMr. Schneider. And you were directly under her the entire time? Mr. Scott. That's what she said.
Well. Delivery's all wrong. She's butchering it.
You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.
Hi-- No. No. Absolutely not. What is he doing here? Are you renewing your divorce vows before my deposition?
Michael I'm your HR rep. I'm on your side.
Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.
reading transcriptMr. Scott do you realize you just contradicted yourself. I did? Yes you did. Can I go to the bathroom? No. I really have to I've been drinking lots of water. You went five minutes ago. That wasn't to go to the bathroom that was to get out of a question. You still have to answer it. First can I go to the bathroom. No.
reading from Michael's journalI quote from an entry dated January four of this past year. 'Just got back from Jamaica. Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hee hee. Oh diary, what a week. I had sex with my boss. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Jan was very specific that this is not going anywhere, that it was a one-time mistake. But we had sex six times so you tell me. I am definitely feeling very eerie.'
Irie, sorry. 'More tomorrow. XOXO, Michael.'
Every time Michael's in a meeting, he makes me come in and give him a Post-it note telling him who's on the phone. I did it once and he freaked out. He loved it so much. The thing is he doesn't get that many calls. So he has me make them up every ten minutes.