The Office Quotes Season 2
Want to duplicate the hilarity of The Office Sitcom in your own office. Try these quotes on for size.
Jan: Michael, it has nothing to do with your looks. It's your personality. You're obnoxious, and rude...and, and, and...stupid, and you do have coffee breath, by the way, and I don't agree about the BO, but...
Dwight: I would also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace.
Michael: Hello...everybody, we're going to have our weekly suggestions
box meeting, so you can get in your constructive compliments ASAP.
Michael: Jan, to what do I owe this pleasure?
Dwight: This is a fitness orb and it has completley changed my life.
Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.
Dwight: I even come in on holidays.
Pam: Michael and Jan definitely made out, maybe more.
Jim: Dwight thinks it's Friday so that's what I'm going to be doing this afternoon.
Read the episode recap for The Office Performance Review
Oscar: Why are you spying on our computers?
Kevin: I've gotta erase a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff.
Michael: (to Dwight) If I step on a landmine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, you can have my job, okay.
Dwight: As a volunteer sheriff, I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections - there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we live right down the river from that old bread factory.
Jim: It's true - I'm having a party. I've got three cases of imported beer, a karaoke machine, and I didn't invite Michael. So, three ingredients for a great party.
Michael: (About improv class) I wouldn't miss it for the world, but if something else came up, I would definitely not go.
Ryan: Hey, is Katy coming?
Read the episode recap for The Office Email Surveillance
Michael: So Phyllis is basically saying, "Hey, Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth."
Toby: I got Angela. She's into these posters of babies dressed as adults, and I got her one of those. I felt kind of weird buying it.
Michael: Stupid corporate! Wet blankets…it’s not like booze ever killed anyone.
Michael: Christmas is awesome. First of all you got to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no-one can say anything. Third you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.
Store clerk: It comes to $166.41
Kevin: (About the Christmas tree) Why'd you get it so big?
Kevin: I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't. (he smiles)
Meredith: The deal is that this is my last hurrah 'cause I made a New Year's resolution that I'm not going to drink anymore...during the week.
Michael: Presents are the best way to show someone you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey man, I love you this many dollars worth."
Read the episode recap for The Office Christmas Party
Pam: Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo.
Michael: What is the deal with the guy jumping overboard? If he had just waited, and listened to what I had to say, he would be motivated right now, and not all wet.
Dwight: Are you sick? Captain Jack says you should look at the moon.
Michael: I'm a great motivational speaker - I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year, and...it wasn't the actual course - you had to pay for the actual course - but it talked about the actual course.
Dwight: I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four and I was great. And I would have landed it but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.
Read the episode recap for The Office Booze Cruise
Dwight: Where are we going?
Michael: Dwight, what is your middle name?
Michael: The rules in shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout shotgun when you're within the sight of the car gets the front seat. That's how the game's played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.
Pam: Would you like some aspirin? You seem kind of fussy...
Michael: The point is, I am the only one here with a legitimate disability, although I'm sure Stanley's had his fair share of obstacles.
Jim: Sometimes I just wanna clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill.
Michael: Do you know what it's like to be disabled?
Michael: Pam, will you rub butter on my foot?
Read the episode recap for The Office The Injury
Dwight: So how did Oscar sound when he called in?
Michael: Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton..... mostly at work.
Dwight: There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately, I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful.
Dwight: Listen, Temp. I am conducting a little investigation, so I am no
longer going to be able to head up Spring Cleaning. Do you think you can handle it?
Read the episode recap for The Office The Secret
Michael: If the guilty person would just come forward and take their
punishment, then this would all be over. Ok then, you're all
Pam: Somebody did something bad to Michael's carpet. Maybe that's all we need to know.
Michael: I am the victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.
Michael: I'm beginning to think that what happened to the carpet was an act of terrorism. Against the office. It's the only thing that makes any sense.
Kelly: Toby used to sit there, but he had to move because of an allergy.
Pam: I get ten vacation days a year, and I try to hold off from taking them as long as possible, and this year I got to the third week in January.
Ryan: Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way that Michael looks at me.
Read the episode recap for The Office The Carpet
Great Quotes From All Episodes